Brain Poison

Why, oh why do I feel compelled to spend my family's hard earned money, money that could be invested in my children's education, or retirement, or more tennis lessons, why do I squander it on magazines whose covers read "Celebrity Cellulite", "Plastic Surgery Nightmares" or "Hollywood's Best and Biggest Bellies and Butts!"? (How's that for a run-on sentence?) But I digress.

Please be gentle when you explain to me why I need to see a microscopic spot of cellulite on Courtney Cox's thigh, or Demi Moore's wrinkly knees. I'm a sick woman. The good news is, I recognize my problem and that, my friend, is the first step to recovery. In front of god and my audience in blogland, I take this solemn vow. From now until the end of the year 2007 I will not purchase any tabloid publication, including but not limited to, The Star, The National Enquirer, The National Examiner, Life & Style, and The Globe. If you see me at the checkout counter, reaching for one of these toxic rags, give me a pinch. Believe me, I'll thank you for it.

Writer's clarification: My solemn vow does not include People Magazine, US Weekly or Entertainment Weekly. I'm not that strong.

"The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw."

-Havelock Ellis


Kerry said...

I love People mag - somehow they make the same gossip worth the $4!

Deb said...

Who DOESN'T want to see one of those glamazons looking normal like the rest of us?

It's okay, hon. You can borrow my copies.

Tickled Pink & Green said...

I love People, and if I had to pick one of the tabloids I'd pick US magazine, which I think is the most credible of all of them. Oh they are hard to resist.

Alexis Black said...

Jill - Thanks for the comment. All of my other readers have declared they don't comment. Hmmm? Anyway, you reminded me...you should definitely blog about the Romba! That is one readers would get a kick out of!

Avery Gray said...

They print Us Weekly on crack-laced pages. It's a scientific fact.

Marjorie said...

Just before I got to your last paragraph, I thought: "Wait! She didn't include US Weekly! A loophole!" But you closed it.

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