This post should explain my last post...

P.M.S. "Psycho Mommy Syndrome"

Okay you lucky people who only read my blog and never actually deal with me...it's almost "that" time of the month. As I age the physical symptoms aren't so bad, it's the mental ones that are KILLING me! I did a little research and according to Google University I could be perimenopausal! No way!! Not me! I'm too young to be --- that word! I refuse to accept it.

I was explaining my dilemma to a friend. I told her I can't stand feeling psychotic three or four days a month. She told me she only feels normal three or four days a month, which actually made me feel a little bit better. (I'm such a good friend!)

When I feel myself getting highly annoyed when someone moves my crock pot or asks for milk one too many times I try to tell myself "this too shall pass." I remind myself that my insanity is temporary. It's weird, because when I'm in the throes of it I feel too overwhelmed to go to a doctor. When I'm better, I feel fine so I don't feel the burning desire to get help. I know there are lots of drugs out there and natural solutions to help ease my symptoms, I really should check them out. For my sake and for the sake of anyone who messes with me on those three or four dangerous days!

Maybe they will book me on "Oprah" as a guest! There's something I can do when Catherine goes to kindergarten! I can become a professional PMSer. Or a spokesperson for perimenopause! YES!!! I knew it would come to me.

Now I just need an agent.

A note from the author

I love to write, but grammar and punctuation are not my strong suit. I do not have a proofreader. I am more concerned about the content of my posts than their grammatical correctness.

I did a little research on the decline of writing standards in our country. Here's a little snippet I stumbled upon:
Language bullying — or prescriptivism, as it’s more politely called — is conservative in the worst sense. It advances a stuffy and old-fashioned view of language, the rules of which it considers set by supposed experts, such as the authors of grammar books, rather than common usage. It is deeply anti-populist and snobby, not to mention just plain wrong and cranky.
There is nothing wrong with high standards, but please don't hold me to them! Thank you.


100 Things about Me

This is what blogging is all about right?

Here we go:

  1. I have been married for 9 years.
  2. I was 33 when I got married.
  3. We got married in Middlebury, Vermont.
  4. We honeymooned on Martha's Vineyard.
  5. I have two daughters ages 8 and 4.
  6. I had my first child at 34 and my second at 38. Both via C-section.
  7. I made many attempts to have another child. After multiple early miscarriages I gave up.
  8. I'm sad I couldn't have another, but the miscarriages were not debilitating and I am fine.
  9. I love my dogs and cats more then I should. (hence 3 days of scrubbing a carpet to save my cat)
  10. I was born in Jersey City, NJ in a hospital that now looks like a war zone.
  11. I am the oldest of 3 daughters. I'm a year and a half older than my first sister and five years older than my second.
  12. I talk to my youngest sister everyday.
  13. I've always known I wanted to have children.
  14. Like my husband, my dad never had sons, so he played sports with his girls. (And wasn't afraid to plow us into the dirt during a friendly game of touch football.)
  15. I was a Tri-Delt in college.
  16. I didn't like being in a sorority. Not my thing.
  17. I'm not anti-social, but I very much enjoy my "alone time." As a matter of fact, I NEED it.
  18. My husband put together a very nice custom walk-in closet for me. He is very insulted and annoyed that it looks like a bomb went off in there.
  19. I constantly remind him that it's nothing personal.
  20. I am, and always have been drawn to nice things. (Some say it's because I'm a Taurus) I have to fight my desire to buy clothes, shoes, cosmetics and home goods every single day.
  21. I buy lots of gossip magazines.
  22. One of my very close childhood friends died 4 years ago. I think about her everyday.
  23. I used to "party all the time" (Eddie Murphy). From the time I was 15 until I was 30 I went out at least four times a week.
  24. I got it out of my system and now I'm kind of a homebody, although once or twice a year I have a wild night.
  25. Another reason I don't drink much is I can't stand having a hangover, especially with kids.
  26. My husband and I love to go to the movies together, and we have the same taste in movies.
  27. I have an addictive personality.
  28. We belong to an expensive beach club and I feel very guilty every summer day that we don't go.
  29. My oldest daughter saw me smoking a cigarette at a party a few years ago. She won't let me forget it.
  30. My father had an aortal dissection two years ago. He came within a millimeter of dying. It's a miracle that he's alive.
  31. I think I have adult ADD.
  32. I read the O.J. Simpson book (yes I'm a loser). He is guilty as sin and attempts to make Nicole Brown Simpson look like she drove him to it.
  33. Tennis is my only form of exercise. I've vowed for twenty years that I'm going to start running.
  34. I love golf but don't have the time to play.
  35. I live near Bruce Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi and see them around town all the time.
  36. After years of blood, sweat and tears, my husband has trained me to be a pretty good housewife. (But there's always room for improvement!)
  37. I sell Southern Living at HOME and Arbonne products. I will never get rich doing this.
  38. If you live near Central New Jersey I want you to have a Southern Living at HOME party with ME as your consultant!!
  39. I'm realizing that 100 things about me is a hell of alot of things.
  40. The first car that I bought for myself was a Volkswagon Golf. I absolutely loved that car.
  41. I played lacrosse and tennis in high school and then switched to cheerleading. (WHY???)
  42. I used to get in trouble all the time in high school. I was voted "Most Likely to Get Caught."
  43. I'm from New Jersey and my husband is from Vermont. We have very different styles of communicating.
  44. My kids are not phased when I yell.
  45. I love candy. Twizzlers, Swedish Fish and Peanut M&Ms are my favorite.
  46. I love pasta and have a very hard time on the South Beach Diet.
  47. I have to urinate immediately after consuming any beverage. This is a nightmare on long car trips.
  48. I have dark circles under my eyes. My daughters inherited them from me.
  49. I like to stay up late and sleep until 9. My kid's also inherited this from me.
  50. I'm usually not thrilled to go to parties, but I always have a good time when I force myself to attend.
  51. I love to blast music in my car when I'm alone.
  52. I love to listen to "Dr. Joy Browne" in my car when I'm alone.
  53. I used to listen to Howard Stern every morning, but can't anymore because I don't have satellite radio.
  54. I used to get sunburns all the time when I was young. Now I have to go to the dermatologist every few months because I had a borderline melanoma.
  55. Now I get spray tanned. They are working on improving the formula so it doesn't look so orange.
  56. I was raised Catholic, but now go to an Episcopal church because my husband is Protestant.
  57. I yell at people who speed down my street.
  58. My 25 year high school reunion is next year. I'm going.
  59. I like gardening.
  60. I like to floss my teeth.
  61. I don't pluck my eyebrows enough.
  62. I have to shave my legs everyday.
  63. My fingernails and hair grow really fast.
  64. I like the taste of Slim-Fast. (Chocolate Royale)
  65. I love all my neighbors except the bitch who lives next door.
  66. I am very close with my mother. She moved to Florida last year and I miss her terribly.
  67. I am competitive.
  68. I like going for drives.
  69. I would very much rather be the driver than the passenger.
  70. I try to go look at the ocean once a day.
  71. I'm working on being a better listener.
  72. I like to talk on the phone during the day, not at night.
  73. My favorite ice cream flavor is Rocky Road.
  74. I love sushi, especially tuna.
  75. I went to public schools as do my children.
  76. I'm of Irish-German descent
  77. I wish I could play the piano.
  78. I keep in touch with many of my high school friends and very few of my college friends.
  79. We have a trampoline in our backyard. It's ugly, but the kids love it.
  80. The neighbor that lives behind me illustrates children's books and put my oldest daughter on the cover of one of them
  81. I still do voice-overs a few times a year. Mostly boring corporate stuff.
  82. I have green eyes. My husband and daughters all have brown eyes.
  83. I have never said "use your words" to my children.
  84. I have EZ Pass and I love it.
  85. I live in the NY suburbs. Most people in my town commute into Manhattan.
  86. I love New York City and wish I could go in more often.
  87. My kids and I love to go to bookstores and browse.
  88. As much as I love Dunkin' Donuts, McDonald's, 7-11 and The Gap, I'm really glad my town doesn't have any franchise stores or restaurants.
  89. When people talk too slowly or quietly I get bored.
  90. I curse in front of my children. Yes, I now it's wrong and I'm working on it...STOP JUDGING ME DAMMIT!!! oops :)
  91. My dachshund and cat sleep in bed with us at night. The lab has her own special sleeping chair.
  92. I have lots of little hobbies like needlepoint, making ribbon belts and knitting.
  93. I used to think blogs were stupid. Then I started lurking and "got it." Now I absolutely love having my own blog!
  94. Right now I should be doing housework because we have company coming over. I don't feel like it. What else is new??
  95. I work very hard on giving other people the benefit of the doubt.
  96. I drive a Toyota Sienna mini-van. I used to like it, but now I'm getting sick of it.
  97. I feel very lucky to live in the United States of America.
  98. I want to do more to help those in need.
  99. My youngest goes to kindergarten next year and my husband wants me to get a job.
  100. I count my blessings everyday.


Vera Wang at Kohl's

What do you think about the "Simply Vera" line at Kohl's?

I'm usually a sucker for this kind of thing and I wanted to like it. When I went to the store there was nothing I wanted to buy.

Have you purchased any of her items?


I miss those Housewives "Real" Bad!

Speaking of Cougars...did any of you watch this show when it was on Bravo? It ran for two seasons and I absolutely loved it. I think the "Housewives" (and I use the term loosely) got sick of cameras in their homes-so they're looking for some new ladies for the show.

It's amazing how different life is in "The O.C." These women live in Coto de Casa where breast implants are mandatory, as is Botox. They drive Hummers with cubic zirconia on the hubcaps and they give their children brand new BMWs for when they turn 16.

I know it's warm in California-but my goodness-so much cleavage. When it's hot here in Rumson we all run around in Fresh Produce beach cover ups and Lands End tankinis. I guess if you shell out ten grand for some new hooters you've got to flaunt the suckers!

Can you tell I'm obsessing over plastic surgery? I was flat chested to begin with and I breast fed my two daughters so I am now officially sporting two partially filled water balloons in my bra, which is so big on me I should stuff toilet paper in there! No lie, unless I buy a training bra there are no cup sizes small enough for my "man boobs." One of my buddies gave me her "chicken cutlet" fake breasts when she got her implants, but my kids found them and threw them around so much they burst. Anyway if there was any other way to get a B-Cup aside from surgery and paying mega bucks I would do it!

If you watch the show there are definitely examples of what too much plastic surgery can do to a person. Lauri Waring looks like a transvestite. Everything in moderation ladies!



Have you heard about Cougars? I just learned about them a few months ago from a friend's husband who works on Wall Street. Apparently Manhattan's hottest bars and clubs are swarming with them.

This is the definition of a cougar from Urban Dictionary.
1. Cougar
1960 up, 324 down

An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together.

That cougar I met last night, showed me shit I didn't know existed, I'm goin back for more.

I see lots of Suburban Cougars (they might be categorized as milfs) trucking around my local mall. Most are married-so they aren't cruising for young studs. But they are very "well maintained." (See tomorrow's posting on "The Real Housewives of Orange County.") You know the look. Flat-ironed hair, Botoxed forehead, implants and high heeled sandals. They get microdermabrasion once a month and work with a personal trainer 3X a week. They drive Range Rovers or Mercedes GL-450 SUVs. They shop at BEBE and Loehmann's . French manicures or LCN on their fingers AND toes are standard issue.

It takes a lot of cash and effort to be a proper Cougar. I have enough trouble keeping my hair root free and putting on moisturizer at night.

If done right the Cougar thing can look damn good. There are lots of very subtle Cougars in my town who would never admit to any of these above treatments. Yet we all know that they travel into the city to meet with the top plastic surgeons and dermatologists to keep their youthful glow. How do we know for sure? Well, sadly enough some people confide in one person, who has a few glasses of wine at a party and then spills the beans. You know the rest. Word travels fast in a small town.

The current trend in self improvement makes it hard for the rest of us flat chested, slightly wrinkled, scalpel shy and financially challenged women in our 40s. I think Botox should be covered by Blue Cross dammit! In the meantime, I'll turn on my Buddhist DVD and learn to embrace the character lines I have accumulated. It's all about acceptance baby. Now pass me the Retin-A.

This is for you Tickled Pink & Green

Here I am about five years ago with my favorite mobster Tony! As you can see, I was THRILLED to have a photo op with one of Jersey's finest. He, on the other hand, was less than happy to meet me. Oh well. It was worth it. He didn't punch me, although he definitely wanted to, and my friends and I got a good laugh!


The Coffee Court Polo

This is the Silk Court Polo from J. McLaughlin.

A friend of mine wore this to our tennis team party the other night. Pretty appropriate name for the shirt the "COURT" polo! In of all colors "COFFEE!" It's destiny I tell you! This shirt is gorgeous. My fashion savvy friend has this in coffee/wheat, navy/lime as well as red/white. She has five kids too, so I guess you could say she has more than earned it!

At $155, I'd be lucky to snag just one. There is a J. McLaughlin store five minutes from me in Shrewsbury. Maybe I'll just go try it on. Will that be enough for me? Probably not.

Who knows, maybe it will look hideous on me! One can only hope, then I won't be tempted!

Better yet, do you think Marshall's will start carrying J. McLaughlin. (I can dream can't I?)

Since I'll probably have to buy a new dining room rug this shirt might be COMPLETELY out of the question. Maybe one of you lovely ladies can buy one and I'll live vicariously through you!


A Caffeine Court Moment...

My daughter and I went to 7-Eleven yesterday. I wanted a Big Gulp and she wanted a Slurpee. 15 minutes before we arrived a Jeep crashed into the front of the store, sending the guy behind the counter flying! Miraculously, no one was injured.

We were disappointed that we didn't get to satisfy our cravings, but not as disappointed as we would have been had we been at checkout when the vehicle careened through the plate glass.

My daughter noticed the look on my face as I thought about how lucky we were that we arrived after the accident. She tried to reassure me, "Thank goodness there are lots more 7-Elevens Mom." That's one way to look at it!

Thankfully, they keep the precious Slurpee dispenser and soda fountain in the back of the store, where they are safe from errant jeeps!

Urine Trouble

This is my favorite time of the year. I love fall. The air is crisp, it's time to go apple and pumpkin picking. My kids are excited to be back to school. But there is something someone tarnishing, or should I say stinking up my bliss. My kitty cat. He has recurring bladder problems and it's back with a vengeance.

He seems to favor my eldest daughter's room and our dining room This time he chose the dining room rug. In between fun family activities I have spent the day treating, blotting, scrubbing and repeating. I have gone through two bottles of very expensive enzyme cleaners and rented a professional grade carpet shampooer.

My husband has had it. If he had his druthers Mickey (my cat) would be on death row. The kids and I love the cat so much-and I can't stand the thought of terminating the life of such a wonderful pet. I won't even get into all of his positive attributes. Let's just say that other than this recurring problem he is the best cat I've ever had.

News flash: As I was typing the last sentence-I noticed an odor. I thought it was my imagination, but upon further investigation I discovered cat pee on a coloring book my little one left on the floor. GROSS! I'll admit, I'm freaking out. Tomorrow, if I can manage to get him in his cat carrier, Mickey is going to the vet. Who will ask for a SAMPLE of my cat's urine. (Fat chance of getting that.) I will then receive medicine that will require me to tackle my cat with a towel, wrestle him like an alligator and hold his mouth open while my husband attempts to squirt said medicine into his throat. Oh the joys of pet ownership. Maybe it worked out okay that I only had two children. These pets are wearing me down!

Back to work.


Girl World

I am one of three girls. I have two daughters. I guess you could say I live in "Girl World." What does that really mean?

I remember when I was pregnant a friend of mine had a son. She told me she was so glad he was a boy. "Quite frankly," she said, "I see people who have girls and I feel sorry for them. I'm telling you this because I know you will have a boy." WRONG. As a matter of fact, I knew I was having a girl but was sworn to secrecy by my husband.

After Meg was born some people asked. "Was Brad disappointed that he doesn't have a son?" HUH?! It was our first baby-we didn't care! Apparently many women cry when they find out they are having a girl. Wow.

I got pregnant 3 years later with daughter #2. We didn't find out the sex-and yes I will admit I am brainwashed enough that I ideally wanted a boy. (One of each-you know the deal.) It seems the only one rooting for a girl was daughter #1. She refused to accept the possibility that the baby could be a boy. I think she WILLED Brad's X chromosome to fertilize my egg. She got her wish and along came Catherine. Once I saw her I wasn't disappointed at all. As cliched as it sounds-she was healthy and adorable. That's all I needed.

Right after Catherine's birth Brad's friend from college and his wife came to visit. She was pregnant with #3. She already had 2 boys and was praying she would have another. "No offense" she told me, "but I hate girls." WHAT??? "Girls are whiny and prissy. I like boys." Hmmm. Sounds like self hatred to me. This coming from a woman who was adopted. Did her biological parents send her to an orphanage because she was a girl? Food for thought. (She had a girl by the way-ha ha!)

My husband's grandmother is a very sweet lady. She had five sons. A fact she is very proud of. She would often ask me when I was going to have a boy. How could I answer this question? I had a hard enough time having my two girls. If by some miracle I have another baby it has to have a penis? Enough pressure already!

Anyway. Here I am 42 years old. Unless I adopt a baby, I won't have a son. Do I feel slighted? Not really. For me it's not about the sex of my kids. I love by daughters because they are who they are. If I gave birth to sons I would love them just the same. No more, no less. (Unless they turned out to be "whiny and prissy!"

OJ Lawyer Press Conference satellite feed

Apparently this guy works for the Jimmy Kimmel Show. It's hilarious nonetheless.



I made a very big scheduling mistake yesterday. I agreed to play four hours of tennis. Noon until two. (An hour with a pro an hour of ladies' doubles.) Then 8-10 PM mixed doubles. (With men who SMASH the ball!)

Today my 42 year old muscles and joints are soooo sore.

This is a day when I need to suck it up and push myself. I can't let my leisure activities interfere with my motherly responsibilities.

I have to admit that in a perfect world I would get a massage, sit in a hot tub and nap all afternoon. In my world, I'll take an Advil, watch Spongebob with my 4-year old. (my rest time) Then go to the supermarket (the cupboard is bare), put away laundry and try to straighten the absolute disaster this house has become post-cleaning frenzy. (See my post from Tuesday.)
Wish me luck!

Update: Wow-what a difference a couple of hours makes. I took my Advil and plopped myself on the couch with Catherine to watch Spongebob (which is a really funny show by the way.) She was thrilled that I joined her, since I don't usually sit and watch TV in the morning. (Instead I sit on the computer.)

She could tell I was hurting-so she kept applying Chapstick to my lips (I have no idea why-but I didn't care) and rubbing my head. 45 minutes later I stood up and a miraculous change had occurred. I'm still a bit sore-but completely revived. YAY! I was getting a little worried. I'm getting older, but 4 hours of tennis shouldn't make me feel like I fell down a flight of stairs. Now it's time to take on the day!


Into the Wild

Into the Wild

"Many of you probably know Sean Penn as an actor, but he’s been directing flicks since 1991. His latest, Into the Wild stars Emile Hirsch as a young, idealistic kid who abandons life as most of us know it for the Alaskan wilderness. Based on the bestseller by Jon Krakauer, and inspired by a true story. The movie also stars Vince Vaughn, Catherine Keener, Kristen Stewart, William Hurt, and Marcia Gay Harden."

Here's a synopsis of the story:

"Freshly graduated from college with a promising future ahead, 22-year-old Christopher McCandless (Emile Hirsch) instead walked out of his privileged life and into the wild in search of adventure. What happened to him on the way transformed this young wanderer into an enduring symbol for countless people. Was Christopher McCandless a heroic adventurer or a naive idealist, a rebellious 1990s Thoreau or another lost American son, a fearless risk taker or a tragic figure who wrestled with the precarious balance between man and nature?"

Check out the movie's website-it looks amazing. I also want to read the book .

The buzz is that it can change your whole outlook on life.

"Into the Wild" will be in theaters on Friday, September 21st.

Geek Squad at your service!!

Tickled Pink & Green asked how to use the strikethrough font. Here are the instructions I used. I got them by googling "strikethrough on blog."

Using Strikethrough Font in Blogger

Using strikethrough font in blogger is overrated and entails an extremely convoluted process helpful and very easy to implement. It uses a simple html tag, which is just code that tells your editor how to display certain things. Html tags have to be opened and closed. Tags are opened by putting a greater than sign (<), then the tag content, followed by a lesser than sign (>). They are closed by doing the same process except with a backslash (/) before the tag content.

To strike through a word, make sure you are on the "edit html" tab and then surround the word you wish to strike through with an "s" tag.

Substituting the "s" in these examples will perform various functions. For example, "b" for bold; "i" for italics; etc. Strikethrough will work for posts, but not for comments in blogger.

Now that you know how to strike through words, your posts will look pretty much the same as before certainly look innovative and creative.

Note: to use strike through font in an inferior blogging medium Wordpress posts and comments, replace the "s" in the above examples with "strike"

I hope that helps!!!

Daub & Bauble

I just bought the most amazing smelling and beautifully packaged dish detergent. It's made by Daub & Bauble. Check out the website for store locations. I purchased mine at Sickles Market in Little Silver NJ.

I chose the Mission Fig & Thyme fragrance-it's heavenly. They also have Sorrento Lemon & Ginger and Tarocco Orange & Clove.

This is the bottle:

Here are some of the design choices:

Using this detergent actually makes washing dishes an enjoyable tolerable experience!
(Hey look at me-I'm getting fancy-now I can use the strikethrough font!)


My tennis friends..

This is not my team-I just thought it was a bit odd and decided to share it with you. I have no idea who these women are. (If you recognize yourself in this photo-please come forward...identify yourself and explain what the deal is with the green bras!)

Tonight is my summer tennis team end of season party. I'm really looking forward to it. My friend Joan is hosting it at her home. Her house is really amazing. It's a big old cedar shake style overlooking the Atlantic Ocean.

It will be fun to actually sit down and hang out with these ladies. We have so much fun playing tennis together. Someday I'll get into detail-but I get such a kick out of all these girls. We range in age from 30 up to 65. The one thing we all share is our competitive spirit and love for the game. It's really fun being part of a team. It reminds me of being back in high school.

There are so many funny moments-because some of the teams we play are PSYCHOTIC about tennis. Over the top. They will lie, cheat and steal to win. I think it's almost embarrassing how into it they are. If they win they jump around like they won the Miss America Pageant.

Since I was captain of the summer team-I only asked women who were mentally stable to play-so we didn't have any major confrontations on the court.

When I have time I'll write more about some of the personalities I play with. I swear it would make a great sitcom. Let's see ... what would I call it? "Bad Calls" "Women with Balls" "Court Divas" The possibilities are endless.


Diet Coke plus

AND...it doesn't even taste good!!!!! Oh well...nice try.

Wife Swap

I watched Wife Swap on ABC for the first time in ages last night. I have to say-it's pretty entertaining. What a freak show. Last night they had an urban couple from California swap with survivalists from Iowa. It really freaked me out! You have to watch the show to catch the full essence of how crazy these people are. Here are some examples of the rules the Moms made for their temporary families. (My comments are in green.)

Hess-Webb Household Rule Changes

Mission Statement: I'm going to bring optimum health to this family by putting you on an all-raw diet.

  1. You are so germaphobic in this house. In my house, we understand that germs are friends and chemicals are enemies. (Her house was the filthiest place you've ever seen-the toilet was literally filled with crap!) You will start by removing all chemicals from the house and we will use only natural products. From now on, we'll be using toothpaste made from butter and clay.

  2. This family spends no time considering what would happen if a disaster occurred. You will stockpile enough food to survive an emergency.

  3. Robert, you are too consumed with appearance. (She did have a point - the guy is a stylist and was a bit light in the loafers.)We will be wearing these. (mechanic jumpsuit) And Robert, you will take all your fancy clothes and give them to charity. (They then proceeded to show the country woman and urban man in physical battle-while she tried to pull all his designer duds out of his very organized California Closet)

  4. Your children are being brainwashed by the school system. I am going to "unschool" your children and they will learn everything they need to know from their surroundings. (She then proceeded to take the family to a farm-so she could show them how to slaughter a chicken with your bare hands. The father absolutely refused and sped off in his Volvo...leaving the Iowa lady standing alone-holding the doomed chicken!)
Kim's Rules

Haigwood Household Rule Changes

Mission Statement: Mike, the regimented raw diet that you force on your family is disgusting. My kids are exposed to a choice of international cuisine. So from now on, the kids will get to choose what we will all eat. (She then served them a meal consisting of cooked meat and vegetables. The family doubled over with nausea from eating cooked food-and the father cried and fell to the poop covered bathroom floor. He accused her of harming his children by cooking their food and cleaning their house with chemicals.)

  1. You live like the animals you farm, and it's disgusting. Starting today, we are going on a cleaning frenzy. (I totally agreed with her on this one-the house was a pit!)

  2. In my life, I have harmony in my surroundings, so I'm going to feng shui the farm.

  3. Mike, you and Barbara are robbing your kids of their childhoods in order to make them slaves to the farm. This week, I'm going to let them have fun for a change instead of working on the farm. (At this point the 15 year old son had a complete mental breakdown. I feared he would take a hatchet to his temporary mom. These kids live 45 minutes from a city-they are home schooled and eat 4 month old raw meat...they also "do shots" of raw eggs to make them feel better.)
If you want to feel better about yourself - check out this show Monday nights on ABC. It motivated me to spend 3 hours scrubbing my house with lots of dangerous chemicals!

Just call me Hoppy...

You are probably familiar with Aesops Fable-"The Ant and the Grasshopper." Well-the past week-I have been living a bit of a grasshopper life. Playing with the kids-piling up laundry and not putting it away, hitting Boston Market. As the fable teaches us too much frolicking can have dire results. Today is the day that I face the consequences of my actions. I have three hours with no kids-and I am going to make like an ant and WORK! This house is going to sparkle by 3 pm. I am making a public declaration-so here I go!!!!

In the meantime-here's a little snippet from Wikipedia (one of my favorite websites):

The Ant and the Grasshopper:

The fable concerns a grasshopper or cricket who has spent the warm months singing away while the ant (or ants in some editions) worked to store up food for winter. After the winter has come, the grasshopper finds itself dying of hunger, and upon asking the ant for food is only rebuked for its idleness. The story is used to teach the virtues of hard work and saving, and the perils of improvidence. Some versions of the fable state a moral at the end, along the lines of:

Idleness brings want
To work today is to eat tomorrow
It is best to prepare for the days of necessity

Okay-grasshopper (correction ant) update. I have been diligently working for one hour forty eight minutes with one "break" ( I booked a Southern Living at HOME party for October). By the way, if any of you gals live in the Jersey or Maryland area and would like to get tons of free SLAH products-book a party with me.

Anyway-back to the subject...I was vacuuming the family room when it dawned on me why I felt compelled to scrub the house from top to bottom. It's what I watched on TV last night. WIFE SWAP. I will write about it later-and you will all come together for you.


I'm very flattered...

Monograms by So Pretty has a new blog. www.prettypreppymonograms.blogspot.com

They asked for suggestions for products-and of course I asked for all things tennis. The following was their response:

(Wednesday, September 12, 2007

You Asked For It...You Got It!

Well, Jill Y. threw down the gauntlet!

She said, "I'm partial to anything with tennis racquets-if you find anything cute-bring it on!"

At So Pretty, we have tons of embroidery motifs in our repertoire and we love a design challenge, so here it goes!

We'll start with the tennis sport towel: http://www.monogramsbysopretty.com/moteto.html.

This has always been a best seller and makes a great gift for your tennis partner!

We've just added the tennis boat tote here: http://www.monogramsbysopretty.com/tennistote.html.
Notice the racquet's pink grip matches the tote's pink straps! Too cute!
I actually had hot pink overgrip on my racquet when I was a kid at tennis camp.

The tennis apron, perfect for the hostess at your next tennis party! This has just been added to the motif aprons: http://www.monogramsbysopretty.com/motifapron.html.

How about a tennis polo or tee? Instead of the usual alligator, polo player on horse, or palm tree; we used crossed racquets and your monogram.

Lime green looks great on the hot pink polo: http://www.monogramsbysopretty.com/tepipo.html

Or try any color combo on a plain crewneck tee, short sleeve or long: http://www.monogramsbysopretty.com/wotetee.html. Sweet & subtle!

Ultrasoft fleece tennis throw-perfect for watching tennis on TV this fall http://www.monogramsbysopretty.com/momoflth.html.

Tennis pony tail holders are here: http://www.monogramsbysopretty.com/prpomopotaho2.html.

We've added the racquet & ball motif to the many other motifs we have available for this item as well as the paci clips http://www.monogramsbysopretty.com/mopacl.html and

Tennis is a great game to start at a young age--they'll play it for life!

Tennis Guest Towels http://www.monogramsbysopretty.com/momoha.html--another great gift for your tennis partner or party hostess!

And there's more I can think of...baby bib & burp set, baby tees, baby sunhat, kids' sweatshirts, to name a few. We're been eyeing up some great tennis racquet covers too!
Tell us what you think? Any of these products appeal to you? Is is too much tennis? Is there such a thing as too much tennis?

So Jill Y., thanks! We'll be sending you a tennis apron for the inspiration!

Talk about great customer service! I love all their products and will be sure to buy lots of cute tennis goodies for all my buddies.

About Us


Something for everyone...

You've got to check out Cafepress.

They have something for everyone-t-shirts, bumper stickers, customized mugs-you name it. If you're a Democrat they have quite an assortment of hostile bumper stickers for your Subaru. Such as:

Or for the Republicans in our audience-here's your chance to be nasty:

Slap this baby on your Suburban!

Let's get ready for some ROAD RAGE!!!!


Obnoxious "fish"

I just saw another of those-Darwin Fish while traveling about. I've got to be straight with you-I can't stand them-and I find people who have them on their cars to be really annoying. What do you think? (If you have one-sorry-but what's your point?)

The following is from Wikipedia:

Darwin fish

A Darwin fish is an ichthys with stylized legs
A Darwin fish is an ichthys with stylized legs

The Darwin fish is an ichthys symbol with "evolved" legs and feet attached and often with the word Darwin inside (like the ΙΧΘΥΣ or Jesus found in Christian versions). It symbolizes the theory of evolution, for which Charles Darwin laid the foundation, in contrast with Creationism, which is often associated with Christianity. Related to the Darwin fish is a fish with legs, the word 'evolve', and a hand that is holding a wrench.

The Darwin fish has led to a minor arms race in bumper stickers. A design was made with a larger "Jesus fish" eating the Darwin fish. Sometimes, the larger fish contains letters that spell the word "Truth." A further step shows two fish, one with legs labelled "I evolved", the other without legs labelled "You didn't". Another variant is the "ixnay" fish (a parody of "ΙΧΘΥΣ").


My new fall bag...

This is the Somerset triangle shoulder bag from Banana Republic.

I purchased it with the "Friends and Family" discount I received from my brother-in-law's new girlfriend. 30% off! ( I must say-she picked a great way to schmooze this member of the family!)

This bag is a classic. Lots of space-gorgeous lining-and loaded with little pockets for organization. I know I will get a ton of use from this bag. I can carry it everyday-and it's nice enough to carry out at night. I am thrilled with this purchase.

I really should buy more of my clothes and accessories from Banana. I always love everything I buy there.


Panic and Procrastination

Brad (my husband) has been away on a business trip for 3 days. It's been a whirlwind of ordering pizzas and not vacuuming. It is now Friday at noon-his arrival home is imminent. The thing is...he's unpredictable. He could walk in any second-or arrive at 8 tonight. I've tried calling-but if I know him-his cell phone is out of power and he forgot his charger. If he gets home at 8-it's cool. If he walks in now-I'm in BIG trouble. This house looks like I just threw a frat party.

I'm a bit overwhelmed. (Which explains the blogging). I do have some errands to run. Should I leave the house and take a chance that he'll walk into this carnage?

What is a slacker mom to do???

News flash: Brad called at 12:30 on my cell phone-he told me he would be working for at least a couple more hours and would arrive home around 6. He then proceeded to "surprise" us by arriving at 3! I think he was more surprised then me! I had to charm him with my feminine whiles in order to distract him from the disarray. Mission accomplished. ( A little too much information huh?)


Would you read IT???

"If I Did It" the infamous O.J. Simpson "confession" (as some people call it) to the 1994 murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman is now available for purchase.

Fred and Kim Goldman as well as Denise Brown, Marcia Clark and Christopher Darden appeared on "Oprah" Thursday to discuss the book.

The following is from Oprah's website:

Fred and Kim say that publishing the book and taking 90 percent of the profits—which will amount to 17 cents per book—is a form of restitution. "We have a judgment, the only form of justice that we were able to attain through the civil court," Fred says. "And that piece of paper is meaningless unless we pursue that judgment. We took away the opportunity from him to earn additional money, and that money is the only form of justice."

Unlike the Goldman family, Denise Brown has been steadfast in her position against publication. She says she would rather that people neither buy nor read the book. "I think it's garbage," she says. "It was written by the man that murdered my sister and Ron. I mean, how good can it be? He wants to make a name for himself, possibly, back in the public eye.

Oprah says she won't buy or read the book. She has a very good point and I admire her integrity.

I, on the other hand, will admit that I am intrigued by what is in that book. O.J. is clearly a very sick man, and I find it bizarre that he chose to write it-no matter how much money he thought he was going to make. It's as if he's preying on the families of his victims. I could take the politically correct stance and say I stick with Oprah and I will never touch this garbage. (And I really do think it's garbage-plus I think O.J. is a complete a-hole.) Instead I'll tell you the truth. Someday-when I'm alone (without my kids) I will go to Barnes and Noble and take a peek. There I said it. Sorry-I'm a jerk.

What do you think? Will you buy it? Would you read it? Would you take a peek for free? Do you think O.J. will come after me for calling him an a-hole???

This inquiring mind wants to know!

The Tao of Mommy

Things can get a little tense around my house-(my housekeeping skills-money) So what did I do? I went to Barnes and Noble and SPENT MONEY (bad girl!) on this 8-CD set:

Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life

Living the Wisdom of the Tao
by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

By the way-I know I should have borrowed it from the library and that if I stopped making purchases like this every week I could save $2,010.84 per year. GOT IT.

It's quite soothing. (So much so-that I fear I may fall asleep at the wheel.) The good news is that since I'm very rarely alone in the car-I'm kept awake by my children's very loud requests for me to turn off Wayne and put on the Hannah Montana Soundtrack.

On the rare occasions that I am alone-I'm like
the friggin' Dalai Lama of Central Jersey. A regular Zen Master Flash. I aspire to such an enlightened state of being. (Until someone cuts me off in traffic-which sends me right back into my Tony Soprano persona.)

But seriously-I am trying to
live a life that is balanced, moral, spiritual, and always concerned with working for the good. Not always an easy thing to do. If I can "Do the Tao" every day-maybe I will chill a little-and make my little corner of the 'burbs a paradise of peace and tranquility.

No that's not me- that's a mom who has achieved the state of well being I strive for. (either that or she's been smoking some really good ganja!)



No more Pop-Tarts for breakfast or Access Hollywood on the tube. This morning when I was dropping my older daughter off at school she accidently bumped into her 4 year old sister-(post Pop-Tart breakfast) which caused the little one to fly into a rage!

"I don't like Meg! Meg isn't pretty or famous!"

Whoa low blow there.

I'm switching to Mister Rogers and whole grain cereal.

What my daughter had for breakfast...

With a glass of milk of course...(she wanted root beer!)


Still hard to believe...

It's been six years since that horrible September day. We all remember exactly where we were when we heard the news. Many of my neighbors lost their lives that day. My daughter has a classmate who's father died. Meg was only 2 when it happened. Now she's 8-and wants to know about Avery's dad-who was at work in a big building when some "bad guys" crashed a plane into it. She has so many questions-that are pretty tough to answer.

Today (and everyday) we need to count our blessings and appreciate what we have. I know I'll hold my kids a little tighter tonight when I tuck them into their warm safe beds-and pray that we can find a way to end all the hatred in this world.


I've been tagged-(for the first time!)

I've been tagged by the Tickled Pink & Green, so here goes:

4 Things That Make Me Happy:
1. My daughters-they crack me up.
2. My 2 doggies and kitty cat. They're a pain-but I totally adore them.
3. Playing tennis with Hubby.
4. Where I live. I drive around and feel so glad that I live here.

4 Movies I Could See Over And Over:
1. Annie Hall-love it every time-a classic. (Also love Manhattan-Hannah and Her Sisters-anything Woody Allen.) Woody might be weird...but he's a genius.

2. Napoleon Dynamite-Hilarious-either you love it or hate it-I get such a kick out of it and I love to imitate him. (But only for my kids and husband.) Just looking at him kills me.

3. Mean Girls-Starring Rachel McAdams and Lindsey Lohan. Tina Fey wrote this movie. What a crack up. So many funny lines-and you've gotta love "The Plastics"-including Gretchen Weiners-who's father invented the Toaster Strudel.

4. Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers. - Ben Stiller has the best face and dry delivery. Robert DeNiro is the BEST as Jack Byrnes. Owen Wilson has a small role in Meet the Parents-a complete standout. It makes me laugh every time I watch it!

4 Favorite Drinks:
1. Propel-(Berry Flavored) switched to it from Gatorade-and lost 15 lbs. in a month!
2. Diet Coke (fountain drink - although I like it any way I can get it-I very much prefer it from 7-11 or any fast food restaurant.)
3. Chocolate milk-only as a treat since it's sooo fattening.
4. Hot tea-Sleepy time at night. So cozy.

4 Places I Have Lived:
1. Philadelphia, PA
2. Syracuse NY
3. Rumson, NJ
4. Hoboken, NJ

Yes-I'm a Jersey girl!

4 TV Shows I Watch:
1. Curb Your Enthusiasm
2. Weeds
3. The Office
4. Big Love

4 Favorite Colors:
1. Pink
2. Green
3. Navy
4. Chocolate Brown

4 Places I've Been On Vacation:
1. St.John
2. Aspen
3. Los Angeles, San Diego and San Francisco.
4. Martha's Vineyard

4 Things On My Floor Right Now:
1. Toys
2. Clothes
3. Magic Markers
4. Empty juice boxes

(socks, my daughter's dress up costumes, a 95 lb. chocolate lab..I could go on and on!) I better pick up-Brad will be home soon!

4 Blogs I Read Regularly:
(see blogroll)

4 Of My Favorite Foods:
1. Sushi (especially Tuna)
2. Steamed clams
3. Rocky Road ice cream
4. Chef's salad with ranch dressing from Brennan's my favorite deli.

4 Places I'd Rather Be Right Now:
1. The Colony Tennis Resort
2. Caneel Bay
3. Annapolis, MD
4. San Francisco

I Tag: Rhonda-from Counting to 3!


I received the following e-mail over the weekend. This is an example of "phishing." If I click the link they ask for my PayPal sign in (with password). They then proceed to ask for my social security number, my credit card number and bank information. According to these thieves-this will enable them to cancel this transaction.

LOSERS! I was pissed. Hopefully they don't have an in to any of my information. I must say - this e-mail made me feel very uneasy.

Dear Jill ,


Stairway to Stardom (1982) - Michelle Sutlovich

Back in the 1980s, a public-access television channel in New York City aired Stairway to Stardom, an amateur talent show many see as a low-rent precursor to American Idol.

My friend Mitch is an expert on this show. Thanks to Mitch and the dedication of a few die-hard fans, Stairway has now become an Internet cult hit.

If you go on YouTube you can catch lots of these classic hilarious moments.

This one cracked me up. At precisely the same time (1982)-my cheerleading squad was doing a similiar dance to The J. Geil's Band "Flamethrower" during half-time at our basketball games. I had the exact same hair style as the lovely Michelle.

Make sure you catch the interview with Michelle following her dance number. It's hard to believe-she is self taught-with no formal dance training!!


Sleepover Patrol

I am on sleepover patrol. It's only 10:40 and I'm already exhausted. THEY WON'T STOP TALKING! They are also getting out of bed, poking at each other and accusing one another of inappropriate language.

I knew it was coming...and I let it happen. I am writing this down as a reminder to myself next time Meg asks if more than one friend can sleep over.

The party was fun. They are quite an energetic bunch. Next year we're going to do something quiet. Like go to a yoga retreat, or a monastery.

I shouldn't complain...this is way better than what my parents dealt with when they were my age. I was a freshman in college, my sister was a senior in high school and my youngest sis was in eighth grade. Christmas and summer breaks were a nightmare for Mom and Dad. All three of us were out-god knows where-and my parents stayed up waiting for all of us!!!

I'll be 51 when Meg is a senior in high school. I think I'll have to sneak LoJack in her shoes so I can keep tabs on her. But for now-I know exactly where she is-8 years old, wide awake at 11 PM and gabbing with her two best friends. I should consider myself lucky.

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