It's been awhile since I've checked out my Google Analytics stats and now I remember why I don't look very often!
Depressing!!
My readership is down 9.6% from last month. If this blog were a job, I'd be out on my heinie!!!
I took a peek at some of the keywords that led leaders to my very unpopular blog.
Other than the obvious, "caffeine" or "tennis", here are a few of the latest and greatest.
Stale Blog (Yeah, no sh*t, I'm a Farmville obsessed suburban housewife, nothing exciting ever happens to me. I guess I need to start making up some good stories to keep it "fresh!")
Gay intercourse (Did I ever post about gay intercourse? Refresh my memory here, I don't remember a gay intercourse post! Although that sure would be "fresh!")
little elves sound scary (they ARE scary. I'm so glad my "elf on the shelf" is locked in a safe until next Christmas...I do NOT trust him I tell you. He's evil.)
sloth as a sin (you came to the right place!!!)
tennis player's Brazilian wax (a more accurate description would be "tennis player's untamed mound." KIDDING!!! I wonder how long it will take for my mom to call me and command me to take this post down!)
and finally...
whispering stick punishment (I have no idea what that is...I have a few ideas though, and I don't like that people who Google "whispering stick punishment" are reading my blog. If you got here via that route, please go away, and don't come back!)
That's all I've got...
2.14.2010
Time again for another episode of "Google Analytics!!"
2.13.2010
V.D.
Now that I have your attention...only one more day until Valentine's Day and you would think I would get around to replacing the Happy New Year Header.
Yeah, yeah, quit nagging me, I'll around to it.
Just like New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day is another holiday I'm not crazy about. It seems so...forced.
Earlier today my husband asked me what he should get me and I told him not to worry about it. I don't need a Valentine's Day gift. Seriously. He's good to me and the girls all year long, he doesn't need to run out and get me some trinket because Hallmark says he needs to. He's a very generous man, and I am very lucky to have HIM.
I didn't need to ask him what he wants. I know. I'm sure you know too. I won't get into too much detail, but let's just say that the best thing I can give him isn't available at the mall. (At least not that I'm aware of.)
I wish you all lots of love and happiness this Valentine's Day.
I might not be a fan of forced holidays, but I am, and always will be a fan of love.
Yeah, yeah, quit nagging me, I'll around to it.
Just like New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day is another holiday I'm not crazy about. It seems so...forced.
Earlier today my husband asked me what he should get me and I told him not to worry about it. I don't need a Valentine's Day gift. Seriously. He's good to me and the girls all year long, he doesn't need to run out and get me some trinket because Hallmark says he needs to. He's a very generous man, and I am very lucky to have HIM.
I didn't need to ask him what he wants. I know. I'm sure you know too. I won't get into too much detail, but let's just say that the best thing I can give him isn't available at the mall. (At least not that I'm aware of.)
I wish you all lots of love and happiness this Valentine's Day.
I might not be a fan of forced holidays, but I am, and always will be a fan of love.
2.12.2010
There's no place like home...
Thanks to Wednesday's blizzard we got to spend an extra day in Florida with my folks, which was fine with me!!
My poor little pedicure and spray tan stayed buried under jeans, boots and a fleece most of our visit, but it was still awesome.
I've never lived in the south, but I've gotta tell you. All those palm trees and sun, even in the cold, were mighty appealing.
I was loving taking long walks, hitting tennis balls and all that southern hospitality.
I even tried my first taste of deep fried gator. Not as yummy as Nutella, but interesting nonetheless.
Now the girls are out front with the neighborhood kids, building a snowman in the deep, deep snow and here I sit, surrounded by suitcases just waiting to be unpacked, and AS USUAL, I don't feel like dealing with it! As a diversion, I did something I haven't done in years...I watched some soaps. "All My Children", "One Life to Live" and "General Hospital. " (In bits and pieces of course.)
Shocking!!
Even the kids on the shows look like they've had "work" done on their faces. I guess the new HDTV is making everyone on TV paranoid.
Enough is enough though. I've got to tear myself away from Jason, Nicholas and Sonny and deal with laundry, vacuuming and groceries.
Goodbye Florida, farewell Pine Valley, ciao Llanview, and adios Port Charles.
Back to reality.
My poor little pedicure and spray tan stayed buried under jeans, boots and a fleece most of our visit, but it was still awesome.
I've never lived in the south, but I've gotta tell you. All those palm trees and sun, even in the cold, were mighty appealing.
I was loving taking long walks, hitting tennis balls and all that southern hospitality.
I even tried my first taste of deep fried gator. Not as yummy as Nutella, but interesting nonetheless.
Now the girls are out front with the neighborhood kids, building a snowman in the deep, deep snow and here I sit, surrounded by suitcases just waiting to be unpacked, and AS USUAL, I don't feel like dealing with it! As a diversion, I did something I haven't done in years...I watched some soaps. "All My Children", "One Life to Live" and "General Hospital. " (In bits and pieces of course.)
Shocking!!
Even the kids on the shows look like they've had "work" done on their faces. I guess the new HDTV is making everyone on TV paranoid.
Enough is enough though. I've got to tear myself away from Jason, Nicholas and Sonny and deal with laundry, vacuuming and groceries.
Goodbye Florida, farewell Pine Valley, ciao Llanview, and adios Port Charles.
Back to reality.
2.08.2010
Hey Hey Hey!!
Checking in from sunny FLOOORIDA! I'll give you a brief lowdown.
7 PM flight from Newark to Orlando Friday night postponed until 10:30.
Rough flight. Lots of turbulence and a very windy, shaky landing in Orlando. But we made it.
Woo hoo!!
So far we've hit Gatorland, The Magic Kingdom and hit tennis balls with a pro.
We return on Wednesday, and guess what we will fly into???
You've got it.
Another snowstorm.
Never a dull moment.
2.04.2010
Snow, Snow, GO AWAY!!!
We are heading to Florida on Friday, so I have also been busy packing, making arrangements for the dogs and primping myself.
Now, thanks to the snow storm forecast for the East Coast, I have been checking the weather forecast every 15 minutes in addition to all my other responsibilities. I've been attempting to channel my inner Buddhist and chill. Whatever will be will be.
(BUT IF I'M STUCK IN SNOWY JERSEY WHEN I SHOULD BE PLAYING TENNIS IN 70 DEGREE WEATHER, I'LL BE ONE CRANKY MOTHER.)
So, I'm preparing as if I'm departing tomorrow.
Yesterday I had my first pedicure in over 4 months. The poor girl spent about an hour scraping my heels. The sweat was dripping down her head while I sat on my massaging chair pompously reading an US Magazine. I tipped her very generously for taking on that very unpleasant task.
Tomorrow morning, I get my first spray tan in a long, long, time. I gave it up a few months ago after my sisters had a "spray tan intervention" and told me I looked orange.
I'm going to a new place where all the ladies "in the know" tell me I will be transformed from pasty white pale face to hot bronzed goddess, all for the low, low, price of $39.
After I get hot looking I will load up the minivan with golf clubs, tennis rackets and suitcases, pick up the girls from school and cruise on up the turnpike to the Newark International Airport, where, God willing, our Jet Blue flight will depart at 7 PM sharp.
Pray for us...and I'll catch y'all next week.
Now, thanks to the snow storm forecast for the East Coast, I have been checking the weather forecast every 15 minutes in addition to all my other responsibilities. I've been attempting to channel my inner Buddhist and chill. Whatever will be will be.
(BUT IF I'M STUCK IN SNOWY JERSEY WHEN I SHOULD BE PLAYING TENNIS IN 70 DEGREE WEATHER, I'LL BE ONE CRANKY MOTHER.)
So, I'm preparing as if I'm departing tomorrow.
Yesterday I had my first pedicure in over 4 months. The poor girl spent about an hour scraping my heels. The sweat was dripping down her head while I sat on my massaging chair pompously reading an US Magazine. I tipped her very generously for taking on that very unpleasant task.
Tomorrow morning, I get my first spray tan in a long, long, time. I gave it up a few months ago after my sisters had a "spray tan intervention" and told me I looked orange.
I'm going to a new place where all the ladies "in the know" tell me I will be transformed from pasty white pale face to hot bronzed goddess, all for the low, low, price of $39.
After I get hot looking I will load up the minivan with golf clubs, tennis rackets and suitcases, pick up the girls from school and cruise on up the turnpike to the Newark International Airport, where, God willing, our Jet Blue flight will depart at 7 PM sharp.
Pray for us...and I'll catch y'all next week.
2.03.2010
Some very good news...
I am pleased to announce that I am starting to grow tired of my Facebook Farm. All that tedious clicking is starting to bring me down...
Much to my husband's delight, I have discovered a new tedious hobby....scrubbing my bathroom tiles with Tilex and a toothbrush.
Yes, you read that correctly. I am actually INTO doing this strange task.
We have various shades of white tile in all our bathrooms and this new hobby is bringing me great satisfaction. It's amazing how clean it gets when you get on your hands and knees and SCRUB until your arms hurt. Good times my friends.
Before you get all excited and try this at your house, make sure you ventilate the room. I think one of the reasons I'm starting to enjoy this is due to the brain damage I sustained when I did our master bath with all the windows shut. I haven't felt that disoriented since my last Grateful Dead concert.
There is nothing better than a good hallucination to make housework fun.
Gotta run. There's a can of stainless steel cleaner in the kitchen, just BEGGING to be inhaled.
Much to my husband's delight, I have discovered a new tedious hobby....scrubbing my bathroom tiles with Tilex and a toothbrush.
Yes, you read that correctly. I am actually INTO doing this strange task.
We have various shades of white tile in all our bathrooms and this new hobby is bringing me great satisfaction. It's amazing how clean it gets when you get on your hands and knees and SCRUB until your arms hurt. Good times my friends.
Before you get all excited and try this at your house, make sure you ventilate the room. I think one of the reasons I'm starting to enjoy this is due to the brain damage I sustained when I did our master bath with all the windows shut. I haven't felt that disoriented since my last Grateful Dead concert.
There is nothing better than a good hallucination to make housework fun.
Gotta run. There's a can of stainless steel cleaner in the kitchen, just BEGGING to be inhaled.
2.01.2010
Makin' Bacon...
Since I confessing some of my sins lately, I'll tell you something about myself that has always bothered me. I've always been terrible at...MAKING MONEY.
I have never made alot of money. Everything I've ever been interested in pays squat.
I'm good at alot of things. I play a very nice game of tennis, but I'll never be a tennis pro. I'm kind to and love animals, but there is no way I'll become a vet. When I set my mind to it, I'm a pretty good writer. The world is full of good writers, how many of them publish a best selling novel?
My kids' friends always want to come to MY house for play dates, because it's relaxed and fun over at my pad, but I don't charge them admission to my fun house.
I'm a loyal friend and generally a good, law abiding citizen. Neither of which pays me a dime.
In my working days, I was employed in the entertainment industry (no, I wasn't a stripper), and for the American Red Cross. I've never had any interest in law, banking, trading stocks, or business in general. I've always loathed working in an office and have avoided it at all costs. This aversion to office buildings and suits has probably contributed to my lack of marketable money making skills.
In some ways my pitiful earning power has made me feel bad about myself.
I would love to be really good at something that pays the big bucks.
I know everyone will tell you that life isn't about how much money you make, but let's face it, money brings some pretty good things, like a roof over your head, a college education for your kids, vacations to the Caribbean and pretty Frye Boots. It also brings something else with it.
RESPECT.
I am totally and completely financially dependent on my husband, and I know that isn't a good thing.
The question is...am I going to do something about it?
I can't answer that right now. I'm 44 years old, with a 6 year old and a 10 year old. I haven't had a job outside the house in over 10 years. I like staying home and taking care of them.
But I feel vulnerable. I AM vulnerable.
What's a woman to do???
I have never made alot of money. Everything I've ever been interested in pays squat.
I'm good at alot of things. I play a very nice game of tennis, but I'll never be a tennis pro. I'm kind to and love animals, but there is no way I'll become a vet. When I set my mind to it, I'm a pretty good writer. The world is full of good writers, how many of them publish a best selling novel?
My kids' friends always want to come to MY house for play dates, because it's relaxed and fun over at my pad, but I don't charge them admission to my fun house.
I'm a loyal friend and generally a good, law abiding citizen. Neither of which pays me a dime.
In my working days, I was employed in the entertainment industry (no, I wasn't a stripper), and for the American Red Cross. I've never had any interest in law, banking, trading stocks, or business in general. I've always loathed working in an office and have avoided it at all costs. This aversion to office buildings and suits has probably contributed to my lack of marketable money making skills.
In some ways my pitiful earning power has made me feel bad about myself.
I would love to be really good at something that pays the big bucks.
I know everyone will tell you that life isn't about how much money you make, but let's face it, money brings some pretty good things, like a roof over your head, a college education for your kids, vacations to the Caribbean and pretty Frye Boots. It also brings something else with it.
RESPECT.
I am totally and completely financially dependent on my husband, and I know that isn't a good thing.
The question is...am I going to do something about it?
I can't answer that right now. I'm 44 years old, with a 6 year old and a 10 year old. I haven't had a job outside the house in over 10 years. I like staying home and taking care of them.
But I feel vulnerable. I AM vulnerable.
What's a woman to do???
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