9.17.2008

For tennis lovers only...

Time for another tennis vent.

Today I subbed in a group I used to play with regularly. I stopped playing with them because they don't really like to play fast paced tennis. They hate when the person at net hits an overhead and they freak if the ball comes AT them too fast. I like fast paced doubles, so I opted out of the group. Since they reached out to me today, I figured I'd jump in and enjoy and hour and a half of free tennis.

Anyway, a woman who I played singles against Monday. (She beat me 6-0, 6-1) was one of my opponents today. She's a very good player, but she likes to play little head games. I'll call her Betty.

At one point in the match I attempted to hit a hard shot down the alley from the baseline. My ball went a little to the right and came straight at Betty's chest. She stuck out her racquet and deflected the ball, winning the point. She had a really pissy look on her face and she hissed, "That was RIGHT AT MY HEAD!!"

Cut me a break lady. I never try to hurt anyone, you won the point, get over it.

Fast forward to a break. My other opponent, we'll call her Veronica, let us all feel her stomach. She was just getting back to playing after a tummy tuck. We all oohed and ahhed about how hard and flat her stomach was and complimented her on how great she looks.

We then resumed play. I'm at net and my opponent hits a ball at me, HARD. (It's okay when they do it.) I stick out my racquet and the ball flies at Veronica the tummy tuck lady, ricochets off her racquet and hits her in the belly.

I could tell she was alright, and I joked "good thing your stomach is so hard!" No one laughed. My opponents just pursed their lips and shook their heads and looked at each other as if to say, "can you believe this psycho tried to bash you in your tummy tuck, ON PURPOSE."

For a few games I played very gentle tennis, so as not to offend Veronica and Betty. After I hit a few bloopers that they returned very easily, I decided I wasn't going to play the game they wanted me to play, I was going to play MY game. We ended up winning the third set 6-1.

I find it very annoying. If you're afraid of the ball, don't go to net. If you DO go to net, keep your eye on the ball, keep your feet moving, and shut your pie hole.

DON'T tell me how to hit the ball so you can return it. The object of the game is hitting the ball so your opponent CAN'T return it. Seriously, read the rule book, that's the whole point of the game. If you want to sit around and chat invite me to lunch.

Do I make myself clear?


13 comments:

Mom x 2 said...

I, for one, never play tennis and I loved this post! I'm laughing because don't most people try to hide it when they've had a tummy tuck? Lol. More importantly, did you win?

Mrs.D said...

I think it's funny. Sort of ironic that she got a ball right in the gut. Like what were you gonna do, break it? It's a stomach, it's not going to shatter. What a wuss.

Mrs.D said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sltbee69 said...

Not a tennis player but puhleeze! They sound like a bunch of pussies!

Lane Boyz Mom said...

I'm still a little gun shy when I get up at the net, but I LOVE being there...man, its such a freakin' rush!!! I'm only gun shy when I'm across from a couple of people I know, I mean, they also play on other teams & with their spouses, which of course means they hit harder than this little ol' beginner does....yet;) LOL

And I am LMBO at you nailing her in the tummy....I would have said the same thing;)~

Jaina said...

Ugh, double standards like that are one of my pet peeves.

Emila Yusof said...

Hello Jill! I've been trying to reply to your e-mail (about the dolly) but it bounced back. It says 'blocked for spam'. Do you have gmail e-mail? Let me know. My e-mail is emila@emilayusof.com.

High on Hairspray said...

Look on the bright side, you won't get invited back. Glad you won the last one.

Sass said...

Ahhh...I can't stop thinking..."shut your pie hole."

That, I must say, is my favorite part of the whole thing.

KHE said...

that's why I like the solitary sports of running and swimming and biking--no politics or bitchiness

Mrs. K said...

ok darling- i had a complaint filed against me earlier this year because i hit an overhead RIGHT at this woman...I heard that when she went to complain, the director said 'well that is what she is SUPPOSED to do!'...I hear the lady went to another club to play- where they rub her tummy if it hurts.

Stupid

Mrs. K said...

ps- if you ever come here we SO have to play! of course you will kick my ass but shit! it will be well worth it! :)

Tickled Pink And Green said...

The whole time you were describing these various on-court "scenarios" I kept picturing that scene in Witches of Eastwick where Cher, Michelle Pfieffer, Susan Sarandon & Jack Nicholson are all playing tennis and all the gals are really getting really snippy with each other. And Sarandon even gets hit hard by the ball, and they're all giving each other dirty looks. Anyway, I thought of that. Lol.

 
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