Brine Shrimp and Broken Dreams
Continuing on the theme "toys from my childhood," this next toy taught me a lesson about truth in advertising. I saw this ad and though "cool, I can have a whole family living in my fish tank!" I really believed I'd have a pretty Sea Monkey mom, a handsome Sea Monkey dad and some cute Sea Monkey kids that I could train, just like it said in the ad.
I was so excited when my package arrived. I set up the whole thing and waited for my Sea Monkeys to hatch. When they finally did, all I got were a bunch of wiggly white worms squirming around in the water. They looked like maggots! I was so disappointed, I took them out on the patio and left those poor Sea Monkeys to freeze to death. It wasn't their fault. They were victims of the clever folks who placed the ad implying I would have a fascinating new pet "family" not slimy little sea gnats. Here is the real scoop:
Sea Monkeys are not actually monkeys, but they do come from the sea and are real living things (contrary to popular belief and urban legend). To be specific, they are Artemia Salina (brine shrimp) which were thought of as mere fish food for many years until Harold von Braunhut - a man who is famous among toy enthusiasts for inventing X-Ray Spex - discovered these marvels of the sea. He saw their potential as a "pet" and developed a simple, three-step kit that allowed aspiring young marine biologists to raise their own brine shrimp in a container of water.
Thanks alot Harold...I hope you can live with yourself, living in the mansion you bought with money earned lying to poor unsuspecting 7 year olds. Shame on you Harold von Braunhut, you're a very, very bad man! And I'll bet those X-Ray Spex couldn't really see through things!
We should stick Harold in the ring with some Rock em Sock em Robots. Remember the awesome sound they would make when you so would knock your opponents block off?!