An educational post...

Since today is the Monday following a long holiday weekend, and we're all a bit burnt out from travel, family interactions and chowing down, I thought I'd give you a little history lesson.

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I love the f-word. There are so many great ways to use it, as this video confirms.

I try not to use it too much, since it's not very ladylike, and I am nothing if not refined. Really, I AM!! And if you say otherwise, than F YOU!!! (I'm kidding...you know I love you.)

Before we continue, clear the room of all the kiddies, crank up the volume, and enjoy.


Something for everyone...AKA "The Look for Less"

I thought I'd hold off on posting until Monday, but since it's almost Black Friday, I had to give you some shopping info.

First off, Preppy Player directed my attention to this J. Crew Long Boyfriend Blazer and the minute I saw it, I loved it. At $215 I thought I'd wait until Christmas and get it as a gift. (Although J. Crew is having a 20% off sale this weekend, so you can get it for $175.)

But then, I saw this...

...at Ann Taylor Loft. The Bi-Stretch wool blazer for $128. This blazer is almost IDENTICAL to the J. Crew one. The only difference I saw was the thin belt that came with it, which I hated, so I threw it away. The day I bought this Loft was having a 30% off sale, so I snagged this baby for less than $90. (Sorry the picture is so small, it's all I could get.)

Next up, jewelry. I have been eyeing up this Anthroplogie Stormy Sea necklace for quite some time. My friend Jenny has it in the Sea Foam version. (No longer available) and I love the way it looks on her.

Then I saw NieNie wearing it on The Today Show and I had to have it. I went into Anthropologie and tried on the latest version in this cream color. Bummer. It looked stupid on me. Some people remove a couple of stones from the ends and they say that can make a difference. You might try that.

What I did find was this necklace. The Anthroplogie Radiant Necklace. It comes in this gorgeous berry color, and an awesome pale slate blue.

It was so hard to decide, but since I could only get one, I went with the slate. It was on sale for $28, on-line it's still $48, so I guess I got lucky!!

I might go back for the berry in a few weeks.

So there you have it. If you are out and about this shopping weekend, take a trip to Ann Taylor Loft, J. Crew and Anthropologie. Compare and contrast these items, and then let me know how it all turned out for you.

In return, I hope you will let me in on any of your latest fashion finds.

We fashionistas need to look out for eachother! (Yeah, that's right, I called myself a fashionista...you got a problem with that?)


You knew I had to do it!!

It's that time of year again. The time to take a moment to give thanks for all our blessings.

So, without further ado, here are some things I'm thankful for, some profound, and some shallow as can be!!

1. My beautiful daughters who I love more than words can ever express.

2. My amazing husband who I don't always appreciate enough. (And is hopefully sitting somewhere thinking about how damn lucky he is that he has me!) Thank goodness we came into each others' lives. We both put up with a lot, but in the end, we both know we will always be there for each other and we've had a ton of fun along the way. (Yeah, I know CORNY!!)

3. Discovering the flatiron and hair straightening products. After I had children my hair took on some strange twists and turns. Many days I would let it air dry and walk around with big pieces sticking up to and fro. (Pun intended.) Since my awakening, I now sport smooth, frizz free locks. Thank you sweet Lord.

4. Tennis. Thank goodness I got back into it 6 years ago. I love everything about it, and if I come back in another life I want to be a child who picks up a racket at the age of 2 and trains non stop at the Bollettieri Tennis Academy. Don't tell me that it's not good for kids. It's my reincarnation and that's what I want!!!

5. My blog friends. I love that I have so many people who I can turn to make me laugh, give me fashion advice, debate politics with and who give me a peek into their lives each and every day. Isn't it amazing that people from so many different backgrounds and parts of the world can get together everyday for a little visit? So much fun.

6. The last things I'll mention are some goodies that I can't live without:, my "Mother's Little Helpers," Diet Coke, the Keurig coffee maker and my friend Kate's amazing peanut brittle. Each one is such a pick me up for me, when I need a boost and they're all legal.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

Catch you on Monday.


Growing Up and Hating It....

Here is the story you've all been waiting for.

My daughter and the girls in her 5th grade class were paraded to the nurse's office on Tuesday for "The Talk."

You know what I'm talking about. Anyone who went to public school remembers the moment in 5th or 6th grade, when the boys got sent to the gym and the girl's headed to the nurse and they all learned "the facts of life."

The boys were educated about wet dreams and the girls learn about breast buds and periods.

When I was a youngster we received the book "Growing Up and Liking It." See the cover above? That is the EXACT cover of the book I had. My friends and I used to pull it out every once in awhile for laughs.

Someday I'll tell you some of my goofy adolescent stories. We were very inappropriate.

We also got a sample belt and pad the size of a Sealy Posturepedic mattress. They came in a little blue box. Freaky.

Anyway, my daughter's nurse added a little twist to the period talk that I never experienced.

A tampon demonstration.

Before you scream, or call protective services, she didn't actually show them how a tampon REALLY works. What she did do, unknowingly, is to cement in the girls' minds that they want to use pads. FOREVER.

She took out a tampon, removed in from the applicator, stuck it under running water and showed the girls how it E-X-P-A-N-D-S and absorbs moisture.

They were informed that if they laughed or snickered they would be ejected from the demonstration.

Wow. What a challenge that must have been.

The minute my daughter got into my minivan after school, she informed me that she is AFRAID of getting her period. I guess the vision of a tampon the size of a cow's udder sitting in her privates was a bit shocking.

Great job Nursey.

In a couple of years it will be time for the birth control talk.

Maybe she can show them a video of a woman experiencing natural childbirth. Or better yet, maybe she can attach a condom to the faucet to show them how much liquid THAT holds.

And they better not laugh.

Tampons, condoms and wet sheets are serious business.

And don't you forget it.


OMG!! I almost forgot I have a blog...

Between my stomach bug on Sunday, and my bout with Bronchitis on Tuesday, I have seriously shirked my responsibilities as an active blogger.

With that in mind, I will now write a post. Before I do, I'd like to ask for your assistance. I don't make any money, or receive freebies for writing, but what I do get in return for my efforts is the wisdom and advice passed on to me by my blog fiends.

I wish I could take each and every one of you on a shopping excursion to find my Christmas gift, but since I can't, the next best thing is a virtual shopping trip.

You're going to have to use your imagination. Imagine you and I meeting at The Grove, in Shrewsbury, NJ. First off we hit the Starbucks. I will get a Venti Vanilla Rooibos and I will buy you the piping hot beverage of your choice.

We will proceed to catch up on each other's lives. When we he have finished our $7 cups of steaming hot yumminess, we will proceed over to the Coach store, where my friend works, to pick out a bag, which she will purchase for me at 50% off.

So many choices!!! Which do I get?

The very basic Kristin zip top tote in black???

The Audrey in gunmetal?

Or perhaps the Maggie in plum?

Here is the front runner...the textured metallic Claire. What do you think?

Maybe you hate all my choices and you sway me in another direction.

No matter what, I know you have GREAT taste and will help me make the right decision.

Next time: I promise to entertain you with a story about "THE TALK" my 5th grader and the girls in her class had with the school nurse.


The Thrill of Victory, The Agony of a Brazilian Wax

There are certain advantages to having a stomach bug, one of which is the ability to surf the net all day long, in between trips to the loo.

Since I was feeling under the weather today, I had the chance to sign up for Google Wave, tend to my Farm, Cafe and Island on Facebook and read up on all the latest news on-line.

In my cyber travels, I happened upon this little gem. The Lingerie Football League. "True Fantasy Football."

Yes, Dr. Zibbs, you heard me correctly. Ladies lingerie football. Some of the teams include the Miami Caliente, The San Diego Seduction, The Philadelphia Passion and our local favorite, The New York Majesty. Oh and yes, we can't forget The Denver Desire, which plays at Dick's Sporting Goods Park. You can't make this stuff up people.

Apparently most of the players have experience in other college level competitive sports such as volleyball, track and field, softball, or soccer. The most important thing though, is that they look good in the skimpy little uniforms. Take a look:

I am totally serious when I tell you that the ex-captain of my ladies tennis team would hike her tennis skirt up as short as these uniforms and assume a frog like position between points. NOT A GOOD LOOK. Oh and P.S. She does NOT look like these ladies.

Does this post have a point? Not really, but I'm going to come up with something.

OH!! Here's a good point. As I stated earlier. These ladies all competed in athletics at the college level. Now look at them.

So here's my point. If you have an athletic daughter, make sure she gets good grades and lines up a good job after college.

Seriously, after all the years of hard work, determination and personal sacrifice it takes to become a collegiate athlete, would you want your daughter playing for the Dallas Desire?


There's Something About Rachel...

It cracks me up that in my last post I said that I yell at my kids all the time, let them stay up too late and feed them crappy food, and no one says a peep.

I mention that someone wears an ascot, and the comment box starts buzzing!!!

Lest you think I'm an abusive mother, my description of myself was a bit of an exaggeration. Although I have to tell you, I do yell at least a couple times a day.  It's a legacy.  My mom did it, my sisters do it, and most of my friends do it.  Has it scarred our children?  Absolutely not. They take it in stride, just like a baby lion cub when it's mom swats it.  It's all part of the interaction between mother and child.

So here is the moment you've been waiting for.  Let's talk snobs.

In my opinion, people with new money do tend to be the most flashy  but they are not, by any means, the only snobs in town.

I think snobs come in all socioeconomic groups.  There are social climbing snobs, who want to show you what they have and will only associate with people who they think can do something for them.  There are old money snobs, who think they are born better than everyone else and although they might be driving a 20 year old Mercedes, and wearing old loafers, they still spend their time trying to keep certain "less desirable" types out of their fancy clubs.

Then there are the reverse snobs who look down on people with money.  They have disdain for those who strive for nice homes, fancy cars and expensive clothes and take great pride in talking about how they don't "need" all that stuff, and passing judgement on those who do.

The bottom line is that they are pompous and self righteous.

So, without further ado, I'll tell you about some of the characters in my life.

Today, I'll tell you about Rachel (not her real name.)  Since I don't know who reads this, I'm going to describe some of my characters in my vague terms.

Rachel has been friends with a good friend of mine since childhood.  They have children that are exactly the same age and they live very close to each other.  Rachel and my friend Sarah, are very, very different and yet their friendship endures.

Rachel is pretty much one of the most phony people I have ever met.  As phony as she is, she still can't manage to hide her disdain for me.  I feel the same way. We do not click...AT ALL, but the conversations seem to work just fine if I let her brag.  Our common thread is that we are both very close with Sarah.  That's where the similarities end.

She is the kind of person, who gets whatever she wants, no matter what the cost.  Her poor husband looks like a beaten man.  He had better provide Rachel with Nanette Lepore dresses, a Mercedes SUV and a huge house stone mansion with a pool and three acres of land.  OR ELSE.

Rachel likes to talk about how Jerry NEVER says no to her.  He tried it, once, when she wanted to get a puppy.  She was shocked and told him that if he felt the need to refuse her, she would find a way to work around it.  Needless to say, she got the puppy.  

Her kids are pure evil.  They are the kind of kids who poke other kids in the eye when no one is looking.  I worry whenever my kids are alone with them.

Oh, and she "works" for her parent's business.  Which means she has a nanny to take care of her kids while she dresses up and pretends to go into her "job." But actually spends the day shopping.  (Which she claims to hate...she absolutely HATES shopping!! Yeah right.)

Oh and all that money her mom and dad have...well, Sarah has informed me that much of it has been gained through not paying taxes.  Sarah's husband tried to set up the sale of Rachel's parents business, but when the big corporation wanted to look at the books, Rachel's parents panicked and backed out, because the books were cooked and they would go to jail if anyone saw the way they lied about how much they make.

Her defense, "We wouldn't make any money if we paid taxes!!!"


Do you know what Rachel wants now?  A villa.  In Italy.  

That's right.  Because one of her best friends (who is truly loaded and can afford it) has one, so she wants one too.  Jerry better get working a little bit harder, and Rachel better hope the IRS never catches on to her little tax evasion scheme, or the only villa Rachel will be living in will be one with bars on the wall, and I don't think prison uniforms are designed by Nanette Lepore.

Will Rachel get her villa in Italy?  Will anyone call the IRS and report mom and dad?  Will Jerry decide to run for the hills?

Only time will tell.  I can tell you this.  The next time Sarah invites me over for dinner and tells me that Rachel will be joining us, I will NOT be in attendance.  Life is too short to spend listening to some wench brag about her latest hair treatment.  Too short indeed.


News Flash!!!

Great news.  

Despite the fact that I yell at my kids too much, let them watch too much TV, buy them too many Webkinz, feed them the wrong kind of food and let them stay up late, they got their report cards today and the results were FABULOUS!!!

I guess there's something to be said for good genes.  (From my husband's side of course!)

More soon, my computer is going haywire.  I know, I promised to bust on the annoying nouveau riche people (who wear ascots) in my town, trust me, I will, as soon as I contact technical support about my f-ed up computer!


I've gotta be me!!! (And you've gotta be you....)

Okay, so continuing on....

after I finished writing yesterday's post, I got to thinking. In order to win the approval of some of these social climbers I've mentioned, I would need to make some changes in my life.

I'd probably have to get a nicer car. I'd need to buy more furniture for my house and throw some big shindigs with a band and a caterer. I would need to go on ski vacations whenever we have a long weekend and step it up with my kids so that they are superstars on whatever sports team they play on. Rec sports aren't enough for these ladies, if your child isn't on the TRAVEL team, then they just aren't cutting it. I'd have to for girl's nights at nice restaurants and talk about my shoes, and my yoga classes and the which spa resorts are the best.

If I did all that my husband would kill me. But I guess I could push him a little harder, like these ladies do to their husbands, so that I can be provided with all the things, that according to THEM, I deserve.

My husband and children might get pushed over the edge, but all these ladies would like me...and isn't that what matters? Being liked by the "right people?"

But wait! If THESE ladies liked me, then what would I do abut the people I know who's philosophy in life is the exact opposite? Then THEY would judge the hell out of me. Some of them already do, simply because I play tennis twice a week and had a cleaning lady many moons ago.

You can't win. Unless....you are happy with who you are. Which is what I'm working on.

So yes, those who judge...I see you rolling your eyes, I pick up on your snide comments. I'm trying very hard to ignore it, because sometimes I have to sit next to you at a dinner party, or soccer game. We can suffer sitting side by side because we share the same friends, but let's be honest...it's as painful for me to listen to you, as it is for you to listen to me.

I am who I am. Maybe I'm not the same as you, but let's face the obvious. If we were all the same, life would be a bore.

So In order to make life more tolerable for all of us, I'll make you a deal. To you, Mrs. Snobby Social Climber...I'll try to appreciate your love for the finer things in life, I'll rejoice in all your children's achievements on the sports fields and I'll be happy for you when you get a new Range Rover. Maybe, from you, I can learn to be a bit more ambitious. Thank you for teaching me abut the power of perseverance and determination.

To you, Mrs. Simple Life. I'll admire your focus on your family, your incredible ability to stay calm. I applaud you for not letting your children watch The Disney Channel. or play on Club Penguin. GOOD FOR YOU!!! From you, I'll learn to concentrate fully on my daughters. Thank you for teaching me to be less selfish.

In return, I'd appreciate it if you would stop judging me because I don't do things exactly the way YOU do.

Just because you THINK you know what's going on it someone else's life, doesn't mean you DO know.

Yes, I lose my temper, at my kids sometimes. Yes, my house is not always spotless. I work hard, but I also take the time to blog and go on Facebook. Oh, and I am under pressure too. We all are.

Bottom line is, I am very thankful that I have two awesome daughters and a great husband, who LOVE me, and eachother. Who are happy and healthy and most importantly, are KIND to others.

So cut me a break and maybe, just maybe, you can learn something from someone as imperfect and different from you as me.

I am who I am and you are who you are.

We can either choose to take it.

Or leave it....

In my next post, I PROMISE to give specifics on some of the ladies I'm referring to...there are some DOOZIES!!! But I really shouldn't judge, should I? ;)


Nothing worse than a stale blog post...

EXCEPT...having a GREAT blog post all lined up, but being to busy to actually write it! I was so fired up last week, and I should have vented while I was hot, but I just couldn't, and now...well, time has passed and I'm just not as annoyed.

I can tell you this. I love my friends, but I don't always love their taste in friends. Unfortunately every once in awhile, I am forced to interact socially with some people I would love to avoid like the plague.

(This is good, I can feel the my angry juices starting to flow....I'd better keep going...)

Have I told you about my town? If I haven't, I'll give you a little background. I live in a town where 80% if the people are loaded...if they aren't loaded, alot of them want to appear to be loaded. We have alot of Wall Streeters and they live in huge homes, with lots of land, take amazing trips, work out at the nicest gyms and have tennis courts and pools in their yards...(in addition to their country club memberships.)

I live in the part of town that actually has a teeny tiny bit of diversity. My neighborhood is NOT full of investment bankers. I tend to hang out with people in my own tax bracket. It's weird, but it just kind of works out that way.

I LOVE where I live. It's gorgeous, close to NYC, and the beach, the schools are awesome and my taxes are low. I do my thing and don't spend my time kissing people's butts, trying to get into the right clubs or attending fundraisers every Saturday night. To some people, that makes me of no use to them. They prefer to hob nob with people they deem "worthy" of their time.

What really stinks is when I have to sit next to these losers and make conversation at a cocktail party or girl's night out.

To be continued...


The moment you've all been waiting for...

The official drawing is complete and we have a winner...

Congratulations to Kel at CafeKel for winning the $25 Starbucks card!!

Kel correctly guessed that the three bloggers I have had actual conversations with are:

Mrs. K who is a fierce competitor and gave me some awesome tennis tips during my singles slump last spring.

Clemson Girl who couldn't stand just reading my blog and corresponding via Facebook and decided to take our relationship to the next level.


And the artist formerly known as Mommyvents who is now blogging under a new name which I am not authorized to disclose. I love her already and I'm so glad she lives 5 minutes from me. Maybe, just maybe, we'll actually get really crazy and meet for a cup of coffee one of these years.

Kel, shoot me an e-mail at: jillyou@verizon.net give me your address and I'll get that card out to you next week, when I return from my brother in law's impending nuptials in Vermont.

Speaking of that...let's talk about my my brother in law. After 45 years of bachelorhood, he has met the woman of his dreams and is making it official.

He reads this blog, so if you have any advice for someone entering into marriage...have at it!

I'll catch you all next week....I'll be off line, nursing my very sick daughter back to health and then partying for 3 straight days in the Green Mountain State!

When I return, I'm going to do a little venting of my own. Have I ever told you about some of the snobby social climbers in my town? No??? Well get ready for an ear full next week.

I'm on fire baby!


My girls...

I'm sitting up completely wired from too much candy and excitement, so I thought I'd share a few Halloween photos with you.

Apparently I'm not up with the times in my neighborhood, because lots of houses were offering beer, wine and vodka to the adults. Who knew? Apparently I didn't get the memo.

Anyway, don't forget to check out my previous post.

Guess the identities of the bloggers I've actually had a conversation with and you could win a $25 Starbucks Card!! For me, that's WAY better than candy OR vodka.

Good luck.

(oh and by the way, my daughters are the goth girls...the other gals are their bestest friends...)

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