9.25.2007

Cougars















Have you heard about Cougars? I just learned about them a few months ago from a friend's husband who works on Wall Street. Apparently Manhattan's hottest bars and clubs are swarming with them.

This is the definition of a cougar from Urban Dictionary.
1. Cougar
1960 up, 324 down

An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity -- particularly the true hotties -- as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together.

That cougar I met last night, showed me shit I didn't know existed, I'm goin back for more.

I see lots of Suburban Cougars (they might be categorized as milfs) trucking around my local mall. Most are married-so they aren't cruising for young studs. But they are very "well maintained." (See tomorrow's posting on "The Real Housewives of Orange County.") You know the look. Flat-ironed hair, Botoxed forehead, implants and high heeled sandals. They get microdermabrasion once a month and work with a personal trainer 3X a week. They drive Range Rovers or Mercedes GL-450 SUVs. They shop at BEBE and Loehmann's . French manicures or LCN on their fingers AND toes are standard issue.


It takes a lot of cash and effort to be a proper Cougar. I have enough trouble keeping my hair root free and putting on moisturizer at night.

If done right the Cougar thing can look damn good. There are lots of very subtle Cougars in my town who would never admit to any of these above treatments. Yet we all know that they travel into the city to meet with the top plastic surgeons and dermatologists to keep their youthful glow. How do we know for sure? Well, sadly enough some people confide in one person, who has a few glasses of wine at a party and then spills the beans. You know the rest. Word travels fast in a small town.

The current trend in self improvement makes it hard for the rest of us flat chested, slightly wrinkled, scalpel shy and financially challenged women in our 40s. I think Botox should be covered by Blue Cross dammit! In the meantime, I'll turn on my Buddhist DVD and learn to embrace the character lines I have accumulated. It's all about acceptance baby. Now pass me the Retin-A.


2 comments:

Tickled Pink & Green said...

Wasn't there some show recently (The Art of Love?) about the cougars vs. the kittens? Or something like that. The guy picked a kitten. (sigh)...

Love that pic of Anne! I once met her husband Mel Brooks! (oh there she goes again with her "I met so and so" stories)...ha ha.

Kricket said...

I just recently heard of cougars on another blog. I will soon be 35 and I'm fighting tooth and nail. (yes the are french manicured). Within the next couple of months I'll have had a hysterectomy, abdominoplasty to get rid of my pouch that housed 3 children, and my boobs lifted and added to. If that qualifies me as a cougar then..............ROAR!!!! Love your blog!!!

 
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