Educating Ramona

Today is Wednesday, which traditionally is my day to recap the previous evening's "Real Housewives" and I intend to do just that.

Unfortunately I'm swamped right now, so I'm going to throw one topic out there and then do the full recap later.

Did you see the scene where the ladies went to lunch and discussed boarding schools? I thought it was interesting. LuAnn is all about boarding school and claims she sends her children there for their benefit. Obviously she thinks her children get the best possible education at boarding school, or so she says.

As obnoxious as Ramona is, I agree with her that I want my children at home...at least until they are 18. There are plenty of top notch private schools in Manhattan. Why do you need to send your 16 year old daughter 2 hours away? I wouldn't say that to LuAnn, but I'm saying it to you. I think Ramona should have kept her opinion to herself. LuAnn has her mind made up, who is Ramona to tell her how to raise her children?

Since this is MY blog, I'll tell you my opinion on boarding schools. They are fine for some people but even if I had big bucks, or my children were absolute geniuses who got a full ride at Choate, I wouldn't send them. Maybe when they're older, I'll change my mind, but for now, that's my feeling on the subject.

I have friends who went to boarding school, and they didn't like going. Even though the schools were the "best of the best" they felt that their parents sent them away.

What do you think? Did you go to boarding school? How about your children? If they go, do you send them because you feel that is the best thing for them?

Which opens up the whole private vs. public school debate. My daughters go to public school. One of the reason we live in our town, on a small lot, is for the schools. We could live in some other towns and have a bigger house with an acre of land, but the schools wouldn't measure up.

Some people I know wouldn't dream of sending their children to a public school, for whatever reason, even in a good school district.

Let's talk schools, and we'll talk housewives later.

Real Housewives Newsflash!!! Jill Zarin Yearbook Photo

I have just received an urgent e-mail from my friend Mitch who grew up on LOOONG ISLAND, and he went to high school with none other than Jill Zarin from Real Housewives!!

He was kind enough to scan her high school yearbook picture for the Caffeine Court readers...

Here it is ladies...

Remember, you saw it here first! Keep stopping by for all the latest celebrity gossip!!!

Photo Faux Pas...

Last fall I my school had a fundraiser where local photographers waived their sitting fees and donated the money to our schools. I had a wonderful photographer take pictures of the girls on the beach and the photos are gorgeous.

Earlier today I was looking at proofs trying to decide what to order. As I looked at the pictures some decorating advice that I've heard countless times sprung to mind.

"Personal photos should not be displayed in the "formal" areas of our home."

I even heard a friend of mine's husband tell someone at a party that the closer family photos are displayed to the front door the "lower class" a family tends to be. (Yeah, the guy's a pompous dick, but you can bet your bottom dollar I took away some family photos I had displayed in my foyer!)

I decided to do a little Google search on this subject and here's some stuff I came up with:

The San Francisco Chronicle had an article on this subject in reaction to a Pottery Barn catalog chock full of family photos blown up and displayed all over the house:

In a dining-room vignette, hanging on the walls and propped against a sideboard and leaning wall shelves, were gigantic photos of children and their parents, the occupants of this imaginary family's home. The largest was a poster-size image of a cherubic boy. Another, maybe 2 feet square, was of two young children. All of the images were in black frames that matched the sideboard and shelves.

To me, this seemingly innocuous decor represented the height of narcissism, the self-absorption of a generation more interested in turning the camera on themselves than outward. It seems the traditional ways of displaying family photos -- once relegated to the hallway or the mantel -- are no longer enough for the modern family. We must be surrounded by darling -- and colossal -- images of ourselves. Family photos have taken center stage, taken on a more important role in decorating and, perhaps, taken over.

Many decorators, consider over-the-top displays to be offensive and feel they actually detract from the decor. Exhibiting family shots in an artful manner requires the right place, creative framing and, just as important, discretion.

Most of the articles I read said indeed the rule of thumb WAS to keep the family photos to a minimum in common areas of the home, but that those rules have changed. Nowadays the trend in decorating is much more casual and personal than in years past.

What do you think? Do you have alot of family photos displayed in your home? If so, are they displayed in your living and family rooms?

I'm trying to decide what type of prints to display and where to put them and I'm wondering if I should keep them upstairs.

Please advise.

Tomorrow we'll discuss whether or not it's tacky to have chewed up Barbie parts and dog hair scattered about your dining room. Stay tuned.

Pondering my colon...

I've been thinking alot about the Master Cleanse.

On the one hand, it sure sounds like it has some great benefits...it could change my life! More energy, less aches and pains, it sounds fab.

On the other hand, the prospect of spending 10 days drinking some weird potion and nothing else sounds a bit medieval.

I'm picturing myself in the rolling car line at my daughter's school when the mixture of cayenne pepper, maple syrup and lemonade starts to percolate in my belly. I feel a rumbling, then pressure...unbearable pressure. So I have to park my car illegally and sprint to the bathroom, knocking over children and teachers as I desperately try to clench my butt cheeks long enough to make it to the toilet. IF I get lucky enough to make it to a stall, I envision blowing gall stones and long rubber strands all over the porcelain throne. I'm sure it's loud, and messy and I'm in a public bathroom.

For some reason that doesn't sound very appealing.

I'll do a little more research on this subject, but if I have to sit on a toilet for 10 days. I'm out.

Nature's Bounty

This morning my five year old daughter overheard my sister and I having a conversation about my recent 10 pound weight gain.

Me: Look at my butt! It's huge!

Catherine: Mom, you're an adult. All adults have big butts....it's nature!

I guess that explains it. Nature. I might as well accept it.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the massive quantities of Swedish fish, cinnamon dulce lattes, soft pretzels, donuts and pizzas I've been consuming over the last couple of months.

Okay, Dr. Phil, you're right. It's NOT nature. A few short months ago I was slim. It's amazing how slacking off on exercise and eating like a pig can have such an immediate effect.

It hit me like a ton of bricks this week. I'm on my way to getting fat and I have to take action IMMEDIATELY. No more handfuls of french fries, no more late night graham crackers and milk. I'll be drinking lots of water, having a Slimfast for breakfast and stepping up the tennis.

I might be an adult, but that doesn't mean I have to have a fat ass. No matter what my daughter says!!!

Oh, and don't expect any before and after pictures. I am WAY too vain to display photos of my big booty on the internet. (Unless, of course, I could make a few bucks doing it...THEN I might be tempted. Can you say LIPO FUND?)

As per your request, I have removed the Snuggie commercial from my sidebar. The Snuggie joke is so overdone...but I couldn't help myself!

State of Emergency

Help!! I'm trapped in a snowstorm with a house full of kids and no Diet Coke.

I'm seriously considering calling in the National Guard.

Please advise.

Do my Clementines make you horny baby???!

Yesterday I was innocently shopping in the produce aisle at the local supermarket.

I wanted to get some Golden Delicious apples, but the store manager and a delivery man were standing in my way. I stood politely waiting for them to notice me.

The store manager finally looked up at me and said "Sorry! You should have pushed us out of your way!"

"I'm non-violent, I wouldn't want to hurt you." was my witty reply.

The delivery man, who looked like the motorcycle dude from The Village People stepped up close to me. Too close. He looked me right in the eye and said. "I'd let you hurt me if you want." EWWWWW! I scooped up a few apples and moved on to the next section. Village Dude followed me.

As I approached the Clementines he stepped in front of me and got really close again. In a seductive voice he purred, "There's a special on Clementines today..." I felt the bile rise in my throat. No Clementines for me today!! I needed cucumbers too, but I didn't DARE give him the opportunity to discuss cucumbers with me. Melons, bananas, nothing was safe.

I decided to get the hell out of the produce section and into the safety of the meat aisle. Luckily the butcher is a polite guy who leaves the housewives alone.

I've been hit on by some yucky dudes, in bars, when I was 25. That was part of the fun. Having some washed up pop star discussing how much fun it would be to hurt him at the supermarket. Not my idea of a good time.

Peapod is delivering in my area. I think I'll have to try it, and pray that Village Dude doesn't have a second job.