10.17.2008

Mommy has a Potty Mouth

I've got a problem. I realized it the other day when a friend of mine at tennis told me about yet another mean thing my ex team captain did to a fellow player.


I got pretty fired up and admitted that I think this woman is a total bitch who is mean and fucks people over after she lies to their face. As I made my opinions known, I noticed that my friend's eyes bulged out every time I let loose one of my crude expletives. Since I know she doesn't have some weird disease that causes her eyes to pop in and out in a rhythmic fashion, I assume it was a reaction to my foul mouth.

She was in total agreement with me, but she used much gentler words to express her displeasure with this particular person.

As this woman recoiled at my harsh language I could hear my husband's voice. "You're a mom, stop cursing so much." As much as I hate to admit it, the man does have a valid point.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't curse in church (when I go), at my children's school, or in front of my children's friends. It's usually done when I'm not thinking or when I feel comfortable with another person.

Here are some examples...I curse in the car..."That DOUCHEBAG cut me off!" I do it when the dog shits (that's right SHITS) on the floor..."FUCK!!!" When I hurt myself I don't scream "Ouch!" Instead I yell.. "GOD DAMN it!!

It's not very becoming.

It is fun though. I really enjoy doing it. Getting drunk is fun too. But the hangover the next day sure isn't.

Sooo, in my ongoing quest for self improvement I'm going to make a concerted effort to be a lady. I am a relatively intelligent, albeit undisciplined woman, who has a large vocabulary. I can surely find other words to convey my anger or displeasure.

So the next time an inconsiderate oaf cuts in front of me on the Parkway, you will hear me exclaim, "How reckless!! Learn the proper merging technique, you half-witted imbecile!!"

Doesn't that sound grown up?


39 comments:

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Fuck that shit.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Oh, I'm sorry, was that inappropriate for my first visit here?

Lynette said...

I'm with manic mommy on this one, LOL

I'm just like you, once I get comfortable with someone, the nice talk gloves are off....the flood gates open and well, I can't stop it. My Dad was in the Navy for 22 years, I still remember the FIRST time I heard him cus, I was 8 years old!! My kids heard me cus in the womb. LOL I think that old sailor talking trash thing skipped a generation, I got it, LOL

jenn said...

Yeah, I'm afraid I'm just as guilty. Somehow "half-witted imbecile" just isn't nearly as satisfying to shout as "complete fucktard."

Mrs.D said...

Hey, there is a time and place for everything- including bad words. lol. I use them on a regular basis. They are just words. Seriously, crap is the same as shit. What makes it so much more "genteel"?

NJDecorator said...

Once my son was born, my favorite car curse became "ass wipe". Now that my son is 16 and driving even that one comes back to haunt me.

Mom on the Run said...

Potty mouth here, too.

It's tough to stop because nice words just don't always convey exactly what you mean.

Mrs. K said...

fuck no! i am the SAME way...my husband and child tell me the same thing...but it's just that I find that sometimes, you can't express yourself right without the expletive in there...and yeah, I do it with people I feel comfortable with...hey I went out yesterday with the tennis machine...it was BAD. I mean out for 3 weeks and this happens?

Kate said...

Keep a bar of soap with you at all times and shove it in your pie hole

Allie said...

Oh...well when you figure out how to stop cussing and start acting like a lady, please tell me. I needed that secret like yesterday.

The Chic Chauffeur said...

well shit. I liked you better the old way.

A Buns Life said...

I really let the F-bomb fly when I've been drinking and people are always sooo surprised. Then, I'm surprised that they are so surprised because I am CONSTANTLY cussing in my mind, but I am just never appropriate company (unless I am drinking) to let it loose. I agree with manic mommy, Fuck that shit. :)

La Petite Redhead said...

I'm also w/ Manic Mommy on this one!

I usually try to be a grown up(although at 4'10 it's hard to look like a grown up, lol)but I still have a potty mouth.

Some habits die hard. : )

linda said...

I have the same problem...do you think it's a New Jersey/New York thing?
-Linda, NY

Holly said...

Bad mouth here too.
I agree with Mrs D. They are just words. Some people just need to relax ;)

Dr Zibbs said...

There's no way you can fuckin do it.

CashmereLibrarian said...

I grew up in a home where there was no swearing (when my mother was REALLY angry, she'd yell, "hell's bells!"). So of course I swear, foully, all the time. In front of my kids, too.

scargosun said...

You could just make up new words for the curse words...but I am with Manic Mommy.

Tammy said...

I believe the first word my son could say was Damn. I try to watch my mouth for sure around the kids, but after a few glasses of wine...the curse words come out.

Liza said...

Yeah, good luck with that ;)

majgsmiles said...

It is so hard to do and I am able to refrain sometimes but I will never be able to completely stop. And it isn't just a NJ/NY thing as I live in the genteel state of GA :)and cuss like a sailor

The wife said...

I love manic mommy!! I'm a cussin' mom and my Hubby feels the same as yours.

Just Ask Beth said...

HOLY SHIT I am laughing my ass off...!!! sounds like me, Freakin, F Bomb, my personal fav SHIT DAMN HELL! My neighbors ranting has returned and she told me my girls are not welcome at her house, my response was not pretty..

Sass said...

Damn it. Now I have to go reheat my fucking wiener water.

Fucking bloody hell.

;-)

Maureen said...

One time on a return trip from the Carolinas, my friends and I tried to stop cursing. We promised each other by a certain mile marker or state line that we would stop.

It never happened. It's been ten years... crap... we're still cursing.

Feener said...

i too curse like a sailor - i try to use sugar a bunch but honestly nothing feels better than a good motherfucker

Mrs.D said...

I am dying laughing at the "hells bells" comment! My mom would say that all the time too. Harsh words, harsh words. lol....

And I let the big one (MF)rip tonight due to a near catastrophe. In front of my son (and I normally try to only say lesser bad words in his presence, and only if necessary) AND while on the phone with my mom. Double no-no.

Linda S said...

Shit happens...

jerseygirl89 said...

My kids think "Fudge" and "Sugar" are bad words because of the way I say them. I'm not sure that it's better than cursing in front of them.

simplynotso said...

mommy and daddy words, except that i actually get on him for cursing even though i do it too(hypocrite)but it always sounds more harsh from his mouth:)

Taylor said...

what the fuck...

Impoverished Preppy said...

Hmmm... best of luck with that.

I have been trying to rid my vocabulary of "naughty" words since E was about six months old. Sometimes I feel like I've gotten rid of everything but "damn," but all it really takes is a few minutes in front of a non-PG movie or a phone call from my friend T and I'm off and running again.

damn.

Smart A$$ Mom said...

you know....I just don't buy the whole 'your a mom' line. So don't cuss at your kids. I don't curse in front of them(if I can help it) never in front of a friend, never to my kids....but when with adults....all.bets.off. We're in Jersey if you can't use grown up words here, where the fuck can you?!

Tara R. said...

Fortunately my kids are old enough now to not rat me out when my own potty mouth gets the best of me. Mostly my verbal garbage spews while driving in traffic. I'm considering hiring a personal driver.

lorelb said...

OMG, I to fall victim to the Potty Mouth Syndrome and I'll be joining you in the quest to become more of a lady... But I do like Manic Mommy's take on this post! lol

sltbee69 said...

I'm the same way too. I'm always at least saying shit or damn. My poor daughter tries to get me to use the substitute words but I just can't do it. I try not to say the F bomb in front of her but there are times that depending upon how mad I am about something (usually her dad/my hubby), it just might find it's way out of my mouth.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

This Mommy has one too. I do occasionally hold back in certain company.

The Mrs. said...

I prefer douchebag. Lately I've taken to calling everyone "hookers"...that's me...mean, and pregnant with nooooo filter!

Jaina said...

I totally get your husband's point. I generally only curse when I'm really upset. (it's usually a big clue if I start cursing like a sailor) But I really am trying to stop completely.
I think that at least when you're talking about something or particularly someone who's upsetting you, gentler words are the way to go. I tend to try to go by the rule of not saying things that I wouldn't want repeated to that person. (doesn't always work, but I try)

 
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