Nobody likes a loose wattle...

Well, pretty much. Except, of course, that dude Richard from "Ally McBeal." Remember the guy who was into older women because he had a wattle fetish. He dated "Whipper" but they broke up because she caught him fingering Janet Reno's wattle.

Anyway, he is the ONLY person I've ever heard of who's into wattle. And he's not even real.

In case you don't know what the heck I'm talking about here is the definition of wattle:

The fat-filled skin pouch that hangs between the neck and chin. It somewhat resembles the flap on a turkey's neck.

The neck wattle is caused because the skin loses its attachments to the muscle and bone beneath. The ligaments that attach the skin to the muscles fall off. Since the skin is loose, it is very difficult to tighten it. Some exercises can help to improve the ‘neck wattle’.

Today, my good deed is to teach you a yoga exercise which will help tighten your wattle.

If you don't have a wattle, do the exercise anyway, and you'll never get one.

Okay, here goes:

Take the tip of your tongue and lift it up, REACH it back towards the way back of your throat. Do you feel your neck muscles tightening? If not, keep trying. When you feel the pull in your neck, you're doing it right.

Once you have this down, do it all day, everyday. But only do it when you're alone, like in the car or in the shower. If you do it publicly people will think you have a weird facial tic or that you're extremely tense.

Now if I were shooting to have a fab blog, I would photograph myself doing this exercise and show you before and after shots. But since I'm a blogging slacker, you'll have to settle for this picture of Billy and Richard from "Ally McBeal" doing the wattle firming exercise.

I hope this was helpful. If not, please let me know what I can do to make your life better.

(Like reminding you that tonight is the "Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Show" AND I think a new episode of "The Real Housewives of NYC." If anyone can confirm that, please help me out...I need help helping others.)

Your humble servant...


Anonymous said...

I think I'm too young to engage in wattle exercises, but oddly enough, my friends and I discuss varying levels of wattle when we get together. Weird! LOL!

And thanks for the reality telly 411, I had forgotten!!

Cid said...

Wattle is right up there with those random hairs that spring up overnight on your chin. So unattractive. Thanks for the making the blogosphere a better place!

Just A Chic... said...

So...do you stick you tongue out or open your mouth when doing this?

Lis said...

Hilarious!!! This totally cracked me up!!

And yes I will def be watching the reunion of the OC and the new NYC episode!! I'm so excited!!!!

Sass said...

The reunion is tonight, i do believe.

And I can't wait!

I'll be licking my way to a tighter wattle while I watch.

I'm peeing my pants laughing at my own sentence. Woo HOOOOO

♥georgie♥ said...

OMGosh LMFAO....I am speechless and i JUST FIXED MY WATTLE!!!!

Brie said...

Farewell forever wattle! Thanks to Jill you are HISTORY! You really are helping me out a lot - I can't thank you enough for your service!

PS reunion at 9 and I believe, hope, and pray NYC is on after. Clearly no Tuesday night life going on here :)

jenn said...

Bless you! I had no idea there was a wattle-targeting yoga exercise. That's my current body image obsession, as the women in my family are quite prone to wattles, and I keep examining myself in the mirror looking for signs of one. :)

Kel said...

The wattle?? Where do you come up with this stuff? hahaha

linda said...

OMG, you are so funny! I wish you lived next to me here on L.I.

Southern Fried Girl said...

Tonight is indeed the reunion of the OC and a new episode of the NYC.

Let's not discuss my wattle.

OLLIE MCKAY'S ~ A Chic Boutique said...

Just went to Yoga tonight! She does that exercise with tongue to back of throat every time - right before relaxation!! Some families just seem to have "wattles" in their genes ~ and then, I don't think there is much of anything you can do to totally get rid of it??!! Lucky for me - all the women in our family do not have, but the men do! Wonder if it is more common for men? Also, P.S. - Love the coffee cup in your header - since you like tennis & coffee you should check out the neat Tennis coffee tumbler at our boutique! :) Have a great week!

Frau said...

Okay so now I have to exercise my wattle damn this sucks not only is my ass getting bigger now I have to worry about a wattle. Thanks for the tip!

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