The nerve of this guy!!

I heard some giggling in my daughter's room the other day, and THIS...is what I found!

Can you believe it?! I KNEW that Elf on the Shelf was a sneaky looking dude.

I don't know who to blame...Kurt the Elf, or these sleazy Bratz dolls. Such sluts! I caught them fondling a Ken doll around Thanksgiving, and now this!

To add insult to injury, I found an empty bottle of Jim Beam spilled all over my daughter's floor. THANK GOODNESS my children were at school at the time. I don't want my innocent little girls tainted by the tawdry antics of this horny elf and his plastic concubines.

I told my little one that Kurt has been transferred to a family in Texas. He is no longer welcome in our home.

If you happen to have one of these sneaky little elves in your home, keep a very close eye on him. Hide your Barbies, and make sure you lock your bathroom door when you take a shower. Behind that cute little smirk lies an alcoholic pervert just waiting to take advantage of unsuspecting families, trying to add a little holiday magic to their children's lives.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

On a lighter note, Merry Christmas to you all.

I leave you with this quote from Dr. Seuss' "How The Grinch Stole Christmas."

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

That one gets me every time. Truly. It brings a tear to my eye. Dr. Seuss is brilliant.

I feel so blessed that I will spend my Christmas surrounded by the ones I love. I am so thankful for my amazing family and friends, and despite the fact that I haven't been blogging much, I am very grateful for all the wonderful people I have met through Caffeine Court.

Stay safe and I will be back in 2011!

Can you re-gift a post??

I guess technically, you can't. But you CAN repost a post.

Sooooo...without further adieu...here's a post from December 2009.

Christmas Letters: Writer Discretion is Advised...

Here's what NOT to write...

Dear Friends,

2009: the year (and the decade) ends. If we were like most of you, we'd be exhausted, but since we are better than you, we feel exhilarated!!

We're thrilled to report that our entire family is healthy, happy and excelling at all we do.

We realize that the economy is tough. Many of you are out of work or struggling to make ends meet. We feel for you.

Happily, our careers are thriving. Things on the job front are all moving in a positive direction. My company is growing in leaps and bounds. I received a big promotion along with a raise and bonus. We are so thankful for our good fortune and the sky is the limit.

Maryann has been teaching five courses at the university. All were at the masters level. She has traveled the country lecturing to sold out crowds in Boston, Denver, Philly and Chicago.

She also worked as the General Contractor on our massive home renovation. Wait until you see our new Chef's kitchen, home theater, incredible master bath and full finished basement. We certainly hope it makes you green with envy!!!

Onto the kids!!! Evan (12) is a lacrosse and baseball champion. In addition to making straight A's he has been playing on 5 undefeated teams and attending many prestigious lacrosse camps in his "free time."

Riley (9) continues with her rigorous ice skating program and we have our sights set on the 2018 Winter Olympic Games! Having such a talented daughter is quite an adventure and we thank god every day that he gifted her with such skill and grace.

And let's not forget little Will. (7) Will is the family daredevil. He has won a trophy case full of awards in snowboarding, surfing and skateboarding. It's amazing how he masters whatever he tries with such gusto and skill!!!

Well, that wraps up another chapter in our busy, blessed lives.

May you all be as lucky as we are in 2010.

With love-

The Fab Family

Oh and by the way...I live a few doors down from the Fab Family. I exaggerated their letter, but the REAL letter is embellished so damn much, it should win an award, for SCIENCE FICTION!!!

The card has been ordered!

Retro Wheel Green Christmas Card

Shop Shutterfly.com for elegant Christmas photo cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

It's been way too long!!!!

It's been almost a month since I last sat down at my laptop for any other reason than to check my bank account, shop for Christmas gifts or mindlessly browse Facebook.

I've lost that blogging feeling.

Blogs are like plants. They need attention and care, or they end up dried up in the corner, all shriveled up and brown.

My blog has reached that point, but all is not lost.

Even though Caffeine Court appears to be on it's last legs, there is still one little green leaf hiding behind the dead foliage.

I am going to take that little leaf and nurture it...and perhaps one day, my blog will be in full bloom once again.

WOW. No wonder I haven't blogged in so long. That was pathetic.

Anyway, I'm back, for now. Life has thrown me a few curve balls of late, but nothing I can't handle, and I remain optimistic that all is well. Life works in cycles. You've got to take the bad with the good, right?

On that note, I'm going to list some of the GOOD stuff that's been going on:

-A very big fundraiser for my daughter's school that I was on the committee for, was a HUGE success. Despite the sorry state of our economy, we raised a ton of money AND had a great time while we did it. (Oh and I discovered the magic of splurging on a blowout the day of a big event. It's totally worth it to have movie star hair when you are going to be hobnobbing with 250 of your closest friends.)

-My tennis game is smokin'. I know that can change at any time, but as of late...I'm on fire.

-One of my best friends is training to be a Pilates instructor at a really swanky studio that I could never afford to go to. She needs 75 hours on the machines, so I have been getting lots of free one on one instruction. It feels sooo good and it's very relaxing. The downside? I look like I'm having a seizure when I do the abdominals. After two c-sections, my abs are worthless and weak.

-I had a very Happy Thanksgiving at my little sister's house in Maryland. Both my sisters were there along with all our children. I love them all so much and we always have a great time together. (I won't get into the details of a very heated public argument my youngest sister and I had at the Christmas Festival from Hell that she took us to. THAT was a low point, but the kids really enjoyed watching us go at it. It was like something straight out of "Real Housewives of NJ." Not one of my best moments. Isn't it amazing what stress, no sleep, no food and a hot, loud, crowded room filled with mutants can do to a person? My husband still hasn't recovered from it. MORTIFIED doesn't even begin to describe how humiliated he was. (But he still loves me...remarkable.)

-Oh and one last thing. My eyebrows are loookin' good. I went to one of the BROWISTAS at the local Arch Brow Bar and they worked their magic on me. What a difference. Seriously, it's like an eye lift.

If you want an instant, major improvement in your appearance, go to someone who knows how to do brows. It will change your life.

It's been so nice touching base with you.

We really should do this more often.