Pure Desperation

In exactly 10 days my children start a new school year, at which time I anticipate my brain functioning normally again.

Until that time, I am completely incapable of coming up with anything remotely clever.

I figure if I can't be clever, the least I can be is helpful to anyone who wanders over to this blog.

So here is a little something you might find interesting.

At this time, I'm going to ask any male readers to please move along to a manly blog.

You have been warned!!

Okay, if you're a woman, here is a product I just discovered...

Tampax Pearl.

I know what you're thinking..."she's 45 years old and she's just discovering Tampax?" Or maybe you're thinking. "Wow, she wasn't kidding, she IS desperate for material!!"

Whatever. I really am trying to help you, so chill.

Anyway...I have discussed this subject before, and perhaps you are familiar with my "little problem" the first couple of days of my monthly visitor. It's a real drag running to the bathroom every half hour to tend to my hygiene. When you factor in that I have to do this for approximately 24 days out of the year, feminine products are a big deal in my life.

I have been a loyal user of the standard Tampax tampons, but I got a free sample of these little gems the other day and they have set me free!

They are sooo much better than my old tampons. (Ewww.. old tampons...gross!!)

Let's just say, I can now go about my business with full confidence.

I love these so much that I now feel comfortable wearing my tennis whites each and every day of the month...JUST LIKE SERENA!!!

Take it from me...if you want powerful, convenient, leak proof protection, these are for you!!!!

Wow. This blog has really hit rock bottom. So, so sad.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any cases of TSS or other health hazards due to reader usage of Tampax Pearl. I have not been compensated for this endorsement. I have not been compensated for ANY endorsements, but I am open to anything. You know where to reach me.

I missed my Blogiversary! And a "by request" story.

Wow. Time flies. My blog celebrated a big milestone 2 days ago and I totally missed it. I could not, for the life of me, recall how many years it has been, but then I checked my profile and lo and behold...August 2007. It's been 3 years.

Writing this blog and reading your blogs has enriched my life, so much more than I ever anticipated. I have "virtually" met so many funny, sweet, thoughtful and special people through this little hobby. You are all great.

I want to thank those who commented on my last post. I don't usually write much about my children, I'm not sure why, but for some reason, I feel a little weird about doing it...like I'm invading their privacy or something.

Anyway, I'm glad I shared some of my concerns with you, because your input was VERY helpful to me.

My mother thinks I anticipate trouble before it starts, so I am going to try to practice the art of Zen and let things be for awhile.

Thank you again for your advice.

And now, as requested by my friend Dr. Zibbs, (a fellow West Chester, PA native) I will tell you a typical night in West Chester Pennsylvania, when I was 16 years old. Zibbs asked that I include some West Chester landmarks, which I have made bold for easy reference.)

Things would usually start and end with a lie. I would tell my parents that I was going to see the "Rocky Horror Picture Show" or going to the the Chester County Library. (Those were the days before the Internet, so in order to write a report I truly DID have to go to the library, where I would usually check out a few reference books, change a few key words around and plagiarize my "work.")

I would pack up all my books to make my story look good and then I would get picked up by my friend Suzanne in her electric blue TR-7. (A gift from her Dad who wasn't around very much.)

We would then meet up with some of our college aged guy friends who liked to hang out with high school girls. Sometimes we would drive to The Courtyard Inn to get some beer and then we would cruise to the reservoir on Airport Road to drink beers, crank tunes and be complete derelicts.

Some nights we would mix things up and use our fake I.D.s to get into The Rat, or go over to Rams Gate Apartments for parties thrown by West Chester University students. (That was always fun, because we would usually run into one or two of our student teachers, which was SUCH a thrill!!!)

After that we would cruise into downtown West Chester to pick up some Chicken McNuggets at the McDonald's drive-thru on Gay Street. After that I would make them take me to the 7-11 on Boot Road to pick up some gum and Visine.

Sometimes I made it home by curfew. Usually I didn't.

My parents would grill me about where I'd been, they would smell my breath and look at my pupils to see if they were dilated. Sometimes I would get the all clear to go to bed, other times I would get screamed at and grounded.

It all depended on how much beer we drank at the reservoir or The Rat.

So there you have it Zibbs. Now it's your turn. I have lots of stories to tell, but I'm too tired and and only a small portion of my audience has any idea where West Chester is.

The other problem is that my parents read this blog and stories like this tend to upset them.

At least now you know why I get stressed out about my daughter getting older. If she turns out like me, I'm going to have to take Xanax morning, noon, and night.

Thank goodness I got that out of my system when I was a youngster.

There will be no mid-life crisis for me. I got my ya-yas out way back when, sitting by the reservoir with my derelict friends, who, by the grace of god, also turned out to be responsible adults. I'll bet their parents agonized over their children's behavior just like I do and like I know my parents did.

It's a curse.

The curse of parenthood.

The toughest job you'll ever love.

What's goin' on?

Here I sit, AGONIZING over exactly what to write.

It was so easy when I could just cut and paste my neighbor's travel blog, but that could have ruined my life, so I was ordered by husband to CEASE AND DESIST. There is so much material here, it really isn't fair. I could blog for a year about them and it would never get boring.

They did make it back, alive. One of their dogs was almost dead, (Copperhead bite to the head) but they are all alive and well and continually knocking on our front door. *sigh*


Basically, my summer has been filled with entertaining overnight guests and keeping my daughters who are four years apart in age and have totally different interests entertained.

Not an easy task.

My almost 11 year old daughter who is getting really moody and hormonal and is only happy when she's texting her friends, or actually with her friends. (She has a very small group of friends, and if none of them are available, it's a nightmare.!) I am getting a bit stressed about her entering 6th grade, where, I am told some of the meanest girl nonsense starts. She is an awesome child. Smart, sweet, funny and very kind, but SO shy and with absolutely no interest in sports. When I was her age, I would go outside and skateboard, or ride my bike, or play with the kids in the neighborhood. That's not her thing. She has a tight little group of friends, and if they aren't around, it's quite frankly, a pain in the a**! The only exercise she gets is swimming in the pool or the ocean, but if none of her friends are around, she won't go, and if I force her, she mopes around the whole day.

Am I repeating myself? That's because it's stressing me out. Can you tell?

If anyone has advice, I am open to it. This summer has been a challange for me. My younger daughter makes friends easily and just runs and plays. She can keep herself entertained and make friends wherever we go. The older one is stressing me out. BIG TIME.

I also spend huge amounts of time cleaning up after my 3 dogs, who I love dearly, but who trash my house on a continual basis.

BOOORING!!! (At least to those who have to read about it here on my blog.)

I SWEAR I will come up with something entertaining soon.

In the meantime I might have to resort to funny YouTube videos to keep the old blog going.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make my 11 year old work on her pre-algebra packet and finish her summer reading, after I confiscate her cell phone.

Please help me...PASS IT ON!

My friend Dr. Zibbs posted this on his blog and I feel that everyone in the world deserves a chance to view this amazing talent.

If you agree with me, please post this on YOUR blog.

I know my life is better because I viewed it.

Watching this clip just might have even been the best 23 seconds of my life. (Right after having my children and my wedding day...) CLASSIC.

Where were guys like this when I was in high school? I'm guessing they were deeep inside the closet.

I'm so glad this dude feels comfortable enough to let loose shake his groove thing...


Pass on the joy...