12.02.2008

It's tough being a hot housewife aka The Pizza Man is Desperate

I'll announce the results of my contest later tonight. I have some judges still debating the winner.


In the meantime, I have a story to tell. As you know, I am getting older (aren't we all?) and don't get hit on very often. So when I do, it's a big deal and I must share.





You probably recall when the motorcycle dude from "The Village People" Hit on me in the Produce Department at Super Foodtown a few weeks back.







Well, my latest suitor is our pizza delivery guy. This one looks like Yul Brynner. He's a big Russian with a bald head. Every time I answer the door, he looks me in the deep in my eyes and stands a bit too close. Last time he came over he told me (with a strong Russian accent)..."you smell really good."

"It's not me," I told him, "I just got a new reed diffuser." He didn't know what the hell a reed diffuser is, but it WASN'T me. The reed diffuser smells AWESOME. Like currants.


"No," he insisted stepping a bit closer, "YOU smell good." Hmmm...I guess he's into the scent of post tennis sweat...ewww!!

Alarm bells go off in my head...






Okay guy. Thanks whatever. Here's your money. Now hurry along, you're kind of freaking me out!!!





Today he arrives, pie in hand. Steps right up next to me and purrs..."I love your hair." A little inappropriate don't you think??



That's when I start talking loud..."ALRIGHTY, THANKS SO MUCH!!! BYE...HAVE A GREAT NIGHT." I shut the door quickly and don't look back.




Yowsa. I think I might need to call Domino's from now on. Their delivery guys are about 12 and have no interest in hitting on housewives.

Maybe a better idea is to only order pizza when I need an ego boost. I've gained a bit of weight post Thanksgiving, I guess the Russians like their women, shall we say, FULL FIGURED.

It's a vicious cycle. Feel fat, need ego boost, order pizza. Eat more pizza, get fatter. I think I'm better off getting my kicks in the Produce Section.


Now excuse me, while I go feed my thighs.

Footnote: Don't worry Braja...I always lock my doors. The guy's a flirt, but my instinct tells me he's harmless. Just to be safe, this cougar's going on a diet-no more pizza deliveries!!!


13 comments:

Vodka Mom said...

ummm, what's the number for that pizza place???

georgie said...

yes i want that number too! wonder if they have a branch here in oklahoma lol

Mrs. K said...

so what is it with you and delivery guys? maybe they are looking to hook up with a cougar! wrao! ok i can't type that sound- but choo know what I'm trying to say right?

P said...

Ok, you hottie, quit trying to seduce the delivery guys. I've been waiting on my pizza for over an hour. Now I know why!

Tara R. said...

The Russian playa is more than a little creepy. Maybe you should switch to Chinese takeout?

Braja said...

I'm not even sure if that's funny. I mean, it is...but is he, like, safe??

Mama Wheaton said...

You have the best visual in your blogs, I think I look forward more to what your creative mind will come up with. As for ordering Chinese, you would probably have the same problem, only shorter and with more hair.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Totally creepy!

Kate said...

all kidding aside do not order from that place anymore great pizza isn't worth having your throat sliced.
He could push you aside and be in your house in no time.

Holly said...

Creepy but hilarious!

Wifey said...

Too funny ... especially your cougar comment. Smiles.

MommyTime said...

bahahahah! That's hilarious. Perhaps he's trying to get you to order more pizza too?

Jaina said...

That's a little creepy. I vote Domino's if you're going to get pizza anymore.

 
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