12.16.2007

New Jersey-Only the Strong Survive




My last post was so full of peace and harmony. This one is full of frustration and stress. Why? Three words..Christmas in Jersey!

Today I experienced the reason the rest of the country makes fun of my fine state. My husband and I set out for our local Target armed with optimism and two adorable little letters to Santa.

What we experienced was enough for me to pay $500 for overnight shipping to get the rest of our gifts.

It's amazing what crowds, under staffing and a deadline will do to people. "Peace on Earth-Good Will to Men?" F-that!!! It's all about little Vinnie getting his Playstation and DON'T mess with little Vinnie (or his mom). Trust me, they will knock you on your ass if you even look at them the wrong way.

I was standing in the electronics section patiently (at least outwardly) waiting for someone to unlock a camera for me. They have a little button you can press for assistance. I had already pressed the button and a very harried "Target Team Member" assured me he would be right with me. Not thirty seconds later, little Vinnie (sucking on a Slushee and chowing on a soft pretzel) and his tough cookie mom came up next to me. He proceeded to hit the button-TWICE. A red light flashed and the speaker loudly proclaimed, "A TARGET TEAM MEMBER WILL ASSIST YOU IN LESS THAN SIXTY SECONDS!!!"

Harried "Team Member" gave me the evil eye and told me "I SAID I'd be right with you!" I assured him that it was not me who hit the button. As he turned away little Vinnie hit the button AGAIN!!! The Target dude runs over to me to tell me to wait and once again I proclaimed my innocence! Finally a woman comes out to wait on Vinnie and his mom. Now I start getting the Jersey 'tude! That little devil child was NOT going jump ahead of me no matter how many times he banged on the button!

At this point I was seriously ready to bang my head against the glass case protecting all the Nintendo DS games. I mustered all my composure and informed the Target lady that I was the first person to hit the button so it was "MY FRICKIN' TURN!" (I put it much more politely than that, but trust me, I was ready to go postal.) Vinnie gave me a look that still makes my blood run cold. I half expected him to jump me in the parking lot and whack me with a tire iron.

We made it out alive and high tailed it home to our nice little house safe from Vinnie, his mom, and the frenzied shoppers of Jersey.


Tomorrow, the mall. I'll bring my tire iron.



17 comments:

Donna said...

If you go to the mall as soon as it opens -- on Monday or Tuesday -- and get the hell out of there before noon -- your shopping should go smoothly. Even in Jersey.

I wouldn't be caught dead at Target on the weekend so close to the holidays. Even in "laid back" California. (Hey -- this place is FULL of Jersey transplants!)

Tot's Mom said...

Shopping during the weekends near Christmas always leave me stressed out. Long queues are still ok. But long queues stuck with an impatient toddler is a nightmare!

suchsimplepleasures said...

i refuse to go to ANY store, this time of year...even, my beloved Target!!! old grannies turn into she-dogs, using their canes and walkers as weapons...
so, i was armed with my trusty laptop and my credit card. comfort and convenience...all the way!

pb&j in a bowl said...

I totally feel your pain. I braved Target, Toys-r-us, and the mall today. People are insane!! Especially if they think you are going to buy the last of whatever their kid might want.

I just found your blog, and I love it!

Em said...

good luck at the mall.... be careful. I can't wait to hear of the adventure. Big tennis match here today. #1 and #2 teams playing... it is COLD for our area!!!

Somewhere Between Pinot and Pacifiers said...

I have felt like this so many times! Especailly when I have my daughter with me and people have no respect for you trying to get not just yourself, but another human down the aisles! Good luck today! I went to the mall last week right when they opened on a weekday and it was not crowded at all.

clemsongirlandthecoach said...

As the wife of a New Jersey boy, and having lived there myself, I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!!

linda said...

I am laughing out loud...only you could write about such a frustrating day and make it amusing...it's not much better at all, here on Long Island.

Impoverished Preppy said...

You are hilarious! Thanks for some much-needed laughter to soften my grading stress.

Jessica said...

LOL and I thought holiday shopping around here was bad. All I have to contend with is a bunch of snobby stick up their butt fools who come to my side of town for bargins.

magnolia mama said...

You are hilarious! I took the boys to Target last week and I couldn't believe how crazy it was!

Christine said...

That kind of crap makes me see red. And stars. And red stars. What is wrong with people...why do they think that they can just push others around? Ugh and Grrr.....!

Avery Gray said...

Little Vinnie! Mwahahahaha!!

I hate those little punks and their deviance-enabling mothers! Especially this time of year. Where's the Christmas spirit?

clemsongirlandthecoach said...

He's from Lake Hopatcong...keep it on the DL. Please, I beg of you.

Tickled Pink & Green said...

As I was reading this I was pulling for you..."Please Jill, do NOT let that b#$@# and her son get ahead of you!!" So glad you didn't.

That reminds me of one of the most BLATANTLY rude things ever done to me (& Hubby) was in the parking lot at a New Jersey mall. It was around Christmas and the parking lot was full and people were parking along the highway! We waited on one row for something like 20 minutes and a couple came out and they pointed to their car and luckily we were right by it and we backed up and let them out. MEANWHILE this car pulls up, RIGHT IN FRONT OF US and zips in as fast as they could. I was LIVID. My husband got out of the car and went over to them and I was freaking out. They looked totally like gang members if you know what I mean and I just knew I was about to hear gun shots. Hubby verbally chewed them out and yet they just arrogantly got out of the car without looking at either of us and walked in the mall. I was much younger then and what I'm about to say doesn't make me proud, but the rude people got a rude awakening when they got to their car later that day, because my key did some mucho damage to their ugly vehicle. I've never done that before or since, but I couldn't help it. There you have it. True confessions. Shhhh.

Kate said...

Totally! I had no idea how insane holiday shopping could be until I moved here!! It's true (even up here in Sussex cty.) ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE!! :p

Oh, The Joys said...

Hey! You from Jersey? I'm from Jersey!

Heh.

(Seriously, though. Born in NEWARK!)

 
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