Don't you hate it...

when you are lying in bed at night, on the verge of falling fast asleep, when all of a sudden an amazing blog post idea pops in your head.

You contemplate dragging your butt out of bed and over to the computer, but instead you fall peacefully asleep, vowing to write that amazing post in the morning.

The next day, you try to recall the incredible idea you had the night before, and it's gone. POOF. That fabulous, earth shattering idea, is gone with the wind.

Trust me, the thought I had last night would have rocked your world. It would have catapulted this blog out of obscurity. But I was too darn lazy to push myself.

I can only pray that another brilliant idea materializes tonight.

If it does, I'll be ready.

From now on, I'm sleeping with my laptop.

Carry on.

Some blogs offer advice...

But not mine. I use my blog to GET advice. Here's today's dilemma...

I try to stay in shape, play tennis a few times a week, and I wear a size 6, but after two c-sections and 44 years on this earth, my stomach needs a little "taming" when I wear clingy clothes.

I kept hearing about "Spanx" so I finally decided to suck it up, and buy some.

I went to Macy's and purchased two camis. One in beige and one in black. Being who I am, I promptly ripped the tags off them, threw the tags and receipt in the garbage and stuck the camis in my drawer. Why did I do that? Because I'm an impulsive idiot, that's why. But we'll deal with that issue later.

Anyway, about two weeks later I was wearing a clingy sundress and decided to pull those costly undergarments and put them on. Let me tell you, I HATED them. I got a size medium, which you'd think would fit, but they ROLL UP every time I put them on.

Right where they are supposed to be sucking me in. I'm so bummed.

Have any of you experienced "Spanx Malfunction?"

If so, are there any other brands of body shapers you could recommend to this gut gainer?

Whatever you do, don't tell me to start doing crunches, because this tennis lover does not go there. EVER.

I anxiously await your reply.

Minding my Manners

One thing I DO know, always remove your white glove before you pick your nose!

I have an etiquette question.

I've checked out all the major etiquette websites, including Emily Post and Etiquette Hell, and I cannot find an official answer.

Here goes:

When sitting at a table with other people at a restaurant, or social function, and someone approaches your table to chat, do you stand to speak with them, or remain seated and allow the person who is standing to remain standing while you remain seated, and hold your conversation?

I'll admit. I'm stumped.

I know my readers are people with the utmost class and decorum, so I'm sure you can help me out!!

Please advise!!

(And while you're at it, I know the grammar in this post is atrocious, so if any of you would like to proofread this, and correct my grammar, I will be forever in your debt.)

Natural & Organic Love Affair...

I won't be at the computer for the next couple of days. My brother in law and his lovely girlfriend will be paying us a visit from the West Coast, so I will be busy frolicking and showing them a good time, "Jersey Style."

Before I log off I must mention my newest love.

Whole Foods

I am really into Whole Foods and intend on spending lots of time and money there this summer.

I love everything about that place. The jewelry made from aluminum pop tops, the amazing selection of Tazo teas, the all natural cleaning products, the crunchy employees.

Who needs camp for the kids? We can spend hours each day exploring the aisles of Whole Foods!!

We might need to take a second mortgage out on the house to afford all the herbal shampoo, eucalyptus and lavender laundry detergent, and organic mahi mahi burgers, I intend to purchase, but damn it...it's so worth it!

Which brings me to my newest blog commenter. Organic Meatbag. Doesn't that sound like something you could buy at Whole Foods? Check out his blog. Totally irreverent and not for the faint of heart. But hilarious.

Catch you all in a couple of days.

An almost perfect weekend...

First of all, I'd like to thank those of you who got your reports in before the deadline. It looks like I won't get fined by the U.S. Blog Commission. It's a huge relief, so I appreciate your cooperation.

I had such an amazing weekend. We took a trip down to Maryland to visit my sisters and to see my parents. Perfect weather, the kids had a ball, no traffic on the way back. Awesome.

Tonight my neighbor had a luau on the beach for her daughter. There was a gorgeous breeze off the ocean, the kids were doing limbo and the adults were enjoying some nice conversation.

That's when things went horribly wrong. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my very opinionated neighbor approaching me with a determined look on her face. I don't know how it happened, but somehow, she managed to engage me in a political discussion. DAMN.

I REALLY didn't want to go there. Especially since she and I don't agree on much. It was so unpleasant to listen to her drone on and on about how the United States is so arrogant, and how Dick Cheney is evil, and how everyone in England hated her because she was an American. I was really tempted to tell her that they didn't hate her just because she was from the U.S.

But I didn't. I made a valiant attempt to sidestep the conversation. When I realized that I was stuck in the debate, I made some very good points that actually got her to stop talking for 2 seconds and politely asked her husband to stop referring to anyone who doesn't agree with him as a "CONSERVATIVE." I wasn't referring to him as a "LIBERAL" so I wanted the same respect.

I'm not going to get into detail, but I'll tell you that I really resent being told at a 6 year old's birthday party on a Sunday night, that people are JUSTIFIED for killing Americans because we are so ignorant, selfish, and arrogant. What an obnoxious generalization!

I wanted to tell her is to save her speeches for book club, or a call in talk show, or maybe to go to the next "Tea Party" in her area and scream it at those "RED NECK FOOT STOMPING REPUBLICANS."

Don't corner me at the sand art table, it's neither the time, or the place for such talk. I love a good political discussion, and not just with people who agree with me. Lots of my friends do not share my beliefs, but we can still manage to respect each other's opinions take turns speaking. When we have these types of debates we try not to generalize or assume that we know what other people think based solely on their political affiliation. Listening is a beautiful thing, and no matter how smart you think you are, you can always learn something by shutting your mouth, for a second, and letting someone else have a turn.

I'll tell you this, dear neighbor. You are annoying. It's not because you're a liberal. (Do you like when I call you that?) It's because you're a loud mouth, know it all, pain in my ass. My mother is a liberal and she is one of my favorite people in the whole world.

Oh, and one more thing, neighbor. Please don't sue me for writing this. I know you like to keep your lawyers busy serving papers to anyone who "wrongs" you. You can't prove this is about you, so no judge would convict me.

Good night, and God bless.

Reminder...your reports are due by Sunday at 6 PM

I am going out of town for a couple of days. (In case your wondering, I am going to Maryland to visit with my family.)

Thanks to all of you who have commented on my Google Analytics post. Unfortunately, I'm not getting any specific numbers. I'm writing a report for the US Blog Commission, that's due on Tuesday, so I really need the numbers by Sunday at 6. If I don't turn the report in on time the Commission charges me a huge fine, so I appreciate your assistance.

What I'll need is the number of visits and number of page views for the past 6 months. If you have ads on your site I'll need the amount of money you make each month off yours. I can tell you right now. I don't make squat.

I have to tell you that I'm happy to hear that my drop in the ratings is not due to my lame content, and is probably due to some screw up on the Google servers.

I was feeling like I needed to try harder and write some insightful, clever posts.

Thanks goodness I can stick with my usual schlock.

Have a great weekend, and I look forward to reading your reports.

My blog has fallen...

And it can't get up!!!

I just took a little cruise over to Google Analytics and the numbers are not looking good.

The economy has tanked, and so has my blog traffic. It's down 39% in the past month. Shameful!

Here are the numbers:



In the past months I've had:


3,064 visits
4,113 page views

I'm not motivated enough to report my former stats, but let's just say, they were a HELL of alot higher than this a few months ago.

There you go, I told you my deepest darkest blog secret. Is that tacky? I'm not sure what the etiquette is on this one. Is it rude to ask someone to reveal their blog stats? Is it as tasteless as asking someone how much they make a year, or how much they weigh?


Maybe I'm tacky, but I'm going to put it out there.

Let's share numbers.

What do yours look like?

Are my numbers "normal" or should I be mortified?

Is your blog thriving, or tanking?

This might be just the wake up call I need to put a little more effort into my little blog.

Oh, and yes, I know this picture is in poor taste. Get over it.