Hi -

This is Jill Young's husband Brad.

It is with a heavy heart that I share news of Jill's passing.

Jill passed away on Wed. July 12th after a long and courageous battle with brain cancer.

We take great comfort that she leaves behind so much love that she shared, two wonderful daughters and adoring family and friends.

She also left a lot of herself right here in her blog. She loved sharing with so many in her

If you get a chance, please check some older posts out.

Below is her obituary:

Jill Patricia (Witterschein) Young
Age: 52 • Charlotte, Vermont

Jill Patricia Young, 52, of Charlotte, passed away peacefully, surrounded by her loving family on Wednesday, July 12 at the McClure-Miller Respite House after a courageous battle with brain cancer.

Jill was born on May 12, 1965 in Jersey City, NJ, daughter of Bill and Kathy Witterschein of West Chester, Pennsylvania and The Villages, Florida. She married Brad Young of Middlebury, VT on July 18, 1998 and raised two beautiful girls, Meg and Catherine Young, in Rumson, NJ and most recently Charlotte, VT.

Jill is survived by her parents Bill and Kathy, daughters Meg and Catherine, sisters Maura Hulsey and Amy Kluckhuhn and their spouses Tom Hulsey and Robbie Kluckhuhn. Jill also leaves her husband, Brad, and brother and sister-in-law Barry Young and Rhonda Forcier, as well as many aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews who she loved dearly. 

                                                                                                                                             

Jill graduated from East High School in West Chester, PA and Temple University with a Communications degree. Jill used her quick wit and incredible humor to perform improv and landed several acting and modeling jobs.  Jill worked for Radio City Productions and helped organize the Christmas Spectacular, the dedication of Arthur Ashe Stadium and anything that brought her closer to entertainment. She also worked for the American Red Cross overseeing blood drives at the Jersey Shore. 

Jill was proudest in her roles of mother, daughter, sister, niece, friend and aunt.  As a mother, Jill imparted confidence, creativity and humor into her daughters’ lives. Jill was very involved in the kids’ plays costuming, sports, Halloween parades, concerts, crafts and creative endeavors that supported her girls.  As a sister, daughter, niece and aunt, Jill cherished the time she spent with her family and traveled frequently from her home in New Jersey to Vermont and Maryland.  Her presence brightened and enlivened any gathering.  She was unbelievably proud and pleased to celebrate holidays and the accomplishments of her nieces and nephews -Jake, Madeline, Grace, Brian, Craig, Kyle, Greta, Charlie, Zach, Sophie, Drew, Jackson and Kennedy. She was the leader of the fun parade.

As a friend, Jill was humorous and loyal. Many of her friendships dated back well into childhood.  She loved her neighbors and loved hanging with the kids in her Rumson neighborhood.  She was engaging and kind – a special combination.

She loved the beach and would share this love with her family and friends with gathering at the Sands Beach club.  She loved movies, music and pop culture, but was equally at home exploring her spirituality.

To say Jill was a fan of tennis would be an understatement.  She was a fanatic.  She loved being on the court and in the stands – either as a team captain, member or spectator. She was passionate to the point of exuberance. She made great friends through tennis both in New Jersey and Maryland.

Jill had a great creative outlet in writing that shared her humor and experiences. She shared her observations in her blog, Caffeine Court.  This is a gift of memories that she has shared with her family and friends.  It can be found at caffeinecourt.blogspot.com .  

A Memorial Service celebrating Jill’s life will be held at 3 p.m. on Saturday, July 22 at Mead Memorial Chapel on the campus of Middlebury College, Middlebury, VT.  In lieu of flowers, friends may make donations to: Margaret and Catherine Young at Jill Young Memorial Fund c/o Rhonda Forcier, 19 Loubier Drive, Essex Junction, VT 05452. These donations will be thoughtfully used for the girls to pursue their passions and educational pursuits as Jill would wish. 

Welcome

Once upon a time, not so long ago, I had a blog.

Technically, I still have one.

Don't be frightened away by my lack of recent posts.

Yes, I have TEMPORARILY lost interest, but at one time I was very interested in posting, and
and there are some fun posts in my archives.

If you're here, don't leave yet.

Take a look around, take a stoll down memory lane.

As the Terminator said, "I'll be back!"

In the meantime, consider my blog to be an old sitcom in syndication.

Sit back, grab a Diet Coke and a bag of chips and enjoy the reruns.

It's cheaper than HBO, and way more fun. (Okay, maybe not, but humor me)

Oh Wayne, I've missed you so!

Like most of us, there are moments in life when I feel a little stressed. I know I'm really lucky to have two wonderful daughters and a very busy life, but sometimes the happiest of times require double time effort. Around the holidays I almost reached a breaking point. There was a TON of pressure I was being pulled in so many directions, parties, travel, traffic, and the usual chaos, times a thousand.

One of the biggest stresses for me, was trying make sure everyone was happy, which we all know, is impossible.

It seems that, as much as I tried to please everyone, inevitably someone was left feeling neglected, which always makes me feel crappy. (Is there a therapist in the blogging audience?)


In all the craziness, I made some decisions.

In addition to cutting down on my junk food and caffeine consumption, drastically,
I made an effort to listen to more music and less talk and news radio. Unfortunately the news reports while informative, can really stress me out. Have you ever heard the term, "Ignorance is bliss?"


Anyway, The other day, as I listened to the news, I decided to tune it out and crank up some tunes. as I reached for a CD, I looked down and there he was, smiling up at me from the side door pocket of my minivan, was the man. My man. Dr. Wayne Dyer.

To be continued..

Smelly Jelly Belly

I'm going to Florida tomorrow and I was at Marshall's looking for cute sneakers to wear with capris to Epcot. (Easier said than done.)

As I approached the checkout I noticed a shelf full of Jelly Belly Sugar-Free jelly beans. It was one day post detox so I decided to give myself a treat.




Then I noticed the warning label:


Start with 8 beans or less??? After a major detox?? No way Jose. I downed the entire bag.

Then I looked at the package. 35 beans have 8 GRAMS OF FIBER!

Uh-oh.



Here are the ingredients:

Malitol, Malitol Syrup, Polydextrose, Modified Food Starch, Contains 2% or Less of the Following: Sucralose, Citric Acid, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Color Added, Red 40, Yellow 5 & 6, Red 40 Lake, Blue 2 Lake, Yellow 5 & 6 Lake, Blue 1, Tapioca Dextrin, Beeswax, Carnauba Wax, Confectioner's Glaze, Salt.

Look up Maltitol. Actally don't bother, I'll save you some time.

Here's a little tidbit that I found...

"Due to its slow absorption, excessive consumption of Maltitol can have a laxative effect and produce intestinal gas, bloating, and diarrhea. It is very easy for food producers to use it in vast quantities, due to its similarity to sugar, so consumers often end up ingesting far more than they could most other sugar alcohols. This means that maltitol is particularly associated with gastrointestinal upset."

I don't want to lose the few readers I have left with all the gory details, but let's just say, a large tablespoon of flaxseed followed by a chaser of sugar-free Jelly Bells is an UGLY combination. We're talking Depends ugly. It's a bad scene. TRUST ME.

Okay, let's change the subject....

I'm fleeing freezing cold Jersey tomorrow to head to The Sunshine State for a spell.

I will catch y'all when I return next week.

In the meantime, step away from the Jelly Bellys.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

The post detox energy burst....

Look at me!!! Three postings in one day! Where did all this energy come from?! You would think that with a blog named Caffeine Court, that it came from consuming large quantities of Diet Coke and Lattes. That IS what you thought isn't it? Well, you're WRONG!!!

It actually came from CUTTING DOWN my caffeine intake.

A very fit friend of mine suggested I try a detox.

When she first told me about it, I was skeptical. If sounded like a temporary fix. Too gimmicky. But then I looked at my energetic, thin, youthful looking pal and I was sold.

Here is the plan she gave me:

Day 1: Miracle Juice-Combine 8 oz. of all-natural cranberry juice with 56 oz. of water in a pot. Bring to a light boil.
Place 1/2 tsp. cinnamon and 1/4 tsp. each ginger and nutmeg in a tea ball and steep in the liquid for 15 min.
Allow to cool, then stir in 3/4 cup fresh OJ, 1/4 cup lemon juice, and SteviaPlus natural sweetener to taste. (I did not add sweetener, it was pretty sour but still do-able).

The Plan: Upon waking, stir 2 Tbsp. ground flaxseed into 1 Cup Miracle Juice and drink. One hour later, drink 8 oz. water. Every hour for the next 12 hours, alternate drinking a glass of juice (no flax in it) with a glass of water. Before bed, mix another 2 Tbsp. ground flax in the final cup of juice and enjoy.

This makes one day's worth of the juice.

Day 2 and 3:

Breakfast: Eggs (can be eaten with veggies)
Mid Morning Snack: Yogurt with fresh fruit (I used Dannon Activa)
Lunch: Beets and Artichokes (can be eaten with salad and 6oz. lean protein)
Mid Afternoon Snack: Baked Apple with Cinnamon
Dinner: Broccoli and Cauliflower (can be eaten with small portion lean protein)

My husband did the detox with me with no ill effects. I think he fared better than me is because he drinks half a cup of coffee per day. I, on the other hand, had a pretty bad reaction on day one. SEVERE caffeine withdrawal. I stupidly refused to give in and pushed through to day two.

Days two and three were a breeze and I feel awesome. Very few cravings for junk, coffee isn't really appealing to me and I've lost 5 lbs. LOVE IT!!!

Apparently this is the plan Jennifer Garner uses before Awards Shows and such. Anyway, it works and you don't feel like you are starving (on days two and three!!).The foods and spices are all supposed to help flush things like your liver and help you jump start fat burning, etc. I'm no expert though.

Check out this article. It explains the whole thing in more detail.

My only other piece of advice. DO NOT treat yourself to Jelly Belly sugar free jelly beans. ESPECIALLY not an entire bag. It's ugly I tell you.

But that's tomorrow's post.

Stay tuned.

Damn I'm good,

Mani/Pedi, hair foil and cut, eyebrow wax, spray tan.

And the day isn't even half way over.

All WITHOUT a drop of caffeine.

I AM SUPERWOMAN.

More about my caffeine withdrawal and detox later. I'm on a roll people!

Better to give a little, than nothing at all.

I've been feeling kind of bad lately about letting my little blog die, so I've decided to check in once a day...just to say hello and write SOMETHING, anything!!!

If you thought this blog was shallow before, get ready to hit dry land.

Here goes....

Nothing comes easy...

Happy New Year! (Or should I say, Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day?) Whatever...

I've got to tell you, I had some lofty goals for the old blog this year. I actually thought for a moment that I would try to post EVERY SINGLE DAY in 2011. What a joke!!!

I CAN tell you this. I am so damn proud of myself for actually logging in to Blogger and posting something. ANYTHING.

I can't blame my lack of material on a shortage of ideas. I have ideas all the time. BRILLIANT ideas, hilarious ideas. They come to me at odd times, like when I'm sitting in the line for school pickup, or at the supermarket. In the past, I would write them down. Now...well they just kind of faaaade away.

It really is incredible that anyone blogs at all, when you think of everything that goes into a good post.

It's kind of like getting married and staying married, or selling a house. So much has to fall into place. You've got to meet the right person, he has to think YOU'RE the right person...you need to share the same values and goals. Hopefully you're sexually compatible. You need to get along with each other's families, and then you have to buy a ring, plan a wedding, LIVE together. Holy Hell. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

Same thing for selling a house. You've got to get your house all cleaned up. Then everyone has to look at it. Maybe someone will like it and think you have it priced right. Then they abuse you and make you fix everything, the lawyers get involved. Next comes the mortgage. They look at every transaction you've ever made since you were 17 years old. One slip and NO mortgage. Wow. No wonder the real estate market is in the tank.

The same goes for this blog. I have to come up with one of my brilliant ideas. (That's the easy part ;) ) THEN, I have to actually write it down when it comes to me, which in many cases would require me to get out of bed at 1 am and get a pen and paper.) THEN, at some future time I would have to go to my computer and NOT log on to Facebook. (Harder than it seems.)

I then have to actually log on to Blogger and write without interruption.

Holy sh*t. No wonder this blog has died.

The good news is...I actually did it today AND I've managed to stay married for almost 13 years.

Damn I'm good.

Maybe tomorrow I will do it again.

I'm on a roll people. I'm making it happen.

It's this kind of get up and go that makes America great.

More soon....God willing.

The nerve of this guy!!

I heard some giggling in my daughter's room the other day, and THIS...is what I found!

Can you believe it?! I KNEW that Elf on the Shelf was a sneaky looking dude.

I don't know who to blame...Kurt the Elf, or these sleazy Bratz dolls. Such sluts! I caught them fondling a Ken doll around Thanksgiving, and now this!

To add insult to injury, I found an empty bottle of Jim Beam spilled all over my daughter's floor. THANK GOODNESS my children were at school at the time. I don't want my innocent little girls tainted by the tawdry antics of this horny elf and his plastic concubines.

I told my little one that Kurt has been transferred to a family in Texas. He is no longer welcome in our home.

If you happen to have one of these sneaky little elves in your home, keep a very close eye on him. Hide your Barbies, and make sure you lock your bathroom door when you take a shower. Behind that cute little smirk lies an alcoholic pervert just waiting to take advantage of unsuspecting families, trying to add a little holiday magic to their children's lives.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

On a lighter note, Merry Christmas to you all.

I leave you with this quote from Dr. Seuss' "How The Grinch Stole Christmas."

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

That one gets me every time. Truly. It brings a tear to my eye. Dr. Seuss is brilliant.

I feel so blessed that I will spend my Christmas surrounded by the ones I love. I am so thankful for my amazing family and friends, and despite the fact that I haven't been blogging much, I am very grateful for all the wonderful people I have met through Caffeine Court.

Stay safe and I will be back in 2011!

Can you re-gift a post??

I guess technically, you can't. But you CAN repost a post.

Sooooo...without further adieu...here's a post from December 2009.

Christmas Letters: Writer Discretion is Advised...

Here's what NOT to write...

Dear Friends,

2009: the year (and the decade) ends. If we were like most of you, we'd be exhausted, but since we are better than you, we feel exhilarated!!

We're thrilled to report that our entire family is healthy, happy and excelling at all we do.

We realize that the economy is tough. Many of you are out of work or struggling to make ends meet. We feel for you.

Happily, our careers are thriving. Things on the job front are all moving in a positive direction. My company is growing in leaps and bounds. I received a big promotion along with a raise and bonus. We are so thankful for our good fortune and the sky is the limit.

Maryann has been teaching five courses at the university. All were at the masters level. She has traveled the country lecturing to sold out crowds in Boston, Denver, Philly and Chicago.

She also worked as the General Contractor on our massive home renovation. Wait until you see our new Chef's kitchen, home theater, incredible master bath and full finished basement. We certainly hope it makes you green with envy!!!

Onto the kids!!! Evan (12) is a lacrosse and baseball champion. In addition to making straight A's he has been playing on 5 undefeated teams and attending many prestigious lacrosse camps in his "free time."

Riley (9) continues with her rigorous ice skating program and we have our sights set on the 2018 Winter Olympic Games! Having such a talented daughter is quite an adventure and we thank god every day that he gifted her with such skill and grace.

And let's not forget little Will. (7) Will is the family daredevil. He has won a trophy case full of awards in snowboarding, surfing and skateboarding. It's amazing how he masters whatever he tries with such gusto and skill!!!

Well, that wraps up another chapter in our busy, blessed lives.

May you all be as lucky as we are in 2010.

With love-

The Fab Family

Oh and by the way...I live a few doors down from the Fab Family. I exaggerated their letter, but the REAL letter is embellished so damn much, it should win an award, for SCIENCE FICTION!!!

The card has been ordered!

Retro Wheel Green Christmas Card

Shop Shutterfly.com for elegant Christmas photo cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

It's been way too long!!!!

It's been almost a month since I last sat down at my laptop for any other reason than to check my bank account, shop for Christmas gifts or mindlessly browse Facebook.

I've lost that blogging feeling.

Blogs are like plants. They need attention and care, or they end up dried up in the corner, all shriveled up and brown.

My blog has reached that point, but all is not lost.

Even though Caffeine Court appears to be on it's last legs, there is still one little green leaf hiding behind the dead foliage.

I am going to take that little leaf and nurture it...and perhaps one day, my blog will be in full bloom once again.

WOW. No wonder I haven't blogged in so long. That was pathetic.

Anyway, I'm back, for now. Life has thrown me a few curve balls of late, but nothing I can't handle, and I remain optimistic that all is well. Life works in cycles. You've got to take the bad with the good, right?

On that note, I'm going to list some of the GOOD stuff that's been going on:

-A very big fundraiser for my daughter's school that I was on the committee for, was a HUGE success. Despite the sorry state of our economy, we raised a ton of money AND had a great time while we did it. (Oh and I discovered the magic of splurging on a blowout the day of a big event. It's totally worth it to have movie star hair when you are going to be hobnobbing with 250 of your closest friends.)

-My tennis game is smokin'. I know that can change at any time, but as of late...I'm on fire.

-One of my best friends is training to be a Pilates instructor at a really swanky studio that I could never afford to go to. She needs 75 hours on the machines, so I have been getting lots of free one on one instruction. It feels sooo good and it's very relaxing. The downside? I look like I'm having a seizure when I do the abdominals. After two c-sections, my abs are worthless and weak.

-I had a very Happy Thanksgiving at my little sister's house in Maryland. Both my sisters were there along with all our children. I love them all so much and we always have a great time together. (I won't get into the details of a very heated public argument my youngest sister and I had at the Christmas Festival from Hell that she took us to. THAT was a low point, but the kids really enjoyed watching us go at it. It was like something straight out of "Real Housewives of NJ." Not one of my best moments. Isn't it amazing what stress, no sleep, no food and a hot, loud, crowded room filled with mutants can do to a person? My husband still hasn't recovered from it. MORTIFIED doesn't even begin to describe how humiliated he was. (But he still loves me...remarkable.)

-Oh and one last thing. My eyebrows are loookin' good. I went to one of the BROWISTAS at the local Arch Brow Bar and they worked their magic on me. What a difference. Seriously, it's like an eye lift.

If you want an instant, major improvement in your appearance, go to someone who knows how to do brows. It will change your life.

It's been so nice touching base with you.

We really should do this more often.

On Politics and Manners

Another election has come and gone. If you've been reading this blog long enough, I'm sure you know I am very pleased with the outcome. I'm not going to do a victory dance or get all in your face about how happy I am, but I feel good.

What I don't feel good about is the nastiness that comes out during election time.

Yesterday on Facebook it was madness.

Friends of mine from high school posted the most absurd and rude pictures, including this:

and this...

I found these annoying and immature, and I thought to myself, "don't even dignify it with a response..it's not worth it." And then, what did I do????

I TOOK THE BAIT!!!

I wrote a little note to each of these people letting them know, in a nice way, that I found these photos offensive.

Big mistake.

Why? Because people who put stuff like this up on the internet are not rational if you don't agree with them. If you disagree with Obama's policies they start screaming about Bush and they can get VERY nasty.

One of their favorite tactics is to become pompous and condescending.

Here are a few choice comments from some of my exchanges yesterday...

"I lived in Europe and we were a laughing stock when Bush was in office." (She lived in France...not exactly a model for good government. Things are a MESS in France. But I'm sure they all felt really good about themselves while they sat around drinking wine and talking about the "ugly Americans.")

"It's some place, this Duhmerica, isn't it?" (Apparently yesterday's election results were based on stupidity...I guess voting Republican means you are STUPID. It's a shame that they hate this country so much. Very sad indeed.)

"I just hear so much blather, such utter nonsense, particularly from IDIOTS like Glenn Beck. Sheer nonsense. And then I hear people parrot it back, like it's true."
Not everyone who votes Republican is an IDIOT who is simply parroting back the opinions of Glenn Beck. To imply that that is the case is once again...pompous and RUDE!

"Love ya too, you wingnut fascist demagogue! Joke!" The adult equivalent of "those shoes are so ugly!! Just kidding!! They're cute. Why are you upset?? I was KIDDING!!"

And the piece de resistance...

Great. Let's put back into power the same party that fucked everything up. THAT WILL SOLVE EVERYTHING. Congratulations America, on your short term memory loss and idiocy.

Get over yourself. Do you think you could have voiced that opinion in a CIVIL tone? No, you can't, because you are so much smarter than everyone else, aren't you? And it makes you SOOOO MAD that people who don't agree with you are SO DAMN STUPID!!!! GRRRRR!!!

Later today, I'm going to do a little housecleaning on Facebook. I'm certainly not going to eliminate my friends who disagree with me politically. I respect their opinions and I welcome a good debate. A good political discussion is a beautiful thing, when you can keep things respectful.

If you can't play nice, then you're off the Caffeine Court team. CUT!!! Take your ball and go play with the other SMART mean kids.

Before I go, remember this...tolerance and diversity are what makes this country great. (Yes, I think America is a great country...DUH.)

Practice what you preach.

RESPECT.

Peace out.

Mrs. Overly Competitive Middle Aged Team Tennis Player....

I was driving in the car today, when I heard the radio version of this commercial....it's one of Bud Light's hilarious "Real Men of Genius" spots...

This particular spot really hit home for me because it's all about ME...on the tennis court.

A few of the phrases really rang true...(sing the words in red...)

"A little competition never hurt anybody...unless of course that person happens to be the person you're playing against. Bring on the pain."

or

"Blazing speed? NO! Great hands? NO? Unresolved issues over being cut from the team 17 years ago? BIG TIME!!!! I still have issues!"


"You leave it all out on the field (court)...your blood, your sweat, your dignity. Dignity is overrated!!!"


No kidding. Just ask my sister. I played against her a couple of weeks ago and she laughed at me the entire time. The mean look on my face, the way I hurled my body across the court after every ball paying no mind to how absolutely hideous I looked as a flailed my 45 year old body around the court with full gusto.

It's quite a sight. Perhaps someday I'll have someone video me and post it for your enjoyment.

Picture the dude in this commercial with longer hair and a tennis skirt:



Sooooo, if you ever want to join me for a "friendly" game of tennis. FUHGGEDABOUT IT!!

I've got issues!!!

But at least I admit it.

The Breaking Point

I'm up, at 4:30 in the morning.

Why? You ask.

Well, I'll tell you why. About 30 minutes ago, I was rudely awakened by a deafening crash.

I leaped from my warm bed, thinking an intruder had entered my home.

I should have known better.

I entered my bathroom and there was glass everywhere, and in the middle of it stood my cat, licking up the water all over the tile floor and purring loudly.

I grabbed some paper towels and a broom and proceeded to pick up the mess. I then proceeded to wake each member of my family to ask them to avoid the area until I can vacuum at the crack of dawn.

Like the glass, I might have reached my breaking point.

Owning 3 dogs and a cat is starting to get to me.

(Okay, it's been getting to me for a long time, but I'm finally admitting it.)

I love them so much.

Too much.

But cleaning up the hair, poop, and throw up is wearing me down.

Throw in the vet bills, nail trimming, brushing, meds, helping my elderly Lab up and down the stairs as well as cleaning up the garbage every time my Dachshund gets in the trash and getting yelled at by my husband each time the Pug jumps on the couch and it really gets ugly. (Yes, it's a run on sentence, I know...cut me a break...I'm TIRED!!!)

Oh, have I mentioned finding someone to care for this menagerie every time we go away? Not an easy task, but easier than the pain I feel if I board them all for a week.

CHA CHING!!

Oh yes, I forgot to tell you about the humiliation of running up and down my street with a hot dog if one of them gets out and tries to run down a busy road, or the screams of scared children who are afraid of dogs and come to visit our home.

Do I sound bitter?

I'm really not, because my love for them makes it all worth it.

But I am tired.

Very, very tired.

I guess nothing good comes easy.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go clean out the litter box.

(Unless one of the dogs gets hungry and beats me to it.)

Thanks for listening.

Okay Robblogger, your little tactic worked...

I just received the following comment:

"I just read your blog. It’s alright. By that I mean it’s not entirely horrible. There were parts where I thought I would rather be pleasuring myself with sandpaper, but you definitely have potential. I think it might be beneficial for you to check out a truly excellent blog, Inspired by Caffeine and Nicotine Operation Z. I am willing to give you a few tips. Love Robblogger."

SAY WHAT!!!!????

I was a little taken aback, and at the same time, intrigued, so I payed Rob a little visit and this is what I found:

"I just read your blog. It’s alright. By that I mean it’s not entirely horrible. There were parts where I thought I would rather be pleasuring myself with sandpaper, but you definitely have potential. I think it might be beneficial for you to check out a truly excellent blog, Inspired by Caffeine and Nicotine Operation Z. I am willing to give you a few tips. Love Robblogger

I posted that to a bunch of blogs today. I’m really not that big an asshole. Let me explain. But first, let’s move on with our second title...

To be completely clear I did not mean what I said in that comment. I am completely unwilling to give anyone advice. And the only place I posted that little love note, was on blogs I thought were truly excellent, and to those I thought might be able to take a joke. I blame my girlfriend. She suggested I post comments to Bloggerites I really enjoyed. For the last couple weeks I have been taking her advice, and Pearl Harboring sites I like, with adulation and praise. It hasn’t worked. I’ve been sending out love and getting none in return. I feel like Charlie Brown on Valentine’s Day. That is no way to make me feel, shame on you bloggers.

I have gone biblical, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” I had to come up with a teaser that would get viewers over here. What kind of remark would get me to go check out someone else’s thoughts? The above horribly insulting and egotistical memo is what I came up with. I am willing to admit it is not the nicest thing I have done, but I had an unhappy childhood. I didn’t have a Nintendo. I had to make do with an Atari. If my childhood had been filled with rescuing a Princess, instead of endlessly trying to get a frog across a busy street, I might not have the need for attention I suffer with today."


Okay Rob, I get it, and your little trick worked. Here is some attention from me, a lapsed blogger who totally gets the need for comments and attention.

If anyone else would like to reward Rob with some attention after his desperate cry for attention, you can find him here.

A Minty-Fresh Pick Me Up!!!

Okay, so you loved the MAC "Shroom" eyeshadow, now I'm going to let you in on another product that I adore that combines two of my favorite things, fresh breath and caffeine...

FOOSH® Energy Mints.

These little suckers rock!! As you know, I love the burst of energy I get from my coffee and Diet Coke, the drawbacks of these two little addictions are, frequent trips to the ladies room, brown teeth, aspartame and coffee breath. YUK.

FOOSH® Energy Mints are sugarfree, fat-free and made with premium peppermint to give you amazingly fresh breath while energizing your life! More than that, each energy mint in every tin or blister pack of FOOSH® is like having a cup of coffee ready to go in your pocket!

Get Fooshed Today!

Imagine, smelling minty fresh while you whiz through your day full of vim and vigor.

FOOSH Mints. Truly a dream come true.

(The people over at FOOSH asked if I would be their celebrity spokesperson, but I politely declined. As you know, I'm too busy with tennis, Facebook and reading The National Enquirer to hold down such a demanding job...if any of you are interested in the gig, let me know and I'll pass the word onto the folks at Vroom Foods, Inc.)

Tip of the Day

MAC eyeshadow in "Shroom." $14.

So. Flattering.

Go buy it.

NOW.

That's all I've got.

Stay tuned for my new favorite tee.

Farewell Sisley, I love you so....

Today was a very sad day for me.

A few months ago, my friends and I spent a wonderful weekend in NYC. One of the highlights for me was my makeover at the Sisley counter at Saks.

A miracle worker named Joey introduced me to the wonderful world of high end cosmetics and skin care.

Because my birthday and Mother's Day were approaching, I indulged myself and purchased a very expensive tub of Sisley Eye and Lip Contour Creme.

Big mistake.

Not because it was a rip off, but because it is fabulous!!! I love it so much. It really soothes my under eye area, it feels heavenly and it gets rid of my puffiness.

Every morning I would gingerly use my little Sisley spoon and dip it in this magic elixir and then revel in it's magical powers. (Did you know that you are supposed to use a sterile spoon to scoop your moisturizer...if you don't you might CONTAMINATE it.) C'est horrible!!!!

As we all know, all good things must come to an end and since I'm on a budget, I simply cannot justify purchasing another container of this wonder potion right now.

(And forget the Botox sister. I laid off that a long time ago and my forehead looks worse than my Pug's!!!)

Right now my only beauty indulgence is my trip to the hair salon every six weeks for the best highlights I've ever had. I skimped on my hair for a long time and the result was a brassy orange dutch boy hairdo that was an embarrassment to both me and my family.

Damn this economy!!!

Anyway, if any of you gals have a suggestion for an amazing eye cream that won't require me to take out a second mortgage on the house, please share.

We ladies have to help each other out in these tough times.

Oh and as always, if you have a product you would like me to advertise, especially one that can make me look better, you know where to find me. At home, sitting on the computer, while I should be scrubbing my shower.

Love ya!!

Common Sense

In my last post I promised to talk about my "wildly successful diet." I hope I didn't get you too excited because it's not really anything all that special.

Let's start at the beginning.

As I mentioned, I was with my girls this summer ALL THE TIME. It was stressful at times, so occasionally we entertained ourselves by going out for ice cream, or hitting the candy aisle at 7-11. No matter how tense things got, we all agreed that a Slurpee and a box of Nerds can make everything all better.

As you all know, there are consequences to every action, and boy did I learn that the hard way.

Towards the end of my tennis season I went to put on one of my favorite tennis skirts and I could barely pull it up over my thighs.

I was so stubborn that I managed to wiggle it up over my big, beefy butt. When I finally managed to get it all the way on, it actually hurt, but I refused to remove it. I wore the damn thing through an entire tennis match in 100 degree weather. Can you say "intense pain, coupled with an atomic wedgie?"

You can't even imagine how lovely it was pulling that tiny little skirt down to go to the bathroom after getting all sweaty and THEN having to pull that thing up again. Absolutely horrendous, I tell you, and the chafing was beyond belief.

Are you getting the picture? It was ugly, but it was good for me, to realize how chubby I had become over the summer. I needed to punish myself, and I refused to go out and buy larger clothes.

As a result of the ass and inner thigh injuries I sustained by wearing that little pink girdle for three straight hours, I began paying attention to how many times a day I blindly threw crappy food into my mouth. A marshmallow here, a handful of fries, a bag of jelly beans, a few goldfish crackers. It was like a cash register of calories, CHA CHING, CHA CHING, CHA CHING.

I was at a crossroads, either I could continue to consume massive quantities of junk all day long, while my body slowly but surely expanded, little by little, OR I could become mindful about what I was eating. By the grace of God, I chose to stop the insanity.

I started to stop myself every time I reached for a spoonful of ice cream or a couple of Oreos. I stocked my shelves with healthy food, like granola, bananas, avocados, and salads.

I started drinking one coconut water in the morning and then lots of water all day long, and very quickly, I started to notice that my pants got a little looser and my belly a little flatter.

I've only been good for about 3 weeks, but already the results astound me.

So that's it. No South Beach, no personal trainer, just an awareness of what I was consuming and cutting out the crap.

I'm also going to start running again this week.

I'll admit that I caved on Saturday and had a few beers and some cheese fries at our local fair, but I'm going to make up for it this week.

So that's my secret. Pretty common sense.

Less calories, healthier food and lots of water equals a very comfortable size small tennis skirt.

I leave you with a few weight loss quotes:

The rest of the world lives to eat, while I eat to live. - Socrates

We never repent at having eaten too little. -Thomas Jefferson

and finally, it I'm having a bad day...

When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen


It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it. ~Roseanne Barr

So who am I going to emulate? Socrates and Thomas Jefferson or Woody Allen and Roseanne?

Only time will tell.

(Now go Google COCONUT WATER, then go buy some. It's awesome.)

Coming up...who knows? But I'm always open to suggestions!!