A Kinder, Gentler Confrontation

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I were in Borders browsing through the books. I was checking out a table full of "relationship" books and I came across this beauty.

"Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love" (Relationship Repair in a Flash.)

This is a book of flash cards to use when you get in an argument with your significant other.

It's a very effective little tool, but of course, it made ME laugh. It cracked me up that I could run and grab some flash cards every time my husband and I have a heated disagreement.

My sisters and I have a way of fighting that in many cases, is FAR from politically correct, (it's the Jersey in us) so the idea of using these cards was preposterous to me, but at the same time, it made perfect sense. If I could only learn to react in such a calm and mature manner. My life would be so PEACEFUL!!!

Here are some examples of the flash cards:

Instead of saying, "I can't stand you! You are such a controlling bastard!!!" You say... "I realize I'm overreacting. Can you give me a minute to get sane again?"

Here are some other "go to" phrases to use in the heat of the moment.

"When you go on and on like that, I feel invisible to you."

"Even though I've been arguing my position like a crazy person, I can see where your point of view makes sense."

"What can I say that would make you feel understood?"

"I'm sorry if I acted like mine was the only reality."

"I treasure you."

"You are precious, and I get that I haven't been treating you like you are."

Go ahead, say them out loud.

Try using them the next time you get in an argument.

The worst thing that can happen is that you and you and your husband bust out laughing, and maybe even, forget what the heck you were fighting about in the first place.

I REALLY wanted to buy it, for pure entertainment, but my husband didn't want me to spend the money, so I got annoyed. I was about to say. "Don't be so cheap, it's only 10 bucks!!" But then I realized how destructive that would be, instead, I flipped to an appropriate card and responded, "Of course, I respect your opinion, and will abide by it."

I did, however, make a mental note to buy one at a later date, when I wasn't with him. (Do you see why we argue??!)

Later this afternoon, I'm going to go for it! I'm going to cruise on over to Borders to pick up a copy.

I might even pick a fight, just so I can use use it!!!

Good relationships take work, but you might as well have a good time while you're doing it.


I can't wait.


brown eyed girl said...

wow. i'd totally feel like my husband was being patronizing if he said half of that. i fight dirty and then say nice things when i'm calmer. it works for me, lol!

3 Men and a Lady said...

Yeah... I don't roll that way, either. Those cards would get thrown at my house.

Bossy Betty said...

I would like to make my own cards, please.

Jillian, Inc said...

ha! Flash cards would not work in my case because I'm usually yelling at him from another room to lessen my proximity to him. I mean, when I'm p*ssed at him, who the hell wants to be in the same room with him? And I've also heard fighting naked is supposed to work. In our case, he would totally be laughing. Crying but laughing. ha!

R.J. said...

Outstanding idea! A friend's teenage daughter used those in her car. Some were to pick up guys, some were to put off guys. I wonder if it would work with little kids.

liz said...

These are funny! I don't think either of us could say, "I treasure you" without bursting into laughter. Sounds so soap-opery.

PaperCourt said...

Hilarious...I need these.

Everyday Goddess said...

Hey there!
I liked this so much I gave you an award!
Come on down and collect it soon!

Leah said...

"I might even pick a fight, just so I can use it" LOL! Excellent post. I am sorely tempted to seek this very special product out and give it a whirl--even if, as you say, only for laughs.

I agree, though, "I treasure you" would never fly...

Fragrant Liar said...

Gee, that's what I've been missing all these years? Flash cards? And to think I could have saved all three of my marriages if I'd just flashed a little more.

Wait. That's what THEY said!

TechnoBabe said...

I think these would be great. I am going to check them out online. Nice post. Enjoy the fight, and the making up.

Constant Frivolity said...

I had to read this post out loud to my husband. I was laughing so hard I couldn't even get through a couple of them, especially "you are precious, and I get that I haven't been treating you that way." Are you kidding me? We were both busting a gut at that one, I was crying I laughed so hard. Then we thought, maybe that is the point.

Thanks for a great laugh!

Lipstick said...

I just burst out laughing while reading this entire post!!!

I really want to buy those...we would laugh like freaks and then...probably a little fun would happen

Grace's Mom said...

I wish I could say that my hubby and I don't need these, but I can see where they would come in useful! The thing is, we usually get around to saying these kinds of things, but it sometimes takes a while! It might be nice to cut to the chase!

Mags said...

OMG...I just stumbled upon your blog and busted out laughing. Since I use the learning flash cards with my kids, I think they too will bust out laughing if I used flash cards when sparring with my husband. LOL!!!

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