The Reckless Worshipper

We're back from our romantic getaway.  It was really fun, and maybe, if I feel like it, I'll tell you some of the details.

But first, I have to tell you about this absolute IDIOT I came across this morning.

My mother and I were in the car and the road we were driving on merged from two lanes into one.  As I was merging from the right lane I saw a bicyclist riding in front of me.  (He was also merging.)  As I went to move into the single lane a woman in an Audi convertible comes ZOOMING up behind me.  She gets right on my tail and starts pushing me towards the right, nearly running me off the road and into the man on his bicycle.  She speeds past me and flips me the bird.  

Needless to say I was pissed.  Normally I would be annoyed and let it go, but this time I decided to teach this bitch a lesson.  Why this time?  Because right now I am highly sensitive to the safety of people on bikes.

1.  A friend of the family was involved in a serious bike accident in August.  Apparently a woman was in a rush and turned right in front of his bike.  His bike hit her car and he severed his spinal cord.  Because someone was in a big rush, he is paralyzed from the waist down.  This man has two young daughters and is now in a rehab center trying to piece his life back together. It didn't have to happen.

2.  Two weeks ago, my daughters and I saw a teenage boy who was hit by a car on his bike.  I can't even begin to describe what we saw.  It was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life.  I called the emergency room to ask whether or not he survived, they couldn't tell me.  Based on what I saw,  I have a feeling he didn't make it.

Okay, so now you know why I was really pissed.  I decided to follow her to her destination and give her a little lesson in driver's ed.  It was hard to keep up with her, she was speeding down the road going about 55 in a 40 mph zone.  I prayed a cop would pull her over...no such luck.

Finally she turned into a church parking lot.  The same church I go to when I get motivated to get up early on Sunday!

I pulled up next to her hot little car and let me tell you, this chick was a real MONET.  From far away, she looked pretty good, long blond hair, expensive sunglasses, nice jewelry, up close she was scary.  She was about 60 years old and it looked like she had gone under the knife one too many times.

I rolled down my window and addressed her..."You were on your way to CHURCH when you gave me the finger!!!???  I asked.  "I didn't' give you the finger," she replied, "I gave you the thumbs up!"  Hmm, I must need to get my eyes examined, and my mother too.  It appeared to us that it was not her thumb that was sticking up, but I've been wrong before.  Let's assume it was indeed her thumb.

"Do you always give people the thumbs up when you cut them off? You almost ran me off the road!  Did you see the man on the bicycle?  I could have hit him!"  I continued.  She wasn't backing down, "You need to go the speed limit!"  (Apparently it's her job to teach people a lesson if they aren't driving at least 10 mph over the speed limit.)

At this point I decided to get official, "I go to this church ma'am...what is your name?"  This really sent her over the edge, "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!"  She bellowed.

This was going nowhere fast.  My parting words..."You'd better slow down before you kill someone, oh and by the way, don't get anymore face lifts!"

I think I got my point across.  Maybe I'll go to church this Sunday and sit next to her during services.  When it comes time to give each other the sign of peace I'll give her the thumbs up, just like she gave me.