Finally!

I just talked on the phone for the first time with one of my blog friends!!!

Kind of sad actually, I've been doing this blog thing for almost 2 years and I've never managed to have a face to face, or even a conversation with any of my virtual buds. Until today.

One of my favorite blog buddies, Connie from Mrs. K gave me a pre-match pep talk to get me psyched for tomorrow. She had the cutest little accent and a killer attitude.

When I asked if I sound like I'm from Jersey she told me I sound like Teresa from Real Housewives. So after I'm done my tennis match I'll be calling a professional voice coach to work on my diction!!! Ba da bing!!

Hey, at least she's honest. I like that in a person.

We're considering taking our relationship to the next level soon and perhaps play a doubles match together the next time I'm in Florida.

So I have to make my new coach proud tomorrow and GO FOR IT!!!

In the meantime, if you'd like to hear my voice and see if I do, in fact, sound like a mafia wife from North Jersey, shoot me an e-mail with your phone number and give me a buzz.

I look forward to chatting with you!

Taking a time out from the chaos.

Holy hell. It's been an exhausting couple of weeks.


I sit here surrounded by a mess of a house absolutely LOVING getting back to my blog.





Here are some things I've learned this week.

1. Penguins sometimes mate in the "missionary position" beak to beak. It's quite romantic.

2. Working on fundraisers is for the very wealthy or super organized. Those of us who are neither will have everything in their home in complete disarray during the period in which their lives are dedicated to procuring donations, cataloging them and making up pretty baskets. So don't be thinking you're so cool Jill Zarin. Try running a fundraiser without a lackey doing all your laundry and cleaning your toilets. I DOUBLE DOG DARE you!!!

3. Wicker and/or rattan furniture is expensive as hell. So are nice cushions.

4. When you let the cleaning lady you've had for 8 years go, she will be VERY sad. And so will you.

5. It's amazing the difference having a nice USTA team tennis captain makes. No stress, no tension, no mind games, no gossip. Weird. In a good way.

Okay, that's all I've got. I can't write about "The Real Housewives of NYC Reunion" OR the premiere of "The Real Housewives on NJ."

Why?

Because I fell sound asleep last night after eating my birthday cake. Getting older has that effect on me.

Real Housewives of NYC Finale Recap-The Conclusion

Okay, so on to the Moroccan Fashion Show. The whole gang gathered to watch Bethenny emcee and it looked like everyone had fun. But wait...where was Kelly? She was a no-show.

Time for more housewives drama, only this time Ramona and Jill team up...against Bethenny. As they set up the space for the countdown the charity event, Ramona and Jill complained that Bethenny — who brought in all the free liquor for the big event — had way too much signage up promoting her “Skinnygirl” cocktails behind the bar. And they went ahead and pulled most of the signage down before Bethenny even arrived. Ramona got Jill all fired up, and they assumed the worse about Bethenny. They didn't bother to call her, they just went ballistic. Pretty lame.

And now...the big moment. PARTY TIME!!! Simon showed up in the most heinous ensemble yet. He looked like his living room!! Only shinier. Kelly was totally digging his look “Simon is like a young girl in fashion who just can’t get enough,” she commented. So true. Especially the part about being like a girl.

In the most anticipated moment of the finale, Bethenny walked in and saw her big logo behind the bar and was quite pleased. But things went downhill pretty damn quick when she caught wind of Jill and Ramona's hissy fit regarding the signage.

Here's where it got ugly. Bethenny confronted Jill about it in the middle of the party, and wouldn't let up. The unflappable Bethenny was PISSED!!!!“Just say I’m sorry and we’ll be done!” Bethenny said, with veins popping out of her neck. Man, it was tense.

Jill’s response? “Leave.” Uh-oh.

You have to be really good friends with someone to go head to head like that and get over it. I think it says something about their friendship that they made up so quickly.

In the end, the fundraiser was a huge success. Thus ending Season Two on a happy note.

The icing on the cake was watching a very drunk Ramona dirty dancing with Simon.

Fun stuff.

Next week will be interesting. I can't wait to watch everyone ambush Kelly.

Yeah, my idea of entertainment is watching a bunch of rich ladies bicker.

You got a problem with that???? (Sorry, just getting ready for "The Real Housewives of New Jersey!!!")

Real Housewives of NYC Finale Recap-Part One

(Notice the STEP & REPEAT in the background!!!)

I'm going to do this in two parts because I already dedicated an hour to watching the episode, and if I spend another hour writing about it, then I truly am a loser.

Here goes:


We start the episode with the conclusion of the another Arthritis benefit meeting. Kelly and Bethenny have hashed out their little feud, so now it's time for Jill and Ramona to go at it.

Ramona shows up late as usual, but she has a nice surprise, a sponsor for the benefit who will donate $10,000. YAY! Jill feels this sponsor deserves a place on the "step and repeat." (You learn something new everyday!! I never knew there was a name for the sign that people get there picture taken in front of at events!!!! I'm so "declasse" as Ramona would put it!)

Anyway, Ramona is shocked that Jill would consider putting Zarin Fabrics on the "step and repeat" and they have a big old bitch fest, back and forth about whether or not it's tacky to put the name of your own business on the "step and repeat." In MY humble opinion, if your business is one of the event sponsors, why not put your name on the "step and repeat?" Apparently Jill won out on this argument, because the day of the event both Zarin Fabrics and Tru Renewal.

The focus then shifts to Alex. The big event is one week away, and she hasn't invited a single person. Ramona is appalled. As she very well should be. It's pretty lame to be on a committee and not invite any friends to an event. In this case, Ramona has a point, although she is always obnoxious when she makes one.

Moving right along. We jump to the Countess and Count and a completely anticlimactic scene where they ring the opening bell (or rather press the opening button) at Nasdaq. SNORE.

Jump to the Countess' crib and a little cooking lesson with Bethenny for Rosie, "the hired help."

I love the way Bethenny was so proud of herself for having a conversation with Rosie and treating her like a human being. You could tell LuAnn felt so uncomfortable having a real discussion with such a "lesser" being. And god forbid LuAnn give up Rosie for a few hours to take a cooking lesson. Who would interact with her children? Who would do all the dirty work? Certainly not THE COUNTESS! In her defense, LuAnn really knows how to work a catwalk. She has that down!!! You don't learn to strut like that if you have to do menial tasks like laundry and spending time with your children.

Next stop, the Jill ZAAAHRIN, Ally Shapiro, sex talk. Lovely. Nice staged moment. Apparently Jill can advise her daughter on sex because she's "done it all." Really Jill? Tell us about it? Is Bobby kinky? Does your gay husband Brad jump in for a little action when things get boring? TELL US!!!

Okay, time for this "Real Housewife of NJ" to go about my business. I don't have a Rosie, so I have to do all the nasty stuff myself.

Poor me.

Wait 'til next week!!!

More dirt on "The Real Housewives of NYC!!"

After watching her little confrontation with Bethenny, I'm not surprised. She has a screw loose!!

The Real Housewives of New York City's Kelly Bensimon is in trouble! The forty-year-old former model and marathon runner is facing misdemeanor assault charges after she (allegedly) attacked her boyfriend Nick Stefanov.

Reportedly the feisty Kelly gave her boyfriend a black eye and a gash on his left cheek. Stefanov left the apartment and immediately went to the police department to file a report.

NYC Police Department told PEOPLE, "She was arrested on March 5 at 9: 10 a.m. for punching her fiance in the face, and [she] gave him a laceration under his left eye. She was arrested for assault - it's a misdemeanor."

Bensimon's lawyer, Stephen Turano, said she "has entered a plea of not guilty. We are confident that the charges are unfounded and we look forward to a quick resolution."

Some say the couple are engaged, but friends of Kelly's say, not true. "[Stefanov] is claiming that they were engaged, which is delusional. They have been on-and-off for three to three-and-a-half years, and during that time they were exclusive. She was always dating other people."

Pals say Kelly is "upset and embarrassed" by what's happened. She claims Stefanov has tried to contact her since the charges were filed.

Bensimon is due in court March 31. I wonder what her two children (with ex-husband Gilles Bensimon) think of what's happened? She's not sent a very positive message to her children has she? Although - innocent until proven guilty, right?

Real Housewives of NYC-Just throwin' it out there...

As usual, there is so much to talk about. It seems the producers of the show have decided to zero in on specific people and spotlight their flaws. The past couple of weeks LuAnn was on the hot seat. Now the focus is on Kelly. In my next post we'll get into that, but right now I'd like to talk about Simon and Alex.

Since the first episode of the show, everyone has made it clear that they think Simon is gay. I have to admit that if we go by stereotypes, he certainly appears that way. He's into fashion and has an effeminate way about him. Here's the thing. Maybe he's not. Or if he is, maybe he doesn't know it, or chooses not to act on it. I have to give the guy some credit, he and Alex seem very happy. They have so much in common! I think they have a very unusual marriage, and it seems codependent, but it works for them.

Out of all the marriages on the show, I would say Ramona and Mario have the most "normal" one. They seem to really like each other. They goof around and have fun. Nothing suspicous here.

Jill's husband Bobby seems like a nice enough guy, but it looks to me that she's in it for the money. He's a sweet man who gives her whatever she wants, but when it comes right down to it, I think she's rather cuddle with her Chihuahua than Bobby.

And then there's LuAnn and the Count. Do they EVER see each other? They seem like a couple that lives completely separate lives. Maybe it works for them, but Simon and Alex appear to have a much more loving relationship than they do.

So what do you think? Is Simon gay? If so, does he know it and chooses not to act on it? Does Alex know he's gay and doesn't care?

Sure our country is in crisis, but let's not worry about that. We need to focus on the important things, like reality TV and the lives of complete strangers.

When I worry about their lives, my own troubles seem to melt away....

(Oh and I'm sure I'll get a note from their lawyers...it seems whenever I put one of their pictures on my blog I get an e-mail asking me to take it down!! Tee hee)

If you want to check out the Mc-Cord/Van Kempen blog...click on the link...

Harmless quip?

Botox Bandits

A mug shot of a "Botox Bandit.." Looks like she stole some lip injections too!!!

Catherine is sick today...poor girl. The only good thing about this, is I got to watch some of "The Today Show."

When Meg was a baby and I was nursing I was quite the daytime TV watcher. "Regis and Kelly", "Oprah", "The View"...I watched em all!

Now things are different. On weekdays the girls and I wake up, RUSH, RUSH, RUSH, I drop them at school at 8:40 and I'm on my merry way...

So anyway, today on "Today" Kathie Lee and Hoda were discussing Botox. Kathie Lee admitted she's a big fan of the stuff. I want to know who she goes to, because I think she looks awesome. And I'm sure she pays big bucks to look as good as she does.

The thing with Botox and Juvederm and all that good stuff is...it's pretty pricey.

A syringe of Juvederm runs about $500. A forehead full of Botox runs about $400. And you have to do it every few months. If you want to do it right, you'll have to pay about $3,500 a year. Bummer.

What is the average woman on a budget to do??? Well, a few clever ladies came up with a plan. These women are "The Botox Bandits." Go ahead...Google it. They are everywhere. Florida, Texas, California, Arizona....our nation is in the midst of an injectable crime spree.

How do you steal Botox? Well, you go into a medispa and give them a fake name. You proceed to get all shot up. Then, when it comes time to pay, you realize you forgot your checkbook or credit card. Tell the lady you need to run out to the car...and then you get the hell out of dodge.

Some advice...don't let them take before and after pictures...that helps the police track you down. Duh.

But hey, at least you'll look hot in your mug shot! Another bonus, is you'll be the best looking gal in prison, which means you get the toughest girlfriend.

I think this crime wave is a sign of the times. Why should wealthy women be the only ones who get Botox? What about the middle class? I certainly hope President Obama has included some funds in his stimulus plan for cosmetic procedures for the needy. It's only fair...and it will keep these poor women out of prison.

If you're with me on this send President Obama a request...www.whitehouse.gov.

Remember...EVERYONE has the right to a smooth, wrinkle free face and they shouldn't have to resort to a life of crime to get it.

Educating Ramona

Today is Wednesday, which traditionally is my day to recap the previous evening's "Real Housewives" and I intend to do just that.

Unfortunately I'm swamped right now, so I'm going to throw one topic out there and then do the full recap later.

Did you see the scene where the ladies went to lunch and discussed boarding schools? I thought it was interesting. LuAnn is all about boarding school and claims she sends her children there for their benefit. Obviously she thinks her children get the best possible education at boarding school, or so she says.

As obnoxious as Ramona is, I agree with her that I want my children at home...at least until they are 18. There are plenty of top notch private schools in Manhattan. Why do you need to send your 16 year old daughter 2 hours away? I wouldn't say that to LuAnn, but I'm saying it to you. I think Ramona should have kept her opinion to herself. LuAnn has her mind made up, who is Ramona to tell her how to raise her children?

Since this is MY blog, I'll tell you my opinion on boarding schools. They are fine for some people but even if I had big bucks, or my children were absolute geniuses who got a full ride at Choate, I wouldn't send them. Maybe when they're older, I'll change my mind, but for now, that's my feeling on the subject.

I have friends who went to boarding school, and they didn't like going. Even though the schools were the "best of the best" they felt that their parents sent them away.

What do you think? Did you go to boarding school? How about your children? If they go, do you send them because you feel that is the best thing for them?

Which opens up the whole private vs. public school debate. My daughters go to public school. One of the reason we live in our town, on a small lot, is for the schools. We could live in some other towns and have a bigger house with an acre of land, but the schools wouldn't measure up.

Some people I know wouldn't dream of sending their children to a public school, for whatever reason, even in a good school district.

Let's talk schools, and we'll talk housewives later.

Real Housewives Newsflash!!! Jill Zarin Yearbook Photo

I have just received an urgent e-mail from my friend Mitch who grew up on LOOONG ISLAND, and he went to high school with none other than Jill Zarin from Real Housewives!!

He was kind enough to scan her high school yearbook picture for the Caffeine Court readers...

Here it is ladies...

Remember, you saw it here first! Keep stopping by for all the latest celebrity gossip!!!

I'm getting over it...

Okay, so maybe people are going to find out about my blog.

So what? I should be proud right?

Having a blog is a cool thing. (At least I think so.)

I only vent against those who deserve it, so if they read it and don't like it. F-em.

Let the chips fall where they may.

Alright, back to business.

Last year I did recaps of "The Real Housewives of Orange County."

Unfortunately I am unable to do an in-depth analysis of the show this year, but I DO feel compelled to comment on the last episode.

HOW ABOUT THAT GRETCHEN!!!? Gorgeous girl, no doubt, but I have NEVER seen such a gold digger in my life! Her fiance is nuts. Joan Rivers is right. Men and stupid and like big boobs. They will do anything for a hot piece of ass. There's your proof.

He doesn't even CARE that she is only in it for the money. So I guess it works out for everyone, except, of course, his five previous wives and their offspring.

Whatever!!!!

I'm jumpin' on the bandwagon here...

What is the dealio with the pictures of Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus? Can you IMAGINE hanging on your dad like that when you were 15? I saw some video of the shoot and he was nuzzling her hair and kissing her head the whole time. I know there is nothing going on between them, but HELLO? Those photos are pretty freaky. Are you with me here?

Her Mom defended the photos saying Miley is all about purity and saving yourself for marriage. I guess that means she won't be following in her parents' footsteps. If you read People magazine, then I'm sure you are well read on Tish's and Billy Ray's escapades in their younger years. Can you say DNA test?

Marlee Rocks!

I just watched "Dancing with the Stars" from the other night...

Marlee Matlin is unbelievable!

I was so inspired by her. She is profoundly deaf and yet she managed to perform a really difficult and intricate Cha-Cha in front of millions of people without missing a single beat.

She is such a charismatic and expressive person, I almost cried when I watched her.

Priscilla Presley did an awesome job too...with her dance. Unfortunately for her, she couldn't express any emotion with her face because she has injected so many chemicals into it that it doesn't move! It was seriously disturbing to look at.

Okay-gotta run...company is still here, so there will be no more profound thoughts on this blog today! (Or ever for that matter!) Remember what I said when I started this blog...it's all about the fluff!

What a busy week I've had...

I've been DYING to dish the dirt on "Housewives" so here goes!

The Count and Countess are "in the house!"
(Do you think he sleeps in a coffin and grows fangs at night?)

I'm going to focus on the LuAnn/Jill/Ramona saga. I still have no problem with LuAnn. On a superficial level it appears she really has it together. She's gorgeous and rich, her house is spectacular, she dresses great, she's got an amazing figure and her kids seem to be normal. (Damn her!) LuAnn has poise and self confidence, she's a Countess and runs in some very exclusive social circles. Considering all that, it would be unusual for her to be completely down to earth.

Let's face it. She does think she's better than Ramona. Technically it's wrong, but it happens all the time, and Ramona IS annoying and insecure.

The whole fiasco with Ramona's cooking party got so out of control. That Jill is such a spiteful piece of work. Let it go! So you didn't get invited to a little party. So what? She says she's not close to Ramona anyway. What an ego. She's just pissed that Ramona invited LuAnn, her girl crush. Don't worry Jill, Ramona won't steal your Countess from you...or your "gay husband" Brad!

Now let's get to the tennis match. I have to tell you, this scene hit a little close to home for me! First of all, the spectators. This reminded me so much of my team tennis matches. There is always an obnoxious group of ladies in the peanut gallery dressed up in these little ensembles. They talk really loud, clap after points and dispute line calls. How rude! I swear you would think these women are at the U.S. Open. Ewww.

The trash talk is so familiar to me too! We all want to win, but calm down! I find it embarrassing to strut around and talk about how I intend to demolish someone on the court.

That woman Jill really feels like a better person when she wins and she took so much pleasure in seeing Ramona lose. I find that depressing. Enough about the tennis. Clearly this is an emotional subject for me. I'm working very hard to overcome my tennis related mental issues.

Next week we get to see Jill throw a fit during fashion week because Ramona is seated in front of her at a runway show. Oh the hardships these women endure...it's heartbreaking!

Jill and Bobby
You can't see her hand...but it's
reaching for his wallet!

Their better halves?

Hey "Real Housewives" fans...check out this link! It's from the New York Daily News.


A field guide to the 'Real' husbands of New York City

The couple we love to hate
Alex McCord and Simon Van Kempen

A change of plans...

I was hoping to do a "Real Housewives of New York City" recap today, but unfortunately that won't be happening.

Apparently my adorable and precocious 8 year old decided there was an episode of "SpongeBob" that was more important than my stupid show. So she bumped me. This infraction seems to be happening "by mistake" more and more lately. Meanwhile, we have every single episode of "Zach and Cody," "Fairly Odd Parents" and "Wizards of Waverly Place" archived for all eternity.

Looks like I'll have to wait until tomorrow.


In the meantime...pickup from shcool is at 3:05 and...

Someone's got some splainin' to do!

This doesn't count as a post...

Just a reminder...tonight is the premier of "The Real Housewives of New York City." The show airs at 11 PM EST on Bravo. That's a little late for me, so I'll set my DVR and watch it tomorrow. I will be doing a weekly recap, just like I did for the "Real Housewives of the O.C."

From what I've seen this show is definitely NOT good PR for the ladies of Manhattan. These women remind me of some of the obnoxious New York girls who I went to college with at Syracuse University in the 80's. (They were so materialistic and flashy that I transferred out after my sophomore year.)

These women believe Manhattan and the Hamptons are the center of the universe and can't understand why anyone would choose to live elsewhere. Don't get me wrong, I too love New York. I just don't believe in strutting around crowing about how much BETTER it is than everywhere else in the world!

Just like in the O.C. it's all about the money. If they were normal, sweet housewives I'm sure I wouldn't have any interest. So pull up a chair and let the ladies of NYC entertain and annoy you!

Oh, and they play tennis. Not well, but they play.

If you go to Bravo's website you can meet the whole cast of characters.

"One Pound at a Time"

Did anyone catch Valerie Bertinelli today on Oprah? She has lost 40 pounds and looks fabulous! It's hard to believe she's 47. She looks very natural. One benefit of having a healthy build is that it helps disguise wrinkles. Once you get too thin the wrinkles really stand out. (I'll remember that tonight when I'm chowing down on Ben & Jerry's!)

It was a really interesting show. She really dished the dirt about her marriage to Eddie Van Halen and her fling with Steven Spielberg. Pretty juicy stuff!

I loved "One Day at a Time," but I was only allowed to watch it when my Dad wasn't around because he HATED the Ann Romano character played by Bonnie Franklin. He couldn't even look at her, so we had to sneak to watch it!

I looked up "One Day at a Time" on Wikipedia and here are some of the controversial plots the show covered: (This will be a trip down memory lane for the 40 plus crowd!)

• Suicide: In a two-part episode, Barbara freaks out when a new girl at school begins hanging around her incessantly. When Barbara shuns the girl she attempts suicide by drug overdose. Though she survives, it is revealed her problems go much deeper, owing to, among other things, a neglectful mother.
• Birth Control: When Ann confronts Barbara about "the pill" (Ann is informed of the situation by Julie), Barbara says that she's not on the pill, but just wanted guys to think she was. Ann replied "If they think you are, you'd better be."
• Relationships/Pre-Marital Sex: In another two-parter, Ann is mortified when she learns that Julie is romantically involved with a man more than twice her age. When the man brings Julie home very late one night Ann berates him. But when Julie gets in Ann's face ("You lonely, Ma?? You want him??"), Ann angrily slaps Julie. (the slap loudly hit full force
• In another episode dealing with pre-marital sex, teenager Barbara wrestles with the question of losing her virginity. After much self examination, Barbara decides not to have intercourse.
• Sexual Harassment: Barbara decides to fight back against a teacher who makes a blatant pass at her. She later finds out the teacher made similar advances to a classmate. Initially the two decide to go against the teacher, but the classmate backs out at the last minute.
• In another episode, Schneider has reservations when asked to become a sperm donor

In hindsight, maybe my Dad's annoyance with Bonnie Franklin was only one of the reasons he didn't want us watching the show!

Anyway, I hope she can stick with her healthy eating. For a girl who looked like she had it all, she really went through some nasty stuff. The things she endured throughout her marriage make the plots on "One Day at a Time" look tame.

She looks very happy now. Yay for her!

What a let down.

I'm such a dufus. I was so excited to watch the Oscars tonight. (Or so I thought.) I had my husband prepped. "This is MY Superbowl. I need to watch everything, including the pre-award red carpet show. We're ordering in dinner." He agreed.

I went on-line to check out what time the show starts. Duh! It's on February 24th. NEXT WEEK! Damn.

My dream night has turned back into business as usual.

I guess I should start dinner and give the kids a bath. :(