Full contact tennis

I haven't written a good tennis post in awhile, but something somewhat exciting actually happened today, so I thought I'd share.

I like my tennis like I like my men, fast and hard. (Ha ha...just kidding Mom.) But seriously, I like a lively game of doubles, and today was no exception.

I was playing with a group of friends and we were having a jolly good time smashing overheads, rushing the net, and going for the gusto...it was all fun and games, until someone got hurt.

Unfortunately, that person was one of the nicest, most beloved people at the tennis club, and I was the one who hurt her.

Just shoot me.

It all happened so quickly, I hit a driving forehand from the baseline when my dear friend stormed the net, the next thing I know, my ball SLAMMED into her eye, she yelped in pain and hit the ground. I was scared.

I ran to get help and an ice pack. When I returned to the court I got my first look at the damage.

It wasn't pretty.

She had a shiner that would put Mike Tyson to shame and broken blood vessels in her eye that looked very, VERY, painful.

I wanted to cry, but I didn't. I nursed her wound, and brought her a cookie and offered to drive her to the doctor. She refused my offer and went on her own.

Luckily her eye is okay. No scratched cornea, no detached retina, a bit of concern ABOUT THE BLEEDING, so she will return to the doctor tomorrow morning for a follow up.

This kind of stuff happens in the dog eat dog world of housewife afternoon tennis. I know that. Next time, it could be me, face down on the court, crying in pain. I accept the risks, and I will return to the courts this Thursday, ready to face the dangers that await me.

I leave you with a sports prayer...

God, let me play well but fairly.
Help me to learn something that matters
once the game is over.
Let competition make me strong but never hostile.
Always let me help my opponent up.
Never catch me rejoicing in the adversity of others.
If I know victory, allow me to be happy; if I am denied, keep me from envy.
Remind me that sports are just games.
If through athletics I set an example,
let it be a good one.

And please Lord, let my friend forgive me for bashing her in her eyeball and making her bleed.

Amen.

A tennis post (with a little bit of bitchy thrown in)

Those of you readers who participate in USTA tennis may or may not know that the new ratings came out this week. This year was quite a shocker for many of us in the tennis world.

There was a huge surge of people who got bumped up a notch and the clubs are buzzing.

Seriously.

I keep expecting Jeff Probst to walk out to start tribal council.

The e-mails are flying, my phone is ringing, and secret lunch meetings are being arranged.

All the team captains are trying to secure the best players. There is a lot of whispering going on.

Last year I played on a team full of amazingly nice women. The only catch was, I could only play singles.

One of my best friends called me and made me an offer I feel I can't refuse. She said if I go back to her team, (which I played on years ago) I can play doubles with two of my favorite doubles partners (who I happen to be good friends with) and play singles too. She's co-captain of the team, so she said I can help her make the lineups for each match. If this is true, it's awesome.

The hard part? Saying goodbye to my old team, full of really sweet ladies, where I am low man on the totem pole into a perfect situation for me, but with a team captain who is not well liked in the ladies tennis world.

Did you follow that?

Tennis is easy.

Tennis politics? THAT will kill you.

I played on grass (and I liked it!)

Yesterday, I had the most amazing experience. My friend Victoria invited me to play tennis at her club, and I fell in love. (Not with a pro, or anything, I'm not THAT much of a cliche!)

No, I didn't fall in love with a person, I fell in love with a PLACE. You see, Victoria doesn't belong to your regular, run of the mill tennis club. She belongs to The Seabright Lawn Tennis and Cricket Club, one of the oldest tennis clubs in the country.

I've got to be totally honest with you. I felt like I had died and gone to tennis heaven.

I drive by this club every day, and marvel at it's beauty; the perfectly manicured courts, the cedar shake clubhouse, the rose trellises and perennial gardens, all absolute perfection. The cherry on the top of the cake are the players, all decked out in their tennis whites. It's like something out of "The Great Gatsby."

I'm not into the whole country club scene but this club just might change my mind. I felt so in my element. Not because I'm some rich, old money WASP, which I definitely am not, but because everyone at that club shares a common love, the game of tennis.

I wasn't sure if I would like playing on grass, but it was amazing. (If you're into tennis you know what I'm talking about, it's such a serve and volley game, which is my specialty.)

We all have our idea of a perfect evening, and for me, and for me, this was it. Getting together with a great group of people, playing my favorite game in the entire world and then sitting down on the sprawling front porch of the clubhouse and drinking a cold glass of lemonade.

The only thing that could have made it better was if we had a little home grown to smoke behind the paddle courts. ;)

But hey, you can't have everything!

What a difference a year makes...

Another USTA team tennis season has come and gone. As you recall, the last couple of years I had a TYRANT for a captain. I had an undefeated record, but she was still incredibly nasty to me.

She was an unsportsmanlike bully and I'm really surprised casting didn't snag her for "The Real Housewives of NJ."

This year, I chose to play under the leadership of the most, polite, adorable sweet woman. My record this year was NOT very good, but I had so much fun.

Here is her letter to the team after a really enjoyable, drama-free season.

Hi everyone,

Congratulations to everyone for a great season! This was our first year back together (with some very special new additions) and we had a winning season!

We had so many fun, competitive matches and we always showed our team spirit by staying to cheer our team mates on even when our matches were finished. Winning is always fun, but it's how we handle the losses and what we choose to do moving forward that means so much more. I am really looking forward to working hard and trying to improve my game for next year's season. I really loved being your captain and I am looking forward to celebrating with all of you.

On behalf of our team, I would also like to say a HUGE thanks to Bob! You are a great coach and are always inspiring us to do our best.

We look forward to the fall season and our clinics with you.

Love,

Eileen

What a breath of fresh air!

Given the choice of an undefeated season under the leadership of a mean bitch, or a horrible record with a classy kind captain...I'll take the latter.

"You do not lead by hitting people over the head - that's assault, not leadership."

-Dwight D. Eisenhower

My new love...

Say hello to my little friend...the Wii Active Personal Trainer!!

So cool.

If you haven't seen it yet you have to check it out!

It have workouts consisting of strength exercises with resistance, cardio, and sports drills.

You can pick a personal trainer to work with and set up a 30 day challenge to get in shape.

I love it, and so does Brad. I only wish I had started the workouts sooner, like BEFORE team tennis started.

If I keep up with this I will be an ANIMAL next season.

The tennis ladies of NJ should be afraid...very, very afraid.


Insert evil, maniacal laugh here....

I like to live dangerously!

My husband is very anxious since I posted a photo of the woman who beat me at tennis yesterday.

He has a vision of someone coming across my blog and calling her to inform her that the woman she played against (me) is a weirdo tennis stalker.

He envisions her coming to our house and demanding that I remove my blog post and get a life.

He then pictures me telling her to calm the hell down and punching her in the face. The end of his fantasy involves us coming to fisticuffs and wrestling around the yard in our short little tennis skirts while he watches.

Did I mention my husband is a perv??

Not again!!!

Okay, so I had another tennis match today. And I'll cut to the chase...I lost, AGAIN.

3-6, 6-4, 3-6. And I played even better than last week. I'm getting so much better. Why? Because I'm playing people who are so much damn better and more experienced that me!!!

This is who I lost to this week.












Seriously...she was "Mrs. Globe." Just picture her in a skimpy white tennis outfit, smashing a yellow ball at your face. Then you'll know what my morning was like. I probably could have won if the glare off her tiara wasn't so BLINDING!!

Oh well. Maybe next week I can lose to Miss Universe.

I need a martini. And some breast implants.

I did the best I could...

My dreaded tennis match is over. I didn't get lucky. My opponent had two very good hands. She wasn't grossly overweight and it appears she had 20/20 vision. She was in perfect health. All that and she was an amazing tennis player to boot.

To say I was intimidated would be an understatement. But I held it together and gave her quite a battle. I made her earn every point and I played the best tennis of my life.

In the end, I was defeated 6-4, 3-6, 2-6.

I can't be to hard on myself because I fought as hard as I could from start to finish.

She was just better than me.

Do I think back and wonder why I didn't hit more shots to her forehand or rush net a little more? Sure I do. But I'm still proud of myself. If I were one of my own mom I'd take me out for ice cream and pat myself on the back for a job well done.

After all, it's not whether you win or lose...it's how you play the game.

Isn't that what all the losers say? ;)

Finally!

I just talked on the phone for the first time with one of my blog friends!!!

Kind of sad actually, I've been doing this blog thing for almost 2 years and I've never managed to have a face to face, or even a conversation with any of my virtual buds. Until today.

One of my favorite blog buddies, Connie from Mrs. K gave me a pre-match pep talk to get me psyched for tomorrow. She had the cutest little accent and a killer attitude.

When I asked if I sound like I'm from Jersey she told me I sound like Teresa from Real Housewives. So after I'm done my tennis match I'll be calling a professional voice coach to work on my diction!!! Ba da bing!!

Hey, at least she's honest. I like that in a person.

We're considering taking our relationship to the next level soon and perhaps play a doubles match together the next time I'm in Florida.

So I have to make my new coach proud tomorrow and GO FOR IT!!!

In the meantime, if you'd like to hear my voice and see if I do, in fact, sound like a mafia wife from North Jersey, shoot me an e-mail with your phone number and give me a buzz.

I look forward to chatting with you!

DISTRACTIONS!

Just when I thought I was getting my life back on track...the French Open starts.

It's on the Tennis Channel all day long. Oh, mon Dieu!

In other news, have any of you seen the movie "Taken" with Liam Neeson? It seems I'm hearing so much about it lately. If you saw it, what do you think? Thumbs up?

I'm playing again on Thursday. They're giving me another chance at #1 singles after my humiliation at the hands of that spry old woman.

God give me strength.

Maybe I'll get lucky and play an 80 year old woman. Or maybe a blind woman. Or someone with no hands.

Hope springs eternal here at Caffeine Court.

Au revoir. Me souhaiter bonne chance!!!

Life is like a rollercoaster...

Full of highs and lows. Sometimes you're a superstar. Other times, a you're a big fat loser.

Today I was a big, fat loser. I lost my singles match 6-2, 6-2 to a 70 year old woman with huge boobs and skinny little chicken legs.

I felt like my worst tennis nightmare was coming true. In the first set she had me down 5-0 in less than half an hour. I suddenly came out of my fundraiser induced trance and realized I might not get even one game off the old gal.

I gave her a good fight from that point forward, but it wasn't enough. DAMN she was GOOD!!

I looked her up on the USTA website after the match. She plays on SEVEN different teams. SEVEN!!!! I barely have time for one. Damn. How the hell do you compete with that?

I think I'm going to have to give up housework, cooking and all volunteering at the school and start training in earnest.

My husband and family will just have to understand. My responsibilities are getting in the way of a winning tennis season!! These losses go down on my permanent tennis record.

This is a very serious situation.

Time to go sulk.

Taking a time out from the chaos.

Holy hell. It's been an exhausting couple of weeks.


I sit here surrounded by a mess of a house absolutely LOVING getting back to my blog.





Here are some things I've learned this week.

1. Penguins sometimes mate in the "missionary position" beak to beak. It's quite romantic.

2. Working on fundraisers is for the very wealthy or super organized. Those of us who are neither will have everything in their home in complete disarray during the period in which their lives are dedicated to procuring donations, cataloging them and making up pretty baskets. So don't be thinking you're so cool Jill Zarin. Try running a fundraiser without a lackey doing all your laundry and cleaning your toilets. I DOUBLE DOG DARE you!!!

3. Wicker and/or rattan furniture is expensive as hell. So are nice cushions.

4. When you let the cleaning lady you've had for 8 years go, she will be VERY sad. And so will you.

5. It's amazing the difference having a nice USTA team tennis captain makes. No stress, no tension, no mind games, no gossip. Weird. In a good way.

Okay, that's all I've got. I can't write about "The Real Housewives of NYC Reunion" OR the premiere of "The Real Housewives on NJ."

Why?

Because I fell sound asleep last night after eating my birthday cake. Getting older has that effect on me.

Jumpin' on the green juice bandwagon...

I played tennis the other day against a girl who was awesome. It was quite a battle and we were both exhausted afterwards. In the end, she still beat me. It was rough. Bottom line is, even though I played well, she was in better shape than me.

One of the frustrating things abut playing a competitive sport is playing against people who can play and train more than me. Some of these ladies work out every day and play tennis 5 times a week. I'd actually like to do that, but then I wouldn't have the energy to do all the other tasks I have to complete every day.

Maybe I'm just lazy.

Anyway, my superhuman tennis buddy let me in on her "little secret." She claims that her tennis prowess is all due to her consumption of GREEN JUICE.

Have you heard about it? If not, here's the scoop.

Why It's Good:

This super-green, super good-for-you drink will give you a nice energy buzz and help detoxify your system. If this doesn't give your skin a lovely glow, we don't know what will.

Why It's Green:

Raw, organic vegetables are overloaded with vitamins C and E, folic acid, lycopene and alpha and betacarotene. Vitamin C and E are powerful antioxidants needed to maintain healthy cells; they prevent molecular DNA getting damaged by free radicals. When you choose organic vegetables, no only are pesticides and chemicals not getting into your body, but they are also not polluting the environment.

There's a whole bunch of variations on the recipe, here's one of them.

Donna Karan's Green Juice Recipe

The designer shared her recipe for this energizing, green juice when she appeared on The Martha Stewart Show.

• 5 apples
• ½ bunch celery
• ½ bulb fennel
• 1 cucumber
• ½ head of romaine lettuce
• 1 (1 to 2 inch) piece of ginger
• 1 lemon peeled
• 2 cups greens (kale, spinach or parsley)

1. Wash everything well.

2. Process in a juicer, then drink.

I ordered a Breville juicer from Amazon. It will be here in a few days, so I'll let you know if it changes my life after I've tried this magic concoction.

Who know, after drinking it I might just wake up at 5 am, go for a run and shower before the rest of the family gets up. I will then proceed to cook a healthy breakfast, drop the girls at school and run to the market for organic produce.

Then I'll go to my "job" (I'm sure I'll find a part time job which brings in big bucks after drinking the magic juice.) If I don't go to my high paying part time job, I'll go to a committee meeting, or volunteer at the girl's school.

After that I'll hop over to the tennis club for an hour of singles. Of course I'll win, because I'm drinking GREEN JUICE.

I'll pick the girl's up from school and bring them to their various activities, which they will excel at because they too will drink GREEN JUICE.

Then we'll go home and they will do their homework. IT will come easy to them, because they will be full of nutrients from the GREEN JUICE.

I'll cook a healthy dinner, clean up the kitchen, bathe the children and put them to bed. When they are safely tucked in, I'll drink some more GREEN JUICE, sit in a cozy chair and knit a blanket, which I will donate to a homeless shelter.

Maybe I'll even make my blog the top mommy blog on the internet. I'll bring in huge ad revenue, score a book deal and maybe even get my own talk show. When they ask how I did it, I'll tell the world about the magic powers of GREEN JUICE.

Stranger things have happened.

Now here's another of my short films. This one is called, "Catherine doing her "cool poses."


Catherine doing her "cool poses!" on 12seconds.tv

Living dangerously...

I was going to save this post for my tennis blog, but I've decided to throw it up for a couple of days and let the chips fall where they may.

Who cares if Carolyn reads this!!! She needs a little dose of reality.

This is what I put on my tennis blog...enjoy!!

I played doubles today and the captain of my FORMER USTA team was there. It kind of freaks me out because I hate her so much. I don't hate many people, but she drives me nuts!!

She is so rude, such a foul mouth, a sore loser, someone who always makes excuses. The list is endless. She plays in a mixed doubles league with me and last week a good friend of mine and her husband waiting a half hour for this wench to show up. At 8:30 the lady at the front desk came out to tell my friend that Carolyn and her husband called, to say they wouldn't be able to make it. WTF! How rude. I can't stand it.

Today at tennis she wouldn't look at me. So I decided to stare her down. I could tell she was getting really uncomfortable. Then we were practicing serves, so under my breath I started saying things to piss her off. I would toss the ball and say "Ape" or "Bitch." I think she heard me, but she didn't say anything. She curses all the time when she plays so she probably thought I was just mad about a bad serve!!!

Later on she played singles on the court next to me and she was getting her ass kicked, so I decided to watch. I basically did the same thing to her that she does to people on her team. I stood in a very obvious spot, with my arms folded across my chest watching her every move. I can tell she found it distracting and intimidating.

I loved the look on her face when she saw me standing there watching her flail around. It was priceless. The only thing I didn't do, that she would have done is gone up to her after her loss and say. "What happened out there? You really should have come to net more. And you have to serve out wide more often. Were you nervous or something? You're such a head case!"

Then I would have proceeded to tell everyone that she isn't that good. I decided not to take it as far as she does. But giving her a little mental shove was great fun.

My sister thinks she'll eventually snap and go off on me. I hope she does. Then I'll stay perfectly calm and let her make an ass out of herself.

I've tried to let this go, but since I've been unable to do it, I might as well enjoy myself.

Yesterday was fun. I feel like I got it out of my system. Maybe that was all I needed. Since I'm not on her team anymore and NEVER will be again, I've got nothing to lose.

She's a paper tiger.

It's not worth the risk.

I played tennis today. I haven't played in 10 days and it felt SO GOOD to get out there and MOVE!! My arch rival was there, I seriously CAN"T STAND her. I've mentioned this before, but there aren't many people who make my blood boil. She is one of those people.

Today I decided to mess with her a little bit. Since this blog is public I'm not going to write all the details. It's too immature and incriminating. Let's just say I baited her a little bit. I kind of want her to confront me. I'd love to get into it with her. Okay, no more details. I've been hearing some really bad stories lately about people who have had blog posts bite them in the butt.

If you want to hear about it e-mail me at: jillyou@verizon.net I'll send you and invite to my private tennis blog: Game Set BASH!!

I have tried to get over this, but I've decided that since I haven't been able to I might as well go with the hate. Do you have anyone you can't stand, at work, in the PTA, maybe one of your kid's friends? If so, please share. Let me know I'm not the only petty grudge holder in the blog world!!

I've lost that bloggin' feeling! (and I hope it comes back)

It seems that my attention has shifted a bit from my major leisure activities, blogging and tennis. For the past 6 weeks I've felt myself sucked into the puppy, Facebook, Christmas preparation vortex.

I haven't had a puppy since I was childless, so the degree of difficulty has quadrupled. Not only do I have two children, a cat and two other dogs to deal with, I also have tons of other people coming and going from my home, each of them leaving doors and gates open. Did I mention that my 10 year old Chocolate Lab was hit by a car last Saturday night? Yep, she sure was.

SOMEONE was bringing in the Christmas tree and forgot to shut the gate. Miraculously she's okay.

It's driving me nuts, trying to keep all the pets and children safe. I can't be in five places at one time.

I'm like a safety Nazi. Seriously, you should see me, blocking doors and bungee cording the gates shut all day. It's kind of pathetic. I want to get an Invisible Fence, but that idea was vetoed by the head of household. After all, I created this mess, so it's MY responsibility to secure the premises 24/7. I might just take my Christmas money and install a Home Depot generic Invisible Fence myself. I might have bought to many dogs, but I'm sure as hell not going to let one of them get killed if I can help it!!!

Okay, on to Facebook. I am loving it. I have reconnected with some awesome people who I haven't talked to in years. I get to see pictures of their children and keep up with their whereabouts through status updates! I'm sure the novelty will wear off, but having Facebook on my BlackBerry has become my newest addiction!

Finally, tennis. Ahh yes. It was once the love of my life. Then things got a bit ugly with my team last year, and I'm still feeling some bitterness. I've been burned and it will take time to heal. I'm still considering taking up a non-competitive sport like yoga. In the meantime, I'm playing in a doubles tournament on Monday, and hoping I can keep it in perspective. (Even though a nice shiny trophy would look FAB on my mantle!!!)

Wow, that was fun. Maybe I WILL get back into blogging.

Oh and have I mentioned that my husband is setting me up with a new business? He is bound and determined to have me bring in some cash, whether I like it or not. Details to follow.

Perspective and Balance

You may have noticed that I haven't blogged much about tennis lately. There is a good reason for it.

#1 I haven't been playing as much due to my mini bike accident. My sister is calling me a sissy but it still hurts like a bitch when I do certain things. LIKE SLEEP!!!

#2 When I have been playing I've been trying my damnedest to avoid the drama. When there IS drama, I have been channeling the Buddha and trying to remain unaffected by it. Not easy.


As you know, tennis is a competitive sport. Therefore, unless I'm drilling I either win or lose every time I play. I prefer winning. If I lose I can handle it, but when I lose to someone who is PSYCHED openly to win it kind of pisses me off.

Last week I was drilling with a Pro along with some psychos from my USTA team. They hit HARD and they were having a love fest with each other. "BEAUTIFUL SHOT!!!" "Yeah, awesome...you and Shane are definitely playing together...you're going to kick ass!" Whatever.

These ladies would rather BASH the ball into the net or three feet out than hit a "meatball", as they call it, over the net and in.

And then suddenly, as if God channeled my thoughts into the Pro's brain and out of his mouth
he said to the she-males...

"I'm really not sure what you ladies have to prove, but you really need to control your aggression on the court. If you bash the ball and it goes into the net, it does you no good." Then he turned to me, "If you play these ladies, play smart. They can only play when someone gives them speed. Take it easy, and you'll win."

Oooh, they didn't like that one bit. Man, that guy has NERVES!!!!

He had a great point. The problem is, if and when I've beat them by hitting it back consistently and with medium pace, they bitch..."that wasn't REAL tennis, that's old lady tennis."

So yeah, I like to win, but I have discovered you can't really win with some people. EVER.

My solution:

1. Continue to try not to give a shit when I get stuck on the court with these testosterone fueled ball bashing Neanderthals.

2. Look on the bright side when I deal with them, they give me GREAT blog material.

3. Move on to a new team, which I have. I received an invite to join a team of fabulous, mentally stable ladies who know how to behave. (More about that later.)

And finally, put it all in perspective. After all, it's just tennis.

(Do you know how hard that was to say???)

A tennis question! Goody!!!

Alrighty...it's time to get back to your questions.

Mrs. K asks...

What was your WORST doubles experience? please elaborate right down to the nitty gritty. thank you

Okay, Connie, you know how I HATE talking about tennis, but I'll do it for you.

My worst doubles experience? Once again, I have SOOO many.

Over the summer, I played in a tournament with a woman who kept grabbing my arm and saying things like..."You were standing in no man's land...either stay back of get to net!!!" Or, "Don't lob, just hit hard, GO FOR IT!!" Or, "When I'm serving, don't stand so close to the middle!" Then she would say, (every time) "But you're playing GREAT!!!"

This is what I wanted to say, "If you think I'm playing so great, than why the hell do you keep grabbing my arm hard enough to bruise me and hiss advice at me?"

I was tempted to give her a little constructive criticism such as..."Stop hitting the ball into the net ass wipe!" Or, "Get the ball IN bitch!'' And then add, "Other than that you're AWESOME!" But since it was a member-guest and it was her country club, I held my tongue. The good news is, the lunch afterwards was delicious!!!

Here's one more, a friend of mine organized a mixed doubles group on Thursday nights. She put the whole thing together, so she gets to assign partners. I showed up last Thursday and met her partner. He was about 2o years old, tall and muscular. He even had braces!! I think she recruited him off the men's pro tour.

My partner, Woody Allen. I stood at net and Woody hit the ball to The Terminator. Bamm! The Terminator, BASHES the ball at me. It was the hardest shot I have ever had come at me. And it had spin, so it dove! I literally had to dive out of the way, praying that I chose the right direction so as not to shatter my jaw or lose and eye.

After a few points like this, I realized that in order to avoid serious injury I had to play back. We played and lost 3 sets like this. Each set was 6-4, which made me proud that I was able to stand up to The Terminator, with a partner who didn't even hit as hard as a woman.

My friend who organized the group, did not at any point, offer to switch partners to make things a little more fair for at least one set. She's no fool. She wasn't going to put her ass out there to let this young buck take target practice at her head. At the end of the 2 hours I was so damn sore from stress and the impact I felt each time I returned one of his 100 mph serves.

After we finished I thanked The Terminator for not taking it easy on me. I let him know that I appreciated his faith that I was still nimble enough to dodge crushing forehands aimed directly at my face. He payed this old woman the ultimate tennis compliment. (Either that or he doesn't give a shit if he maims someone, as long as he wins!)

I've still got it people!!!

Thanks for your question Connie. Now I'll tag you!!! Tell me your worst story.

Oh and I'm running out of questions to answer so keep em coming.

Tennis Tuesday: "A Tennis Tale"

Once upon a time, in a land called Jersey, there lived a queen*. She was a good queen* and ruled her kingdom** with kindness and caring. She valued friendship above all else. Her soldiers*** were usually victorious in their battles****, but when they suffered defeat she accepted it with an encouraging smile.

The good queen moved from the land of Jersey and an evil queen pushed her way onto the throne.

This queen was very different than the other queen. She surrounded herself with an inner circle of worshippers. Those who fed her ego were generously rewarded.

The evil queen favored aggressive, hard hitting soldiers. It mattered not that their balls landed in the net or three feet out of the court. What mattered is that they were BRUTES! Finesse, skill and strategy were not appreciated. Losing in battle was a crime punishable by banishment from the kingdom.

In her first season as queen, many loyal subjects were exiled from the kingdom. It mattered not that they had been close with the evil queen before she took power. They "sucked" and therefore could not remain in her good graces.

The queen was out for blood in every battle (match). She had many enemies and had very good reasons for hating each and every one of them.

Grievances were filed against the queen by rival armies. She was charged with poor sportsmanship, use of profanity and coaching. This fueled the queen's rage! Her inner circle placated her by assuring her she was fabulous. They told her that those who opposed her yelling and cursing didn't appreciate her competitive nature. They went on to tell the queen that anyone who didn't like her was just jealous because she is such a champion.

Although it appeared to the queen that all was well, secretly the kingdom was not a happy place. Many of the remaining subjects felt uncomfortable with the new regime. Some thought it was unbecoming of a lady to walk into battle vowing to "kick some ass." They were taught by their parents not to laugh in the face of their opponents after defeating them.

The voiced their displeasure in whispers, for fear that the queen would hear them, and withhold favors (match time) from them.

Finally, one subject, (who shall remain nameless) with an undefeated singles record, but who wasn't in the "FIGHT CLUB" voiced her displeasure with the queen.

"BLASPHEMY!", the evil queen's chief advisor***** screamed! "How dare she question the rule of the queen! She doesn't realize how hard it is to be queen!!!"

At that moment, the subject decided to opt out of the last match. She was tired of faking it, and did not attend the queen's banquet celebrating another victorious season.

That rebellious subject who dared speak what the others only whispered, has been effectively ejected from the kingdom, never to return.

She received many phone calls from fellow subjects who agreed with her choices, but were afraid to make the same choices for themselves.

Now she stands alone...searching for a new kingdom, and hoping that she has set a good example for the downtrodden soldiers, still wrapped in the grip of the evil queen.

Next time...the rebellious subject attempts to rise from the ashes...

Stay tuned...

GLOSSARY:

* USTA team captain

** USTA tennis team

*** Individual team members

**** Tennis matches

***** Lackey

(It's stories like this that make me wish I were anonymous-if the evil queen catches wind of this one, she might have my head!!!)

I WILL DENY EVERYTHING AND BURN THIS BLOG IF SHE CATCHES ME!!!

Tennis Tuesday (I WISH!)

No tennis for me today. I couldn't even watch the US Open. WHY?

Because tomorrow is the first day of school!!!

We were busy, busy, BUSY!!! School shopping, packing up school supplies, painting nails, laying out clothes, charging the camera and getting everyone to bed early.

Whew.

Tomorrow, from 9 am until 1 pm (half day)....for the first time in MONTHS, I will have some "alone time." I'll miss my girls, but it's time.


When summer started we were all so excited, and we've had a great time, but now, we're ready for the next season. The girls need the stimulation and structure they get at school. I need to be able to run to the bank, the dry cleaners, and the supermarket without hearing the constant ongoing chorus from the back seat of the minivan, "Turn on Miley Cyrus!" "She hit me!" "I'm thirsty!!" "I'm BORED!!!"

The really exciting part? I get to start playing tennis again!!! Yipee!!

Stimulation and structure for the kids, tennis and alone time for mom...

It's a win-win situation!