Men are from Mars...

This was the first year my daughter attended the annual "Pop Warner Dance."

She was so excited. We went to the mall and got her a awesome new outfit and she and her friends were giddy with excitement as we pulled up to the local Knights of Columbus Hall for the big bash.

Since she's only in 5th grade I thought I'd take a look inside to make sure everything was cool before I left.

As I entered the dark, loud hall, I realized very quickly that everything was most definitely NOT cool.

It was a disaster.

There were over 100 kids packed into the room, and there were three men serving as chaperones, including the man at the door. Three men and 124 rowdy 5th and 6th graders!!! Not a good ratio.

I know the male mentality. How hard could it be? Rent a hall, get a D.J., invite every kid in town and we make a huge profit for Pop Warner. NOT SO SIMPLE.

I couldn't believe my eyes. Kids were dropping like flies. The tile floor was as slippery as an ice skating rink and covered in spilt soda. Boys were pushing and shoving each other, kids were piled up on the dance floor slam dancing. Other kids were running out into the parking lot.

I was freaking out. There was no way in HELL I was leaving my daughter in that mosh pit. A friend of mine had the same horrified look on her face that I did.

We decided to take action.

We informed the men that we were going to "hang out for a bit" just to make sure things were under control. They assured us that they had a handle on things as bodies hurled past us and children bolted out the front door. "It's okay, we assured them, we WANT to help...we INSIST!"

At that point we began tending to the wounded. One boy was kicked and thrown against a wall, another fell on the slippery floor and had a black eye and a huge cut across his forehead. I felt like it was a scene out of "Platoon."

One kid spilled an entire glass of soda all over the D.J.'s computer, another kid took the raffle basket and threw the tickets all over the floor, balloons were popping and the conga line was trampling over anyone who got in the way. Did I mention the hanky panky going on in the dark corners of the dance floor? I was too busy putting ice on kids' injuries to throw cold water on the horny 6th graders. That was a job for the coaches.

By the time 9 o'clock rolled around I was ready for a stiff drink. The good news is...no one was killed and no one got pregnant.

The bad news is, my child will never attend a Pop Warner Dance EVER again.

So, how was YOUR weekend?


Mom on the Run said...

That's why there are no men on the 8th grade dance committee. They.are.clueless.

They WERE those boys running wild, so of course they thought nothing of it.

Feener said...

that is so scary on so many levels......

Mrs. D said...

Who the heck is Pop Warner? And I don't blame you a bit for not letting her go back. Sounds like complete chaos!

Frau said...

Mothers intuition is always right!

a. said...

Sounds like a circus. And 3 men "watching" all those kids? Ha!

Preppy 101 said...

I would say you saved the day and those men don't even realize it!! xoxo

Kate said...

Thank God you went in this should be reported to whoever is in charge of the Pop Warner Fund Raisers. A child could have been trampled and had a serious head injury. This has to be stopped in it's tracks.
They have to limit the crowd so that there is some control.

The Mrs. said...

Holy shi=ot. Is this what I have to look forward to?

Kate said...

I agree w/ Mom on the Run...they forgot that THEY used to be the horny sixth grade boys!

Doesn't everyone know you need a MOM (or 5) to handle that kind of chaos?

Jaina said...

It's lucky you and your friend were there! Of course, that makes me question all the other parents who clearly didn't check or didn't care.

Tickled Pink And Green said...


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