Who needs therapy when you have a pole?

How many of you watched last night's episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey? HOLY HOBAGS!

You know what I'm talking about...the scene where Danielle tries to get her sexual confidence back by taking all her buddies to a strip joint for stripper pole lessons. Did you miss it? If you did, you are lucky. I can't get the image out of my head of 70 year old Kim "G". awkwardly mounting the pole in her saggy tight boy shorts and white thong. I seriously felt sick thinking of her son and family watching this crap. Why??? What is she going to get out of this humiliation? I don't get it.

I was dying watching the look on Danielle's face as her friends struggled to straddle the pole like pros. She was salivating and couldn't WAIT to show them up. And show them up she did!! She really came alive on that stage, gyrating on the pole and bending over in front of Danny and crew to give them a better view of her entire ass. Her grand finale included some incredibly intricate stripper moves including an impressive full spread eagle on the floor, followed by a split that would have killed lesser women.

How empowering and inspiring she is for women everywhere.

I was moved by how impressed Danielle's friends were at her skills as a pole dancer. How supportive of of Danny and his friends to drool, hoot and fling one-dollar bills at the her. (Which she stuffed into her panties.)

It was a bitter sweet moment. On the one hand, she was reliving the thrill of having men throw money at her for giving them a boner. On the other hand, it was only one-dollar bills. In the old days, it was fifty and one hundred dollar bills.

What do you expect Danielle? Times have changed. We're in a recession. Even hot strippers like you have to cut back.

The most touching part of it all is Danielle's friendship with the ex-con Danny. What a great guy. So sweet of him to join Danielle's crusade to enter back into the dating world and reclaim her womanhood. That, my friends, is a man who has been rehabilitated and is now a contributing member of our society. The more I think about it, the more empowered and touched I feel.

It all makes me very proud to be a resident of the great Garden State.

Would someone please pass me a tissue?

Im getting all faklempt.


Mom on the Run said...

Wow, can't believe I've missed all this by boycotting the housewives. Of course that all started because I was so proud to be an Atlantan due to the fine example our housewives were putting out there. Gracious.

Poolside with the Girls said...

That pole dancing person (who's name I will not speak or type) is certifiable.

Kim G....wow. She's a piece of work. I was afraid she was going to break a hip and wind up in a nursing home a few minutes before she needed to be there.

I love the part where the psycho pole dancer claims that the other ladies forced her to date the 25 year old because they think she deserves someone like him. Have you ever seen a bigger victim?

She's an import right? She's not really from NJ. I don't buy it for a minute.

I love the Jersey girls (and I'm from NY), but that one is C.R.A.Z.Y

Heather@PixieDust said...

she is a whole new kind of crazy. I can't wait for the episode with the cops (in the season trailer) i hope she gets arrested.

The Mrs. said...

I am scarred for life after seeing Kim G and Dainelle is beyond stripper, she is a prostitution whore. Rememba? It's a trainwreck and I cannot look away, even if you put $100 bills in mu undies.

preppyplayer said...

Ok, I know Kim G's family (inlaws) and I believe she is insane because she KNOWS what the rest of our part of NJ thinks of these women. I think she will regret joining this trashy group. I am glad Dina has come to her senses although it is still too late to save her reputation in these parts.

linda said...

Oh, let's hear more about these ladies......were they well known in the area before this show?

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jerseygirl89 said...

It's so sad that I'm addicted to a TV show about people who live approximately 2 towns away from me (for the record, folks, most of these women don't actually live in Franklin Lakes, despite the town sign being shown on the show ALL THE TIME.) All the people I know in FL are nice, non-trashy types. Which might explain why they had to find out-of-towners for the show.
Also, Danny is way, way creepy.

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