6.22.2009

Some stuff I've been into...

What do I do when I'm lacking blog material??? Talk about "STUFF!"

Here is some stuff I like:


My J. Crew Straw Beach Bag...

I have other summer bags, but this is the one I carry ALL THE TIME.

And it's on sale for $29.50.

Go buy it...now. (After you finish commenting on this post.)



Clark's Artisan Collection...

I always pictured Clark's as gooberish looking walking shoes, but they have some really cool sandals.

I got these wedges (The Erda in Peanut) and they are so cute. They look exactly like a pair I saw at Anthropologie for $200 and they only set me back $65.






I've been trying to cut down on the caffeine/aspartame consumption and I've found a marvelous alternative. Herbal Iced Tea.

My favorite....Pomegranate. Runner up...passion fruit.

So good, no calories, no caffeine, cheap...what could be better?






How about you? Any cool stuff you want to share with the class?


Cr8Buzz

I just remembered Cr8buzz!! Do you guys still do it?? I used to be so concerned about my "Buzz Ranking!" Weird.

Is it still around? I can't even find it.

What's the 4-11?!


6.19.2009

The next entry in the writer's notebook...


Continuing on with my daughter's writing.

This one had me rolling on the floor...





A Complaint to McDonald's

Oh McDonald's

Why Are You So Fattening?

You only give toys to make money

Not to make little kids happy

You are just plain nasty

What if a person gets food poisoning from you?

Then how much would people like you?

You are unhealthy.

Someone told me your water is dirtier than toilet water.

So McDonald's...

The only good thing about you is...

YOUR MILKSHAKES...

Thank you-Meg


P.S. Burger King is better.


I swear, I think I'm going to have her write my blog from now on. She is way funnier than me!!


6.18.2009

My daughter, the comedienne...


I was going through my 9 year old daughter's school stuff and came across her writer's notebook.

There are some real gems in there.

Here's the first one.

Why Mickey Mouse is Better than Donald Duck.

1. He never does bad things.


2. Unlike Donald, he wears pants

3. Disney likes him.


4. He has knives, but he only uses them for cooking, not when he is mad at people.


5. He has no anger issues.

MICKEY ROCKS!!!

I will be featuring more of her writing in upcoming posts. Trust me, this one cracked me up, but she has WAY better material.

Stay tuned.


6.17.2009

Aunt Flo

Warning: If you are a man...stop reading now. You have been warned.


My Aunt Flo is visiting, and quite frankly I can't stand the bitch. Especially the first two days of her visit.

I'm seriously considering ablation. My husband and I were discussing my feminine issues, and we both decided that 2-3 days a month is way to much for BOTH of us to suffer.

In the meantime, I was looking up some homeopathic remedies, until I can see the doc.

Now here's my question...since I have almost ALL these symptoms, do I buy ALL the remedies? (Symptoms in bold and italic are especially problematic for yours truly...)

Bovista: Premenstrual problems with puffiness in the extremities, fluid retention, and a bloated feeling often indicate a need for this remedy. The woman may feel very awkward and clumsy, and may constantly be dropping things because of swollen-feeling hands. Diarrhea occurring around the time of the menstrual period strongly indicates this remedy.

Calcarea carbonica: PMS with fatigue, anxiety, and suggest a need for this remedy. The woman may have problems with water-retention and weight gain, tender breasts, digestive upsets, and headaches. Periods often come too early and last too long, sometimes with a flow of bright red blood. A general feeling of chilliness, with clammy hands and feet, and a feeling of being overwhelmed cravings for sweets and eggs are other indications for Calcarea.

Caulophyllum: This remedy is often helpful to women with a history of irregular periods, difficulty becoming pregnant, or slow childbirth due to weak muscle tone of the uterus. Symptoms include discomfort during periods and a heavy flow of blood or other discharge. Drawing pains may be felt in the pelvic region, thighs, and legs. Stiffness or arthritis, especially in the finger-joints, often is seen when this remedy is needed.

Chamomilla: A woman likely to respond to this remedy is angry, irritable, and hypersensitive to pain. Cramping may come on, or be intensified, because of emotional upset. Flow can be very heavy, and the blood may look dark or clotted. Problems are often worse at night. Heating pads or exposure to wind may aggravate the symptoms, and motion (such as rocking or brisk walking) may help to reduce the tension and discomfort.

Cimicifuga (also called Actaea Racemosa): This remedy can be helpful for irregular and painful periods, with shooting pains that go down the hips and thighs, or cramps similar to labor-pains that are felt in the pelvic area. Headache with pain and stiffness in the neck and back will often occur with PMS. The woman is likely to be intense and talkative, becoming agitated, fearful, and depressed before a menstrual period.

Kreosotum: Headache, nausea, and a heavy flow that makes the genitals and surrounding skin feel irritated and swollen are indications for this remedy. Kreosotum is often indicated for women with PMS who feel irritable and uncomfortable, and have a strong dislike of sexual activity.

Lachesis: Women who need this remedy are usually intense, with a tremendous need for an outlet, both physically and mentally. Symptoms of PMS include congestion, headaches, flushing, surges of heat, and an intense outspoken irritability—often with strong feelings of suspicion or jealousy. When the flow arrives, it may be heavy, but brings relief of tension. Intolerance of restrictive clothing around the waist or neck is another indication for Lachesis.

Lilium tigrinum: This remedy may be helpful if a woman is inclined toward rage during PMS, makes other people “walk on eggs,” and is extremely sensitive and irritable. Pressure in the rectum and in the pelvic region, with a sensation that the uterus is pushing out, may make her feel a frequent need to sit or cross her legs. Emotions and excitement aggravate the symptoms, and fresh air will often bring relief.

Lycopodium: PMS with a craving for sweets and a ravenous appetite (sometimes a bulimic tendency) suggests a need for this remedy. Digestive upsets with abdominal bloating and flatulence are often seen, with the person feeling worst in the late afternoon and evening. Menstrual periods may be delayed, followed by a heavy flow that goes on for extra days. A woman who needs this remedy often wears a worried look and lacks self-confidence—although she may be irritable and bossy to pets and family members. A desire to be alone, but with someone in the other room, is another indication for Lycopodium.

Nux vomica: When a woman with PMS is extremely this remedy may be of use. Uncomfortable, irregular menstrual periods can be experienced, often with a nagging urge to move the bowels before the flow begins. Constipation is common, and constricting pains may extend to the rectum or tailbone region. Anger, mental strain, physical exertion, and impatient, pushy, and intolerant,overindulgence in coffee, alcohol, or food can aggravate the problems. The woman often feels chilly and improves from warmth and rest.

Sepia: A woman who needs this remedy with PMS feels weary and dragged-out, wanting others (especially family members) to keep their distance. She often feels taken for granted and overworked, becoming irritable or sarcastic if demands are made. Late periods or scanty flow with a feeling that the pelvic floor is weak, or as if the uterus is sagging, often indicates a need for Sepia. Dampness and perspiring may aggravate the symptoms. Warmth and exercise, especially dancing, often restore some energy and brighten up the her mood.

Veratrum album: Menstrual periods with very heavy flow and cramping, with a feeling of exhaustion and icy coldness suggest a need for this remedy. Vomiting and diarrhea are often seen. Periods may start too early and go on too long. The woman feels worse at night, from exercise, and from drinking things that are warm. Cold drinks, small meals, and wrapping up in warm clothes or covers may help to bring improvement.

Okay, so let's go over what my loved ones and myself deal with 20-30 days a year.

I feel overwhelmed with strong cravings for sweets. I am angry and irritable with a heavy flow of blood. I am agitated, fearful, and depressed, with a headache and backache. I am intensely outspoken with an inclination towards rage. I am bossy towards pets and family members. I have a strong desire to be alone. I am impatient, pushy, and intolerant,and overindulgent in coffee (and Diet Coke.) I feel taken for granted and overworked, becoming irritable or sarcastic if demands are made. I also experience cramping diarrhea and exhaustion.
If you're a man, and you read all this...would you kill me or what?! No court would convict you.

If you're a woman, can you relate?

I think I'll go mix me up a Midol cocktail, with a side of Valium. Come to think of it, I'll mix up a pitcher for the whole family.


6.16.2009

Things could be worse...

I belong to "Freecycle" and my e-mail in-box is always full of offers, most of which are pure crap.

Here's one I got today...

Offer: Large Lot of Books

"He's Just Not That Into You."

"What Should I do with My Life?"

"How to be Alone."

"The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People."

"Bittergirl"

"Quarterlife Crisis"

Damn. And here I was getting all despondent because I lost a few tennis matches.

Things could be worse...MUCH worse.


6.15.2009

Answer to the Kate Gosselin photo question...

I'm back from my beach weekend with the gals, and believe it or not...I behaved.

I will post a hilarious photo from the weekend, but I'm too lazy to download it now...so you'll have to wait.

I know you've all been waiting for my answer as to what's UNUSUAL about Kate's bikini photos.

I have to say, we have quite an observant bunch of readers here at Caffeine Court.

Yes, indeed, Kate's belly button is unusually high. Apparently that's what happens when you have a tummy tuck.

I think she looks awesome. Obviously she is well kept. Except for one area. My friend and her husband pointed out to me that Kate has a "bulge" in her bikini, which means one of two things...either she is A.) a hermaphrodite, or B.) too busy getting her hair dyed, tanning and getting a tummy tuck, to properly groom her "lady."

Since she's given birth we know the answer is B.)

Thanks for playing.


 
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