Growing Up and Hating It....

Here is the story you've all been waiting for.

My daughter and the girls in her 5th grade class were paraded to the nurse's office on Tuesday for "The Talk."

You know what I'm talking about. Anyone who went to public school remembers the moment in 5th or 6th grade, when the boys got sent to the gym and the girl's headed to the nurse and they all learned "the facts of life."

The boys were educated about wet dreams and the girls learn about breast buds and periods.

When I was a youngster we received the book "Growing Up and Liking It." See the cover above? That is the EXACT cover of the book I had. My friends and I used to pull it out every once in awhile for laughs.

Someday I'll tell you some of my goofy adolescent stories. We were very inappropriate.

We also got a sample belt and pad the size of a Sealy Posturepedic mattress. They came in a little blue box. Freaky.

Anyway, my daughter's nurse added a little twist to the period talk that I never experienced.

A tampon demonstration.

Before you scream, or call protective services, she didn't actually show them how a tampon REALLY works. What she did do, unknowingly, is to cement in the girls' minds that they want to use pads. FOREVER.

She took out a tampon, removed in from the applicator, stuck it under running water and showed the girls how it E-X-P-A-N-D-S and absorbs moisture.

They were informed that if they laughed or snickered they would be ejected from the demonstration.

Wow. What a challenge that must have been.

The minute my daughter got into my minivan after school, she informed me that she is AFRAID of getting her period. I guess the vision of a tampon the size of a cow's udder sitting in her privates was a bit shocking.

Great job Nursey.

In a couple of years it will be time for the birth control talk.

Maybe she can show them a video of a woman experiencing natural childbirth. Or better yet, maybe she can attach a condom to the faucet to show them how much liquid THAT holds.

And they better not laugh.

Tampons, condoms and wet sheets are serious business.

And don't you forget it.


Anonymous said...

LOL a Sealy Posturepedic!! That's no shit. Belts.... I heard about them in the book "Are you there God?, it's me, Margaret" and was totally mystified. So glad I missed out on those.

I am dying laughing at a tampon demo. However, I could have used a thoughtfully worded demo myself way back when. I was like wtf at first.

Our booklet was called "Changes" and was sponsored by Stayfree I think. It was so out of date and dorky. I am so glad I have boys, my hubby gets "the talk", not me!

Julia@SometimesLucid said...

That's hilarious - the kids may not have laughed but if I were a mom observing this little interaction I would be on the floor rolling!

Can she come to my monkeys school next?

Frau said...

I remember when my daughter was in 5th grade and the "talk" so funny. Now in 10th grade we can't even mention the word "period" if her father is in the building. Mom how could you Dad my hear!

Heather@PixieDust said...

omigod! i'm speechless - can't think of anything to say that isn't totally crude. hopefully a nice mom-daughter talk can ease her fears.

PaperCourt said...

You are hilarious! I think a childbirth video would be a great form of birth control.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHA! That's hilarious!

My mom gave me a book that was titled "All about your body" or something and it had a chapter on boobs. It was titled "Boobs, boobies, melons, knockers, & jugs: All about your breasts."

I still laugh thinking about it and tease my mom, she gets a kick out of it now!

Anonymous said...

OMG - the giant pad in the box -yikes!! However, sounds the giant expanding tampon will leave the same scar on this generation! I guess in a few years, I will have the other side of the story - when my son is taken to the gym!!

Preppy 101 said...

Hilarious story!! I have a friend who told her daughter that teenagers who get pregnant DIE. Yep, she really did! Sounds like your nurse might try to use that one. xoxo

Jaina said...

Wow. I hated that day in class. I hate that time every month. (which is now) Seriously. If men had to bleed once a month and push a child through a tiny hole, civilization would have ended a long time ago.

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