9.09.2008

Tennis Tuesday: "A Tennis Tale"



Once upon a time, in a land called Jersey, there lived a queen*. She was a good queen* and ruled her kingdom** with kindness and caring. She valued friendship above all else. Her soldiers*** were usually victorious in their battles****, but when they suffered defeat she accepted it with an encouraging smile.




The good queen moved from the land of Jersey and an evil queen pushed her way onto the throne.



This queen was very different than the other queen. She surrounded herself with an inner circle of worshippers. Those who fed her ego were generously rewarded.




The evil queen favored aggressive, hard hitting soldiers. It mattered not that their balls landed in the net or three feet out of the court. What mattered is that they were BRUTES! Finesse, skill and strategy were not appreciated. Losing in battle was a crime punishable by banishment from the kingdom.


In her first season as queen, many loyal subjects were exiled from the kingdom. It mattered not that they had been close with the evil queen before she took power. They "sucked" and therefore could not remain in her good graces.


The queen was out for blood in every battle (match). She had many enemies and had very good reasons for hating each and every one of them.


Grievances were filed against the queen by rival armies. She was charged with poor sportsmanship, use of profanity and coaching. This fueled the queen's rage! Her inner circle placated her by assuring her she was fabulous. They told her that those who opposed her yelling and cursing didn't appreciate her competitive nature. They went on to tell the queen that anyone who didn't like her was just jealous because she is such a champion.

Although it appeared to the queen that all was well, secretly the kingdom was not a happy place. Many of the remaining subjects felt uncomfortable with the new regime. Some thought it was unbecoming of a lady to walk into battle vowing to "kick some ass." They were taught by their parents not to laugh in the face of their opponents after defeating them.
The voiced their displeasure in whispers, for fear that the queen would hear them, and withhold favors (match time) from them.
Finally, one subject, (who shall remain nameless) with an undefeated singles record, but who wasn't in the "FIGHT CLUB" voiced her displeasure with the queen.

"BLASPHEMY!", the evil queen's chief advisor***** screamed! "How dare she question the rule of the queen! She doesn't realize how hard it is to be queen!!!"

At that moment, the subject decided to opt out of the last match. She was tired of faking it, and did not attend the queen's banquet celebrating another victorious season.


That rebellious subject who dared speak what the others only whispered, has been effectively ejected from the kingdom, never to return.
She received many phone calls from fellow subjects who agreed with her choices, but were afraid to make the same choices for themselves.
Now she stands alone...searching for a new kingdom, and hoping that she has set a good example for the downtrodden soldiers, still wrapped in the grip of the evil queen.

Next time...the rebellious subject attempts to rise from the ashes...
Stay tuned...



GLOSSARY:


* USTA team captain


** USTA tennis team


*** Individual team members


**** Tennis matches


***** Lackey
(It's stories like this that make me wish I were anonymous-if the evil queen catches wind of this one, she might have my head!!!)
I WILL DENY EVERYTHING AND BURN THIS BLOG IF SHE CATCHES ME!!!


15 comments:

Mrs.D said...

oooh, this sounds good. I will stay tuned for more. I hope the evil b*tch gets dethroned and put in the stocks with a tennis ball machine pointed at her. bwa-ha-ha-haha!!!

Lane Boyz Mom said...

If it makes you feel any better....I'm pretty sure we have the same up and coming Queen on our team:( She's not quite to full queen status, but damn sure working on it and uh....all I'm saying is this will be my last year under this reign.......

Mrs. K said...

oh how funny but pathetic woman is that?? I posted my tennis post today- my problem is the opposite- my captain is like 150...ok maybe 90...ok maybe 70. But shit they came in 3rd last year. We'll see.

Brie said...

Great story! Especially loved your glossary :)
Hard to believe "adults" acting this way but it goes on quite frequently around here too - maybe it's a Jersey thing?

P said...

Great story. I loved this post. Don't worry about getting "found out." It is what it is. In other words, she is what she is. You can't help it.

Amy said...

I believe that the rebellious subject is a great example for all children who have to deal with this! You rock and I am proud to be your lil' sis. They all need to grow up and realize what is really important in life. Get out of middle school:)

Just Ask Beth said...

You don't really seem like the type that would be afraid of the Freakin Queen. Wait until Middle School there is a Queen amongst us, basically there is a QUEEN everywhere, Carpool, PTO, Tennis, Work..etc.. etc... There is a great book for mom's of girls called 'THE QUEEN BEE AND WANNABEES! Bitches

A Buns Life said...

Aren't we too old for this? Go find a new kingdom to play in....

Immoral Matriarch said...

Well damn. I loved the glossary!

georgie said...

ooooo I am sooooo glad I am not member of your country club! Cuz ummm I would so be like 'talk to the hand'

Anonymous said...

My oh my oh my!!!

That's all I have to say.

sltbee69 said...

That evil bitch queen is a piece of work. And shame on her subjects for being the biggest pussies out there for not standing up to her. Oh well, there's one word for that - KARMA.

Jaina said...

That was a fantastic story. And I LOVE the picture that you chose to go with it. :)

Steph said...

Holy hell. I'll stick to running. That way I don't have to deal with court divas.

linda said...

Same story here on Long Island, unfortunately...Good for you for keeping up with tennis in spite of it- alot of us here have dropped out in disgust.

 
Website Content and Copy: Caffeine Court, 2007-8.|Blog Design by JudithShakes Designs.