Sick Day...(and Momma's gonna pay.)

I've passed on some of my words of wisdom in previous posts, and today I'm going to share with you another little pearl that I've discovered in my 10 years as a mom.

DON'T GET SICK.

If you do, then expect to be called a faker.

Don't expect anyone to bring you a glass of orange juice or an extra blanket.

Expect to emerge from your cocoon of fever and sweats to face a house that looks like it should be condemned.

If that isn't enough motivation to stay healthy, than I don't know what is.

Now please pass the Echinacea.

My new love...

Say hello to my little friend...the Wii Active Personal Trainer!!

So cool.

If you haven't seen it yet you have to check it out!

It have workouts consisting of strength exercises with resistance, cardio, and sports drills.

You can pick a personal trainer to work with and set up a 30 day challenge to get in shape.

I love it, and so does Brad. I only wish I had started the workouts sooner, like BEFORE team tennis started.

If I keep up with this I will be an ANIMAL next season.

The tennis ladies of NJ should be afraid...very, very afraid.


Insert evil, maniacal laugh here....

Jumpin' on the green juice bandwagon...

I played tennis the other day against a girl who was awesome. It was quite a battle and we were both exhausted afterwards. In the end, she still beat me. It was rough. Bottom line is, even though I played well, she was in better shape than me.

One of the frustrating things abut playing a competitive sport is playing against people who can play and train more than me. Some of these ladies work out every day and play tennis 5 times a week. I'd actually like to do that, but then I wouldn't have the energy to do all the other tasks I have to complete every day.

Maybe I'm just lazy.

Anyway, my superhuman tennis buddy let me in on her "little secret." She claims that her tennis prowess is all due to her consumption of GREEN JUICE.

Have you heard about it? If not, here's the scoop.

Why It's Good:

This super-green, super good-for-you drink will give you a nice energy buzz and help detoxify your system. If this doesn't give your skin a lovely glow, we don't know what will.

Why It's Green:

Raw, organic vegetables are overloaded with vitamins C and E, folic acid, lycopene and alpha and betacarotene. Vitamin C and E are powerful antioxidants needed to maintain healthy cells; they prevent molecular DNA getting damaged by free radicals. When you choose organic vegetables, no only are pesticides and chemicals not getting into your body, but they are also not polluting the environment.

There's a whole bunch of variations on the recipe, here's one of them.

Donna Karan's Green Juice Recipe

The designer shared her recipe for this energizing, green juice when she appeared on The Martha Stewart Show.

• 5 apples
• ½ bunch celery
• ½ bulb fennel
• 1 cucumber
• ½ head of romaine lettuce
• 1 (1 to 2 inch) piece of ginger
• 1 lemon peeled
• 2 cups greens (kale, spinach or parsley)

1. Wash everything well.

2. Process in a juicer, then drink.

I ordered a Breville juicer from Amazon. It will be here in a few days, so I'll let you know if it changes my life after I've tried this magic concoction.

Who know, after drinking it I might just wake up at 5 am, go for a run and shower before the rest of the family gets up. I will then proceed to cook a healthy breakfast, drop the girls at school and run to the market for organic produce.

Then I'll go to my "job" (I'm sure I'll find a part time job which brings in big bucks after drinking the magic juice.) If I don't go to my high paying part time job, I'll go to a committee meeting, or volunteer at the girl's school.

After that I'll hop over to the tennis club for an hour of singles. Of course I'll win, because I'm drinking GREEN JUICE.

I'll pick the girl's up from school and bring them to their various activities, which they will excel at because they too will drink GREEN JUICE.

Then we'll go home and they will do their homework. IT will come easy to them, because they will be full of nutrients from the GREEN JUICE.

I'll cook a healthy dinner, clean up the kitchen, bathe the children and put them to bed. When they are safely tucked in, I'll drink some more GREEN JUICE, sit in a cozy chair and knit a blanket, which I will donate to a homeless shelter.

Maybe I'll even make my blog the top mommy blog on the internet. I'll bring in huge ad revenue, score a book deal and maybe even get my own talk show. When they ask how I did it, I'll tell the world about the magic powers of GREEN JUICE.

Stranger things have happened.

Now here's another of my short films. This one is called, "Catherine doing her "cool poses."


Catherine doing her "cool poses!" on 12seconds.tv

Pondering my colon...

I've been thinking alot about the Master Cleanse.

On the one hand, it sure sounds like it has some great benefits...it could change my life! More energy, less aches and pains, it sounds fab.

On the other hand, the prospect of spending 10 days drinking some weird potion and nothing else sounds a bit medieval.

I'm picturing myself in the rolling car line at my daughter's school when the mixture of cayenne pepper, maple syrup and lemonade starts to percolate in my belly. I feel a rumbling, then pressure...unbearable pressure. So I have to park my car illegally and sprint to the bathroom, knocking over children and teachers as I desperately try to clench my butt cheeks long enough to make it to the toilet. IF I get lucky enough to make it to a stall, I envision blowing gall stones and long rubber strands all over the porcelain throne. I'm sure it's loud, and messy and I'm in a public bathroom.

For some reason that doesn't sound very appealing.

I'll do a little more research on this subject, but if I have to sit on a toilet for 10 days. I'm out.

Open Forum: The Magic Juice

I just purchased 4 bottles of Mona Vie Active.

What do you think? Have you tried it? If so, does it make you feel good?

Your feedback is very much appreciated.

My good buddy Mrs. K has graciously pointed out that she has no idea what the f--k Mona Vie is, so I have included a link to their website. The simple answer to the question "What is Mona Vie?" is, it's a fruit drink. But not just any fruit drink, it's a super fruit drink!!! And quite the trend.

The following is a brief product description:

MonaVie supports your body's antioxidant and nutritional needs. MonaVie features a delicious blend of the Brazilian açai berry—one of nature's top superfoods—and 18 other body-beneficial fruits. This Balance-Variety-Moderation approach to nutrition delivers powerful antioxidants and phytonutrients to help fight free radicals and maintain your body's overall health.

• Offers potent antioxidant protection against free radicals.
• Features a wide array of nutrients for optimal health.
• Delivers the antioxidant capacity of approximately 13 servings of fruits and vegetables in just four ounces.
• Provides nutritional benefits for all ages.

Okay, so that's the scoop for those who have never heard of it. Now I'll repeat the question.

Have YOU tried it? If so, do you like it????

Question...

How much sleep do you need?

Not how much do you get, how much do you NEED to feel good?

I hate to admit this, but I think I need about 9 hours a day to feel good. I NEVER get 9 hours of straight, uninterrupted sleep, but it seems 9 hours total is my prescription for feeling energized.

My husband probably gets about 6 hours per night, (if he's lucky, he gets up REALLY early). He sleeps soundly that entire 6 hours. (I know because I see him sawing logs while I'm up dealing with nightmares, or bathroom emergencies at 2 am!)

Lately I go to bed at about 10:30 and get up at 7:30. (With one or two wake ups per night.)

How about you?

(I just had a flashback to the newborn years, nursing every two hours, no sleep...oh the HORRORS!) But those little infants are so dang cute!!

My new buddy Mehmet...

Okay-so Monday I took my Dad to Columbia Presbyterian for an appointment with his surgeon.

As we enter the waiting room I noticed a woman getting a book autographed by a doctor. She had a really elated look on her face-so I took notice. Then she gushed "Thank you so much Dr. Oz!!" I glanced over at the sign... Mehmet C. Oz, MD, FACS

It all came together for me...THE Dr. Oz. From Oprah! He shares an office with my dad's doc. Anyway-I became very intrigued by this Dr. Oz fellow. He spoke at a luncheon at my town and all the ladies were jumping up and down about him. Oprah loves him. My little (37 year old) sister digs him. This lady clearly LOVED him. So I did a little research. He's quite an interesting man-as is his wife Lisa.

This morning my mom went to Barnes & Noble and bought some of his books. (The rich get richer!!) I want to TiVo some of his shows on The Discovery Health also-just to see what all the excitement is about.

Are any of you into Dr. Oz?

P.S. My dad is doing GREAT-they left to return to Florida this morning. His doctor gave him a copy of his surgery report. It's unreal! The dudes at Columbia Presbyterian clearly know what they are doing.

Footnote: His daughter Daphne is an author too! She wrote a book called "The Dorm Room Diet." Whoa.

Stayin' Alive! (and lookin' good while doing it!)

My Dad's surgery was a result of an aortic dissection, caused my a congenital twist in some of his arteries. His doctor suggested that my sisters and myself get echo cardiograms to see if we have the same defect. WELL ALRIGHTY THEN!!!

I'll get right on it, after I have my annual pap smear and mammogram. I'll follow that with my body checks and excisions at the dermatologist. Next up on the agenda...a colonoscopy! For my grand finale I'll get my teeth cleaned and x-rayed. When I'm done taking care of all the things I need to stay alive, I'll take my children to the pediatrician and my dogs to the vet!


But wait, I'm not finished yet. We can't just stay alive-we've got to look foxy while we're doing it. In order to stay reasonably well groomed, there are the appointments I must have and should have, including, but not limited to: hair cuts and color, spray tans, manicures, pedicures, (yeah right-I wish) bikini waxes and facials. God knows if I did all the laser treatments and chemical peels my dermo has suggested I'd be in either a medical office or beauty salon 24/7!

Since I can't do it all, I have to put my priorities in order.

Ooops! Gotta run, I have a 3:00 microdermabrasion appointment-and my facialist HATES to be kept waiting!! :)

Wonders never cease...

I received a very surprising phone call from my mother today, my father was released from the hospital! Since they live in Florida, he is recuperating at my house.

I was completely shocked-but the hospital feels it lessens the chance of infections to get patients out ASAP. (I'm sure insurance has something to do with it as well!) Anyway, we will have our hands full for the next couple of weeks. He is still sore, but he is GIDDY to be alive and home.

We are still thanking God every day. He is a very, very lucky man.

Dad Update

Thanks for all of your sweet comments. My father is doing really well. My sister and Mom are with him today-I've been busy trying to organize my family's life so I can spend the next few days at the hospital.

My sister tells me that he is in EXTREME pain (understandable after 11 hours on the table) but is making incredible progress. He's off the breathing machine and talking (he even made a couple of jokes).

The doctor who operated on him, Dr. Allan Stewart is a miracle worker (and he's pretty cute too-but maybe I'm biased because he saved my father's life).

He was part of the team that operated on Bill Clinton when he had heart surgery. The right doctors (as well as luck in my Dad's case-knock wood) can make all the difference in the world!

If you live in the Northeast and ever need a heart specialist-the ladies and gents at New York Presbyterian/Columbia are the ones to see.

P.S. I love parentheses. (I really do!)

I hate to nitpick...

Have you heard about Hair Fairies?

Check out their website! I was watching an old episode of HBO's "Tell Me You Love Me" and one of the characters and her kids are sitting in the chairs at Hair Fairies getting their heads examined for lice! When I saw this I was intrigued.

Last year all the schools in my town had an epidemic of lice. Apparently the little buggers are getting super strong and resistant to the popular lice killers used for years on little scalps around the world.

I used tea tree oil shampoo on my girls, I checked their heads every night. I jumped every time I saw them scratch. The lice epidemic came and went and I thought I had dodged the bullet. Until...the dreaded phone call. "Hello Mrs. ---, this is the school nurse. Please come pick up your daughter...she has (creepy music-DA DA DA!!!) LICE!! (AHHHHH!)

My blood ran cold. I went to pick her up at the nurse. "Mom-why do I have to go home?" she asked. I whispered, "You have lice honey..." "Why are you whispering Mom-they're just bugs." "Sorry-I didn't mean to whisper, you're right, nothing to be embarrassed about!" Meanwhile, Mom is literally "bugging" out! The nurse showed me the little gnat-like vermin on my darling daughter's cute little head. They were not as gross as I thought-BUT STILL!!!

Anyway, I had heard that some of the parents from the fancy private school in town were sending their children to a woman in Brooklyn who would professionally "nit pick" for about $100 an hour. That was not an option for us - logistically or financially.

So I hit the drug store, armed myself with combs and special shampoos and in three days my home and child were lice free. (Three days of non-stop laundry, vacuuming, combing and shampooing!)

As it turns out, a Brownie outing horseback riding with lots of shared helmets created a small outbreak of 7 year old girls. Thankfully for my morale, Meg was not alone. Since we didn't hide what happened I was officially part of the "lice club" at school. People stopped me at the supermarket, the ice cream parlor, the post office. They would offer support. "Hey-I went through it last year-I feel your pain." I was AMAZED by how many people approached me with words o f encouragement. It's not until you join the "lice club" that the other members reveal themselves to you. It's a semi-secret society.

So that, my friends is the story of why I was so interested when I saw Hair Fairies. With the right marketing, even picking lice eggs off a kid's itchy scalp can seem kind of cute! (NOT!)

"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

Groucho Marx

A pound of flesh...

As usual-this is not me-just another fool who skipped the sunblock.










Okay people-since Halloween is almost here I thought I'd gross you out and scare you at the same time.

This is the ghost of sunburns past-stopping by to haunt you! "WEAR YOUR SUNBLOCK-STAY OUT OF THE SUN! GO SEE YOUR DERMATOLOGIST FOR A BODY CHECK!!!!"

I'm one of those Irish-German people who sunburns. For many years I roasted in the sun with my darker skinned cronies. Now I'm paying the price. My dermatologist biopsied a dysplastic nevi on my rib area and it had some abnormal cells soooo, I had to get sliced and diced yesterday. He took a big chunk of skin and now I have 17 nasty looking stitches! Everything looks to be fine-but it's ugly and it hurts! Good news is I have to rest-and my husband has been helping out. Bad news-no tennis for a week!

Trust me-a savage tan is NOT worth it.

(A little flashback: We were not allowed to read Merchant of Venice in High School because our Board of Education thought it was Anti-Semitic)

Pound of flesh

Meaning
Something which is owed that is ruthlessly required to be paid back.

Origin
This of course derives from Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice, 1596. The insistence by Shylock of the payment of Antonio's flesh is the central plot device of the play:

SHYLOCK:
The pound of flesh which I demand of him Is deerely bought, 'tis mine, and I will haue it.

The figurative use of the phrase to refer to any lawful but nevertheless unreasonable recompense dates to the late 18th century.