Scratching the Itch

A while back I did a post about some of the soap opera drama and hanky panky that goes down in my town. We had a rash of affairs between people and lots of divorces a couple of years back.

I call my part of town the divorce neighborhood, because the CHEATERS get to live here when their marriage breaks up. The BETRAYED usually get to stay in the big house.

I went out on St. Patrick's Day with a bunch of my friends to a local Irish Bar, and lo and behold...the place was hopping with horny middle aged married people looking to get a little "strange."

Granted, it was good for my ego, men were buying me drinks and offering me bar stools, it was kind of fun, but I kept it in perspective and stayed with my girl friends. I'm a married woman, and I'm not "going there."

I saw alot of weird flirtation going on between people who were married to OTHER people. It was freaky. One of my friends who was with me gave me an earful of juicy gossip about some of the people I was observing. I was floored!!

Ongoing affairs between people who's children are friends, jealousy, fist fights, you name it...it's like an episode of "Desperate Housewives" right here in my little town. Ewww.

When I got home, my husband and I talked about it. We both totally get it. We all want to feel the thrill and excitement of a new romance and it is flattering to have someone attractive show an interest in you, but come on people, control yourselves!!! You have kids!! What's the deal with these ongoing, serial affairs? If you hate your spouse that much, get a divorce, or a blow up doll!

This is the kind of stuff that gets people murdered. Jealousy and humiliation can make people do crazy things. And there is no way the children don't pick up on the vibe when their parents are behaving this way.

Maybe this stuff is just gossip, which is why I refuse to talk about it to anyone else in town. Sure I listened. It was fascinating, and hopefully it's not true. Unfortunately, I think it is.

I might be naive, but I totally trust my husband and he trusts me. But I can tell you this, if I have a friend who confides in me that she's having an affair, she's toast.

As the old Proverb states, "if you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas."

I think my town needs an exterminator.

A Kinder, Gentler Confrontation

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I were in Borders browsing through the books. I was checking out a table full of "relationship" books and I came across this beauty.

"Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love" (Relationship Repair in a Flash.)

This is a book of flash cards to use when you get in an argument with your significant other.

It's a very effective little tool, but of course, it made ME laugh. It cracked me up that I could run and grab some flash cards every time my husband and I have a heated disagreement.

My sisters and I have a way of fighting that in many cases, is FAR from politically correct, (it's the Jersey in us) so the idea of using these cards was preposterous to me, but at the same time, it made perfect sense. If I could only learn to react in such a calm and mature manner. My life would be so PEACEFUL!!!

Here are some examples of the flash cards:

Instead of saying, "I can't stand you! You are such a controlling bastard!!!" You say... "I realize I'm overreacting. Can you give me a minute to get sane again?"

Here are some other "go to" phrases to use in the heat of the moment.

"When you go on and on like that, I feel invisible to you."

"Even though I've been arguing my position like a crazy person, I can see where your point of view makes sense."

"What can I say that would make you feel understood?"

"I'm sorry if I acted like mine was the only reality."

"I treasure you."

"You are precious, and I get that I haven't been treating you like you are."

Go ahead, say them out loud.

Try using them the next time you get in an argument.

The worst thing that can happen is that you and you and your husband bust out laughing, and maybe even, forget what the heck you were fighting about in the first place.

I REALLY wanted to buy it, for pure entertainment, but my husband didn't want me to spend the money, so I got annoyed. I was about to say. "Don't be so cheap, it's only 10 bucks!!" But then I realized how destructive that would be, instead, I flipped to an appropriate card and responded, "Of course, I respect your opinion, and will abide by it."

I did, however, make a mental note to buy one at a later date, when I wasn't with him. (Do you see why we argue??!)

Later this afternoon, I'm going to go for it! I'm going to cruise on over to Borders to pick up a copy.

I might even pick a fight, just so I can use use it!!!

Good relationships take work, but you might as well have a good time while you're doing it.

Tonight, WE FIGHT!!! WITH FLASH CARDS!!

I can't wait.

V.D.

Now that I have your attention...only one more day until Valentine's Day and you would think I would get around to replacing the Happy New Year Header.

Yeah, yeah, quit nagging me, I'll around to it.

Just like New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day is another holiday I'm not crazy about. It seems so...forced.

Earlier today my husband asked me what he should get me and I told him not to worry about it. I don't need a Valentine's Day gift. Seriously. He's good to me and the girls all year long, he doesn't need to run out and get me some trinket because Hallmark says he needs to. He's a very generous man, and I am very lucky to have HIM.

I didn't need to ask him what he wants. I know. I'm sure you know too. I won't get into too much detail, but let's just say that the best thing I can give him isn't available at the mall. (At least not that I'm aware of.)

I wish you all lots of love and happiness this Valentine's Day.

I might not be a fan of forced holidays, but I am, and always will be a fan of love.

I like to live dangerously!

My husband is very anxious since I posted a photo of the woman who beat me at tennis yesterday.

He has a vision of someone coming across my blog and calling her to inform her that the woman she played against (me) is a weirdo tennis stalker.

He envisions her coming to our house and demanding that I remove my blog post and get a life.

He then pictures me telling her to calm the hell down and punching her in the face. The end of his fantasy involves us coming to fisticuffs and wrestling around the yard in our short little tennis skirts while he watches.

Did I mention my husband is a perv??

What's YOUR Love Sign???

Are you into astrology? I'm not, but I used to read my horoscope every day.

My birthday is May 12th, which makes me a Taurus. Brad is August 16th, so he is a Leo.

People who are into astrology always look a little freaked out when they find out our zodiac signs. Apparently the Bull-Lion combo is a volatile one. I would have to agree. If you read this description it pretty much describes our dynamic.


Taurus Woman and Leo Man

The zodiac match between a Taurus woman and a Leo man has good chances of succeeding in the long run, if both of them are ready to compromise and be a little flexible. She will have to stroke his ego on a regular basis and let him have his way. At the same time, he will have to learn to respect her opinion too. She will also have to control her anger, since the Lion will, more often then not, be the center of attention. But then, he will shower her with loyalty, devotion, passion and romance. Not a bad match, if both of them agree to disagree.

When this twosome are putting each other through their passionate paces in the beautiful boudoir they couldn't be happier.Things will be torrentially torrid and tactile and stunningly sensuous. After all, Taurus is the sign of passion and Leo is one of the two signs of amour, so this cupid couple will find ecstasy and fantastic fulfillment in each other's arms.

There's only one problem.The moment they climb out of bed and descend from their emotional to the real world, everything can start to go woefully wrong, because they just refuse to see each other's point of view. They can both be intransigent and neither will give in to the other one.You see,they're both fixed signs.

Leos believe that they're right and they won't alter their original opinion no matter what you do or say. So, if these argumentative amourettes want their relationship to work, they've got to look in a dictionary to discover the meaning of all sorts of words, like compromise, diplomacy and flexibility.Otherwise, they'll find that words like love and loyalty don't mean much any more. Though they'll both keep plodding on with their partnership.

Brad is loyal, devoted, passionate and romantic lion married to a comfort seeking bull who enjoys being alone and does not liked to be pushed too hard. Sounds exhausting doesn't it? Never a dull moment in our house.

We've been married for almost 11 years so I've learned how to avoid some of the pitfalls of two stubborn souls running a house and raising a family. I've learned I don't always have to be right, and in the process I've become a better person.

Who says you can't teach an old bull new tricks?

How about you? What do the stars say about your relationship?

Oh and my juicer has arrived. I made the green juice and it's pretty good!! Even my daughters like it. Here's some video: Rachel Ray-WATCH OUT!

making green juice!! on 12seconds.tv


putting the stuff in the juicer!!! on 12seconds.tv

Yeah, I look fat in this one...which is why I'm drinking the GREEN JUICE.

the last of the green juice series no face today, I'm worn out on 12seconds.tv

I think I'll stick to tennis and gerbil stories...

That last post went over like a lead balloon. Oh well, you win some you lose some.

I'll have plenty of time to get over it the next four days, when Brad and I are on our romantic "10th Wedding Anniversary Getaway!"

My Mom flew up from Florida and we're leaving her in charge while we head up to a mountain lodge in the Catskills for a little quality couples time.

I'm going to need some R & R after all the preparations I've had to do the past few days, you know the drill, stocking the fridge, showing Grandma the lay of the land, writing down phone numbers, getting out insurance information, packing... I think I'm too tired to go away. (NOT!!)

I'll throw up a few old posts to keep the blog lively while I'm away.

In the meantime, here's the latest topic for Collage.

When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a writer for New York Magazine. (Yeah, I know, enough already!)

I can't wait to see what you have to say!

I love you, but I'm not "in love" with you...

As much as I hate to talk about it, I'm officially middle aged (if I live to 86). This is the time in life when people typically assess where they are, what they've accomplished and whether or not they've achieved their dreams. If they aren't happy with what they see and feel the result is...A FULL BLOWN MID-LIFE CRISIS.

Perhaps this is the cause of a trend in my town. It seems to be all the rage to seek a divorce due to boredom, not feeling in love anymore, or falling in love with someone else.

I don't live in other people's homes, so I don't know the circumstances that go on behind closed doors, but this trend seems to be reaching epidemic proportions.

Where I live, the person who dumps their spouse ends up in the small house. The person who got dumped gets to keep the big house. I call my neighborhood "the divorce neighborhood" because it seems all our new neighbors end up here after their marriages break up.

One woman who moved in about a year ago is giddy with joy after leaving her husband. "I'm a passionate person, " she tells us, "and I wasn't passionate about my marriage anymore. I've decided to get rid of anything in my life that gives me a headache." Hmmm.

Maybe I'm being too judgemental, but that sounds really harsh to me! They have 3 kids!

I can totally see leaving someone if they cheat on you, or beat you. But because you're bored?

I think we all get bored. I know I get on my husband's nerves lots of times, and sometimes my tennis stories get old. (Thanks to all of you for listening to them!) My husband talks about his work alot, and I have to remind him to change the subject, but am I going to leave him because of it?

And of course there's the sex thing. They say men are predisposed to cheat. It's in their genes to try to spread their seed wherever they can. "We're all animals after all!"

Sounds like a bunch of bull to me. We're predisposed to take a dump in the woods too, but we potty train our children so we can be civilized and do it on the toilet. You can't do that with a dog. We might be animals, but we are supposedly intelligent animals that are capable of reasoning and choosing between right and wrong.

Everyone (I think) longs for the excitement of new love, the first kiss, the flirting, going on fun dates, making out on the couch...okay, I'm getting carried away here. But I would never trade my husband in to go back to all that stuff. Am I saying we never make out on the couch anymore? Pretty much, yes. But we really SHOULD, I'm sure it would be fun. Too bad the laptop seems to get in the way of that these days! (Stay tuned for my husband's upcoming post, "My wife's blog ruined my sex life!")

Sometimes marriage is easier than others. Mine definitely goes through phases. Some days things are great and we're all happy as clams. Other times it can turn on a dime, and we CANT STAND each other. But we know it's cyclical, so we just wait for the good feelings to come back. And we don't bail.

Maybe the people living in my neighborhood couldn't get past the bad days. Who knows? I'm not going to ask them, but I can't help but feel bad when I see the sad looks on the faces of the ones living in the "big house", the one they all lived in together as a family, before it got BORING.

Well, that went over like a lead balloon!

I promised a "normal" post today, so here it is. I had a feeling I didn't have too many Howard Stern fans reading my blog. I just had to share my encounter with Beetlejuice. It cracked me up. (At least one person thought it was funny!)

Anyway, today is my 10 year wedding anniversary. You think I'd be out at a fancy French bistro sipping wine and listening to romantic music. Not exactly. We have tons of company in from out of town. (My sister, her children and my parents.) They are all at the beach, I took my 4 year old home with severe stomach pains. She's laying on the couch watching a movie!

Don't feel too sorry for me...Brad and I are planning a 10th anniversary getaway for September. I think we're going to hit the California Wine Country.

In my previous post I mentioned that I harassed James Gandolfini (aka Tony Soprano) at a Christmas Tree Lighting in Red Bank, NJ. He was about as friendly as Beetlejuice, only not as scary. Here's the photo...

He's actually way better looking in person than in the picture or on TV.

Oh, and my tennis team is currently in 2nd place. We had to win all 5 courts last match to move into first. Court 1 lost. I hate to say it, but I'm glad it wasn't me.

Have a great weekend! (And if you live in the Northeast, stay cool, it's gonna be a scorcher!)

Tennis Tuesday

We're back from Vermont. Lovely trip, kayaking, roasting marshmallows, fishing and even a night out without the kids.

Brad and I took the girls to the church where we got married 10 years ago. (July 18, 1998 to be exact). It's so beautiful there. Mead Chapel at Middlebury College. What does this have to do with tennis? Plenty. Middlebury College has TONS of tennis courts, really nice ones. (See how I tied that in???)

Anyway. I've got a big doubles match in the morning. No pressure, but we're tied for first, so hopefully we'll win every court. But like I said. NO PRESSURE.

I'll leave you with this quote that I like from my favorite husband stealer (check out the National Enquirer for the Greg Norman/Chris Evert story).

"To be a top tennis player you have to have a tough streak in you. I was ruthless and determined because I really wanted to win. It's good for women to have a tough streak, just like it's important for a guy to be sensitive." Chris Evert

Whaddya think? Talk amongst yourselves.

I've lost my mojo...

Just because my friend Doug "Just Did It" doesn't mean I'll be following suit. It's a really cute idea. But I don't think I have the mojo for it. My husband, on the other hand, has mojo to spare!

My husband thinks Doug is brilliant because every man in America is going to buy this book for his wife.






Once he reads the book, I'm sure I'll be hearing alot of...(insert British accent) "Should we shag now, or shag later?" (insert New Jersey accent) "Oy vey."


Okay, enough already with the INSERT. (Why..."does that word make you HORNY baby??")





Damn you Austin Powers and double damn you Doug and Annie!!!

Footnote: Even if you don't plan on doing the nasty every day for 101 days, you SHOULD buy the book. Doug is very entertaining and I'm sure his spin on this subject will make for great reading.

I love my husband!

As you know, I 've been really into the whole "Tudors" thing. As I've watched the movies and TV show and read the books I've done some reflecting on my own life. Here's what I've come up with...



I am so happy to be a suburban New Jersey housewife and not the Queen of England...especially with a husband like King Henry VIII. What a psycho!


First of all, he did NOT look like Eric Bana or Jonathan Rhys Meyers-he was a fat, gross, slob with a big oozing sore on his leg! (Some of my more educated readers have commented that King Henry was at one time quite a hottie. I stand corrected...he might have been a hunk in his early years, but boy did he let himself go!!)

He had to be kept entertained all the time, and he blamed his wives when they couldn't have male children! (Meanwhile-he was the one shooting out all those X chromosomes!)

When he liked his wives, he would do anything for them, including renouncing Catholicism and forming a whole new church, and executing anyone who didn't agree with him.

When he got sick of his wives he didn't just spend too much time at the office or playing golf...not this dude. If his wife was annoying him-WATCH OUT! Exile, annulment-or a blow to the neck with a hatchet!

So Brad, my darling husband, if you are reading this...sometimes you get on my nerves..when you don't like the pasta I made for dinner, or when you don't have black socks in the morning. I know I'm a pain in the a-- when I rag on you, or when I don't stay within "the budget." But I thank God everyday that you are cute, you don't cheat on me and that you didn't blame me or chop my head off when I gave birth to our two precious little daughters. I'm a lucky woman.

Next week I will compare my husband to some other horrible husbands in history...stay tuned for my in depth analysis on Warren Jeffs, Attila the Hun, and Bill Clinton. It's "must read blogging" at it's best!

Vocational Counseling

My youngest daughter goes to Kindergarten in September and my husband is already fantasizing about what kind of job I'll get when she's in school. (After all, he can't have me at home slacking during the six hours that my children are otherwise occupied.) He has suggested to me several times that I get my teaching certificate...which always makes me laugh. I truly wonder if he has ever watched me while I help my third grader with her homework. I have about as much patience as a prison guard. I love children, but I don't think I'm cut out for spending six hours a day with 20 of them!

I've got five months to come up with a way to contribute financially to this family. I've been out of the job market for 9 years, and when I was in it I was not exactly bringing in six figures. I always gravitated towards low paying jobs in the entertainment field (which many nights required me to work until midnight.) Not an option anymore for this suburban mom.

So, for the next five months I'll enjoy my "life of leisure" as a laundress, housekeeper, cook, child psychologist, babysitter, dog walker, gardener, chauffeur, tennis player and Art Show Chairwoman.

In the meantime, if you hear of any high paying jobs in Central Jersey that would allow me to work from 9:30-2:30, (September through June, with days off for school vacations) wear jeans, and not have to sit behind a desk, leave a comment.

My husband would love to hear from you!!!

Scrolling Sunday-Hot wax...

Here's a post from September...my quest for organization never ends. Yesterday Brad cleaned my walk in closet for me!!! Which made me pretty hot! (Or at least very grateful!)

"Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum* - "My God, the floor's immaculate. Lie down, you hot bitch."

~Joan Rivers

*Except my husband!

~Jill from Caffeine Court

"One Pound at a Time"

Did anyone catch Valerie Bertinelli today on Oprah? She has lost 40 pounds and looks fabulous! It's hard to believe she's 47. She looks very natural. One benefit of having a healthy build is that it helps disguise wrinkles. Once you get too thin the wrinkles really stand out. (I'll remember that tonight when I'm chowing down on Ben & Jerry's!)

It was a really interesting show. She really dished the dirt about her marriage to Eddie Van Halen and her fling with Steven Spielberg. Pretty juicy stuff!

I loved "One Day at a Time," but I was only allowed to watch it when my Dad wasn't around because he HATED the Ann Romano character played by Bonnie Franklin. He couldn't even look at her, so we had to sneak to watch it!

I looked up "One Day at a Time" on Wikipedia and here are some of the controversial plots the show covered: (This will be a trip down memory lane for the 40 plus crowd!)

• Suicide: In a two-part episode, Barbara freaks out when a new girl at school begins hanging around her incessantly. When Barbara shuns the girl she attempts suicide by drug overdose. Though she survives, it is revealed her problems go much deeper, owing to, among other things, a neglectful mother.
• Birth Control: When Ann confronts Barbara about "the pill" (Ann is informed of the situation by Julie), Barbara says that she's not on the pill, but just wanted guys to think she was. Ann replied "If they think you are, you'd better be."
• Relationships/Pre-Marital Sex: In another two-parter, Ann is mortified when she learns that Julie is romantically involved with a man more than twice her age. When the man brings Julie home very late one night Ann berates him. But when Julie gets in Ann's face ("You lonely, Ma?? You want him??"), Ann angrily slaps Julie. (the slap loudly hit full force
• In another episode dealing with pre-marital sex, teenager Barbara wrestles with the question of losing her virginity. After much self examination, Barbara decides not to have intercourse.
• Sexual Harassment: Barbara decides to fight back against a teacher who makes a blatant pass at her. She later finds out the teacher made similar advances to a classmate. Initially the two decide to go against the teacher, but the classmate backs out at the last minute.
• In another episode, Schneider has reservations when asked to become a sperm donor

In hindsight, maybe my Dad's annoyance with Bonnie Franklin was only one of the reasons he didn't want us watching the show!

Anyway, I hope she can stick with her healthy eating. For a girl who looked like she had it all, she really went through some nasty stuff. The things she endured throughout her marriage make the plots on "One Day at a Time" look tame.

She looks very happy now. Yay for her!

Deal Breakers aka Putting Myself out on a Limb aka Opening a HUGE Can of Worms...

A friend of mine had a little "shopping problem." (In her defense, she and her kids always look FABULOUS!)

When her husband found the bills he went BALLISTIC! "I'd rather you had an AFFAIR then spend this much money!!!" he screamed at her. (He didn't mean it, he was just really pissed.) (Or maybe he did mean it, who knows?)

His statement got to my friend big time and when she told me about it I started thinking about what type of transgressions would end my marriage. In my vows I promised to stay with Brad "for better or for worse." But let's face it, some behaviors are deal breakers.

Soooo, I thought I'd do a fun (kind of) and controversial little poll.

Rate these marital sins in the order of severity.

a. Adultery
b. Physical abuse
c. Drug/alcohol Abuse
d. Severe financial hardship (due to gambling, excessive spending)

Please bear in mind that this is pure speculation. Who knows what I would do if I were ever faced with these problems. That being said, here is my here's my list:

1. Physical abuse. I couldn't tolerate it and I would never want my children to see me put up with it. There is no negotiating this one.

2. Drug/alcohol abuse I've dealt with this first hand, (Not with my husband) and I know it's an illness, so I would try to help and hopefully rehab or AA would help.) If it lingered for too long I'd have to find a way to separate my children from it. I think it's too much for kids to deal with.

3. Adultery-So far so good on this one. (At least as far as I know!) If Brad had a one night stand I MIGHT be able to deal with it and patch things up for the sake of our children. If he had an AFFAIR-bye, bye. AND I'm getting a GREAT lawyer.

4. Severe financial hardship due to gambling or overspending. It's at the bottom of my list, but I could see it causing HUGE problems. If Brad lost his job or we had a serious illness in the family I know it would be stressful, but I would do my damnedest to get through it. It would be very difficult to tolerate it if my husband tossed our family's security to drive a flashy car or acquire material possessions that we absolutely cannot afford just to look good!

As I write this I realize how lucky I am (knock wood) my husband is such a great guy. Yes we have gone through our share of hardships in our 10 years of marriage, but we both behave ourselves and have stuck to our marriage vows. Who knows what the future will bring but I do believe that certain things are within our control (i.e. cheating and excessive shopping) I plan on keeping my end of the bargain and I hope he does the same.

As for my friend, she is now on a budget. (Just like me!) In both our cases we nipped our problems in the bud. It's amazing what a difference it has made in BOTH our marriages! Now that I know exactly what I have to spend each week it makes life so much easier (and more peaceful!) I just hope we don't fall off the shopping wagon!

So choose your poison; sex, drugs, money or fists!

I'll get back to my regular fluff real soon...I promise.

What a let down.

I'm such a dufus. I was so excited to watch the Oscars tonight. (Or so I thought.) I had my husband prepped. "This is MY Superbowl. I need to watch everything, including the pre-award red carpet show. We're ordering in dinner." He agreed.

I went on-line to check out what time the show starts. Duh! It's on February 24th. NEXT WEEK! Damn.

My dream night has turned back into business as usual.

I guess I should start dinner and give the kids a bath. :(

There's a new girl in town!

We have a new neighbor! My mother and husband both told me about her a few weeks ago, but I finally caught a glimpse of her moving in today. She's not even unpacked and already she's the talk of our neighborhood. Why? Because she's a hot babe!

That's right, a piece of eye candy just moved in right across the street from me. My new neighbor is a single, blonde bombshell in tight jeans. How wonderful.

The funny thing is that most of us found out about her from our husbands. They all had the same funny tone in their voices when they told us, "WE HAVE A NEW NEIGHBOR." (As they attempted to sound nonchalant) Every single one of us picked up on the tone immediately and every single one of us knew instantaneously to ask, "What does she look like?" Let's just call it women's intuition.

I've heard this tone before from my husband, and I can always tell when a new hottie has come into his universe. When he mentions, "There's a new girl as work." I hear the tone and HAVE to ask. Oh yeah, what does she look like? "Well, Jay thinks she's good looking, but she's not my type." Yeah right.

I totally trust him, but I get such a kick out of it when he tries to pretend he's not looking. One time he told me, "She's not my type, she's too perfect!" Thanks alot buddy. Glad you like your women flawed.

A friend of mine's husband is a photographer and he works with models all the time. My friend was feeling insecure one day and she started whining to her husband. (This girl is a TOTAL Fran Drescher type) "You see perfect women all the time, I'm getting old. I know you want to be with a model!" (I'm sure hearing her whine really helped matters.) Since he's a nice guy he tried to appease her. "Don't worry honey, I couldn't get a model!" HA! Nice try.

The bottom line is, our new neighbor has added a little excitement to our quiet little street. In more than one sense of the word! I'm sure she's a nice woman and tomorrow I'll bring her some cookies (to fatten her up) and introduce myself.

But let me tell you sista, if she comes over and asks my husband to help her kill a spider or unclog a pipe she's gonna have to deal with the business end of my tennis racquet! 'Nuff said.

Love match???

HEY EVERYONE! It's "Scroll Down SUNDAY" Here's a post from my rookie blogging days...

My husband and I started playing mixed doubles a few weeks ago. Last week Brad was on a business trip, so I played with another partner. No biggie right? Wrong!

Both my Dad and sister had lots of questions. My sister said her husband would be angry if she played tennis with another man. My Dad was concerned also. Would this upset Brad? Who was my partner? I really stirred up the pot.

Frankly, I was surprised. It's tennis for Pete's sake! I asked Brad if he was jealous. But before I let him answer I proceeded to mention that my partner was not that good looking. As though if he looked like Antonio Banderas my husband would have something to worry about! If you're going to cheat, then you will. I don't think it has anything to do with how many men you see in a day, or how good looking they are! I stay at home with my kids, but I see men everyday, just because someone delivers a UPS package to my door, or picks up my trash and just happens to be male, it doesn't mean I can't control myself. (There's a porno movie somewhere in this train of thought.) My point is, that I took a vow and as boring as it sounds I'm sticking with it. When people question things like playing mixed doubles I wonder where their heads are at. I think the most suspicious people are usually the most guilty.

The only exception for me is the whole "Dancing with the Stars" thing. If Brad were a celebrity and they asked him to go on the show, my answer would be an emphatic NO! That, my friend, is a little too familiar for me. When I play tennis I'm not wearing high heels, a micro-mini and straddling my partner. (Unless of course my partner is Brad!)

I will admit that sometimes I forget to wear my bloomers and go commando on the court, (See above photo), and yet no one makes a pass at me! So Dad and Sis, you've got nothing to worry about! Thursday nights are all about a bunch of middle aged people getting sweaty and breathing heavy on the court, not between the sheets!

Please tell us where to go!!

Brad and I will celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary in July.

We'd like to take a five day trip in April to celebrate. We're open to anything right now. I figure my sophisticated and fun loving blog buddies might have some ideas on where we should go.

Any places you would suggest?

We travel out of Newark Airport, so it needs to be somewhere relatively easy to get to.

Raw fish and raw humor...

Brad and I had our long awaited date night last night. We went out to one of our favorite sushi restaurants and then we saw "The Heartbreak Kid" with Ben Stiller. The movie got terrible reviews, but we decided to go anyway because the Farrelly Brothers always make us laugh. (Their other films include, There's Something About Mary; Dumb and Dumber; Kingpin; Me, Myself and Irene; and Shallow Hal).

As you probably know, this film is a remake of the 1972 movie directed by Elaine May. The Farrelly Brother's take on the story is nowhere near as good as the original, but it is funny. (If you like frat boy humor.) Jerry Stiller (Ben's real life Dad) plays his 77 year old horny, foul mouthed father in the movie. He alone is worth the price of admission. Some of his lines had me chuckling to myself later that night as I went to sleep.

If you haven't seen the original Heartbreak Kid with Charles Grodin and Cybill Shepherd, rent it. Here's a snippet from Amazon.com:

It's still one of the most accomplished--but least recognized--comedies of the 1970s. Charles Grodin landed one of his best roles as Lenny, a newlywed husband who meets a gorgeous blonde (Cybill Shepherd) while on his honeymoon, and finds his new bride, Lila (played by May's daughter, Jeannie Berlin), unappealing by comparison. When Lila is forced to rest with a severe case of sunburn, Lenny's free to pursue his new interest, oblivious to the manipulative games that he'll soon be subjected to. May and screenwriter Simon draw plenty of pain, awkwardness, and embarrassment from hilarious situations, giving this comedy a perceptive awareness of human foibles and unchecked desires. It's a newlywed's worst nightmare come true, made enjoyable because we're watching it happen to someone else. Grodin's a prime choice of casting for expressing the movie's lusty anxiety--he's a schmuck, but you can still sympathize with the anguish he's brought on himself.

If you and your husband are up for a night of brainless, immature humor, this is the flick for you!