And the Oscar goes to...NOT ME!!!

One of the reasons I gave up acting was-I really wasn't very good at it.

Even in real life-I am a HORRIBLE actress. When I open gifts-even when I like them, I feel pressure to perform. I find it painful to watch video of myself on Christmas morning opening gifts-I look so damn fake. (Someone needs to see a shrink!)

I cannot, for the life of me, do a fake laugh. When someone at a party tells a joke that isn't all that funny, everyone else in the group chuckles, or giggles, I stand there with a stupid fake smile, nod my head and halfheartedly say-"cute!" or "funny!" It's so not convincing. When I DO laugh I have weird silent laugh. It kind of reminds me of Mutley the dog. Trust me, it's not pretty.

I wish I could see an acting coach who could teach me to laugh convincingly. My first step is to choose what kind of laugh I want. Ideally I could look good, and have a very melodic, lilting kind of laugh. Or I could go for the aggressive New York type laugh where I either push the person who made me laugh, or grab his or her arm REALLY hard. Or I could go for a sexy little Eartha Kitt purring kind of chuckle. No matter what I choose, anything is better than what I've got going now!

Once I've mastered my laugh, maybe the coach can teach me how to feign interest when some blow hard corners me at a party and insists on telling me a long winded story about his latest skiing trip, or real estate venture!

Or, I can just save the money and start drinking heavily. Maybe is I'm completely toasted, everything will seem more amusing!

The good news is-no one can accuse me of being a phony. The bad news-I'm NEVER going to be voted "Mrs. Congeniality."

Post script: Whenever I write a post like this, I realize my PMS is looming on the horizon. It's hormone induced insanity!


suchsimplepleasures said...

i need to win an oscar for the fakest smile!!
and...let me know what you think about the david beckham photo!! i'm telling you...dying!!! i. died!

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