2.20.2008

Let the games begin!


I've posted about this before, but I can see that my struggles are just starting UNLESS I can nip it in the bud. I'm talking about the games girls play. You know what I'm talking about..."Samantha said you're babyish..." "Charlotte said she doesn't like you..."

My daughter has a friend who always seems to know what everyone is saying about each other and feels it is her duty to report it. I call her "the reporter."(Which is kind of funny because this little girl's mom is the society reporter for our local paper...the apple never falls far from the tree!)

Yesterday I was driving some Brownies on a field trip and I heard the whole thing. Meg's friend reported to the group some things another girl said about them. What followed was everyone talking trash. Which I had to put an end to.

When we got home I had a talk with Meg. I let her know that if someone is telling her what so and so said about her, (in order to stir the pot and get attention) she can be sure that "the reporter" is going right back and telling everyone EXACTLY what Meg is saying about them. It's a game and a trap.

I gave Meg a matra today.

"I won't say anything negative about anyone. I will only say positive things. I don't want to hear anything negative someone has said about me. Only positive things. DON'T GET INVOLVED IN THE NONSENSE!"

I told her to trust me on this one. That she can learn about gossip and back stabbing the easy way, by rising above it, or the hard way, by playing the game. I pray she takes the high road, but I'm smart enough to know it's going to be a bumpy road.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!


27 comments:

Stacey said...

You gave Meg sound advice, and hopefully it will stay with her when the crap starts again. Even as an adult, sometimes I find it hard not to let myself get sucked in! Can I use your mantra too? :-)

Belle in Bloom said...

What a good Mommy you are! That was a great way to handle it. Can you teach a seminar for the women in my town? ;)

LunaNik said...

GREAT advise! I hope she follows it, but you know how girls are...

The older I get, the more backstabbing and cattiness bugs me. I hope I can convince my girls to rise above it also.

linda said...

I totally agree!

A Buns Life said...

You are so good! It is so hard....even as an adult. Luckily for me I work with all men, so there really is very little gossiping going on at work. The neighborhood ladies on the other hand....I really just try to stay out of those politics. I just sip my martinis or grab a beer and go talk sports with the husbands when that kind of talk starts up. But then that's when I wonder if they are talking about ME! sigh. It is going to be a hard lesson for her to learn. Some never learn it.

Melissa said...

You gave awesome advice! The cattiness starts younger and younger...

Man, I remember my friend who was "The Reporter." There's always one who talks the most trash, but gets everyone else in trouble and fighting. I really hope your daughter follows your advice!

Donna said...

I don't know what it is with girls. Glad you are guiding your daughter through the shark tank.

Is she involved in a sport? Does she love tennis as much as you do? I know the reason we've avoided most of the backstabbing stuff is that Megan is so tight with the girls on her team -- there's no room for that in her life, or those of her friends.

Penny said...

Thank you for that advice. I will pass it along to my six-year-old when we get to that point. That kind of talk is so hurtful to little girls and I dread the day real soon when I, too, will have to deal with this.

Honeybell said...

That IS great advice, for adults as well as kids. Sadly enough, it's advice I've had to give my boys.

Amy said...

Great advice!! It's so tough raising girls, and dangit, I have FOUR!! My oldest is caught up in the hell AKA middle school, and there is one kind of drama or another everyday. My advice to her is you always have to be true to yourself, don't get caught up in the crowd, don't do something because everyone else is, don't lose yourself. So far it's working, but I'll keep praying!

clemsongirlandthecoach said...

Good for you. But WE can still gossip, yes?

Kidding. Not.

Maria said...

best advice possible.

smartmom said...

take her out of school and keep her in a bubble:)....i wish

Johnina said...

Good mommy talk. Cna you come talk to my girls?
The next lesson should be how to fight back. If she doesn't listen, I don't see it ending well.

Kimmylyn said...

It is great advice you gave.. and yet another reason my best friends were guys.

Southern Fried Girl said...

You know what though, good on you for at least trying to tame it and not relishing in it the way I fear some moms might.

Sadly I think girls learn this at a young age and it just grows as we age.

MamaGeek said...

You are an awesome Mama! And you're right - rise above it or get buried beneath it.

Mommy Bits said...

Great advice. You are a smart mom. Let's hope she takes you up on it!

Maddie said...

How right you are!!! If only everyone could walk that talk...I've noticed that the whole "tennis scene" is one of the worst places for all of this. Adult women can often be very cruel in very passive ways. Let's hope we're raising our daughers to rise above it all.

lizziefitz said...

A neighbor called me one day to tell me what her neighbor said about our unsightly oil tank.( we no longer have /switched to gas) My reply, Wow, that is amazing that she can see it from 8 blocks away. AND thank you for bringing the comment to my attention.HA! My mom always says the person who spreads the gossip is worse than the one who started it.

sltbee69 said...

As my 10-yr old girl is currently experiencing the angst of dealing with snotty girls her age, I try to gently remind her that it is harder to play nice but it's worth it in the end.

Stacey said...

Just me again! Wanted to let you know, you should stop by Real World Mom when you get the chance... There's an Excellent Blog Award with your name on it there! :-)

Avery Gray said...

So true! I think some of my adult friends could still stand to learn that lesson. Sad. Hope your girl listens to her smart mama!

Jerseygirl89 said...

Great advice! Maybe you should get t-shirts made and sell them at elementary and middle schools. Though, sadly, you should probably make adult sizes too.

suchsimplepleasures said...

i have one like that, too. i've told her to stay uninvolved because it will always come back to kick her in the proverbial balls!! sadly, i don't think she's listening!! the problem is, these girls want so badly to be accepted that, it makes it that much harder!! does that make sense?
anyway...all i can do is keep talking and hope that, one day, she'll listen...
xoxo

suchsimplepleasures said...

hey...my tummy is better!! the ultrasound showed nothing!! it turns out, on of my friends had the same thing...had to get an ultrasound for gall stones and everything!! it's seemed to have just been a bug of some sort! how crazy is that!!??
sorry for your snowday! sucks! there were two snow days, at the beginning of the week, for schools that didn't have break, already. too icy...was hazardous driving/living conditions...
xoxo

Tara R. said...

When my daughter was in middle school the thing to do was a three-way call ambush. Girl 1 calls Girl 2 and gets the talking going, they then call Girl 3 without her knowing Girl 2 is on the line. Girl 1 tries to get Girl 3 to say something snarky about Girl 2... it's complicated and its right out of the movie "Mean Girls." I would tell my kids to "not rise to the bait." Good call mom, best to stay out of all that drama.

 
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