A couple of posts back I listed my New Year's Resolutions for 2009.

I'm not going to mention the ones I didn't achieve, but I will go over the progress I made in the past year.

I DID drink less Diet Coke and more water, although I still have lots of work to do in that department. Aspartame is poison. I need to stop ingesting large quantities of it.

I cut down on the cheap crap. I carefully thought about my purchases and I am working on building a wardrobe full of nice quality pieces that I can mix and match. Now I just have to purge the pile of crap on my guest room bed and get it all organized. Baby steps people.

Next step, focusing on decorating some of the rooms in my house that look like college dorm rooms.

I have been replacing negative thoughts with positive ones on a case by case basis. I've also been working on holding my tongue. Maybe someday I'll master the art of Zen. Once again, baby steps.

I will also be on Twitter alot less. Since my Blackberry broke I realize how distracting it is. Sorry to be a buzz kill, but it's bad for my brain.

Finally, I want to pick a charity to work with this year with my children. I'm torn between a local soup kitchen and the S.P.C.A. We're animal lovers so I'm leaning towards the S.P.C.A., but then I think maybe working with humans is more important. Any thoughts?

I'll leave you with a prayer I'm going to look at whenever I feel challenged in 2010. I'm sure you're seen it. It's The Serenity Prayer, and it's not just for people in AA. It's really simple, and so profound. Read it, and think about it. If we could all live it, our lives would improve.

Many of us spend too much time anxious about things we cannot change: the economy, the weather, traffic on the freeway, or people who annoy us. As a result, we don’t have the energy to make the most of the opportunities we do have. Recognizing the difference between what we can and cannot change can help us live more peaceful and productive lives.

The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Happy New Year.


Holiday Haunting

My girls got some Toys R Us gift cards this Christmas so I took them on a little shopping trip last night. As we walked down the toy aisle we stumbled upon a shelf full of Ouija boards.

I got all excited and grabbed one off the shelf. "Look at THIS! A Ouija board!!" I exclaimed.

Blank stares from the peanut gallery.

"What does it do??" My eldest daughter inquired.

"It's so cool, you can talk to ghosts...." stopping dead in my tracks, my daughters stared at me, wide eyed.

"Ghosts?" My six year old asked. "Are ghosts real?"

Aww shoot. Here we go.

"No of course there not, it's just for fun. You PRETEND ghosts are talking to you. Forget it, let's go look at DS games."

Bummer. How do you explain a Ouija board to your children without completely flipping them out? If you can think of a way, I'm all ears.

I remember spending countless sleepovers talking to Abe Lincoln on my friend's Ouija board. We would also levitate each other. Remember that? When one person would lie in the middle of the group and each person would put two finders under the victim. We would then repeat, "light as a feather, stiff as a board..."and then LIFT the victim up to the ceiling!!!

Good times.

At the time it seemed so NORMAL. When I tried to talk to my girls and their friend about it, it sounded just plain weird.

Am I the only weirdo around who played with one of these things as a kid?

I almost felt like buying myself a Ouija board and stashing it away, just for old times sake. Maybe I can invite some ladies from the PTA over to chat with George Washington and Jack the Ripper.

We could all wear pajamas, drink some wine and levitate each other.

Sounds like fun, right? WRONG.

Read this from Wikipedia:

Although ouija boards are viewed by some to be a simple toy, there are people who believe they can be harmful, including Edgar Cayce, who called them "dangerous."[24]

Some practitioners claim to have had bad experiences related to the use of talking boards by being haunted by "demons," seeing apparitions of spirits, and hearing voices after using them. A few paranormal researchers, such as John Zaffis, claim that the majority of the worst cases of so-called demon harassment and possession are caused by the use of Ouija boards. The American demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren stated that "Ouija boards are just as dangerous as drugs."[25] They further state that "séances and Ouija boards and other occult paraphernalia are dangerous because 'evil spirits' often disguise themselves as your loved ones—and take over your life."[25]

Demonic possession? Evil spirits harassing me and taking over my life? Why didn't anybody stop us when we were 12 years old? Were we in mortal danger and we didn't even know it?

Seriously, I would get really creeped out when we played with this thing.

Don't you think we should stop Parker Brothers from distributing this dangerous toy? I'm shaking in my boots just thinking about it! No wonder my daughters looked so disturbed.

Okay, somebody get me a Xanax.

(The previous post is an example of my adult A.D.H.D. I sat down to write my New Year's resolutions and this is what I came up with. Forget the Xanax, somebody get me some Adderall.)

Did I do it?

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas. We are taking a pit stop between Maryland and Vermont so I thought I'd pull out my New year's Resolutions from last year and see how I did.

Here they are...

1. Drink More Water Sounds like a no-brainer, so this is the resolution I'm most likely NOT to break. My sister has a book that says we should drink 2 gallons of water a day!!! That's alot of trips to the bathroom for the old Jillster, but I'm going to try to drink at least 8 glasses a day, and have better looking skin, less headaches, more energy and be in a better mood!!! My life is going to change, and it's all because I'll be drinking more water.

Okay...onto the next one.

2. Make some money. Both kids are in school, so the heat is on for momma to bring in some moola. As you know, my husband has me set up with a new business. We're still putting the finishing touches on it, but you WILL be getting details very soon. Will I break the resolution to bring in money? I certainly hope not, and I think my husband would love me so much more if I were bringing home the bacon AND frying it up it a pan.

3. Stop buying cheap crap I have a closet full of low budget purses that I picked up at Target and Old Navy. They give me a quick thrill because I love getting designer knock offs that I read about in Lucky Magazine, but the novelty ends quickly and the bags fall apart. Then I'm left with more clutter. I am going to make a concerted effort to buy good quality, classic pieces, that will last for years. This will be a toughie.

4. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. I'll admit. I think bad things. Like when someone is driving 20 miles an hour in the fast lane, I'll size them up and think, "What the f-ck are you doing you ugly red neck??" Or, I'll wake up and think. "I have so much g-d damn laundry to do. I'm so buried." From now on, when I'm thinking hostile thoughts, I'll replace them with upbeat positive ones, such as; "That unfortunate fellow. He must have done poorly in Driver's Ed. What a pity. And I really like the mud flaps on his 1978 Camaro. What a stylish chap." Or, "How lucky I am that I am healthy and, able to clean toilets, wash and fold laundry, mop the floors and take out the trash! I'm a very fortunate woman."

If I can keep this resolution I will be a ray of sunshine, who will brighten the lives of all I meet.

And finally...

5. Hold my tongue. I am a reactor. When something sets me off, I respond...INSTANTLY. From now on, I'm going to count to five, THINK and then take action, if necessary. And I will remember the words of the Greek philosopher, Epictetus

"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters."

Since I'm going to break them anyway, I might as go hog wild. Here goes...in addition to my list, I'm going to workout everyday and become a hard body. I'm going to work at a soup kitchen every Saturday and go to church every Sunday. I'm going to learn French. I'm going to keep my house spotless and make wild passionate love to my husband every night, AFTER I cook him a gourmet meal. I'm going to sew my own curtains....to be continued...

HAPPY 2009!!!

Sooo...which ones did I do? Which ones did I break? What do you think?

While you're guessing, I'll be busy making my 2010 resolutions. Catch y'all later.


Venting for Jesus...

Your voices have been heard. I feel like a high schooler with a bunch of friends who are a TERRIBLE influence, but since I want to hang out with the "cool crowd" I will bow to your will do a little Christmas vent.

I love the IDEA of Christmas in it's purest form.

The Christmas story is beautiful for its simplicity.

It’s a story of giving, of God coming to earth to make a way back for a fallen planet.

I wish we could find a way to keep Christmas about the quiet and and wonder of that wondrous night in Bethlehem.

Some say that Christmas isn't about Christ. I hate to break it to you folks, but the holiday is called CHRISTmas. And even if you're not a Christian, you can't deny that the original holiday was, in fact, a celebration of the birth of Jesus CHRIST.

In that vein, I often wonder what Jesus thinks of this whole debacle.

When the wise men came to Bethlehem to present the new savior with gifts do you think the sweet baby in swaddling clothes was pissed that he didn't get a Zhu Zhu pet?

Do you think the Wise Men spent countless hours driving from mall to mall and store to store maxing out their credit cards to buy a bunch of crap?

Did Mary demand a birthing gift from Joseph, maybe a David Yurman bracelet? Did Joseph yell at Mary for spending too much on a bunch of cashmere sweaters from J. Crew?

Hell no!!! Come on people. Jesus is a tolerant man, but I think he's stressing out right about now.

I don't think this is what God had in mind when he sent us his only son.

For most people this time of year is the exact opposite of that silent night in Bethlehem. It's all about the things that I hate; chaos, deadlines, way too much rushing around, piles of STUFF everywhere that I'm expected to organize, and absolutely no alone time to reflect or enjoy a moment of silence. (Or perhaps go on Facebook.)

In the midst of all the craziness, I have to remind myself to take a moment, and a deep breath, and remember the joy and magic my children are experiencing this time of year.

I sat at my daughter's holiday concert yesterday and looked at all the sweet faces singing holiday songs and all the proud parents adoring their children. THAT'S the stuff that makes Christmas special.

To make things even nicer, my husband decided to take us out to dinner, my daughter handed me the most adorable sweet Christmas card that she made just for me, and suddenly all the hustle and bustle and stress and pressure all seemed somehow manageable.

Peace On Earth.

Enjoy this special holiday. Give your loved ones a big hug, and take a quiet moment, if you can find one, to thank god for all your blessings.

And if someone steals your parking space at the mall, don't give them the finger. Just lean out your car window and wish them a "Happy Christmas."

And then, after they've gone into the mall, pour a milkshake all over their windshield.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Have yourself a merry little breakdown...

So after school yesterday, my six year old daughter Catherine told me a lovely Christmas story.

"Mommy, Christopher's mom is in the hospital. They were at their new house that they are building...she is really happy about the new house even though their dad ordered it. Well, she started acting really crazy, even though she wasn't drunk. Then she fainted. Now she's in the hospital."

Hmmm..1 huge house under construction...4 kids, 3 days before Christmas...mommy acts really nutty and passes out.

Now I'm not one to pry, but it sounds like SOMEONE could use a little Xanax. Or a few days of rest in a very special hospital. It really is perfect timing. It sounds like this woman is a genius.

Do you think they might have a room for me? ;)

Tis The Season to Plagiarize a Vent...

Since I'm so busy reflecting on the meaning of this wonderful season and the wonder of God's greatest gift to mankind...I'm too frazzled to write my vent, (right now) so in the meantime...here are some holiday rants I found on the internet...stay tuned for the Caffeine Court holiday rag...coming real soon to a computer screen near you!!! Remember...these are not written by me. (Mine is much worse...)

Christmas is great I guess if you're either a little kid or you're rich and can through money around on crap. None of those applies to me. I had wonderful warm family Christmases growing up...but those days are behind me now. If you love Christmas...good for you, seriously. No offense. I'm just venting here.

Buying shit. Having to buy shit. Not being able to afford shit. Charging shit. Returning shit. Buying shit to wrap shit in.

Holiday parties. I'm sorry.....no. Not for me. I spend 40 hrs a week with you motherf**kers and it's a treat for me to have to bring food from home that I have to spend money on and make and eat your funky ass food and pretend to like it and sit around together and make small talk and play little get to know you games and shit while I have an anxiety attack? How about this? NO. Why is it a custom to be forced to hang out with people I don't want to really on holidays? I'd rather just watch TV and smoke dope.

Eggnog. Yeah, I know lots of people like this shit, but I personally find eggs in general completely disgusting. A drink? F-ck no. Get your stinking eggnog away from me.

Christmas cards. I hate buying them, signing them, mailing them and getting them...well sorta. I mean it's kind of a nice thought...but again, it's spending money on a stupid thing just because and it's just gets either thrown out or recycled. A waste. Most people can't even write something original...it's printed on there for them and they just sign it. Wow...sincere.

I hate getting forced to attend midnight mass by my drunken Catholic relatives every Christmas eve.

Wow!! These people are bitter!!!


Have it YOUR way!

I only have one post left in me before Christmas, and I want to give my reader's what they want, just like my third favorite fast food restaurant Burger King.

So, here are you choices...

Would you like me to write a holiday gratitude post about all my Christmas blessings?

Or should I reveal my holiday stress/PMS angst with a holiday vent?

Remember...gratitude posts never get me into trouble. Vents are dangerous territory.

I'll leave it in your hands.


Went to Anthropologie...

And exchanged this:

Stormy Sea Necklace in Ivory ($48)

For this: From O'Keeffe Necklace...$48

As many times as I tried, I just couldn't pull off the first necklace. My husband and daughters looked flabbergasted when I put it on.

Too much! (For me.)

The second necklace looks sooo good on. Go ahead, go to Anthro. Tomorrow.

Try it on.

You'll be glad you did.


Don't let my rough exterior fool you....

As I travel from blog to blog I notice that so many people are sharing cute pictures of their holiday decorations and adorable holiday stories.

I, on the other hand, have stories about murderous dolls and drunk 4 year olds.

What is WRONG with me?

Why do I always have to be inappropriate?

Is there a psychoanalyst in the house?

I promise you, I do like Christmas.

Here are some of my favorite things about this time of the year.

1. I actually feel like going out and socializing. Don't get me wrong, once I get my butt out the door I ALWAYS have a good time, but sometimes I'm slow to commit. When Christmas comes around I feel the goodwill towards my fellow man, and I love to celebrate.

2. The excitement that my children feel.

3. Photo Christmas cards. I LOVE getting them and seeing how all my friends' and relatives' children have grown.

4. Our annual tradition of traveling to a farm in Pennsylvania and cutting down the family tree. So far the farmer hasn't caught us, so it's all good. ;)

There's more, but I'm sleepy, so I'm going to bed, with visions of sugarplums dancing in my nutty little head.

(Oh and one more thing, for as much as I love Thanksgiving and Christmas...I HATE New Year's Eve...seriously. HATE it.)

The Drunken 4 Year Old Who Stole Christmas...

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. (WTVC-TV) - A 4-year-old boy, beer in hand, is accused of stealing Christmas presents from his neighbors. It's a strange story, but also a sad one.

April Wright is 21 years old and is going through a divorce with her husband who is in jail. She says she is not sure how her 4-year-old managed to get out of the house, open a beer, and steal the neighbors presents from under their tree. Now she's just glad he's okay and says she won't let it happen again.

The child, Hayden Wright, was found around 1:45 am Tuesday, wandering the streets of his neighborhood. In a police reports, officers said he was wearing a little girl's dress and drinking a beer. The police report says the child had to taken to the hospital to be treated for alcohol consumption.

April Wright said, "Biggest concern was him being out there, getting kidnapped, getting run over, the alcohol, having to have his stomach pumped."

Wright says she woke up that night at 1:45 am and panicked when she found Hayden was gone. She says she put safety devices on all the doors so her kids couldn't get out, but Hayden was able to break the safety device off the doorknob and get outside.

Once out, Wright says her four year old followed his father's footsteps and was found on Blue Spruce Road, drinking.

"He runs away trying to find his father," she said. "He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that's where his daddy is."

The Hamilton County Sheriff's Office report says Hayden rang the doorbell a few houses down and the neighbor answered, finding the child holding a partially consumeed 12-ounce beer.

Wright said, "He got it out of my father's cooler in the back and how he got it open I don't understand because it was one of those tab beers."

But it doesn't stop there. The report said Hayden then snuck into a neighbor's house through an unlocked front door, and stole five wrapped Christmas gifts. One was a girl's brown dress which Hayden was wearing when police found him.

"Going to the neighbor's house and taking their presents, very embarrassing," said April.

She admits she was not just embarrassed, but scared, and rushed to the hospital that night with Hayden. She said she tries to be a good mother and loves her son, but now feels like a failure.

"Kids do things like this and it's out of your control, you can do the best you can as a mother, everyone makes mistakes, it was an honest mistake," she said.

Wright did meet with child protective services today who told her she will get to keep custody of Hayden.


Nightmares Before Christmas...

So I got the elf. His name is Fred.

So far nothing bad has happened.

He moves around A LOT, and this morning, I caught him sitting on top of my laptop with a really pissed off look in his shifty blue eyes.

I think he read my last post.

Can elves read? I certainly hope not.

Or I'm in BIG trouble.


Freaky Psychotic Little Elf on the Shelf...

Have you seen him? The demonic little fellow with a mischievous look on his face?

Meet the Elf on the Shelf.

My neighbor introduced me to hers today and I was afraid to get near him. Just look at him. I don't trust this face for one minute. He looks like pure evil.

According to tradition...

this antique-style Elf, has an important job. This Elf is assigned to watch over your family and report back to Santa each night about who has been naughty or nice that day. By morning he's back but he's in a different place in the house for a daily hide-and-seek ritual that will delight your kids and adults alike.

Does that sound like Chucky or what?

My six year old daughter wants one. REALLY BADLY. I tried to discourage her, but she won't stop asking.

I guess I'll have to bring this scary little dude into my house, but I'm telling you, once the kids go to bed, I'm locking him outside. He might give Santa a bad report...

But I'm not taking any chances....


I'm so random.

You know that your blog is plummeting downhill when you resort to writing about foul, smooshy, bars of soap.

Unfortunately, I'm a fly by the seat of my pants kind of person. I run my blog, like I run my life, jumping from thing to thing.

Maybe the ladies at BlogHer will ask me to run a panel this summer. They could call it "How to Run a Blog with the Least Amount of Effort." or "Blogging Without Substance."

If you would like to attend a panel headed up by me, please contact the folks at BlogHer.

On another note, I've had some requests to review the MTV show "Jersey Shore." I have not been focused enough to actually watch the show in it's entirety, but I did catch some clips.

As a resident of the Garden State, I can tell you that while this show does not represent the majority of NJ's population, it is, in fact, very indicative of the inhabitants of Seaside Heights. I live a mere 45 minutes north of this pit of debauchery.

When we first moved to the area, I took my husband to Seaside here to show him, the sights. He wouldn't get out of the car. We felt like we were at the Drive-Through Safari at Six Flags.

I forced him to get his khaki clad butt out of the vehicle and up on the boardwalk where we marveled at the drunk, drugged up, scantily clad creatures who prowl the boards in search of a hook up.

The people on this show are actually BETTER than most of the people hanging out on the beaches of Seaside Heights in the summer.

Do I sound like a snob? If I do, then you've never visited Seaside. Trust me, it doesn't take a snob to be flipped out by the scene down there.

I'll leave you with an excerpt from the "Jersey Shore" web page.

If you’ve never pierced your privates or globbed on hair gel by the liter, then you might not be familiar with all of the Jersey Shore slang that was spewing about in the first two episodes.

For instance, with a little practice, anybody can be a slut, but in order to be considered a 'Jersey Shore [BLEEPING BLEEPING] slut,' one must consume at least four glasses of Ron Ron Juice. This typically leads to the removal of panties in a hot tub and the addition of another ‘BLEEPING’ to your slut label.

Thanks to Snooki, we were also introduced to the term ‘Princess Guidette.' Unlike regular princesses that typically kiss frogs, a ‘Princess Guidette’ apparently likes to lock lips with drunk fools.

‘The Situation’ that Mike found himself in with Ronnie was a ‘C**k Blocking’ situation, a term that was used quite a bit thanks to self-proclaimed ‘C**k Blocker’ Angelina. If you’ve never heard of a Co**k Block, then congratulations, because that means you probably don’t know what blue balls are either.

I'm sure there's lots more to be covered, so if you’d like a half-assed definition of any more Jersey Shore Slang Terms that you heard on the first two episodes, jot them down in the comments and I’ll get back to you as soon as I finish man-scaping. (Note to Pauly D: Thanks for the inspiration.)

'Nuff said.


Soap Talk

This has been on my mind, so I thought I might as well share it with you.

I've been thinking alot about soap. I wash my hands alot. Especially lately, with all the talk about H1N1.

I go to the supermarket and the drugstore a couple of times a week. As I browse the soap aisle I never EVER buy bar soap anymore. I just find it gross.

I don't mind it straight out of the package, but once it's been used, it gets so foul! I hate the way it gets all soft and mushy and it never completely dries. I also hate when it gets little hairs stuck in it. Who's hair is that? If you get little hairs on the soap, make sure you get rid of them for god's sake!!!

We also travel and visit relatives pretty often and we have overnight guests frequently. I do NOT want to offer my guests my smooshy used soap to use in our guest shower. Who knows what people do with that bar of soap?

Seriously. I am not a neat freak, but that is just plain gross.

I did some research, and my hatred of bar soap is not really valid. Pump soap can have just as much germs.

Bottom line is, if you ever come visit me, you will have a nice fresh tube of shower gel to use when you step into my bathroom.

I can't promise that you won't step in dog puke, but I can assure you that you will never, EVER, have to wash your face with a bar of soap that's cleaned the private parts of another person.

Pinky swear.


A little shmoozing....

My new (old) tennis team captain had the members of the team over today to her waterfront home for a little Christmas lunch.

She plied us with jumbo shrimp, fine wine, sushi, and a tower of desserts.

I loved every minute of it.

If she keeps up this treatment she might have me for life.

Is it too good to be true?

Stay tuned...


Garbanzo Beans

When's the last time you said "Garbanzo Beans?"

I'll bet you can't remember.

Let's say it together...

"Garbanzo Beans....Garbanzo Beans...."

Now, say it with a fun accent...perhaps French or Italian....ready? GO!!!

"Garbanzo Beans...Garbanzo Beans..."

Wasn't that fun?

Not only is it fun to SAY "Garbanzo Beans" they are also really good for you!

This might be hard to believe, but I, the original junk food junkie, have been eating large quantities of Garbanzo Beans lately.

My husband turned me onto them and if you bake them in the oven on a baking sheet at 350 degrees for 20 minutes they make a delicious healthy snack.

Here are some more Garbanzo Bean facts:

Garbanzo Beans or chickpeas are the most widely consumed legume in the world. Originating in the Middle East, they have a firm texture with a flavor somewhere between chestnuts and walnuts. Garbanzo beans are usually pale yellow in color. In India there are red, black, and brown chickpeas.

Chick pea and garbanzo bean are 2 names for the same thing (Cicer arietinum) a member of the Pea family (Fabaceae). They are also called ceci (Italy), Egyptian pea, gram, Kichererbse (Germany), and revithia (Greece).

Garbanzo is the name used in Spanish speaking countries. The English name chickpea comes from the French chiche, which comes from the Latin cicer.

Chickpeas or garbanzo beans have 361 calories per 100g, and are rich in carbohydrates, proteins, phosphorus, calcium and iron.

So, go buy yourself a big old bag of Garbanzo Beans and enjoy a yummy snack that is fun to say, delicious to eat, and oh so healthy.

This post was brought to your buy the World Garbanzo Bean Growers Association.


A tennis post (with a little bit of bitchy thrown in)

Those of you readers who participate in USTA tennis may or may not know that the new ratings came out this week. This year was quite a shocker for many of us in the tennis world.

There was a huge surge of people who got bumped up a notch and the clubs are buzzing.


I keep expecting Jeff Probst to walk out to start tribal council.

The e-mails are flying, my phone is ringing, and secret lunch meetings are being arranged.

All the team captains are trying to secure the best players. There is a lot of whispering going on.

Last year I played on a team full of amazingly nice women. The only catch was, I could only play singles.

One of my best friends called me and made me an offer I feel I can't refuse. She said if I go back to her team, (which I played on years ago) I can play doubles with two of my favorite doubles partners (who I happen to be good friends with) and play singles too. She's co-captain of the team, so she said I can help her make the lineups for each match. If this is true, it's awesome.

The hard part? Saying goodbye to my old team, full of really sweet ladies, where I am low man on the totem pole into a perfect situation for me, but with a team captain who is not well liked in the ladies tennis world.

Did you follow that?

Tennis is easy.

Tennis politics? THAT will kill you.


An educational post...

Since today is the Monday following a long holiday weekend, and we're all a bit burnt out from travel, family interactions and chowing down, I thought I'd give you a little history lesson.

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I love the f-word. There are so many great ways to use it, as this video confirms.

I try not to use it too much, since it's not very ladylike, and I am nothing if not refined. Really, I AM!! And if you say otherwise, than F YOU!!! (I'm kidding...you know I love you.)

Before we continue, clear the room of all the kiddies, crank up the volume, and enjoy.


Something for everyone...AKA "The Look for Less"

I thought I'd hold off on posting until Monday, but since it's almost Black Friday, I had to give you some shopping info.

First off, Preppy Player directed my attention to this J. Crew Long Boyfriend Blazer and the minute I saw it, I loved it. At $215 I thought I'd wait until Christmas and get it as a gift. (Although J. Crew is having a 20% off sale this weekend, so you can get it for $175.)

But then, I saw this...

...at Ann Taylor Loft. The Bi-Stretch wool blazer for $128. This blazer is almost IDENTICAL to the J. Crew one. The only difference I saw was the thin belt that came with it, which I hated, so I threw it away. The day I bought this Loft was having a 30% off sale, so I snagged this baby for less than $90. (Sorry the picture is so small, it's all I could get.)

Next up, jewelry. I have been eyeing up this Anthroplogie Stormy Sea necklace for quite some time. My friend Jenny has it in the Sea Foam version. (No longer available) and I love the way it looks on her.

Then I saw NieNie wearing it on The Today Show and I had to have it. I went into Anthropologie and tried on the latest version in this cream color. Bummer. It looked stupid on me. Some people remove a couple of stones from the ends and they say that can make a difference. You might try that.

What I did find was this necklace. The Anthroplogie Radiant Necklace. It comes in this gorgeous berry color, and an awesome pale slate blue.

It was so hard to decide, but since I could only get one, I went with the slate. It was on sale for $28, on-line it's still $48, so I guess I got lucky!!

I might go back for the berry in a few weeks.

So there you have it. If you are out and about this shopping weekend, take a trip to Ann Taylor Loft, J. Crew and Anthropologie. Compare and contrast these items, and then let me know how it all turned out for you.

In return, I hope you will let me in on any of your latest fashion finds.

We fashionistas need to look out for eachother! (Yeah, that's right, I called myself a fashionista...you got a problem with that?)


You knew I had to do it!!

It's that time of year again. The time to take a moment to give thanks for all our blessings.

So, without further ado, here are some things I'm thankful for, some profound, and some shallow as can be!!

1. My beautiful daughters who I love more than words can ever express.

2. My amazing husband who I don't always appreciate enough. (And is hopefully sitting somewhere thinking about how damn lucky he is that he has me!) Thank goodness we came into each others' lives. We both put up with a lot, but in the end, we both know we will always be there for each other and we've had a ton of fun along the way. (Yeah, I know CORNY!!)

3. Discovering the flatiron and hair straightening products. After I had children my hair took on some strange twists and turns. Many days I would let it air dry and walk around with big pieces sticking up to and fro. (Pun intended.) Since my awakening, I now sport smooth, frizz free locks. Thank you sweet Lord.

4. Tennis. Thank goodness I got back into it 6 years ago. I love everything about it, and if I come back in another life I want to be a child who picks up a racket at the age of 2 and trains non stop at the Bollettieri Tennis Academy. Don't tell me that it's not good for kids. It's my reincarnation and that's what I want!!!

5. My blog friends. I love that I have so many people who I can turn to make me laugh, give me fashion advice, debate politics with and who give me a peek into their lives each and every day. Isn't it amazing that people from so many different backgrounds and parts of the world can get together everyday for a little visit? So much fun.

6. The last things I'll mention are some goodies that I can't live without:, my "Mother's Little Helpers," Diet Coke, the Keurig coffee maker and my friend Kate's amazing peanut brittle. Each one is such a pick me up for me, when I need a boost and they're all legal.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

Catch you on Monday.


Growing Up and Hating It....

Here is the story you've all been waiting for.

My daughter and the girls in her 5th grade class were paraded to the nurse's office on Tuesday for "The Talk."

You know what I'm talking about. Anyone who went to public school remembers the moment in 5th or 6th grade, when the boys got sent to the gym and the girl's headed to the nurse and they all learned "the facts of life."

The boys were educated about wet dreams and the girls learn about breast buds and periods.

When I was a youngster we received the book "Growing Up and Liking It." See the cover above? That is the EXACT cover of the book I had. My friends and I used to pull it out every once in awhile for laughs.

Someday I'll tell you some of my goofy adolescent stories. We were very inappropriate.

We also got a sample belt and pad the size of a Sealy Posturepedic mattress. They came in a little blue box. Freaky.

Anyway, my daughter's nurse added a little twist to the period talk that I never experienced.

A tampon demonstration.

Before you scream, or call protective services, she didn't actually show them how a tampon REALLY works. What she did do, unknowingly, is to cement in the girls' minds that they want to use pads. FOREVER.

She took out a tampon, removed in from the applicator, stuck it under running water and showed the girls how it E-X-P-A-N-D-S and absorbs moisture.

They were informed that if they laughed or snickered they would be ejected from the demonstration.

Wow. What a challenge that must have been.

The minute my daughter got into my minivan after school, she informed me that she is AFRAID of getting her period. I guess the vision of a tampon the size of a cow's udder sitting in her privates was a bit shocking.

Great job Nursey.

In a couple of years it will be time for the birth control talk.

Maybe she can show them a video of a woman experiencing natural childbirth. Or better yet, maybe she can attach a condom to the faucet to show them how much liquid THAT holds.

And they better not laugh.

Tampons, condoms and wet sheets are serious business.

And don't you forget it.


OMG!! I almost forgot I have a blog...

Between my stomach bug on Sunday, and my bout with Bronchitis on Tuesday, I have seriously shirked my responsibilities as an active blogger.

With that in mind, I will now write a post. Before I do, I'd like to ask for your assistance. I don't make any money, or receive freebies for writing, but what I do get in return for my efforts is the wisdom and advice passed on to me by my blog fiends.

I wish I could take each and every one of you on a shopping excursion to find my Christmas gift, but since I can't, the next best thing is a virtual shopping trip.

You're going to have to use your imagination. Imagine you and I meeting at The Grove, in Shrewsbury, NJ. First off we hit the Starbucks. I will get a Venti Vanilla Rooibos and I will buy you the piping hot beverage of your choice.

We will proceed to catch up on each other's lives. When we he have finished our $7 cups of steaming hot yumminess, we will proceed over to the Coach store, where my friend works, to pick out a bag, which she will purchase for me at 50% off.

So many choices!!! Which do I get?

The very basic Kristin zip top tote in black???

The Audrey in gunmetal?

Or perhaps the Maggie in plum?

Here is the front runner...the textured metallic Claire. What do you think?

Maybe you hate all my choices and you sway me in another direction.

No matter what, I know you have GREAT taste and will help me make the right decision.

Next time: I promise to entertain you with a story about "THE TALK" my 5th grader and the girls in her class had with the school nurse.


The Thrill of Victory, The Agony of a Brazilian Wax

There are certain advantages to having a stomach bug, one of which is the ability to surf the net all day long, in between trips to the loo.

Since I was feeling under the weather today, I had the chance to sign up for Google Wave, tend to my Farm, Cafe and Island on Facebook and read up on all the latest news on-line.

In my cyber travels, I happened upon this little gem. The Lingerie Football League. "True Fantasy Football."

Yes, Dr. Zibbs, you heard me correctly. Ladies lingerie football. Some of the teams include the Miami Caliente, The San Diego Seduction, The Philadelphia Passion and our local favorite, The New York Majesty. Oh and yes, we can't forget The Denver Desire, which plays at Dick's Sporting Goods Park. You can't make this stuff up people.

Apparently most of the players have experience in other college level competitive sports such as volleyball, track and field, softball, or soccer. The most important thing though, is that they look good in the skimpy little uniforms. Take a look:

I am totally serious when I tell you that the ex-captain of my ladies tennis team would hike her tennis skirt up as short as these uniforms and assume a frog like position between points. NOT A GOOD LOOK. Oh and P.S. She does NOT look like these ladies.

Does this post have a point? Not really, but I'm going to come up with something.

OH!! Here's a good point. As I stated earlier. These ladies all competed in athletics at the college level. Now look at them.

So here's my point. If you have an athletic daughter, make sure she gets good grades and lines up a good job after college.

Seriously, after all the years of hard work, determination and personal sacrifice it takes to become a collegiate athlete, would you want your daughter playing for the Dallas Desire?


There's Something About Rachel...

It cracks me up that in my last post I said that I yell at my kids all the time, let them stay up too late and feed them crappy food, and no one says a peep.

I mention that someone wears an ascot, and the comment box starts buzzing!!!

Lest you think I'm an abusive mother, my description of myself was a bit of an exaggeration. Although I have to tell you, I do yell at least a couple times a day.  It's a legacy.  My mom did it, my sisters do it, and most of my friends do it.  Has it scarred our children?  Absolutely not. They take it in stride, just like a baby lion cub when it's mom swats it.  It's all part of the interaction between mother and child.

So here is the moment you've been waiting for.  Let's talk snobs.

In my opinion, people with new money do tend to be the most flashy  but they are not, by any means, the only snobs in town.

I think snobs come in all socioeconomic groups.  There are social climbing snobs, who want to show you what they have and will only associate with people who they think can do something for them.  There are old money snobs, who think they are born better than everyone else and although they might be driving a 20 year old Mercedes, and wearing old loafers, they still spend their time trying to keep certain "less desirable" types out of their fancy clubs.

Then there are the reverse snobs who look down on people with money.  They have disdain for those who strive for nice homes, fancy cars and expensive clothes and take great pride in talking about how they don't "need" all that stuff, and passing judgement on those who do.

The bottom line is that they are pompous and self righteous.

So, without further ado, I'll tell you about some of the characters in my life.

Today, I'll tell you about Rachel (not her real name.)  Since I don't know who reads this, I'm going to describe some of my characters in my vague terms.

Rachel has been friends with a good friend of mine since childhood.  They have children that are exactly the same age and they live very close to each other.  Rachel and my friend Sarah, are very, very different and yet their friendship endures.

Rachel is pretty much one of the most phony people I have ever met.  As phony as she is, she still can't manage to hide her disdain for me.  I feel the same way. We do not click...AT ALL, but the conversations seem to work just fine if I let her brag.  Our common thread is that we are both very close with Sarah.  That's where the similarities end.

She is the kind of person, who gets whatever she wants, no matter what the cost.  Her poor husband looks like a beaten man.  He had better provide Rachel with Nanette Lepore dresses, a Mercedes SUV and a huge house stone mansion with a pool and three acres of land.  OR ELSE.

Rachel likes to talk about how Jerry NEVER says no to her.  He tried it, once, when she wanted to get a puppy.  She was shocked and told him that if he felt the need to refuse her, she would find a way to work around it.  Needless to say, she got the puppy.  

Her kids are pure evil.  They are the kind of kids who poke other kids in the eye when no one is looking.  I worry whenever my kids are alone with them.

Oh, and she "works" for her parent's business.  Which means she has a nanny to take care of her kids while she dresses up and pretends to go into her "job." But actually spends the day shopping.  (Which she claims to hate...she absolutely HATES shopping!! Yeah right.)

Oh and all that money her mom and dad have...well, Sarah has informed me that much of it has been gained through not paying taxes.  Sarah's husband tried to set up the sale of Rachel's parents business, but when the big corporation wanted to look at the books, Rachel's parents panicked and backed out, because the books were cooked and they would go to jail if anyone saw the way they lied about how much they make.

Her defense, "We wouldn't make any money if we paid taxes!!!"


Do you know what Rachel wants now?  A villa.  In Italy.  

That's right.  Because one of her best friends (who is truly loaded and can afford it) has one, so she wants one too.  Jerry better get working a little bit harder, and Rachel better hope the IRS never catches on to her little tax evasion scheme, or the only villa Rachel will be living in will be one with bars on the wall, and I don't think prison uniforms are designed by Nanette Lepore.

Will Rachel get her villa in Italy?  Will anyone call the IRS and report mom and dad?  Will Jerry decide to run for the hills?

Only time will tell.  I can tell you this.  The next time Sarah invites me over for dinner and tells me that Rachel will be joining us, I will NOT be in attendance.  Life is too short to spend listening to some wench brag about her latest hair treatment.  Too short indeed.


News Flash!!!

Great news.  

Despite the fact that I yell at my kids too much, let them watch too much TV, buy them too many Webkinz, feed them the wrong kind of food and let them stay up late, they got their report cards today and the results were FABULOUS!!!

I guess there's something to be said for good genes.  (From my husband's side of course!)

More soon, my computer is going haywire.  I know, I promised to bust on the annoying nouveau riche people (who wear ascots) in my town, trust me, I will, as soon as I contact technical support about my f-ed up computer!


I've gotta be me!!! (And you've gotta be you....)

Okay, so continuing on....

after I finished writing yesterday's post, I got to thinking. In order to win the approval of some of these social climbers I've mentioned, I would need to make some changes in my life.

I'd probably have to get a nicer car. I'd need to buy more furniture for my house and throw some big shindigs with a band and a caterer. I would need to go on ski vacations whenever we have a long weekend and step it up with my kids so that they are superstars on whatever sports team they play on. Rec sports aren't enough for these ladies, if your child isn't on the TRAVEL team, then they just aren't cutting it. I'd have to for girl's nights at nice restaurants and talk about my shoes, and my yoga classes and the which spa resorts are the best.

If I did all that my husband would kill me. But I guess I could push him a little harder, like these ladies do to their husbands, so that I can be provided with all the things, that according to THEM, I deserve.

My husband and children might get pushed over the edge, but all these ladies would like me...and isn't that what matters? Being liked by the "right people?"

But wait! If THESE ladies liked me, then what would I do abut the people I know who's philosophy in life is the exact opposite? Then THEY would judge the hell out of me. Some of them already do, simply because I play tennis twice a week and had a cleaning lady many moons ago.

You can't win. Unless....you are happy with who you are. Which is what I'm working on.

So yes, those who judge...I see you rolling your eyes, I pick up on your snide comments. I'm trying very hard to ignore it, because sometimes I have to sit next to you at a dinner party, or soccer game. We can suffer sitting side by side because we share the same friends, but let's be honest...it's as painful for me to listen to you, as it is for you to listen to me.

I am who I am. Maybe I'm not the same as you, but let's face the obvious. If we were all the same, life would be a bore.

So In order to make life more tolerable for all of us, I'll make you a deal. To you, Mrs. Snobby Social Climber...I'll try to appreciate your love for the finer things in life, I'll rejoice in all your children's achievements on the sports fields and I'll be happy for you when you get a new Range Rover. Maybe, from you, I can learn to be a bit more ambitious. Thank you for teaching me abut the power of perseverance and determination.

To you, Mrs. Simple Life. I'll admire your focus on your family, your incredible ability to stay calm. I applaud you for not letting your children watch The Disney Channel. or play on Club Penguin. GOOD FOR YOU!!! From you, I'll learn to concentrate fully on my daughters. Thank you for teaching me to be less selfish.

In return, I'd appreciate it if you would stop judging me because I don't do things exactly the way YOU do.

Just because you THINK you know what's going on it someone else's life, doesn't mean you DO know.

Yes, I lose my temper, at my kids sometimes. Yes, my house is not always spotless. I work hard, but I also take the time to blog and go on Facebook. Oh, and I am under pressure too. We all are.

Bottom line is, I am very thankful that I have two awesome daughters and a great husband, who LOVE me, and eachother. Who are happy and healthy and most importantly, are KIND to others.

So cut me a break and maybe, just maybe, you can learn something from someone as imperfect and different from you as me.

I am who I am and you are who you are.

We can either choose to take it.

Or leave it....

In my next post, I PROMISE to give specifics on some of the ladies I'm referring to...there are some DOOZIES!!! But I really shouldn't judge, should I? ;)


Nothing worse than a stale blog post...

EXCEPT...having a GREAT blog post all lined up, but being to busy to actually write it! I was so fired up last week, and I should have vented while I was hot, but I just couldn't, and now...well, time has passed and I'm just not as annoyed.

I can tell you this. I love my friends, but I don't always love their taste in friends. Unfortunately every once in awhile, I am forced to interact socially with some people I would love to avoid like the plague.

(This is good, I can feel the my angry juices starting to flow....I'd better keep going...)

Have I told you about my town? If I haven't, I'll give you a little background. I live in a town where 80% if the people are loaded...if they aren't loaded, alot of them want to appear to be loaded. We have alot of Wall Streeters and they live in huge homes, with lots of land, take amazing trips, work out at the nicest gyms and have tennis courts and pools in their yards...(in addition to their country club memberships.)

I live in the part of town that actually has a teeny tiny bit of diversity. My neighborhood is NOT full of investment bankers. I tend to hang out with people in my own tax bracket. It's weird, but it just kind of works out that way.

I LOVE where I live. It's gorgeous, close to NYC, and the beach, the schools are awesome and my taxes are low. I do my thing and don't spend my time kissing people's butts, trying to get into the right clubs or attending fundraisers every Saturday night. To some people, that makes me of no use to them. They prefer to hob nob with people they deem "worthy" of their time.

What really stinks is when I have to sit next to these losers and make conversation at a cocktail party or girl's night out.

To be continued...


The moment you've all been waiting for...

The official drawing is complete and we have a winner...

Congratulations to Kel at CafeKel for winning the $25 Starbucks card!!

Kel correctly guessed that the three bloggers I have had actual conversations with are:

Mrs. K who is a fierce competitor and gave me some awesome tennis tips during my singles slump last spring.

Clemson Girl who couldn't stand just reading my blog and corresponding via Facebook and decided to take our relationship to the next level.


And the artist formerly known as Mommyvents who is now blogging under a new name which I am not authorized to disclose. I love her already and I'm so glad she lives 5 minutes from me. Maybe, just maybe, we'll actually get really crazy and meet for a cup of coffee one of these years.

Kel, shoot me an e-mail at: jillyou@verizon.net give me your address and I'll get that card out to you next week, when I return from my brother in law's impending nuptials in Vermont.

Speaking of that...let's talk about my my brother in law. After 45 years of bachelorhood, he has met the woman of his dreams and is making it official.

He reads this blog, so if you have any advice for someone entering into marriage...have at it!

I'll catch you all next week....I'll be off line, nursing my very sick daughter back to health and then partying for 3 straight days in the Green Mountain State!

When I return, I'm going to do a little venting of my own. Have I ever told you about some of the snobby social climbers in my town? No??? Well get ready for an ear full next week.

I'm on fire baby!


My girls...

I'm sitting up completely wired from too much candy and excitement, so I thought I'd share a few Halloween photos with you.

Apparently I'm not up with the times in my neighborhood, because lots of houses were offering beer, wine and vodka to the adults. Who knew? Apparently I didn't get the memo.

Anyway, don't forget to check out my previous post.

Guess the identities of the bloggers I've actually had a conversation with and you could win a $25 Starbucks Card!! For me, that's WAY better than candy OR vodka.

Good luck.

(oh and by the way, my daughters are the goth girls...the other gals are their bestest friends...)


The Antisocial Blogger...

Some Caffeine Court blog stats:

Number of years blogging: 2

Number of bloggers I've met face to face: 0

Number of bloggers I've actually had a conversation with: 3

Pretty sad huh?

But I HAVE been making progress! As of a few months ago the number of bloggers I've actually had a conversation with was at ZERO.

So now it's time for a little contest.

Can you guess which 3 bloggers I
talked to on the phone?

I'll give you some hints.

Blogger #1 is a tennis player and mom to one gorgeous daughter. She's a world traveler and you could bounce a quarter off her husband's abs.

Here's a quote from her blog: Finally living my happily ever after in my own little tropical paradise. I am a mother first, recently married, I curse a lot, and yeah we're just a little nuts.

Blogger #2 is a complete hoot. This girl is pure energy and personality. You can't help but smile when you talk to her. Oh, and she's sooo SOUTHERN. I felt like Carmela Soprano compared to her.

Here's a quote from HER blog: "a willingly transplanted Midwestern girl living in the South." "...you'll either love me or hate me, but you'll laugh either way."

I am most ashamed that I have never met Blogger #3 in person. She lives 5 minutes from my house. She is a runner and an avid reader. She also writes for a couple of websites under an alias. We discussed attending BlogHer together this summer and one day VERY soon, we are going to meet for coffee.

And finally, a hint from Blogger #3's blog: "A place where I can vent about mommy hood without annoying my husband."

So there you have it.

Just to make things interesting, I'm going to offer a little prize to one random commenter who attempts to guess the identities of Bloggers 1, 2 and 3.

In keeping with the theme of my blog, the lucky winner will receive a $25 Starbucks Gift Card!!!

*APPLAUSE* yeah, I know, $25 doesn't get you far at Starbucks...but what do you expect from me? I'm not made of money!

Here are the rules.

1. If you happen to be Blogger 1, 2 or 3, you can't enter. (Sorry, it's the price you pay for being my friend...)

2. If you are related to me and you know the answer, you can't enter. But I WILL buy you a latte the next time I visit. If you DO guess and ruin the contest, I'll kick your butt next time I visit.

3. The contest ends Sunday, November 1st at 11:59 PM.

Now a little legal junk:

Caffeine Court is not liable for any burnt tongues or over caffeination and jitters caused by products purchased with the Starbucks gift card. Also, remember that there are alot of empty calories in some of those triple pump frappuccinos.

Contest not valid in Bangladesh, Greenland and the Czech Republic. Many will enter, one will win.

Let the games begin!!!


Torn Between Two Sluggers...

Tonight's the night...game one of the Turnpike Series...Yanks vs. Phils!! And I'm torn...I feel like Richard Williams must feel when Serena and Venus play each other in the Ladies' Finals at Wimbledon.

My two favorite baseball teams have both risen to the top, but only one will be World Series Champion.

Who do I pick? The team I loved and watched many times at Veteran's Stadium while growing up in West Chester, Pennsylvania, or the local favorite here in Northern Jersey?

Who do I choose???

I feel like Meryl Streep in "Sophie's Choice."

Sometimes life can be very, very, cruel.


The Internet and Me: A Love Story

The other night, as I sat typing away on my laptop pretending to watch the Yankees game, I realized how much the internet has meant to me over the years.

A little video montage played in my head, picture it with Kenny Rogers, singing softly in the background. Do you hear it? NO??? Try turning up the volume on your computer. Hear it now?? There you go!!

Flashback...1995, me, with my then boyfriend (now husband's laptop) dialing up and discovering the joys of AOL. 1997...engaged and planning my wedding on "The Knot."

Fast forward to 1999 and I'm sitting with an infant on my lap, looking at the Baby Center message boards and playing "Strike a Match" on Boxer Jam while nursing my new daughter.

Oh look! There I am ordering all my Christmas gifts on Amazon to avoid bringing a 3 month old to the mall! There I am again, getting scolded by my husband for having Amazon wrap all my presents for my at $3.50 per gift!!

It's now 2006 and I discover the world of blogs. See me sit at a desk reading "Suburban Cupcake."

Time flies by, it is now 2007, I look a little older, but I'm still on-line...this time starting my own blog.

The love affair continues into 2009. My blog is now 2 years old, and I have found yet another love. Facebook. Not the Facebook where I look at other people's pictures and reconnect.

Oh noooo. The Facebook that's a "Club Penquin" for adults. The world of Farmville (NOT Farm Town) Island Paradise and Bejeweled.

Oh and don't forget to notice my husband and children in the background, looking neglected.

The video wouldn't be complete without that.

I would be remiss, if I neglected to mention my BlackBerry. Words can't express the love I feel for my sweet, sweet little BlackBerry.

If find myself getting very emotional, so I leave you with Kenny....


If you want to do something right...

you HAVE to do it yourself!!

Lately there has been critiquing of certain blogs by other bloggers. It's kind of turned into a big drama, so I've decided that I'm going to critique my own blog and that way no one else has to do it for me.

Here goes:

How about Jill over at Caffeine Court? What a bore!! She is so obsessed with boots! And tennis! Who the hell CARES if she won a tennis match? Who wants to hear about the stupid byotches on her team?

What kind of psycho has THREE dogs AND a cat?!!! That's just gross.

Oh and the way she criticizes Obama! Obama is a wonderful man! She must be very, VERY selfish to oppose health care reform.

To top it off, she live in JERSEY. I mean need I say more?!!!

I won't even go into her grammar! Has she ever heard of spellcheck, or editing? What a lazy wench. She has such a messy closet. She should spend less time on Facebook and more time cleaning up her house.

And she's always posting pictures of her hair. Once again...WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR HAIR JILL!!!??? So annoying.

And her clothes! She dresses like a 12 year old boy. Get rid of the hoodies and jeans, put on something cute woman!!! Have some pride.

I could go on and on. Bottom line is, her blog sucks.

Once more thing...she has a fat stomach. Maybe she should do some sit-ups.

There you go.

If you have anything to add, just click the little comment button.


Caffeine Court: It's All About ME!!!

This is MY blog, so I'm going to talk about ME. When I'm done you can talk about yourself, OR we can keep talking about ME.

The following is stuff that I've been dealing with.

My hair: After trying to grow it long, I caved and now it's SHORT again. Oh well. I can spend a few months trying to grow it out again, and then I'm sure I'll butcher it again. That's just what I do.

My dogs: It appears that the flea infestation of my home is under control. On Monday I was ready to snap, but I soldiered on...spraying, vacuuming, shampooing and washing. Please pray for us. If they come back I might just lose my sh*t.

Tennis: Things in the tennis department are good. I might have to get a sports agent to negotiate my team play. There's already wheeling and dealing going on for the Spring season, and I'm not sure I'm prepared to handle it. It's a pressure cooker and I have alot of demands that I want met. I hope I make the right choice.

Fashion: I've had a fixation on the J. Crew catalog and I can't stop looking at it. I wonder how I would look wearing 3 chunky necklaces, a ruffly shirt, boyfriend jeans, bright ankle socks and pumps. I think I know the answer. Only 20 year old hot models can pull off that look. Middle aged housewives look asinine in 3 chunky necklaces, a ruffly shirt, boyfriend jeans, bright ankle socks and pumps.

So there you go. I'll bet this post makes you long for one of my political rants. I've been holding off on that. Why? Because some of the nuttiness that's been going on is quite frankly too much for me to take, so I'll just stick to hair, pets, sports and clothes.

Okay. Enough about me.

How are YOU?


If it's none of my business...


We live in an age where people like to live in the public eye. Facebook, Twitter, blogs. We can all be celebrities in our own little realm. The thing with being a celebrity is...we lose our privacy. ESPECIALLY when we CHOOSE to put it out there.

Here are some examples. My neighbor and his wife love (let's call them Bob and Darlene) to have arguments on Facebook.

Here is an actual example of one of their Facebook exchanges:

Bob status update: Hungover. Had too much to drink last night and told wifey she needs to lose weight. Sorry babe...I love u.

Diane: Looks like someone needs to go to AA.
Diane's friend: He's an a**hole!!
Diane: Yeah, he was drinking tequila all afternoon and then said I shouldn't wear jeans because it made my butt look big.

Hello!!! Do you people know that people read Facebook? Do we need to know about your marital conflict and drinking problem?! (Actually, it's pretty interesting...keep up the good work!)

Or, there are those who blog about INTIMATE relationship details, and then in the next post, complain that their lives are nobody else's business and that everyone should mind their own business. Hey! You just TOLD us everything, so if someone asks how you are doign, don't get all huffy. YOU put it out there!

Sooo, since I'm not a hypocrite, feel free to ask me about my dogs' flea problem, my boot obsession, or my messy house. There are other issues in my life, but don't ask about them. UNLESS, of course, I Tweet, Facebook or blog about it.

In which case, it's all fair game.



I have to share with you my latest internet find: Covet.

Here's a little description straight off their website:

Covet is your personal shopper, searching thousands of brands from hundreds of online stores to find the most coveted fashion in your style. your size. On sale. Covet's revolutionary Stylyzer(TM) visually learns your individual style preferences. Based on your subscription frequency, you'll get personalized emails full of items we think you'll love. At Covet we combine style, visual technology and the convenience of email to provide the most personalized shopping experience on the web.

How does it work?

You'll start with the Stylyzer(TM). We'll learn your preferences from a series of images that ask 'Which one is more your style?' Then you'll tell us what sizes you wear so we can shop for you. Once you've completed your registration, we'll show you your Stylyzer(TM) results. (If you're a style chameleon too complex to comprehend, don't worry. We'll let you create your own style profile.) We can get to know you even more when you complete the (completely optional but really cool) color, pattern, and silhouette preference pages. You can even tell us what brands you love (and what brands you hate). It doesn't stop there. Let's maintain our relationship via email. You'll tell us when we mess up (and send you something you don't love). Then we'll do our best to make it up to you next time.

Here were my results:

Sporty Eclectic
Sporty Modern

Sporty Conservative

I guess that means I'm quite the sporty gal....

Once you've determined your style, you get occasional e-mails with notifications of sales on fashion that they think you might like based on your profile.

Some of the brands include, Athleta, Loeffler Randall, Tory Burch, French Connection, Miss Sixty and even Mossimo at Target!!

I love the way most of their choices match my style perfectly!!

So go ahead, check it out. Taking the test is actually fun and they really nail it.

Then let me know what you think.

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