3.03.2009

Pondering my colon...

I've been thinking alot about the Master Cleanse.

On the one hand, it sure sounds like it has some great benefits...it could change my life! More energy, less aches and pains, it sounds fab.

On the other hand, the prospect of spending 10 days drinking some weird potion and nothing else sounds a bit medieval.

I'm picturing myself in the rolling car line at my daughter's school when the mixture of cayenne pepper, maple syrup and lemonade starts to percolate in my belly. I feel a rumbling, then pressure...unbearable pressure. So I have to park my car illegally and sprint to the bathroom, knocking over children and teachers as I desperately try to clench my butt cheeks long enough to make it to the toilet. IF I get lucky enough to make it to a stall, I envision blowing gall stones and long rubber strands all over the porcelain throne. I'm sure it's loud, and messy and I'm in a public bathroom.

For some reason that doesn't sound very appealing.

I'll do a little more research on this subject, but if I have to sit on a toilet for 10 days. I'm out.


18 comments:

brown eyed girl said...

I say no. That sounds like a nightmare. The body naturally expells toxins from itself, that's what our kidney and liver are for. Don't diss 'em!

Sass said...

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit..."long rubber strands and gall stones?"

Thanks, for that. Seriously.

And actually, I doubt that it's that violent. Maybe day 1, but after that wouldn't you just be kind of empty?

Oh, and nice button. hee hee.

Mom on the Run said...

Ok, that was a coffee spew post if I've ever seen one.

As someone with, shall we say, a funky stomach, I can totally relate to that fear. Which is why I won't try alli or those WOW chips (if they even make them anymore).

And seriously, if lemon juice, maple syrup and cayenne pepper are really that magical, maybe they can do something about the economy, too.

LORI said...

OKAY, LOGICALLY I DON'T SEE HOW ANYTHING COULD BE SITTING IN ONE'S COLON FOR YEARS...I MEAN, COME ON, WE'VE ALL HAD THE FLU, AND THE FEELING OF COMPLETE AND TOTAL EMPTINESS THAT COMES WITH THAT! AND THE MAPLE SYRUP? WHY MAPLE SYRUP? I'VE HEARD OF THIS CLEANSE BEFORE, AND I THINK IT'S JUST B I Z Z A R E...GO WITH YOUR GUT (PARDON THE PUN) AND DON'T DO IT! YOU ARE VERY FUNNY, I'M GLAD I FOUND YOU! CAME HERE FROM SASS--YOU'RE A RIOT!

NJDecorator said...

I still cannot beleive you are giving this serious thought....

♥georgie♥ said...

on my LOL...your mental pic just scared me off of the clense

Pearls To Hide My Neck said...

I'm laughing my butt off right now. My boys would so appreciate this description. I think I've been around them too long since I find the whole thing hysterical!
Thank Goodness I'm not eating, ha.

HeatherPride said...

If I'm hauling around a bunch of rubber strings and balls of gall, I think I'd rather have them stay tucked neatly inside where I can pretend they never existed at all. Out of sight, out of mind, I always say!

Alexis Black said...

Love, love, LOVE Brad's comment in your last post. Seriously? You don't think there is enough going on in that department at your house? I had a friend in college who started dating a guy named "Slim" (no joke) and did this. Let me tell you...there is nothing nice or discrete about it. I'm thinking if you give up your fountain soda addiction, your insides will be plenty healthier. Just saying.

Cowguy said...

Those things scare the crap out of me....

heh heh. I made a funny joke thing.

CONGRATS ON YOUR WIN!
J.

Scope said...

Please go to YouTube and find the BBC Documentary "Super Skinny Me".

It's out there in about 10 minute chunks. The journalist who tried this to get down to a size zero eventually developed psych issues and was made to stop the program. She may have lasting mental scars from this and other weight loss techniques.

Sorry, not funny Scope, this time, serious Eric.

Seriously, she ended up eating the lemon pith just to have solids.

Giggle Pixie said...

No, no, NO! Those things really are not healthy and in fact can be dangerous! Stay away from them, seriously.

But...your post was funny. LOL!!

mo.stoneskin said...

Don't do it.

Wine, coffee, beer, they're all wonderful things and I don't want anyone to miss out. Just think, you'll wake up ready for a freshly ground Sumatran blend, and instead get some dishwater...yuk, what's the point in that?

jenn said...

You're talking to someone who doesn't drink anything for 24 hours before travelling, so I don't have to use public restrooms. Master Cleanse = so not for me.

Plus the word "colon" makes me feel light-headed.

Tickled Pink And Green said...

Your scenario already sounds like what I do daily. I had my gallbladder taken out and I barely make it to the bathroom now after I eat anything fatty.

simplynotso said...

whoa!! sounds like you have some experience!!!

Morgan the Muse said...

yeah, I would be too.

Jan said...

Sounds way too AbbyNormal to me. People at work have done it and they look the same after as before. Nothing magical there.

 
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