A tennis question! Goody!!!

Alrighty...it's time to get back to your questions.

Mrs. K asks...

What was your WORST doubles experience? please elaborate right down to the nitty gritty. thank you

Okay, Connie, you know how I HATE talking about tennis, but I'll do it for you.

My worst doubles experience? Once again, I have SOOO many.

Over the summer, I played in a tournament with a woman who kept grabbing my arm and saying things like..."You were standing in no man's land...either stay back of get to net!!!" Or, "Don't lob, just hit hard, GO FOR IT!!" Or, "When I'm serving, don't stand so close to the middle!" Then she would say, (every time) "But you're playing GREAT!!!"

This is what I wanted to say, "If you think I'm playing so great, than why the hell do you keep grabbing my arm hard enough to bruise me and hiss advice at me?"

I was tempted to give her a little constructive criticism such as..."Stop hitting the ball into the net ass wipe!" Or, "Get the ball IN bitch!'' And then add, "Other than that you're AWESOME!" But since it was a member-guest and it was her country club, I held my tongue. The good news is, the lunch afterwards was delicious!!!

Here's one more, a friend of mine organized a mixed doubles group on Thursday nights. She put the whole thing together, so she gets to assign partners. I showed up last Thursday and met her partner. He was about 2o years old, tall and muscular. He even had braces!! I think she recruited him off the men's pro tour.

My partner, Woody Allen. I stood at net and Woody hit the ball to The Terminator. Bamm! The Terminator, BASHES the ball at me. It was the hardest shot I have ever had come at me. And it had spin, so it dove! I literally had to dive out of the way, praying that I chose the right direction so as not to shatter my jaw or lose and eye.

After a few points like this, I realized that in order to avoid serious injury I had to play back. We played and lost 3 sets like this. Each set was 6-4, which made me proud that I was able to stand up to The Terminator, with a partner who didn't even hit as hard as a woman.

My friend who organized the group, did not at any point, offer to switch partners to make things a little more fair for at least one set. She's no fool. She wasn't going to put her ass out there to let this young buck take target practice at her head. At the end of the 2 hours I was so damn sore from stress and the impact I felt each time I returned one of his 100 mph serves.

After we finished I thanked The Terminator for not taking it easy on me. I let him know that I appreciated his faith that I was still nimble enough to dodge crushing forehands aimed directly at my face. He payed this old woman the ultimate tennis compliment. (Either that or he doesn't give a shit if he maims someone, as long as he wins!)

I've still got it people!!!

Thanks for your question Connie. Now I'll tag you!!! Tell me your worst story.

Oh and I'm running out of questions to answer so keep em coming.