Wife Swap

I watched Wife Swap on ABC for the first time in ages last night. I have to say-it's pretty entertaining. What a freak show. Last night they had an urban couple from California swap with survivalists from Iowa. It really freaked me out! You have to watch the show to catch the full essence of how crazy these people are. Here are some examples of the rules the Moms made for their temporary families. (My comments are in green.)

Hess-Webb Household Rule Changes

Mission Statement: I'm going to bring optimum health to this family by putting you on an all-raw diet.

  1. You are so germaphobic in this house. In my house, we understand that germs are friends and chemicals are enemies. (Her house was the filthiest place you've ever seen-the toilet was literally filled with crap!) You will start by removing all chemicals from the house and we will use only natural products. From now on, we'll be using toothpaste made from butter and clay.

  2. This family spends no time considering what would happen if a disaster occurred. You will stockpile enough food to survive an emergency.

  3. Robert, you are too consumed with appearance. (She did have a point - the guy is a stylist and was a bit light in the loafers.)We will be wearing these. (mechanic jumpsuit) And Robert, you will take all your fancy clothes and give them to charity. (They then proceeded to show the country woman and urban man in physical battle-while she tried to pull all his designer duds out of his very organized California Closet)

  4. Your children are being brainwashed by the school system. I am going to "unschool" your children and they will learn everything they need to know from their surroundings. (She then proceeded to take the family to a farm-so she could show them how to slaughter a chicken with your bare hands. The father absolutely refused and sped off in his Volvo...leaving the Iowa lady standing alone-holding the doomed chicken!)
Kim's Rules

Haigwood Household Rule Changes

Mission Statement: Mike, the regimented raw diet that you force on your family is disgusting. My kids are exposed to a choice of international cuisine. So from now on, the kids will get to choose what we will all eat. (She then served them a meal consisting of cooked meat and vegetables. The family doubled over with nausea from eating cooked food-and the father cried and fell to the poop covered bathroom floor. He accused her of harming his children by cooking their food and cleaning their house with chemicals.)

  1. You live like the animals you farm, and it's disgusting. Starting today, we are going on a cleaning frenzy. (I totally agreed with her on this one-the house was a pit!)

  2. In my life, I have harmony in my surroundings, so I'm going to feng shui the farm.

  3. Mike, you and Barbara are robbing your kids of their childhoods in order to make them slaves to the farm. This week, I'm going to let them have fun for a change instead of working on the farm. (At this point the 15 year old son had a complete mental breakdown. I feared he would take a hatchet to his temporary mom. These kids live 45 minutes from a city-they are home schooled and eat 4 month old raw meat...they also "do shots" of raw eggs to make them feel better.)
If you want to feel better about yourself - check out this show Monday nights on ABC. It motivated me to spend 3 hours scrubbing my house with lots of dangerous chemicals!


Southern Sugar said...

I am ashamed to admit it, but I love Wife Swap!

Kerry said...

Oh man... it was the most shocking thing I have ever seen! Did you happen to catch the farm mom when she was reunited with her farm husband? She was all dressed up in a dress and pantyhose - pantyhose with a big fat run on the back of the leg for all of America to see!

TCP said...

Every time I watch that show I feel like we must be the last normal family left in America! Where do they find these people??

Southern Fried Girl said...

I also saw that one and hello, did you see the one chick's gums? Yeah the clay toothpaste was NOT doing the job. She needs to find a dentist.

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