1.06.2010

Is this for real?

My daughter is in first grade. She asked to play with a friend from her class this morning, so I called the girls mom to get them together.

Wow. Boy did I get an earful. About normal first grade social stuff. (Who plays with who at recess, who sits with who at lunch...) The kind of stuff that I leave to my kids. (Unless there's some major bullying involved...)

She knew way too much about very specific first grade conversations.

Apparently my daughter sat with one of her daughter's friends at lunch and excluded her daughter. Now she's "not sure" if her daughter wants to be with my child.

Aren't there two sides to every story?

Shouldn't we let the kids work out their petty seating arrangements in the lunch room?

I was shocked.

My kids get dissed at school sometimes, (at least in their own minds) I don't crucify the other kids, I teach them to work it out amongst themselves. Shit happens...move on!!!

If I start adding this kind of minutia to my list of worries, I'd go nuts!! Unless my child is terrorizing someone else or being terrorized, I'm letting it go.

Any thoughts?


26 comments:

LPC said...

Absolutely agree with you. In first grade these girls forget spats within hours, sometimes minutes. Heck, they do the same even once they get to junior high. If parents get their panties in a bunch over the whole thing it's like magnifying ants. Ugly.

Heather J. said...

Seriously? This was an adult conversation? Me thinksa the mommy might have been a geek in school and now living through her childs experience.
ICK.

Pea Kay said...

That is crazy! Obviously this must be her "oldest" child or her only child or the mom is really young...it would have to be something like that to micromanage your child's social life to that extreme. You're right, these kinds of petty things happen every single day. Moms just can't take it too seriously!

Poolside with the Girls said...

My advice is ...run for ze hills...

This mom is my nightmare. I've been there and they are total drama queens.

They are the same mom that makes the teacher post pone tests because it's their kid's birthday and they are in the principals office every 5 minutes with a complaint about nothing.

Kids that age often hurt each other's feelings because they are immature. Seriously, they are in
FIRST GRADE!!!

It's a learning process and if parents can't help them through it at home and feel the need to step in when it's not really bullying, then they aren't doing their kid any favors.

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

3 Men and a Lady said...

Ugh, there was a mom like that in my son's kindergarten class last year. My son and hers were best friends and just crazy about each other, but she drove me nuts! She'd always exclude other kids from get togethers and whoever her son favored at the moment was top dog and she'd actually talk about the other kids.

I could see her manipulative ways coming out in her son gradually as the year went on. We switched schools in the end (due to other stuff) and I am soooo glad to be away from that drama. She sucked other moms into it, too.

Preppy 101 said...

Well, You know I am older and have already raised a daughter, so I've seen all this nonsense. One thing I can say is that this mom is a drama queen from the word go. Hence, her daughter will be, too. I saw that in the years of raising my PD. I was not a drama queen, my daughter isn't either, so a lot of this girl nonsense drove my daughter crazy. This mom needs to butt-out. I mean I want to say to her "seriously - you are getting involved in first grade girl drama"??? Ridic. You are right - let them work it out. They always do and forget it five minutes later unless crazy mom won't let it die!!! {And stay away from this mom. She's certifiable NUTS. haha} Have a great day! xoxo

Brie said...

I agree 150% Our kids need to learn to problem solve independently (esp navigating the smallish things like this sounds to be) That being said - I fully admit to fostering friendships with kids who have normal parents that I feel are on the same page as me. I think she gave you a gift by giving you the earful b/c if she does it now can you imagine what could possibly follow as the kids get older. Run :)

Cookie Crums said...

My thoughts.... I hope this is a girl thing and not a boy thing. IF so, I'm safe! :)

Seriously, sounds like the mom is a tad bit too involoved. She might need some friends of her own.

madtexter (corey james) said...

That's crazy. At that age, unless there's severe bullying involved, I say let the kids work it out. I know they grow up faster with each generation, but peer pressure in the 1st grade? Phew!

But it doesn't surprise me, because it's not uncommon for college graduates today to ask mommy and daddy to come to the interview with them for their first real job (and some employers actually encourage that!).

Betsy said...

My sleeves have been rolled up so I can dive into my typing this comment.
This is a pertinent topic for me. My daughter is also in first grade. Having been a young girl myself I know what is in front of my girl. Kids are MEAN. Girls are meaner.

Bottom line? My daughter is her own person, I provide her with tools to make her own decisions. I DO NOT MAKE her decisions. If she feels excluded, then she makes a decision how to handle that I do not. We tell her as well as her teacher, that she does not have to be friends with everyone, but she does have to be kind.

We have had some instances where my daughter has come home and reported some things about one girl in particular. We counseled her to be a strong leader and stand up for herself.

I could go on and on...but I will end with this:
Over involvement in a child's life never leads to good things.

Kate said...

I agree - unless this was severe bullying or taunting - I would not worry about it too much. I had a girl in my daughter's nursery school class (these are 4 year olds!!) who was constantly telling her to shut up last year, pushing her, forcibly excluding her -- this I asked the teacher to do something about! But generally, I think kids should work minor tiffs out on their own. If my daughter was doing the excluding, I might ask her to think about how she might feel if the situation was reversed - but ultimately, she needs to make the decision (unless she is doing something more severe).

♥Georgie♥ said...

I so agree...the kids HAVE to learn to work things out on their own...this is what i tell my girls...

insert whatever drama here....it seems so big now BUT I promise YOU when you are out of school you will see how silly it all is...

I know many mamas trying to relive their childhood through their kiddos...not me I went to high school once and that was enough...

Chris said...

OMGosh I know a mom JUST like this! Our daughters are in 3rd grade now but have been in together since 1st grade. Word of advice. If that mom ever wants you to side with her on something. Stay neutral!

Kids must and usually do learn to settle these little things on their own. Next year the classrooms will all be mixed up again and new groups will form etc.
Good luck.

Caffeine Court said...

Just thought I'd throw in a little more detail...this was a MINOR lunch seating infraction.

Nothing wrong with mixing things up a little at the lunch table right? Apparently my daughter sat in a "reserved" seat.

Cut me a break!

Oh My Goddess said...

You are right.
And little girls are pretty impossible sometimes. I'm the Brownie leader for my daughter's troop of ten 8-9 year old.
Troop meeting day is hell on wheels for me.
I need comfort food for dinner on those days.
This is way more about me than you bargained for, huh.

Jenny said...

That's exactly what I was talking about w/ my daughter's (ex)friend. And it only gets worse as they get older! Best to stay away.

jenn said...

Wow. Somebody needs to get a LIFE. Her sweetie-pie didn't get first dibs on a cafeteria seat, so your kid's a bully? WTH?

The 5 Bickies said...

We need more moms that think like you! Totally agree that kids should work it out for themselves and it drives me crazy when the parents get involved and escalate normal kid squabbles to teachers and principals.

Lunch seating, really?
So, did she come for a playdate?

Jaina said...

Sounds like your daughters aren't the only ones in first grade, sheesh. The girls probably don't even remember the incident. Good grief...I feel bad for that other child.

Tara R. said...

Can we say 'helicopter mom?' Left alone 1st graders will change alliances a dozen times in a day. Let them work it out themselves or they will never learn how to handle conflict.

The Chic Chauffeur said...

Oh Lordy! At least you have this gal pegged now, and can see an little glimpse of what she might be raising her daughter to become....

I hope you just took a deep breath, said brightly, Well, maybe next time, and moved down the list to another fun playmate for your sweetie!!!! Don't give this gal's momma another thought!

Mama Wheaton said...

Drama and Queen Gossip. I'd stay clear, like way clear.

Jillian, Inc said...

I know you are shocked that I have THOUGHTS. This is a perfect example of why so many YOUNG YOUNG kids (espeically girls) are so emotionally screwed up. They learn it from their whacked mothers. The mom needs to get a clue, not to mention a life outside the lunch room.

Anti-Supermom said...

It seems so ridiculous, the two obviously asked to play together, let me be. The drama is coming from that momma.

I'm with you, they can settle any first grade problem without parental interference.

Lipstick said...

What a strange mom...
JBB has even told me stories about being excluded (because he was just grumpy or tired) at birthday parties when I have personally witnessed him being in the middle of all the fun and even entertaining other kids.

Psycho mom...

Mrs. Sitcom said...

WWwwwwwowwwww. One thought - that mom needs to get a life. Ok, two - her daughter is going to have serious issues if my one thought, above, does not happen.

Maybe better y'all steer clear of that bunch...sounds like a whole lotta drama!

 
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