3.02.2009

Do my Clementines make you horny baby???!

















Yesterday I was innocently shopping in the produce aisle at the local supermarket.
I wanted to get some Golden Delicious apples, but the store manager and a delivery man were standing in my way. I stood politely waiting for them to notice me.

The store manager finally looked up at me and said "Sorry! You should have pushed us out of your way!"

"I'm non-violent, I wouldn't want to hurt you." was my witty reply.

The delivery man, who looked like the motorcycle dude from The Village People stepped up close to me. Too close. He looked me right in the eye and said. "I'd let you hurt me if you want." EWWWWW! I scooped up a few apples and moved on to the next section. Village Dude followed me.

As I approached the Clementines he stepped in front of me and got really close again. In a seductive voice he purred, "There's a special on Clementines today..." I felt the bile rise in my throat. No Clementines for me today!! I needed cucumbers too, but I didn't DARE give him the opportunity to discuss cucumbers with me. Melons, bananas, nothing was safe.

I decided to get the hell out of the produce section and into the safety of the meat aisle. Luckily the butcher is a polite guy who leaves the housewives alone.

I've been hit on by some yucky dudes, in bars, when I was 25. That was part of the fun. Having some washed up pop star discussing how much fun it would be to hurt him at the supermarket. Not my idea of a good time.

Peapod is delivering in my area. I think I'll have to try it, and pray that Village Dude doesn't have a second job.


33 comments:

jenn said...

Seriously icky, and yet strangely flattering all at once! At least he didn't start in on your "melons"...

The 5 Bickies said...

ewww...love the comment about the cucumbers, melons, etc. Nothing was safe.

Brie said...

At least he is the best character of the village people. That is soooo funny. If he delivers for Peapod he'll know where you live and you'll have that macho macho man right in your home.

K and/or K said...

SICKO! The other day I was walking in the skyway and a stranger walked up to me and said, "I'm sorry but you have something on your buttrack." He said buttcrack to me. I ran into 2 co-workers a moment later and they confirmed it. All that was there were my pants! Who are these men?

Dr Zibbs said...

A very similar thing happened to me but I was in the frozen section and the guy looked like the Indian from the Village People. OK. I'm lying.

scargosun said...

I am sooo sorry that happened to you but I needed that laugh. :)

P said...

Ewww. Who knew produce could be so dangerous!

Belle in Bloom said...

Ew. Funny, but...ewwww.

Tara R. said...

With that mental picture of YMCA I would have busted out laughing. EWWwww.

The wife said...

yuck! How did you keep yourself from busting out the ole YMCA dance moves?!

Mossback Meadow said...

Bwahahahahahaha! Yeah, you better hope he doesn't moonlight for Peapod.

I seem to attract the senior citizen male in the grocery store. What does that say about me?

Maureen said...

Eeeek!

Sass said...

I'm with Jenn on this one...good idea to avoid the melons. Luckily he didn't follow you to find some nice kielbasa in the meat department.

Wow.

Jillian, Inc said...

Well....umm.... the MEAT section doesn't so all that safe either! **ewwww** *icky*

Jaina said...

And the manager did nothing? Umm, sexual harassment much??

Lisa said...

It would be really scary if he was your delivery man.

Mama Wheaton said...

Did you say anything to the store manager?

pink green & southern said...

Peapod is the greatest!

dizzblnd said...

ugh... how gross and creepy is THAT?

Mrs.D said...

Sorry, but I had to giggle a little as I imagined you trying to politely shoo off the leather clad, studded biker Village People guy. Think of it this way- you've still got it! ;-)

preppyplayer said...

I agree with Jen. Gross, yet somehow flattering!

MommyTime said...

You crack me up! The title of this post is hilarious and perfect. We love clementines in our house, but I would have avoided them too if that guy was offering and slobbering over them.

(And thanks for the compliments on my cleaning so far. I really REALLY appreciate the encouragement. I've decided I'll do one post a week with my projects to stay motivated. Thank you again so much for launching this month to get my shit together!)

JyLnC said...

I've always been told that the produce department is a great place to meet potential dates. I have to admit your encounter puts a different spin on that theory. And it isn't a good spin.

Chitown Meg said...

LOL- I love it when the cart boys and shelving boys want to "help" me find things. It's like, I'm grocery shopping. This is annoying enough. LOL. BTW, I love clementines. Peapod is the best.

Kate said...

Ok I just got back from the supermarket. Hung out in the produce department moving from fruit to fruit NOTHING

La Pixie said...

eww, gross! unless you are actively flirting, guys should leave you alone at the grocery store.

sltbee69 said...

On the off chance a man other than my husband decides to hit on me, it's always the creepy or old fart type of guy. I'd be more flattered if the man was actually hot-looking. The picture reminds me of Ben Stiller's character off Dodgeball. Ha!

Adlibby said...

Eeeewww! There are a lot of colorful characters in Jersey. I lived in Bridgewater and then Summit for a few years. Kansas (where I live now) is totally boring compared to Jersey.

I'll have to live vicariously through your blog. =)

Jen said...

That's the funniest thing I have heard all day. So sorry for you but a smile for me!

Rickrack and Pompoms said...

Yuck, that is disturbing. Glad you stayed away from the cucumbers too!

Say It Out Loud Girl said...

That's good comedy. I loved the cucumber thought. My thought exactly as I read it. Be MUCH worse if he followed you to the aisle where the K-Y is!!!!!

Say It Out Loud Girl said...

That's good comedy. I loved the cucumber thought. My thought exactly as I read it. Be MUCH worse if he followed you to the aisle where the K-Y is!!!!!

The Mrs. said...

Vomitino. Probably thought you were flirting with him first!!! Wait. Where you? LOL!

 
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