Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
We had a blast. My first order of business upon arriving at my sister's house was jumping on my nephew's MINI minibike to tool around the yard for my family's amusement.
I decided to take that baby up as fast as it would go...I came cruising down the hill feeling like "Easy Rider" and enjoying some speed. As I approached the crowd of spectators and the upcoming driveway (filled with cars) I decided I'd better slow down, I let go of the throttle and realized it was stuck!!! I couldn't slow down!
Considering the fact that I haven't been on a minibike since 7th grade, I didn't know what to do. I pictured myself hitting the driveway at full speed and made the snap decision to ABORT.
I jumped off the minibike and hit the ground HARD. When I first hit I thought for sure I broke a rib. I pulled off my helmet and saw the bike, still running hurtling towards the neighbor's yard.
Lucky for me it got stuck in a bush. After a great deal of laughter, my nephew mentioned to me that "yeah, sometimes the throttle gets STUCK." Gee Kyle, thanks for telling me that before I got going at full speed!! Luckily no children or animals were killed and got off easy with some bruised ribs.
After a few glasses of wine, I felt much better. Pinot Noir and turkey have great healing powers!
Now it's back to the old routine. I don't know how I'm going to top my Thanksgiving stunt this Christmas. Maybe I'll bungee jump off the roof!!
Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Posted by Caffeine Court at 11:49 PM
The holidays are here again, which means it's time to spend quality time with our loved ones.
My girls love movies, but it's tough to find films that appeal to them AND me! Some movies like "Ice Age" and "Madagascar", I find painful to sit through, and I only tolerate them because they make the kids happy. Scary movies are out of the question, so we don't watch any Harry Potter, Batman, or Spiderman. (Brad and I save those for date nights!)
Comedy is the genre that we all love, so here is my short list of movies my that my whole family loves!
Will Ferrell plays Buddy, a very large human who was raised by Santa's Elves at the North Pole. Will Ferrell is a total trip and we never get tired of watching this holiday flick. Classic scene: when a dwarf kicks Buddy's ass.
(Bonus: James Caan plays Buddy the elf's long lost Dad-and I LOVE James Caan!)
2. School of Rock
Yeah, I know, there's some adult language..but other than that, this movie is hilarious and the kids like fantasizing that they could be in a rock band.
Even if you don't approve of letting your children watch a movie about a loser alcoholic who lies and breaks the rules, rent it on your own and watch it. Jack Black is absolutely hilarious.
No bad language, great music and funny as hell. Pure genius and it never gets old, no matter how many times you watch it.
4. Daddy Day Care
This movie relies on pratfalls and poopy jokes, which makes it our kind of movie!
I just thought of a few more that my kids and I LOVE...
"Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory." I love it so much that for years I got myself spray tanned just so I could look like an Oompa-Loompa!
It's been 8 days since I adopted our newest family member and what a week it has been.
Granted, I've had puppies before, but this is the first time I've attempted it with 2 children, a demanding husband (no offense), 2 dogs a cat and a recently remodeled house. It adds quite a bit to the degree of difficulty.
My life pretty much goes like this...
Wake up tired from getting up at 2 am and taking puppy out, take Buddy out of crate. Take him outside.
Feed Buddy, take him out again, or clean up poop or pee if he doesn't make it out in time.
Soothe 5 year old daughter who was wrestling with Buddy and got bit on the finger..HARD with his sharp little teeth.
Pull shoe out of Buddy's mouth.
Pull crayon out of Buddy's mouth.
Pull curtain out of Buddy's mouth.
Feed kids breakfast.
Take them upstairs to get dressed. Hear barking. Buddy is stuck behind the dresser. Wedge him out.
Brush teeth, brush hair, realize we are running REALLY late. Run around yelling.
Pack lunches while holding puppy with one hand.
Throw puppy in crate and rush out the door.
Repeat, over and over and over again EVERYDAY.
(For variety throw in occasional trips to the vet and Petsmart.)
This is the life of a girl who didn't get married until she was 33. Who loved hanging out reading books, going to brunch with friends, and generally slacking at my leisure.
I did laundry when I felt like it. I ordered in. I partied like a rock star. And sometimes I got really lonely.
Those days are over. No more slacking. 2 loads of laundry a day. And always surrounded by little creatures, begging for my attention.
Would I trade my current life for my carefree bacholorette days? Hell no! All those parties, weekends at the beach and goofing around with friends was TORTURE.
I love chasing puppies, vacuuming, cooking, loading the dishwasher, unloading the dishwasher, grocery shopping, cleaning out litter boxes, I LOVE IT!!!!
Do I desperately need a Girl's Night Out? FUCK YEAH!!!! (OOOPS...excuse my language, I'm really tired....really, really tired, like about to SNAP tired...Don't worry about me, I'll be okay.)
Anyway, as I was saying. My life is great. Now pass me a valium and a big glass of vodka.
Posted by Caffeine Court at 4:03 PM
The scene: The Caffeine Court Residence
The cast: Jill (the family matriarch), Meg (her precocious 9 year old daughter), and Catherine (her outspoken 5 year old daughter.)
The scene opens, the family is spending a quiet Saturday morning hanging out and listening to a random mix off iTunes.
Katy Perry's hit song "I Kissed a Girl" comes on.
Catherine: "She kissed a girl??? Why did she kiss a girl?!"
Meg: "Because she was DRUNK!"
CUE LAUGH TRACK
Cut to commercial.
Posted by Caffeine Court at 2:42 PM
Unfortunately that isn't enough for her. My poor little sister has 'THING Envy."
My friend Sandy's husband's thing is his band. My other sister's thing is being a sports mom. My friend Tricia's thing is her involvement in every committee in our town. My thing is tennis.
Having a THING is wonderful, but I don't think my youngest sister should feel bad for not having one. She's probably better off. Sometimes the THING we're known for can take over our lives and overshadow some of the really important stuff. Too much of anything is never good. (With the exception of caffeine!) :)
You know where I'm going here...What's your THING?
Attention Collage members! I know I've been neglecting our group effort, but I just put up a new topic.
Let's talk money!
Posted by Caffeine Court at 4:41 PM
Posted by Caffeine Court at 6:07 PM
I always picture getting bad news at these things, so I was a little tense.
As I sat in the waiting room playing with my CrackBerry I noticed a foul odor. It smelled really gross, like rotten milk, or...dog shit. I checked my foot and indeed it smelled like dog shit, because it WAS dog shit. All over the bottom of my brand new chocolate brown Ugg tall boots. DAMN!
I had to run into the bathroom, remove my boots and spend 10 minutes rinsing them, rubbing them with with paper towels and soap, rinsing and repeating. That stuff was completely embedded in the soles of the boots, like spackle. I was gagging.
I'm sure the lady next to me in the waiting room really enjoyed smelling my 100 lb. Lab's poo while she waited to see if she has a tumor. Maybe in some small way, I helped her to worry less about her results while she concentrated on the stench wafting from the bottom of my boot.
The good news is, I was so busy scraping the canine excrement off my boot, that my cancer fears evaporated in a cloud of stink.
When I emerged from the Ladies Room with a clean fresh boot, it was my turn to go in.
The bad news is, they changed their policy at the BREAST CENTER and I won't get my results for 10 days. I miss the old days when I could wait and walk out feeling like I dodged a bullet for another year.
Now here's my public service announcement. Don't forget to do routine breast exams. Get your yearly mammogram if you're over 40. And if you have dogs, make sure you walk around your yard with a shovel EVERY DAY.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Posted by Caffeine Court at 7:36 PM
I received the following e-mail this afternoon:
Dear CAFFEINE COURT author,
Our editors recently reviewed your blog and have given it a 7.7 score out of (10) in the Personal category of Blogged.com.
This is quite an achievement!
We evaluated your based on the following criteria: Frequency of Updates, Relevance of Content, Site Design, and Writing Style.
After carefully reviewing each of these criteria, your site was given its 7.7 score.
Please accept my congratulations on a blog well-done!!
I have no idea how they got my blog. If anyone has a clue let me know.
When I saw my rating, I was a bit insulted. After all a 7.7 out of 10 doesn't sound so great. (Wouldn't that be a C in school?) After hopping around the Blogged website,I was pleased to discover, I was in great company. They have a really great selection of blogs.
Go check it out, you might find a cool new blog that you've never seen. There are tons of blogs that are way better than mine. (Can you believe it?) It took a hell of alot of scrolling through the "EXCELLENT" and "GREAT" sections to get down to my little old blog in the "VERY GOOD" category.
(Okay Amy, I gave your website a plug...now can you give me a "REALLY, REALLY GOOD" rating??)
Footnote: If any of you got this e-mail too, let me know, I'm curious!!
Now, it's time to do me a favor. I'll owe you if you do. Click on the icon above and rate me better than a 7.7. I need it up to at least an 8.0. 7.7 is pitiful.
Posted by Caffeine Court at 3:37 PM
Congratulations to Just Ask Beth. She nailed my riddle EXACTLY.
A "sexual intellectual" is a FUCKING KNOW IT ALL.
Here's the definition according to Urban Dictionary
A person who is clearly a fucking know-it-all. A blend of a smart ass and a douche bag - overall an annoying person that no one can stand.
Many of you came close to the second definition which is:
I loved all your attempts at guessing. What a clever bunch.
If you haven't been over to Urban Dictionary you simply must pay them a visit.
They can teach you some really funny terms, such as Crop Dusting (farting while walking) or fo shizzle my nizzle which expresses agreement with a friend or cohort.
For example..."Would you like a cup of chamomile tea?"
"Fo shizzle my nizzle!!!"
Who says reading Caffeine Court isn't educational?
Probably some "sexual intellectual!"
A friend of mine's father used to call her mother a "sexual intellectual."
Posted by Caffeine Court at 10:03 AM
"Adam Sandler here, reminding you to sign up for the "Caffeine Court November Get Organized Challenge!"
The deadline for this contest has been extended to December 1st. (cause it's a Monday)
That's the day when our lovely and fair judge will look at your before and after shots and determine our Grand Prize Winner!
Here's who's on board:
Tara R., Simply Not So, More, More, More (Kerry), Mama Wheaton, Karen, Alexis Black, The Mrs., Mrs. K., Mrs. D., Maureen, Impoverished Preppy, High on Hairspray, The Pink Putter, Smart A$$ Mom, and Mommytime
Remember, whoever does the most organizing gets a whopping $75.00 Southern Living at HOME gift certificate! (audience applause)
A gorgeous Hadley Pollet knock off belt sewn by Jill, in the Caffeine Court sweatshop will go to the person who inspires us most during the month with comments or posts giving us helpful tips and examples of clean and tidy closets and drawers. (audience oohs and ahhhs!)
So get on it ladies!!! Imagine all the wonderful things you'll find under the junk in your walk in closet!!! (Remember those cute boots you bought at Marshall's last year? They're in there somewhere!!!)
Have a super productive weekend!!"
Posted by Caffeine Court at 10:46 AM
Posted by Caffeine Court at 5:16 PM
Posted by Caffeine Court at 11:10 AM
I am so proud of my blogging buddies who have decided to take my "Organization Challenge."
Posted by Caffeine Court at 4:20 PM
I know you're all excited about today's election. You're probably going to stand in line to cast your vote...but seriously, let's get our priorities straight!
Posted by Caffeine Court at 9:29 AM
As you know, November is officially, "Get My Shit Together" month.
It pains me to do this, but I am going to shame myself into getting organized.
You heard it right. Now calm down.
Posted by Caffeine Court at 9:27 AM
Here are some pictures from Springsteen's house last year. Every year is a different theme. Last year it was a Western/Cowboy theme.