Showing posts with label women's health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women's health. Show all posts

7.03.2009

Would you like a piece of this?


It's funny that some commenter calling me an idiot got me all fired up. I'm finding that as I get older little things can trigger my rage. Last night someone in my neighborhood shot a firework off and it hit my house. You should have seen me with my big flashlight running around my front yard. What made it even funnier is that I saw my neighbor scurry into his house and flick off his lights when he saw me in hot pursuit of the firework culprit.

I never really know how I'm going to react to things. Sometimes someone hitting my house with a firework would roll right off my back. Same thing with some bored, nasty, person calling me an idiot. It really depends on the time of the month.

Which brings me to the picture.

Looks delicious. Nothing better than a big slice of sugary, creamy, uterus. What do you think of this hysterectomy cake? I think its hysterical.

Picture courtesy of "Cake Wrecks." A very original and funny blog.

Go check it out. Do it. I'm in a mood, and if you don't I might get all pissy on you, and nobody wants that.


6.17.2009

Aunt Flo

Warning: If you are a man...stop reading now. You have been warned.


My Aunt Flo is visiting, and quite frankly I can't stand the bitch. Especially the first two days of her visit.

I'm seriously considering ablation. My husband and I were discussing my feminine issues, and we both decided that 2-3 days a month is way to much for BOTH of us to suffer.

In the meantime, I was looking up some homeopathic remedies, until I can see the doc.

Now here's my question...since I have almost ALL these symptoms, do I buy ALL the remedies? (Symptoms in bold and italic are especially problematic for yours truly...)

Bovista: Premenstrual problems with puffiness in the extremities, fluid retention, and a bloated feeling often indicate a need for this remedy. The woman may feel very awkward and clumsy, and may constantly be dropping things because of swollen-feeling hands. Diarrhea occurring around the time of the menstrual period strongly indicates this remedy.

Calcarea carbonica: PMS with fatigue, anxiety, and suggest a need for this remedy. The woman may have problems with water-retention and weight gain, tender breasts, digestive upsets, and headaches. Periods often come too early and last too long, sometimes with a flow of bright red blood. A general feeling of chilliness, with clammy hands and feet, and a feeling of being overwhelmed cravings for sweets and eggs are other indications for Calcarea.

Caulophyllum: This remedy is often helpful to women with a history of irregular periods, difficulty becoming pregnant, or slow childbirth due to weak muscle tone of the uterus. Symptoms include discomfort during periods and a heavy flow of blood or other discharge. Drawing pains may be felt in the pelvic region, thighs, and legs. Stiffness or arthritis, especially in the finger-joints, often is seen when this remedy is needed.

Chamomilla: A woman likely to respond to this remedy is angry, irritable, and hypersensitive to pain. Cramping may come on, or be intensified, because of emotional upset. Flow can be very heavy, and the blood may look dark or clotted. Problems are often worse at night. Heating pads or exposure to wind may aggravate the symptoms, and motion (such as rocking or brisk walking) may help to reduce the tension and discomfort.

Cimicifuga (also called Actaea Racemosa): This remedy can be helpful for irregular and painful periods, with shooting pains that go down the hips and thighs, or cramps similar to labor-pains that are felt in the pelvic area. Headache with pain and stiffness in the neck and back will often occur with PMS. The woman is likely to be intense and talkative, becoming agitated, fearful, and depressed before a menstrual period.

Kreosotum: Headache, nausea, and a heavy flow that makes the genitals and surrounding skin feel irritated and swollen are indications for this remedy. Kreosotum is often indicated for women with PMS who feel irritable and uncomfortable, and have a strong dislike of sexual activity.

Lachesis: Women who need this remedy are usually intense, with a tremendous need for an outlet, both physically and mentally. Symptoms of PMS include congestion, headaches, flushing, surges of heat, and an intense outspoken irritability—often with strong feelings of suspicion or jealousy. When the flow arrives, it may be heavy, but brings relief of tension. Intolerance of restrictive clothing around the waist or neck is another indication for Lachesis.

Lilium tigrinum: This remedy may be helpful if a woman is inclined toward rage during PMS, makes other people “walk on eggs,” and is extremely sensitive and irritable. Pressure in the rectum and in the pelvic region, with a sensation that the uterus is pushing out, may make her feel a frequent need to sit or cross her legs. Emotions and excitement aggravate the symptoms, and fresh air will often bring relief.

Lycopodium: PMS with a craving for sweets and a ravenous appetite (sometimes a bulimic tendency) suggests a need for this remedy. Digestive upsets with abdominal bloating and flatulence are often seen, with the person feeling worst in the late afternoon and evening. Menstrual periods may be delayed, followed by a heavy flow that goes on for extra days. A woman who needs this remedy often wears a worried look and lacks self-confidence—although she may be irritable and bossy to pets and family members. A desire to be alone, but with someone in the other room, is another indication for Lycopodium.

Nux vomica: When a woman with PMS is extremely this remedy may be of use. Uncomfortable, irregular menstrual periods can be experienced, often with a nagging urge to move the bowels before the flow begins. Constipation is common, and constricting pains may extend to the rectum or tailbone region. Anger, mental strain, physical exertion, and impatient, pushy, and intolerant,overindulgence in coffee, alcohol, or food can aggravate the problems. The woman often feels chilly and improves from warmth and rest.

Sepia: A woman who needs this remedy with PMS feels weary and dragged-out, wanting others (especially family members) to keep their distance. She often feels taken for granted and overworked, becoming irritable or sarcastic if demands are made. Late periods or scanty flow with a feeling that the pelvic floor is weak, or as if the uterus is sagging, often indicates a need for Sepia. Dampness and perspiring may aggravate the symptoms. Warmth and exercise, especially dancing, often restore some energy and brighten up the her mood.

Veratrum album: Menstrual periods with very heavy flow and cramping, with a feeling of exhaustion and icy coldness suggest a need for this remedy. Vomiting and diarrhea are often seen. Periods may start too early and go on too long. The woman feels worse at night, from exercise, and from drinking things that are warm. Cold drinks, small meals, and wrapping up in warm clothes or covers may help to bring improvement.

Okay, so let's go over what my loved ones and myself deal with 20-30 days a year.

I feel overwhelmed with strong cravings for sweets. I am angry and irritable with a heavy flow of blood. I am agitated, fearful, and depressed, with a headache and backache. I am intensely outspoken with an inclination towards rage. I am bossy towards pets and family members. I have a strong desire to be alone. I am impatient, pushy, and intolerant,and overindulgent in coffee (and Diet Coke.) I feel taken for granted and overworked, becoming irritable or sarcastic if demands are made. I also experience cramping diarrhea and exhaustion.
If you're a man, and you read all this...would you kill me or what?! No court would convict you.

If you're a woman, can you relate?

I think I'll go mix me up a Midol cocktail, with a side of Valium. Come to think of it, I'll mix up a pitcher for the whole family.


7.23.2008

Just a thought...a very HORRIBLE thought.


Can you imagine if every woman in the world was PMSing on PRECISELY THE SAME DAY?

Try not to have nightmares.

Oh and by the way...I know this post is sexist...get over it.






Bonus question: Which one of your blogging friends is PMSing today?



Answer: You've got it...it's Jill from Caffeine Court...be happy you don't live with me today.

Oh and one more thing..."HAVE A NICE DAY!" (insert fake smile...)


11.19.2007

I'm not buyin' it!




Super-slim Kelly Ripa graces the cover of Fitness magazine this month. She claims that her secret to a great looking butt is the following:

"I buy jeans that are tight in the rear end. I'm not kidding. I treat my cheeks like breasts in a push-up bra. I just reach down in there, lift them up and push them together. And they'll stay put if the jeans are tight enough in the seat."



Okay-what size jeans would be tight on her? Size negative 2? And how in the name of god does she manage to squeeze anything down there? She is adorable-but come on honey-it's going to take more than packing my ass cheeks in a too small pair of jeans to look like you! Plus-unlike breast cleavage-40 year old (okay 42 year old-WHATEVER!) butt cleavage is NOT hot!

Thanks anyway Kelly.


10.28.2007

PMS and Nutrition: A Case Study

This post is divided into two sections. PMS and Nutrition.

I'll start with PMS:

Those of you who have followed my blog for the past couple of months may be familiar with my general testiness and depression for a couple of days every four weeks. Well...It's that time of the month again (just in time for all the craziness Halloween brings) and according to my calendar-this little spell of emotional instability will fall right around Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. A little word of advice to any family members reading this. Please keep an industrial size bottle of Midol handy for my holiday visit this year!!! Anyway, this month I knew exactly what was going on when I started to feel extra sensitive and depressed-and I spared those in my path any of my venom by talking myself through it and realizing that my sanity would return within a day or so. Even though I know the cause, it still sucks feeling tired and bummed out for 48-72 hours every month!

Now onto the next topic: Nutrition.

My husband is convinced that my lack of energy and general nastiness once a month is associated with my lousy diet and massive intake of Diet Coke. He might be onto something. I good friend of mine who appears to be in great shape felt exhausted and short tempered by one o'clock every afternoon. She decided to see a nutritionist. Well, she tells me, the results have been nothing short of miraculous. she feels much more positive, has tons of energy and her body fat level has dropped dramatically. I don't know all the details-but she has cut out sugar and wheat, eats piles of leafy vegetables and drinks a special protein shake every morning. She says her nutritionist is expensive, but worth every penny. It really is FOOD FOR THOUGHT!

So, now in addition to cutting down on my spending, I need to work on eating healthier and cutting down on one of my favorite vices-THE BIG GULP! The quest for self improvement never ceases!!

How about you ladies and gent? Are you healthy eaters-or are you like me? Subsisting on a diet of Slimfast, pasta, McDonald's snack wraps and Swedish Fish?

If I can follow through with my goal I might need to change the title of my blog to:
"Carrot Court" The veggie, wheat germ and protein shake fueled existence of a tennis loving mom who hates to shop!

"Nutrition makes me puke."

-Jimmy Piersall


10.09.2007

I've gone Pink!


I've gone pink to remind you that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. There are many things you can do to help support this very worthy cause. Please check out this link:
Pinkforoctober.org

The most important thing you can do is to give yourself a breast exam. (Or if you want to make it fun have your husband do it!) If you are over 40 have a mammogram every year. I do it. Last year I had a little scare when they discovered microcalcifications in my left breast. (These can indicate abnormal cell activity.) I've gone back for follow ups and everything looks good. If this had been a problem I would have caught it early and the treatment would have been very quick and easy. (Sheryl Crow is an example of someone who had microcalcifications and caught her cancer before it caused any problems.)

A friend of mine just raised $7,000 in the Avon Breast Cancer Walk. She discovered she had Stage II breast cancer last year. The following year was hell for her, double mastectomy, radiation, chemo. The good news is, she is in remission! If she hadn't gone in for her mammogram she would be dead now, no doubt.

Please join me in educating yourself about the multiple issues related to Breast Cancer, then take that newfound knowledge and tell someone else what you’ve learned. It could save a life!


 
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