Night frets...

My days are very busy doing all the little things moms do. Most nights I fall asleep without too much trouble. Some nights however, my over caffeinated brain starts working overtime and I start obsessing over things I think we all worry about.

Here are some of the things that keep me awake:

1. Something bad happening to one of my daughters.
2. Getting cancer.
3. My husband losing his job.
4. Being dependent on my husband financially.
5. Things I should have done during the day (cleaning basement, closets, storing summer clothes etc.)
6. Whether or not I posted something which offends my blogging audience.
7. The fact that I haven't been going to church the past few months.
8. Whether or not I should get Botox on my forehead.
9. The fact that most of the things I've listed are pretty shallow and I should do more for people in need.

Some of these things are beyond my control. Some I can do something about. A couple of them I'm embarrassed to admit. What am I going to do about it?

For those things beyond my control, I have to just "let it be." I think too many people try to control EVERYTHING in their lives. It's a losing battle. Sometimes it's up to a higher power.

As for the things I CAN control...the number one priority is to take action. I crossed a few things off my list a few days ago. I called a friend whose phone call I hadn't returned in weeks. I made a doctor's appointment I've been putting off and I wrote some overdue thank you notes. Now new worries have replaced the old!

I'm not making any promises at this point...but I am going to take care of some of the things that eat at me very soon. It's just a question of whether it's Botox or church. (Maybe both!!)

I'll keep you posted on my progress!

P.S. I also worry that I'm worrying, when I really don't have anything significant to worry about. Do you know what I'm saying???? PASS THE VALIUM PLEASE.

"We spend precious hours fearing the inevitable. It would be wise to use that time adoring our families, cherishing our friends, and living our lives."

-Maya Angelou

Happy to be stuck with you!

FOR ADULTS!!!!

This is who I like...(John Krasinski from "The Office)

This is who my husband likes..
Scarlett Johansson..who I bear a STRIKING resemblance to! ;)

I don't think either one of us will ever go out with our dream stars-so I guess we're stuck with each other! (Not such a bad thing...)

How 'bout you? Who's your celeb crush?

I did it!

As Dora would say, "I did it! I did it! I did it yeah-I did it-I DID IT!!" (You know the rest!)

National Blog Posting Month (or NaBloPoMo) is officially OVER.

There were days I didn't feel up to the task, so many other obligations...(You know what I'm talking about, magazines to read, tv shows to watch, friends to talk to on the phone) but, I DID IT. I posted every day in November, and now I'm DONE! (Until tomorrow.)

THE END.

"Chance can allow you to accomplish a goal every once in a while, but consistent achievement happens only if you love what you are doing."

-Bart Conner

It's inevitable...

I've talked about this in prior posts. Skimpy costumes and hot dance moves will only lead to trouble!!!

I wonder how they celebrated?

What woman can compete with this?!

I'm telling you, if they ever create a "Dancing with the Middle Aged Businessman" Show-my husband will NOT be a contestant! :)

"a" from le Coterie-sent me this article!

Helio Castroneves wins dance trophy, new girlfriend in same week - source

Thursday, November 29th 2007, 4:00 AM

Helio Castoneves with dancing partner Julianne Hough

"Dancing With the Stars" winner Helio Castroneves, 32, took home the trophy, ditched his fiancee - and, it looks like, picked up a girlfriend - all in one week.

The hunky Brazilian race car driver announced Wednesday that he canned his engagement to fianc�e Aliette Vazquez. And on-set snitches are saying his closeness to dance partner Julianne Hough, 19, was a big part of the reason.

Last week, Helio and Julianne were spotted giggling and teasing each other while shopping for matching Ritmo watches together in Beverly Hills at the David Orgell store.

On Wednesday, Helio told a pal: "Aliette was only my girlfriend ... maybe remotely a fiancee." (Ouch!)

When asked about his relationship with Hough, he replied: "She is very close to me."

Julianne herself broke an engagement in August '06, while teaming with last season's winner, Olympic skater Apolo Ohno.

Publicists for the show did not comment Wednesday.

___

YEAH, I KNOW-I'M STOOPING...

WARNING: This posting has been Rated R...FOR CRUDE AND OBNOXIOUS CONTENT...IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, PLEASE CLICK ON A LINK IMMEDIATELY!!!

You've got to take a look at THIS website..shopinprivate.com.
They sell all sorts of "stuff" you'd never want to be caught buying!
It's not for the faint of heart!

Some of their offerings:

Condoms for the little guy in your life!

Smaller Condoms - Four Seasons Tighter Fit

"Finding smaller sized condoms is very difficult these days. Smaller condoms are extremely popular with our visitors. Ordering them from us is a completely private experience."

I would not recommend these as a stocking stuffer-better if the condom is a little baggy than make your man feel "less than."

Breast Enhancers - Make Your Breasts Look Bigger

These are on my wish list!






I don't need to say a word about this one-
all I had to do was cut and paste!

Shit Be Gone - The World's Coolest Toilet Paper

Shit Be Gone cleans up your unpleasantries like a champion among toilet paper. How funny would it be to have this sitting in your bathroom during a party, or when your Aunt Vivi stops by? Come on. This is awesome. This is pure fifth-grade-humor hilarity.

Shit Be Gone toilet paper is pillow soft and 100% recycled. Also, it's 2-ply, so it's tough enough to handle your messiest jobs without tearing or falling apart. This isn't a cheap gag toilet paper. This is the real thing. Actual quality. You could use this stuff every day.

Stock up on Shit Be Gone for your office supply cabinet! Watch your co-workers come rolling of of the bathroom, laughing so hard they can't even use it.

(These people really think they're a laugh riot! I don't think ShitBegone would go over too well in any office I've worked in. Maybe at Dunder Mifflin, Michael Scott would love it! "That's what she said.")

Here at Isdera Corp. we have Shit Be Gone in the executive bathrooms. Actually, this would be true if we had executive bathrooms, we just have two bathrooms. We have a ladies room and a filthy men's room. We use ShitBegone in both of them, although the men's room seems to use much more of it.

ShitBegone. Because it has to go somewhere.



Disclaimer: Mom, I'm sorry if you told some aunts and uncles about my blog. Hopefully they haven't been reading it. If they have I guess you have some explaining to do. I'm sure they already knew how immature I am. If not, they do now. It's no reflection on my upbringing. I was just born this way. Maybe you shouldn't have smoked when you were pregnant with me. I love you anyway.

OKAY-WHO'S BRAVE ENOUGH TO BE THE FIRST TO COMMENT ON THIS POST? C'MON I DARE YA!

"Real Housewives" Recap

I had to record "Real Housewives of Orange County" last week, so I had alot of catching up to do this week! Here's my take on the past two episodes.

I'll start with last week's "graduation trip to South Beach." I thought it was really sad that the producers set Megan and Lindsey up with a free trip, just to watch them squirm when they didn't have enough money to pay for things. It was painful to watch! Speaking of painful, the tattoo parlor scene was priceless! I loved the noices George's daughter McKenzie made when she got her butterfly tattoo!

It was very sad to see Jeana come to the realization that her marriage is over. It's rare to see her show emotion-and I really felt for her.

This week, I enjoyed watching Jeana and Vicki at "Boot Camp"-I can see the changes in Jeana's body already! The trainer is awesome. Talk about full service! I would die if he ever raided my pantry. We have so much processed food in our house...I need to work on that! (See? Real Housewives is an EDUCATIONAL show!)

I got a little science lesson watching Tamra get her Botox injections. I learned how the needle makes a CRUNCHING sound as it pops into the muscle and how the skin gets all red and bumpy when the needle is pulled out. Ewww...

I have to admit though-the stuff works (in moderation). My friends who do it look AWESOME!

How about Lauri and George? Looks like a fairy tale doesn't it? I'm not buying it though. I've said it before...he totally dumped the mother of his children and is pretty stingy with her. (At least that's what I read in Star Magazine-back when I was allowed to buy it!) It will be interesting to see how long it lasts! It's difficult for me to get the whole Josh situation out of my head. Pretty messed up!

As usual Vicki is a crack up. So hyper and wild. She seems like a pretty fun person! Too bad it was too painful for her to downsize from a 4 million dollar to a 2 million dollar house. It's rough slummin' it!

I was a little shocked by some of the pictures Tammy encouraged Lindsey to pose for at the "Java Jean Bar" shoot. I know sex sells-but Megan had a point when she accused her mom of "pimping out her own daughter!"



Okay-I know what you're thinking-I'll even say it for you-"GET A LIFE!" I'll try. In the meantime,I can't wait for next Tuesday at 10-when I get to watch my favorite silicone enhanced ladies and all their wacky shenanigans!

The moment you've all been waiting for!

The results from "My Ultimate Christmas Gift" poll are finally in! They as follows:

My Ultimate Christmas Wish! What's your "dream" Christmas gift?
a day of pampering at a fancy spa	50%	8
top of the line digital camera	25%	4
diamond tennis bracelet	18.8%	3
an entire set of chef quality cookware	6.3%	1
total votes: 16

The poll was a huge success and I'd like to thank all 16 of the people who participated!!!

Stay tuned for more exciting features here at "Caffeine Court" where you never know what's going to happen next!

That's me---"Ginger Spice!"

You Are a Gingerbread House

A little SPICY and a little sweet, anyone would like to be lost in the woods with you.

What Holiday Food Are You?

25 years-Holy Sh---t Batman!

I've just received an e-mail that the date is set for my 25 year high school reunion. June 21st 2008. My heart is pounding, I'm hyperventilating. MUST LOSE MUFFIN TOP...MUST LOSE MUFFIN TOP!

I cannot believe I graduated from high school almost 25 years ago.

I think I need a stiff drink.

One little doughnut...

A couple of weeks back I wrote about my rapturous experience with a Boston Cream Doughnut. I raved about enjoying that doughnut guilt free because I've been very disciplined about my calorie intake.

I TAKE IT ALL BACK! That one little doughnut lead to a big bag of Cracker Jacks, some turkey with gravy, stuffing, rolls, a couple of beers, a few glasses of wine, some pumpkin pie...and hot dammity damn, I put on my tennis skirt yesterday and lo and behold-I've got a tire around my belly the size of Texas!

The combination of my period, Thanksgiving and the stress of traveling a long distance with kids did me in! I was literally shoveling food in my mouth for a week straight.

My little eating rampage was tons of fun-and now-I SHALL PAY FOR MY GLUTTONY!


It's Slimfast and carrots all the way baby. :(

Peace out.

"Gluttony is not a secret vice."

-Orson Welles

Tag-I'm It!!

Here's a new meme: I've been tagged by the lovely Stephenie:

The Rules:

First here are the rules:
1. Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 random and or weird things about yourself.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. Done above!

2. Seven Things:

1. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
2. I like my left profile better than my right.
3. Sometimes my husband, myself, my two daughters, two dogs and cat all sleep together in the same king-sized bed. We look like the Beverly Hillbillies.
4. I HATE being cold and wish I could have an electric blanket. (If it wasn't so bad for me!)
5. In eighth grade I broke my nose by getting hit in the face with a clog.
6. I want to go to tennis camp.
7. I love having fresh flowers in the house at all times.

3. Tagging these lovely ladies:

Tickled Pink and Green
Clemson Girl and the Coach
Happy Homemaker
Biscuits Are NEVER Boring
A Bun's Life
Avery Gray
Mossback Meadow

THIS I want for Christmas!

Not the book, the actual "House That Cleans Itself!"

I am very thankful that I can stay home and take care of my kids-that's the wonderful part of being a SAHM. The horrible part for me-the CONSTANT cycle of cook, cleanup, wash, fold, put away, vacuum, dust, pickup, blah, blah, blah-REPEAT!!!

Yeah-I know I shouldn't complain. My husband's life consists of waking up REALLY early (5:45 am to be exact) dress, drive to Newark NJ, deal with shit all day, drive home down Garden State Parkway, get home at 8-eat, watch TV go to bed, REPEAT!!!! All to support his tennis loving wife (who hates to clean) two adorable daughters (who LOVE Webkinz) two hungry dogs, (who need shots, boarding and LOTS of dog food) and one cat who ruined his dining room rug.

Who has it better? Don't answer.

Anyway-"The House That Cleans Itself" (the book) is available at Amazon.com. The real "House That Cleans Itself" is available only in my dreams!

I always knew I was tacky!

You Are a Christmas Sweater!

Over the top, colorful, and totally flashy. You're not afraid to be a little tacky.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

The Timeline Of My Life (I'm thankful for every minute of it!)

Milestones:
Born: May 1965
First Kiss (Real) Approx: April 1977
HS Graduation: June 1983
College Graduation: June 1988
Met husband: March 1995
Married: July 1998
First Child: September 1999
Second Child: July 2003

Major themes: by decade:

Ages 1-10-Being born, potty training, (still working on it), births of my two sisters, learning alphabet, elementary school, general kid stuff.

Ages 11-20-Adolescence and teen years. Hoping to grow boobs (still waiting), spending time passing notes with friends, talking on the phone, staying out past my curfew and generally breaking the rules. (with activities such as tennis team, cheerleading, student council and job at the mall mixed in-I wasn't all bad!)

Ended decade with going to college (gaining the freshmen 15), losing virginity (at 20 years old-LATE BLOOMER!) On the losing virginity subject-my first words to my boyfriend at the time after "losin' it" were..."so THAT'S what everyone makes such a big deal out of?!" (I think he was insulted.) But I digress...

Living at the beach with friends in the summer-CAN YOU SAY DRINK, SLEEP, LAY ON BEACH, DRINK, SLEEP, LAY ON BEACH-repeat 85 times!)

Ages 20-30: College, first jobs (low paying horrible hours type of entertainment/media jobs: QVC, Radio City Music Hall) my stint at acting and voice overs in NYC and trying to "find myself" and sowing wild oats. I served many a drink and waited many a table during this decade. I met my husband during this phase of my life. (I was carrying a tray or tarter sauce and he got all turned on!)

Ages 30-40: Moving to the 'burbs. Marriage (at age 33-OLD MAID!!!) Buying first house. Two babies. Joined the PTA and started playing tennis again! MAJOR HOUSE RENOVATION! Actually started to care about paint colors, furniture, lighting fixtures and stainless steel appliances. SOMEONE HELP ME-I'M SO BORING!

Ages: 40-50: Both girls will still be in school. I'm planning on getting my real estate license when Catherine starts kindergarten. Hopefully I'll be a huge success (and phony) and bring in massive amounts of cash for when my daughters attend Harvard!!! ( I can dream can't I ?) When I hit 50 Meg will be 16 and Catherine 12. I might need to switch to healthy eating (and Valium) to handle two adolescent girls at the ripe old age of fifty!

THE FUTURE...

50-60: When I'm sixty Meg will be 26 and Catherine will graduate from college. (God willing!) Hopefully at this point they will be independent ladies and Brad and I can travel the world and I can have my first face lift. (kidding!) This dream will only become a reality if I stick to "THE BUDGET!"

I'm getting tired of this so I'll sum it up with 60 plus...

Let's hope I'll still be alive and kicking at this juncture. Maybe my girls will start having babies sooner than I did and I'll have some cute little grandchildren to spoil!

As I look back, were there some things I would have changed? Yeah-sure, I won't lie. But we all make mistakes, and in the long run, I think I've made lots of good choices and I'm happy where I am now!

How about you-what are the highlights (or lowlights) of your timeline?

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?

~Satchel Paige

HumorBlogs.com

"Caffeine Court" is not officially a "humor blog," but I submitted it to humorblogs.com and it had enough funny stuff to get listed on their site.

Click the link on the right to check it out, there are some very clever blogs!

Let me know what you think!

All I want for Christmas!

The Thanksgiving feast is over and the dishes are cleaned and put away. You know what that means...TIME TO THINK ABOUT CHRISTMAS!

'Tis the season to be greedy-(of course not-it's all about GIVING) That being the case-I'm sure my husband and daughters will want to GIVE the special wife and mother in their life some small tokens of their love and appreciation.

In case they're reading this-here are some hints!The MacBook! My niece has one and I fell in love with it! I currently use the iMac-but it's not a laptop. Having this would enable be to combine two of my loves-blogging and watching tv!

The chances that I'll get a MacBook are slim to none.

There is, however, a pretty high probability that I WILL receive the next item on my wish list. A small digital camera that takes really nice pictures. I have a Canon digital Rebel that takes amazing pictures, but it's HUGE! I miss so many great moments because I can't lug that big boy around everywhere I go! If I get this there will be lots more great photos on my blog!

I hear the Canon Power Shot is good. Any suggestions?

I'll be avoiding Black Friday. (Much to my chagrin!)

To those of you brave souls hearty enough to hit the mall tomorrow-best of luck to you! Let me know what you got!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

Here's a Caffeine Court holiday recipe-sure to please your whole family!

(Especially the ones who are into bestiality!)

Cook A Bikini On Your Turkey
Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes. Sprinkle paprika in your basting sauce to really give your bird a deep tan. HEY-that looks like me after a spray tan! Anyway-I hope you have a safe and joyful holiday. Remember to count blessings, not calories!! Love-J

I'm not buyin' it!

Super-slim Kelly Ripa graces the cover of Fitness magazine this month. She claims that her secret to a great looking butt is the following:

"I buy jeans that are tight in the rear end. I'm not kidding. I treat my cheeks like breasts in a push-up bra. I just reach down in there, lift them up and push them together. And they'll stay put if the jeans are tight enough in the seat."

Okay-what size jeans would be tight on her? Size negative 2? And how in the name of god does she manage to squeeze anything down there? She is adorable-but come on honey-it's going to take more than packing my ass cheeks in a too small pair of jeans to look like you! Plus-unlike breast cleavage-40 year old (okay 42 year old-WHATEVER!) butt cleavage is NOT hot!

Thanks anyway Kelly.

Webkinz Confidential

Friday morning I drove a friend's son to school. I overheard him telling my daughter that his mom and sister have a secret. I was all over that one! "What is the secret?" I asked.

"Well, my sister wanted a Webkin REALLY BAD and my mom got it for her - but we can't tell Dad." "Why not?" I implored. "Dad told Mom she can't spend any more money."

Luckily the drive to school is a short one. A couple more minutes and I would have had out the truth serum.

I remember one of my daughter's teachers telling me..."I'll make you a deal...don't believe everything your daughter says about me-and I promise I'll do the same for you!" I can only imagine the things kids tell their teachers about what goes on at home. These teachers could write an expose that would blow this town apart!

I know that first hand because I used to babysit two little girls out of my home and I learned all about their parents' fights, how mom took money out of their piggy banks and never paid it back, lots of juicy stuff. A more mature person would have nipped it in the bud when the little tykes started spilling the beans. I, on the other hand, just sat back and enjoyed the show!

I wonder what kind of personal tidbits my kids tell the babysitter while my husband and I are off gallivanting. I don't even want to know. Hopefully all the babysitters and school teachers in America can keep their vow of silence and honor-and try to keep a straight face when they look at us, knowing full well our dirty little secrets.

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.

-Kahlil Gibran

New Jersey's Finest!

What better way to relieve tension than to let a
Hooters girl play with your Uzi!?

Hoboken disbands police SWAT unit in wake of racy photos

9:48 PM EST, November 16, 2007

HOBOKEN, N.J. - The police department's SWAT team has been disbanded, just days after officials learned of racy photos showing the unit's commander and other officers cavorting with waitresses from a Hooters restaurant in Alabama.

Bill Bergin, a former deputy chief with the Hoboken Fire Department who was named the city's civilian public safety director on Thursday, made the announcement shortly after he was sworn in to the post on Friday.

"The unit itself has been disbanded permanently," Bergin told The Jersey Journal of Jersey City for a story posted on its Web site Friday night. He said the SWAT team members would remain on the force and continue their normal police duties.

Bergin also ordered the SWAT team's commander, Lt. Angelo Andriani, to return from vacation and assigned him to desk duty.

Andriani is named in a federal discrimination lawsuit brought by five Latino officers, who claim he is a racist who coerced four of them to work on his house when they should have been on duty.

Andriani has denied the allegations.

The photos were taken last year on a return trip from Louisiana, where the Hoboken officers helped with the Hurricane Katrina relief effort.

They show the waitresses holding shotguns and other weapons belonging to officers under Andriani's command. Some of the plaintiffs in the lawsuit were among the officers present.

City Councilman Ruben Ramos Jr. on Friday called for an investigation by the city into the conduct of the officers during the trip.

Remember kids tequila, bimbos

and machine guns DO NOT MIX!

Do you think they expensed their
jello shots and condoms?

This woman is hilarious!

I know what I said about moderation and all that crap. Just ignore me-I'm completely full of it.

Anyway, I was checking out Kymburlee's blog Temporary? Insanity and she mentioned this blog by a woman known as "The Chick."

She is out of control funny. I can't even begin to describe what she does-you have to see it for yourself. A little warning for the faint of heart. Her blog is definitely R-Rated, for strong language and violent bursts of angry ranting!

I want to party with this girl!

I've gotta pace myself!

Forget Jon Bon Jovi


Plato and Aristotle ROCK!

As you might have noticed, I joined cr8buzz recently. (I still have a few invites left if you're interested!)

Cr8buzz is a wonderful site full of clever and talented writers and photographers. Part of the site is your Buzz Ranking. When you sign on you start with a low ranking. As you create a "buzz" about your site, more and more people look at your profile and raise your ranking. The first few weeks were wonderful. I rose in the rankings quickly. But, like anything else in life-you can't just coast along if you want to make progress. Today my ranking fell a notch.

This is where I have to make a decision. Can I accept a drop in the rankings and go about my business? Or do I spend a few of my free moments doing some cr8buzz campaigning? (By this I mean dropping in to lots of other sights-leaving comments here and there and rating other people's blogs.) Time is a limited quantity for all of us-and there are so many things to do in a day! So many choices...

I'm going to the some of the great thinkers of all time on this one. According to my research, Plato and Aristotle were huge proponents of moderation and self-control. (Not two of my strong points!)

Here are some quotes: (Do you feel like you're back in high school english class?)

"The heart is great which shows moderation in the midst of prosperity." Seneca

"Out of moderation a pure happiness springs." Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Some bright spots for those of us who like to live on the wild (as in Oscar) side here and there:

"Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit." W. Somerset Maugham

"Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess." Oscar Wilde

SHUT UP OSCAR!!! (I hate to tell you this-but Oscar and I think alike! He's a bad influence.)

I will take these words of wisdom and apply them to my blogging life. Even an endeavor as noble as cr8buzz must be done in moderation. My buzz ranking might suffer, but my kids will get dinner and the bills will get paid. (By my husband-now that I'm on THE BUDGET!)

And now-I must push myself away from the keyboard and get on with some other activity.

(Maybe I'll watch Oprah in moderation!)

Don't we already have this?

This is the NUMBER ONE (literally) gift on my four-year old's Christmas list!

The Rescue Pets Train and Play Puppy

" A perfect first pet, he really drinks water, he burps too, and even lifts his leg to go pee-pee!"

Wow, he burps and pees! Super. Why buy it when we have three animals that not only burp and pee, they also throw up, poop all over the yard and occasionally have diarrhea!? If you're into that kind of stuff, here's a shovel-go out back and help mommy clean up!

Oh and Merry Christmas sweetie.

(I'm not a total Scrooge-I'm actually a SUCKER and I'm sure Santa will bring her one!) :)

"All my dogs have been scamps and thieves and troublemakers and I've adored them all."

-Helen Hayes

I hate to nitpick...

Have you heard about Hair Fairies?

Check out their website! I was watching an old episode of HBO's "Tell Me You Love Me" and one of the characters and her kids are sitting in the chairs at Hair Fairies getting their heads examined for lice! When I saw this I was intrigued.

Last year all the schools in my town had an epidemic of lice. Apparently the little buggers are getting super strong and resistant to the popular lice killers used for years on little scalps around the world.

I used tea tree oil shampoo on my girls, I checked their heads every night. I jumped every time I saw them scratch. The lice epidemic came and went and I thought I had dodged the bullet. Until...the dreaded phone call. "Hello Mrs. ---, this is the school nurse. Please come pick up your daughter...she has (creepy music-DA DA DA!!!) LICE!! (AHHHHH!)

My blood ran cold. I went to pick her up at the nurse. "Mom-why do I have to go home?" she asked. I whispered, "You have lice honey..." "Why are you whispering Mom-they're just bugs." "Sorry-I didn't mean to whisper, you're right, nothing to be embarrassed about!" Meanwhile, Mom is literally "bugging" out! The nurse showed me the little gnat-like vermin on my darling daughter's cute little head. They were not as gross as I thought-BUT STILL!!!

Anyway, I had heard that some of the parents from the fancy private school in town were sending their children to a woman in Brooklyn who would professionally "nit pick" for about $100 an hour. That was not an option for us - logistically or financially.

So I hit the drug store, armed myself with combs and special shampoos and in three days my home and child were lice free. (Three days of non-stop laundry, vacuuming, combing and shampooing!)

As it turns out, a Brownie outing horseback riding with lots of shared helmets created a small outbreak of 7 year old girls. Thankfully for my morale, Meg was not alone. Since we didn't hide what happened I was officially part of the "lice club" at school. People stopped me at the supermarket, the ice cream parlor, the post office. They would offer support. "Hey-I went through it last year-I feel your pain." I was AMAZED by how many people approached me with words o f encouragement. It's not until you join the "lice club" that the other members reveal themselves to you. It's a semi-secret society.

So that, my friends is the story of why I was so interested when I saw Hair Fairies. With the right marketing, even picking lice eggs off a kid's itchy scalp can seem kind of cute! (NOT!)

"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

Groucho Marx

"Real Housewives" Wrap up

Another great week. I find all these women fascinating!

Tammy-I'll start with the O.C. Angels. That head O.C. Angel scared the crap out of me! Did you see the way she drove that Hummer? She's a spoiled little wench. She's definitely going to end up maiming someone with that thing. The guys in charge should take the keys away from her pronto!

Jeana-I wonder about Jeana's son Colton. She claims he knew she was going away for a few days. I that's true wouldn't she follow up with a note and some phone calls. I wonder if she's a "good mom" only when it's convenient for her. Kara seems to have her shit together-she seems like a great kid.

Tamra-well she proved how shallow she is again this week! I can't imagine climbing into a tanning bed ever again! The producers must coach her to say things like "I'm so hot looking" and "I'm all about looking good. My life is about being tan and blond!" I have to agree with her that the Harleys are pretty cool and if I were in her position I'd be sporting all the cool jackets and boots. She can definitely pull it off. I would have been screaming like an idiot if I were on the back of one of those hogs going 70 miles per hour!

Vicki-I get such a kick out of her. You have to admire her drive and work ethic. Thank goodness for her husband Donn. He is a smart guy and they really balance each other! The whole thing with the pool was nuts! Imagine being pissed that your husband only wants to spend $150,000 on a pool. Life is rough when you can't have a volcano and waterfalls in your backyard. I guess her idea of a happenin' entertaining area closely resembles a Las Vegas theme casino!

Laurie-What a shocker that Josh is living with George's ex-wife. There's a friendship based on hate! I've hear that George dumped his ex and left her with very little cash. Josh is so resentful. (God knows what went on in his childhood.) He must be a HUGE handful to live with! And how about the girls getting themselves all slutty looking for a party at the Playboy Mansion. Would you want your 18 year old daughter flashing her boobs at one of those parties? It is a family tradition-their mothers flashed their goodies at the Playboy Mansion, as did their grandmothers. Someday their daughters will do the same. Like a Norman Rockwell painting with implants and hair weaves.

I love the previews for next week-they are implying that Jeana gets injured jumping off a cliff into shallow water. I seriously doubt she'll actually jump-but I'll be tuned in!

And now for a commercial break...

Have you folks heard about cr8buzz yet? If not, you should check it out! The lovely and talented Candace from "Not That I Don't Love My Kids" invited me to join a few weeks ago, and I'm hooked!

There are lots of wonderful categories including women, moms and fiction. Cr8buzz is an awesome way to increase traffic on your blog as well as check out lots of other talented and clever bloggers.

It's by invitation only, so if you would like to join in the fun send me your e-mail address!

I can be reached at jillyou@comcast.net.