You go girl!!

Have you heard about Dara Torres? She's awesome. I love that she is going to be 41 years old this year and will probably represent the United States at the Olympics this summer.

This woman is such a role model for all women to stay in shape, no matter what our age!

This is an excerpt from an article in Life Magazine:

This diehard Olympic swimmer is proof that (1) your body can be rock-hard at 40; (2) a baby doesn't have to slow you down; and (3) when it comes to any goal, it's all about how bad you want it

Her body is insane. That's what I thought the first time I saw 33-year-old "DT," right after the Sydney Olympics in 2000. In a bright-blue one-piece, the 6-foot-tall Beverly Hillsborn gold medalist, who's ripped from shoulders to calves, looked like Wonder Woman's badass little sister. Seven years later, she looks leaner, stronger, and not a day older. I'm checking out her Manhattan apartment, waiting for her to finish a call to her nanny back home in Parkland, Florida (her daughter, Tessa, is 18 months old): Damp swimsuits dangle from doorknobs, and every surface is covered with family photographs, including several of her father, who passed away earlier this year from cancer.

Torres is often singled out for her beauty -- she was the first athlete to pose alongside models in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue -- but she's more famous for her comebacks. After winning four medals in three Olympic games, she retired from competitive swimming in 1992 because she thought, at 25, she was too old. In 1999 she resumed training, and left Sydney with three bronzes and two golds.

Having busted out of retirement again, Torres is vying for a spot on the 2008 team -- and has been outswimming athletes half her age in the process. As a mom who's battled bulimia, been divorced twice, and recovered from five knee surgeries, she might have superpowers for real.

If you want to read more about Torres, you can Google her, or check out this article from ABC News.

I'm so inspired, you might just see me at Wimbledon in 2009! (Hey, I can dream can't I?)


Tagged by Avery!

Here's a literary meme! Sent to me by the fabulous Avery Gray.
This one is fun and easy...

The rules :
1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people & post a comment here once you post it to your blog, so I can come see.
Here goes:

"She was sure before long someone would pass out and fall into the pool and was relieved that the house was full of doctors, just in case. Following the steak sandwiches someone declared that the girls should go topless. Myra was the first to discard her top, flinging it into the pool with a great whoop, then dancing a bouncing frug with Gordon's friend, Dave Immerman."

This is from Judy's Blume's "Adult Novel" "Wifey." Described on the cover as "The National Bestseller of a Very Nice Housewife with a Very Dirty Mind."

Judy Blume wrote this in 1978 and my mom had a copy. I used to sneak and read it when she wasn't home. (Probably around the same time I was sneaking to watch "One Day at a Time!"

I found it in a box of books in my room a few weeks ago and I started reading it again. What a funny book!

Anyway, I tag the Jersey Girls, Feener, LunaNik, Jen at Dirty Little Secret and Stacey. Have fun ladies!


"One Pound at a Time"

Did anyone catch Valerie Bertinelli today on Oprah? She has lost 40 pounds and looks fabulous! It's hard to believe she's 47. She looks very natural. One benefit of having a healthy build is that it helps disguise wrinkles. Once you get too thin the wrinkles really stand out. (I'll remember that tonight when I'm chowing down on Ben & Jerry's!)

It was a really interesting show. She really dished the dirt about her marriage to Eddie Van Halen and her fling with Steven Spielberg. Pretty juicy stuff!

I loved "One Day at a Time," but I was only allowed to watch it when my Dad wasn't around because he HATED the Ann Romano character played by Bonnie Franklin. He couldn't even look at her, so we had to sneak to watch it!

I looked up "One Day at a Time" on Wikipedia and here are some of the controversial plots the show covered: (This will be a trip down memory lane for the 40 plus crowd!)

  • Suicide: In a two-part episode, Barbara freaks out when a new girl at school begins hanging around her incessantly. When Barbara shuns the girl she attempts suicide by drug overdose. Though she survives, it is revealed her problems go much deeper, owing to, among other things, a neglectful mother.
  • Birth Control: When Ann confronts Barbara about "the pill" (Ann is informed of the situation by Julie), Barbara says that she's not on the pill, but just wanted guys to think she was. Ann replied "If they think you are, you'd better be."
  • Relationships/Pre-Marital Sex: In another two-parter, Ann is mortified when she learns that Julie is romantically involved with a man more than twice her age. When the man brings Julie home very late one night Ann berates him. But when Julie gets in Ann's face ("You lonely, Ma?? You want him??"), Ann angrily slaps Julie. (the slap loudly hit full force
  • In another episode dealing with pre-marital sex, teenager Barbara wrestles with the question of losing her virginity. After much self examination, Barbara decides not to have intercourse.
  • Sexual Harassment: Barbara decides to fight back against a teacher who makes a blatant pass at her. She later finds out the teacher made similar advances to a classmate. Initially the two decide to go against the teacher, but the classmate backs out at the last minute.
  • In another episode, Schneider has reservations when asked to become a sperm donor
In hindsight, maybe my Dad's annoyance with Bonnie Franklin was only one of the reasons he didn't want us watching the show!

Anyway, I hope she can stick with her healthy eating. For a girl who looked like she had it all, she really went through some nasty stuff. The things she endured throughout her marriage make the plots on "One Day at a Time" look tame.

She looks very happy now. Yay for her!


The envelope please...

Since the Academy Awards are in a few short hours, I thought it was an appropriate time to award some lucky bloggers with "The Slammin' Post Award."

This award is pretty much the blogging equivalent of the Best Picture Oscar, so if you win one, you should feel VERY honored.

The beauty of my award ceremony is that you don't have to sit through any cheesy musical numbers so BE THANKFUL people!

I've been feeling a bit under the weather this week, but I gathered the strength to find these gems to share with you. Drum roll please!

My first award goes to Mommy Bits' posting from February 8th "Imagine What His Teacher Must Think Of Me." This boy will make someone a GREAT husband someday! Come on over to "The Court" Mommy Bits and claim your award!

Let's have a big round of applause for Rachel at "From the Land of Monkeys & Princesses" for "A Good Tongue Lashing" I think I'm going to needlepoint this one on a pillow! (And hand it out at my daughter's school.) Great words to live by.

This week's final award goes to The Mom Bomb's very funny post "I need an intervention" If you answered yes to two or more of her questions-you are officially a "blog ho." Admitting you have a problem is the first step to a cure. Read it and weep.

Thanks for tuning in...maybe next year I'll have a "Slammin' Post Red Carpet Fashion Show." We can all strut down the cat walk clad in our sweats, mom jeans and pjs. Maybe I can convince Joan and Melissa will stop in for some fashion commentary.

(Oh and P.S. If you are the recipient of this honor, I expect an acceptance speech no longer than 250 words...any longer and I'll cut you off! Thanks for sticking to the format.)

Tomorrow, we'll talk Oscars.

A happy ending...(for now)

We interrupt the Academy Awards Red Carpet Show for this hair update...

I had to attempt to fix my hair on my own today. I have a lunch at my daughter's school tomorrow and I simply cannot show up with a hat or Lucille Ball hair! It's not perfect, but trust me, it's a HELL of alot better than 24 hours ago!

Don't I look angry
in these shots?
I'm still upset
about the
haircut I gave myself!

This is what I used to
cover up the orange.

I feel a little bit better now.
So I decided to smile for this shot.

Thanks to all who offered kind words, support and condolences. If you ever go through a beauty crisis, I promise to be there for you.

You won't be seeing any more photos on this blog until my hair grows a couple of inches, so BYE BYE Y'ALL!!


Back to our regularly scheduled fluff...

My last post was no fun, so I thought I'd entertain you with an unfortunate incident which I inflicted upon myself.

In an attempt to save money and stay within "The Budget," (and as a reaction to the photo my daughter took post-snowstorm) I decided to cut and color my own hair. I don't even need to tell you how bad it looks.

Maybe, just maybe, I'll take a picture and post it. But first I'm putting on a hat and cruising to my local pharmacy to purchase a dark ash blond to apply OVER the brown and orange stripes that are scattered all over my head. (Yes, I attempted a base color with highlights.)

I caught my husband looking at it a few minutes ago, and I swear I think this might be a "deal breaker" for him! If it is, I'll tell the judge that he married me knowing FULL WELL that I have a hair disorder that flairs up once every few years. I will make a promise that I will go back to my hairdresser if hubby will agree to raise "The Budget" $50 per week.

It's all about give and take.

HAIR CRISIS PART II I'm back from the store and will post photos after I attempt to correct my color disaster...
This is the color I was TRYING to get,
a nice light brown with caramel highlights

THIS is what I got...
believe me, this is a flattering photo.
It's even UGLIER in person!

Thank you Mommytime for
the picture...this shot
pretty much sums up
my situation...

Here's another example-
notice the color of
my eyebrow next to the bright
orange hue of my hair!

This is exactly what my cat
Mickey looks like, maybe
subconsciously I wanted to
look like him!

Stay tuned-god only knows what
will happen next in my laboratory.


Deal Breakers aka Putting Myself out on a Limb aka Opening a HUGE Can of Worms...

A friend of mine had a little "shopping problem." (In her defense, she and her kids always look FABULOUS!)

When her husband found the bills he went BALLISTIC! "I'd rather you had an AFFAIR then spend this much money!!!" he screamed at her. (He didn't mean it, he was just really pissed.) (Or maybe he did mean it, who knows?)

His statement got to my friend big time and when she told me about it I started thinking about what type of transgressions would end my marriage. In my vows I promised to stay with Brad "for better or for worse." But let's face it, some behaviors are deal breakers.

Soooo, I thought I'd do a fun (kind of) and controversial little poll.

Rate these marital sins in the order of severity.

a. Adultery
b. Physical abuse
c. Drug/alcohol Abuse
d. Severe financial hardship (due to gambling, excessive spending)

Please bear in mind that this is pure speculation. Who knows what I would do if I were ever faced with these problems. That being said, here is my here's my list:

1. Physical abuse. I couldn't tolerate it and I would never want my children to see me put up with it. There is no negotiating this one.

2. Drug/alcohol abuse I've dealt with this first hand, (Not with my husband) and I know it's an illness, so I would try to help and hopefully rehab or AA would help.) If it lingered for too long I'd have to find a way to separate my children from it. I think it's too much for kids to deal with.

3. Adultery-So far so good on this one. (At least as far as I know!) If Brad had a one night stand I MIGHT be able to deal with it and patch things up for the sake of our children. If he had an AFFAIR-bye, bye. AND I'm getting a GREAT lawyer.

4. Severe financial hardship due to gambling or overspending. It's at the bottom of my list, but I could see it causing HUGE problems. If Brad lost his job or we had a serious illness in the family I know it would be stressful, but I would do my damnedest to get through it. It would be very difficult to tolerate it if my husband tossed our family's security to drive a flashy car or acquire material possessions that we absolutely cannot afford just to look good!

As I write this I realize how lucky I am (knock wood) my husband is such a great guy. Yes we have gone through our share of hardships in our 10 years of marriage, but we both behave ourselves and have stuck to our marriage vows. Who knows what the future will bring but I do believe that certain things are within our control (i.e. cheating and excessive shopping) I plan on keeping my end of the bargain and I hope he does the same.

As for my friend, she is now on a budget. (Just like me!) In both our cases we nipped our problems in the bud. It's amazing what a difference it has made in BOTH our marriages! Now that I know exactly what I have to spend each week it makes life so much easier (and more peaceful!) I just hope we don't fall off the shopping wagon!

So choose your poison; sex, drugs, money or fists!
I'll get back to my regular fluff real soon...I promise.

Snow Day-HURRAY!

My girls have been waiting for this day all winter! FINALLY-we have snow (not ice) here in coastal Jersey! School was cancelled and they are having a ball!

I hope they enjoy it today, because this will probably be the last of it. :(

We just paid the beach club (cha-ching) so I have visions of beach chairs and warm sunshine dancing in my head!


The photographer enjoying a
cup of joe post-snowball fight! (go easy on me-I'm trying to grow out a REALLY short haircut!)


Let the games begin!

I've posted about this before, but I can see that my struggles are just starting UNLESS I can nip it in the bud. I'm talking about the games girls play. You know what I'm talking about..."Samantha said you're babyish..." "Charlotte said she doesn't like you..."

My daughter has a friend who always seems to know what everyone is saying about each other and feels it is her duty to report it. I call her "the reporter."(Which is kind of funny because this little girl's mom is the society reporter for our local paper...the apple never falls far from the tree!)

Yesterday I was driving some Brownies on a field trip and I heard the whole thing. Meg's friend reported to the group some things another girl said about them. What followed was everyone talking trash. Which I had to put an end to.

When we got home I had a talk with Meg. I let her know that if someone is telling her what so and so said about her, (in order to stir the pot and get attention) she can be sure that "the reporter" is going right back and telling everyone EXACTLY what Meg is saying about them. It's a game and a trap.

I gave Meg a matra today.

"I won't say anything negative about anyone. I will only say positive things. I don't want to hear anything negative someone has said about me. Only positive things. DON'T GET INVOLVED IN THE NONSENSE!"

I told her to trust me on this one. That she can learn about gossip and back stabbing the easy way, by rising above it, or the hard way, by playing the game. I pray she takes the high road, but I'm smart enough to know it's going to be a bumpy road.



Sad, but in my case, true.

I stole this little tidbit from Quintessential Procrastinator's blog. It's a little sexist, but it gave me a chuckle! Cyndy is the recipient of a Caffeine Court "You're the Balls Award" for this one!


Roll call!

I'd like to do a little roll call. If you don't mind would you please state your first name and the state you live in. You can give more information if you want.

No, I'm not a stalker, or doing market research. I just want to get a better idea of who I'm talking to.

In case you don't already know. My name is Jill. I live in New Jersey (the NYC suburbs area.) I'm going to take it one step further. My husband and I have been married almost ten years. We have two daughters ages 8 and 4.
We have 2 dogs, a chocolate lab, Abby and a dachshund named Sammy. We also have a cat named Mickey.
I'm the oldest of three girls. My sisters both live in Maryland. My parents retired to Florida two years ago.
There you go! Don't be shy, I want all the details you're willing to share!


What a let down.

I'm such a dufus. I was so excited to watch the Oscars tonight. (Or so I thought.) I had my husband prepped. "This is MY Superbowl. I need to watch everything, including the pre-award red carpet show. We're ordering in dinner." He agreed.
I went on-line to check out what time the show starts. Duh! It's on February 24th. NEXT WEEK! Damn.
My dream night has turned back into business as usual.
I guess I should start dinner and give the kids a bath. :(


Weirdo Patrol...

I've been tagged by Johnina at Barbie's Bottles and Boys.

I have to list six weird things about myself. I'm so normal now (ha!) that most of these are from the past.

1. In my teenage years , pre caller ID, my friends and I were masters of the prank phone call. We even purchased a phone recorder and compiled a tape of our best calls. We were pretty good. Our tapes would definitely rival "The Jerky Boys."

2. I used to be addicted to dyeing my hair. I have been a blond, brunette and a red head, as well as a purple head, an orange head and many combinations in between. It was like a science experiment which most of the time failed. I've finally learned that this task is best left to professionals.

3. When I was pregnant I would have occasional bouts of road rage. One time someone cut me off in traffic so I pulled up next to him and threw pennies at his car. (It was the only weapon I had handy.) I'm lucky he didn't kill me and my unborn child! Man, those raging hormones can be dangerous.

4. I have the sense of humor of a 16 year old boy. I love movies like "Something About Mary", "The 40 Year Old Virgin," "Knocked Up" and "Superbad." I was a huge Howard Stern fan until he went to satellite radio. Now I can't listen anymore!!

5. I was born a boy, but when I was 19 I had a sex change operation to become a woman.

6. I like to say shocking an inappropriate things to get the wrong kind of attention.

If you're reading this and feel like revealing some of your weirdo tendencies-go for it!


What's the dealio peeps?

The past couple of Fridays I handed out the very prestigious and sought after (or so I thought) "Slammin' Post Award" to the bloggers whose posts I felt shined the brightest in the vast solar system of cyberspace.

Last week, I made a very generous offer to my audience. Whoever sent me a check this week, could boost their status amongst the blogging community and receive this high profile honor.

Unfortunately for me, no one took me up on my deal. Which leaves me to think that my little award isn't as hot as I imagined. Or perhaps my audience is much more honorable (or cheap) than I thought.

Either way, my "Slammin' Post Awards" will return next week. So don't even THINK about sending me bribes. I'm not takin' em. From now on this award will be based purely on merit.

So meet me here, at The Court next Friday to see which posts rocked my world enough to receive "The Caffeine Court-Slammin' Post Award!"

Peace out.


I'm feeling the love...

Happy Valentine's Day! Our schools are closed this week for winter break, so my girls had all their school festivities last week, but that didn't stop us from celebrating at home.

Last night our Valentine's Day cherubs, "Valentino and Valentina" paid us a visit. The girls left donuts and milk out and this morning they received a gift and card from our favorite Valentine's Day duo. My kids get alot of action from every holiday. At Christmas it's Santa, at Easter, The Easter Bunny. Valentine's Day brings "Valentino and Valentina" and on Saint Patrick's Day "Lucky The Leprechaun" comes bearing presents. PLUS my they got a package from my parents and new Nintendo DS games from Mom and Dad. They don't know how good they have it!

I received a dozen red roses and we are having sushi for dinner tonight. Saturday we have a babysitter and we'll have our official Valentine's Day date night.

I couldn't figure out what to get for my husband. He's tough to shop for, but today at Linens-n-Things we found something amazing that I never thought I would EVER buy in a million years. We purchased the Homedics Shiatsu Massaging Cushion WITH HEAT! Holy sheeeot. It feels so damn good. When we tried it out at the store my four year old said, "Whoever invented this is a GENIUS!" That sealed the deal for me.

When Brad gets home we'll sit him in a chair next to the fire and crank up his new toy. I'll bet he'll fall asleep in less than five minutes.

I was never a big fan of Valentine's Day, I've always considered it a "Hallmark Holiday." I have officially changed my position. (Maybe I should become a politician!) Any day that promotes being nice to others and provides an excuse to pamper myself is okay by me!

Hope you all enjoy the day. Hugs and kisses to you all!


I'm NOT ready for my close-up...

Yesterday morning I was at my sister's house checking the weather and my e-mail. Oh and by the way, I'm OUTING my sister.. She's the one with the haunted house. That's why I stay there-it's my sister! I can't let some stupid ghost keep me away from my sis!

Anyway, while I'm on her computer up pops a message. VIDEO CHAT REQUEST. FROM KRISTIN. Kristin is one of my sister's buddies who I love. She lives in Italy and I never see her anymore, so how could I refuse? I hit accept and up pops the most HEINOUS image of myself on the screen. Really bad overhead lighting, pajamas, no makeup, messy hair, you know the drill. I was thrilled to see Kristin and her new baby, but I was completely mortified at my own appearance. If I ever get a camera on my computer I'm hiring a lighting guy to set up some flattering light. I'm also keeping a ski mask near the computer in case I ever get caught looking less than acceptable when someone wants to chat face to face.

I'm all for these advances in communication and technology, but when it means I have to be camera ready at 8:30 am, I might need to take a pass!


Take a safety break!

Well, we made it home in one piece. The first couple of hours of the trip were uneventful, but then the snow and ice started to fly! The driving conditions were horrible! I decided we should take a safety break and let the road crews have a chance to salt and plow. Well wouldn't you know, there just happened to be a J. Crew Outlet in the area! What a coincidence!! It was the perfect place to wait out the storm and I felt it was my duty as a responsible mother to pull off the road AND SHOP! The selection really got me psyched for spring. Lots of cute capris and flip flops. I picked up a kelly green hoodie and an adorable tote. (How's that for making lemonade when life hands you lemons?)

After I finished checking out every last article of clothing in the store I felt it was safe to get back on the road. So we climbed back in the minivan to brave the last leg of our journey. I think my favorite part of the trip, next to my daughters hitting each other in the back seat, was when some dude in a Dodge Daytona rode my bumper for about 2 miles in icy conditions with almost no visibilty! That really made my trip. The man was just BEGGING for a 10 car pileup.

So here I am, back in my nice little house, with my nice little laptop, sitting on my nice little couch. Safe from tailgating psychos and 18 wheelers traveling 80 mph. It really is true, "there's no place like home!'

On the road again!

We made it through the night with no ghostly incidents. (Although I did pull the covers up under my chin listening to every little noise, just WAITING for something to happen!)

Anyway, now we have to deal with a truly scary situation. Driving four hours with two children in the snow. That is enough to send shivers up even the bravest person's spine.

Wish us luck.


Back off!

Guess where I stayed last night? Guess where I am RIGHT NOW? Don't knock yourself out...I'll tell you.

Remember my post a few weeks ago about my friend's haunted house? Well , that is precisely where I am right now and I DO have a story.

Last night my two daughters and myself were going to bed in my friend's daughter's room. My older daughter fell asleep and, as usual, my 4 year old was awake. As I was drifting off my little one yelled, "Someone touched my back!" I looked over at her sister and she was fast asleep. I asked my little one again what she said and she repeated in an annoyed tone that SOMEONE touched her back. I didn't touch her back, her sister was asleep, so she didn't. Which leaves the question, who did? Hmmmm...makes you wonder. (P.S. My kids know nothing about these stories, if they did they wouldn't stay here!)

We're staying here again tonight, so I'll keep you posted as to whether or not we hear anything, or ANYONE who goes bump in the night.

Footnote: Apparently Sea Monkeys are not as exciting as heinie bleach!

The minute I posted about the "lightening gel for sensitive areas" the comments came flooding in! I write about Sea Monkeys-not a peep.
Live and learn.


Scrolling Sunday

Back in my early blogging days I did a little series of posts about toys from my childhood. The following is the story of one of my earliest childhood disappointments.

Brine Shrimp and Broken Dreams

Continuing on the theme "toys from my childhood," this next toy taught me a lesson about truth in advertising. I saw this ad and though "cool, I can have a whole family living in my fish tank!" I really believed I'd have a pretty Sea Monkey mom, a handsome Sea Monkey dad and some cute Sea Monkey kids that I could train, just like it said in the ad.

I was so excited when my package arrived. I set up the whole thing and waited for my Sea Monkeys to hatch. When they finally did, all I got were a bunch of wiggly white worms squirming around in the water. They looked like maggots! I was so disappointed, I took them out on the patio and left those poor Sea Monkeys to freeze to death. It wasn't their fault. They were victims of the clever folks who placed the ad implying I would have a fascinating new pet "family" not slimy little sea gnats. Here is the real scoop:

Sea Monkeys are not actually monkeys, but they do come from the sea and are real living things (contrary to popular belief and urban legend). To be specific, they are Artemia Salina (brine shrimp) which were thought of as mere fish food for many years until Harold von Braunhut - a man who is famous among toy enthusiasts for inventing X-Ray Spex - discovered these marvels of the sea. He saw their potential as a "pet" and developed a simple, three-step kit that allowed aspiring young marine biologists to raise their own brine shrimp in a container of water.

Thanks alot Harold...I hope you can live with yourself, living in the mansion you bought with money earned lying to poor unsuspecting 7 year olds. Shame on you Harold von Braunhut, you're a very, very bad man! And I'll bet those X-Ray Spex couldn't really see through things!

We should stick Harold in the ring with some Rock em Sock em Robots. Remember the awesome sound they would make when you so would knock your opponents block off?!


More Slammin' Post Awards!

Another week has gone by and what a week it has been! So many blogs to read and so many FABULOUS posts!

As you know, I bestow my cute little award to the ladies and gentlemen whose posts stood out in the vast sea of bloggers. There are no criteria for winning this award other than "I like you! I REALLY like you!"

So without further ado, here are the awards for this week! (What a build up!!!)

This week's first award goes to Avery Gray's post "It Could Happen." About her adorable and entertaining son Ethan. Remember this prediction, this kid will be our first Commander-in-Chief to wear antlers to his inauguration!

The next award goes to What Works for Us's very funny story "Purge-tory" This post brings us on a journey into MamaGeek's basement where she discovers some very funny items from years past. She brought back so many memories for me ESPECIALLY the "Growing Up and Liking it Book!" (Which was published by the Modess Sanitary Napkin Company).

Let's have a round of applause for In The Trenches of Mommyhood's "Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much." In this entertaining post In the Trenches receives a new age calendar which dispenses some pretty asinine advice.

Our final two awards go to Jim at The Busy Dad Blog. The first for his short, sweet and oh so funny post "Return on Investment." The second for his post, "Let's Get Cultural!" This one tickled my funny bone, with a chicken bone!! Jim has such an amusing take on being a parent. If you haven't discovered his blog yet, head on over. There's always something happening at The Busy Dad Blog!

Meet me here next week, same bat-time, same bat-channel for still more SLAMMIN' Awards!

Note: I am completely willing to rig this competition and accept bribes for awards. Simply send me a check (the larger the better) made out to CASH and you too can be the proud recipient of a Slammin' Post Award!


Vice Squad...

Ash Wednesday has come and gone which means it is now officially Lent! When I was a child I would always give up candy as my sacrifice for Lent. Believe you me, for a child with a sweet tooth this was no easy task. I remember RIPPING into my basket Easter morning, suffering from the effects of sugar withdrawal!

This year I thought I'd try to give up caffeine. When I realized that this was a COMPLETELY unrealistic goal I decided to do something that would benefit someone other than myself. So this year I've decided that for Lent I will give up paying attention to my magazines, TV or the computer when my husband comes home from work and focus my attention on him!

I guess you could say I'm trying to sacrifice the vice of self-absorption.

How about you? What are you giving up for Lent?


Do I OFFEND??? Apparently the answer is YES!

I have received quite a bit of backlash regarding my previous post. Many of my friends and readers have implored me to remove the post from my blog, arguing that this time I've gone too far.

I'm sorry if I have offended any of you. I was as grossed out as anyone when I received this e-mail from Daily Candy. My point is...yes, this product is about as gross as it gets, but isn't it sad that the beauty industry has us worrying that even our most private areas are less than perfect!

Next thing you know there will be a $200 cream formulated to make our spleens smoother and wrinkle free. And guess what? I'm sure there will be plenty of suckers out there who will buy it!

ANOTHER thing to worry about!

I received the following in my "Daily Candy" e-mail today. I thought I'd seen everything, but this takes the cake! It was bad enough that I had to worry about wrinkles, cellulite and the roots of my hair! Now I have to add to my list of concerns the COLOR OF MY "BUNGHOLE?!"

Cut us a break already!!!

BungGlow 8
South Beach Skin Solutions Lightening Gel

Van Morrison wrote the song “Brown Eyed Girl” as an endearing ode to a former love.

And while some will always argue that brown eyes are classic, others are looking for a change.

It has come to our attention that it is no longer acceptable for your bunghole to be, well, brown. (Yeah, we said bunghole.) And South Beach Skin Solutions has developed a lightening gel that is safe for that sensitive area (no, we have not tried it).

The natural product claims to give your poopshooter “a fresher, more youthful look” by making it blend in with your natural skin tone. (Seriously?) Here’s how it works: The gentle formula first exfoliates then naturally depigments and whitens the backdoor by reducing the activity of tyrosinase (an enzyme responsible for darkening) in the skin.

They claim you’ll see results in just a few weeks, or else you get your money back.

Consider it your ace in the hole.

Available online at southbeachskinsolutions.com.


These are a few of my favorite things!

We all have some signature items, clothes, jewelry or accessories that we wear all the time. Here are a few things that I find myself reaching for whenever I go in my closet or jewelry box!

My Helen Ficalora charm necklace. I have the brushed gold version and I wear it all the time!

These necklaces are so simple and pretty. She also designs earrings and rings.

My tall chestnut Ugg boots. Yes I know they are officially out of style, but I don't care! They are so comfy with a cute pair of skinny jeans tucked in. The bonus is that they are the most comfortable boots I own. They're better than slippers!

Wrap dresses. Although I don't own a Diane von Furstenberg I do have quite a collection of wrap dresses, mostly from Banana Republic and Target. They are so flattering and comfortable. You can dress them up with heels or go for a funky look with cool boots!

My Swiss Army Officer's Watch. I bought this watch eight years ago and I wear it constantly.

It's perfect for everyday wear, durable and classic.

I love Jennifer Aniston's elegant tailored style. She always looks so effortless.

I wish I had her wardrobe and her bod! (And throw in her hair while you're at it!)

What are your signature pieces?






Have you seen Hannah?

We haven't!

I tried to buy tickets the internet but the website said they were not available on-line. They neglected to mention that they were SOLD OUT until next Friday! I showed up this afternoon at the theater with three little girls in tow and it was a no go. The first tickets I could score are for Friday the 8th at 7 PM. Go Miley! She is one popular young lady. The theater was PACKED with little girls.

We ended up at Cold Stone Creamery consuming mass quantities of sugar. I think I OD'd on mix-ins.

So we'll have to wait another six days to see THE MOVIE EVENT OF THE YEAR!
I wonder if I'll be able to stand it.


The First Ever Caffeine Court Slammin Post Awards!

It's Friday and you know what that means? (Actually you don't know what that means, but I'm going to tell you!)

It's time for the "Caffeine Court Slammin' Post Awards!"

Every Friday (when I feel like it)I will bestow this prestigious award to the bloggers whose posts stood out in the crowd the previous week. This week's recipients are as follows: Drum roll please...

The first Slammin' Post Award goes to "That" at The Zen of Motherhood. I loved this post. In a few short lines she really touched me. It's beautiful how much she loves her daughter.

My next award goes to Christine from "Watch Me, No Watch Me" for her gut wrenching post entitled, "One More Time When I Really, Really had to Pee." The third installment of her series on desperately seeking a toilet. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time I read this post. (I really had to pee badly!)

The third award goes to Cynical Nymph's painfully hilarious post "How to Give Yourself an At-Home Brazilian Wax." Not for the faint of heart this post warns us of the perils of trying to groom that oh so delicate area without a degree in cosmetology.

Put your hands together for Jerseygirl 89 at "Dirty Little Secret" and her award winning post "These Women Are Freaky Right?" Jerseygirl provides an in depth analysis of the various types of New Jersey preschool moms in their natural habitat.

Congratulations ladies!

Next week I will be awarding still more Slammin' Post Awards, so tune in on Friday to Caffeine Court to see the lucky winners!

Thanks for stopping by! Goodbye and God bless...

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